My girlfriend and I had a big argument over our relationship. It seems she isn't ready to commit. She's has some great friends, guy friends mostly. Some of them swoon over her like some lost puppy dog or something. After our long discussion/argument, I told her, "It appears to me that you need more time exploring what you want, either with this guy or that one. Maybe you need to explore whether or not you are afraid of getting close to me and let me come with you where ever you go...so, I am getting on my bike and going home. When you think you're ready to talk in depth about this, call me." I left, and on my way out, I called her boyfriend and said, "I am leaving for the week. I think you and my girlfriend needs to explore whatever avenues you two might want. If you two hook up, I won't like it, but at least I'll know where I stand." and I hung up. The funny thing is, I feel free and not all hung up on deep emotions. I consulted the iching and 38 no changing lines came up. I feel very much like an outsider. Maybe I'm supposed to be. My family is indoors and I am outdoors, again the wanderer. I like what Hilary wrote about OPPOSITION http://www.onlineclarity.co.uk/learn/gua/hexagrams/hexagram38.php and I relate to this very much. How to deal with it--small interactions only. Feedback is appreciated and I'll try to clarify any questions.

Two comments... It never helps to argue with reality, IMNSHO you did well to acknowledge and acquiesce to her demonstrated desire for space, although it sounds like initially you were angry about that.

This line has me a little puzzled though.:

wandering said:

"It appears to me that you need more time exploring what you want, either with this guy or that one. Maybe you need to explore whether or not you are afraid of getting close to me and let me come with you where ever you go...

Click to expand...

It sounds to me like you initially expected the two of you to be joined at the hip (as it were) all the time, without regard for your individual differences and needs? If so, this may be an unrealistic expectation.

Any two people bring differences to a relationship- looked at one way this can be very divisive. "We must always be together, think the same, behave the same" has the paradoxical effect of driving people farther away from each other.

Looked at another way (when there is mutual respect for the differences of each other as individuals) this is incredibly enriching. I suggest you continue this course of allowing her to be herself. If it does not work out that you can be together in harmony (harmony takes at least two "notes" ) then you both will be free to move on and find another. If it does work out perhaps you each will be enriched by the disparate things, thoughts, attitudes and activities you may bring to the relationship when there is a felt freedom for each of you to be and choose for yourself.