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Meeting an ex-girlfriend who has a rebound relationship

DoubleOJ

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Hi all! I have read a lot of posts lately on this website and I am confident that there are a lot of users who can help me with the following problem.

7 months ago I decided to move out of the house my girlfriend and I lived in because we had to many relationship issues (just negative patterns really) and at that point she refused to go in relationship therapy with me. We fell in love when I was 21 and she was 18 years old. We kept the relationship going in separate houses and issues settled a bit and the fights became absent. Then she met a guy who she fell in love with (4 months ago) and she took 2 weeks to built a relationship with him with a lot of sex, meeting the parents and everything. She rubbed the new relationship in my face, told me intimate details about the sex with him and their plans for the future. After 2 days with him she treated me ice cold and spoke to me as if she knew nothing about me and I was like someone who she had only met 3 times in her life or so. She talked down to me like a little kid (I'm 30!!) (complete withdrawal of affection and she put on a mask and started playing power games, not responding for 3 days to every of my messages etc.) It broke my heart and the split up became verbaly (!) very agressive. I started in my deepest pain to cut myself in my arms and while knowing this she continued to show me pictures of them together etc. and I felt so hopeless and afraid to lose her that I just accepted all this behaviour hoping that if I would be nice enough she would take me back. I loved her more than anything and I still do. Our relationship lasted for 8 years, 8 months and 8 days. That is a sign right? 8 is death and rebirth.

Don't immediately say that I have no self worth and this women hates me and wants to destroy me. After all during this split up she kept telling me that she loved me more than anything and I was the biggest love of her life but she left me because I hurt her too often (verbally and by chatting with other women, something I would NEVER do again in a relationship).

I read a lot about rebound relationships and hearing from her experiences this guy doesn't fit her at all. My thoughts are she was afraid I might end the relationship so out of fear she fell in love with the first guy that crossed her path. When I was in a more calm mood I re-established contact with her and now by herself she texted me about the fact that despite all that happened she wanted to wish me a very happy Christmas. I responded nicely a day later and we had a short nice talk over what'sapp. Now she wants to meet for a coffee in january 2015 and I want to but also I am very scared that she brings up her new relationship and it will hurt me again. She is still a bit cold and pretends that she thinks we should be friends. So I turned to the Itjing for help. Please help me translating the message:

-Where is my ex-girlfriend now in her love life? Hex 27 (tries to fill up empty space?)

-Will we get back together? Hex 7.6>4

-Where am I now in my life? Hex 43

-How can I best approach my ex-gf in our first face2face meeting in january to rebuilt our relationship? Hex 54

-How does my ex truly feel about me? Hex 60.1.3.4.5>32

-How do I truly feel about my ex? Hex 20.1>42

For astrologers:

when we broke up I had transits saturn conjunct saturn, saturn opposite moon (breake up transit), saturn conjunct sun and chiron square Uranus (lightning like pain).

my ex-girlfriend had transit Jupiter trine venus when she met her new boyfriend (classic love comes into your life transit) and exactly when the break up happened transit Uranus trine ascendant (Uranus wants to break free and trine=smoothly and ascendant is her ego-boost).

The only positive thing is that she also gets transit saturn trine venus in january 2015 which will last for about 8 months or so. I know saturn rebuilds relationships and saturn is transiting her 4h house (family) right now and venus is retrograde (old lovers come back into your life). So it is all about me I think but it can indicate a friendship also (the transit Uranus trine ascendant is her new boyfriend and will go away in march 2015 (classic for uranian lovers to leave when the transit ends) so I'm afraid this man will be in her life for another 3 months and I will just become a "friend" which is unfair and really humiliating.
 
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psychonaut613

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I'm not going to comment on the readings bc I didn't want to take the time to look up and read all the hexes right now, but I still wanted to give some advice.

I have dated a woman like this before and I'll tell you right now, stop being so nice to her. Women don't respect men who give in to their bullshit. And those with issues like this tend to treat people badly and, ironically, not respect them afterwards(some weird logic that you must be weak bc you were hurt by said bad treatment). I recommend you read No More Mr. Nice Guy by Glover.

You can try again, but you want to put yourself first. Set boundaries, like for example if she does bring up her boyfriend, instead of letting her talk about it, which will and should hurt you(if you're human) tell her you don't want to hear about it, and if she doesn't change the subject you will leave(and do leave), or you could tell a joke or say something funny to change the subject.

The point is, the only way to avoid problems with a person like this is to set yourself up so you can't be hurt as much. Tell her beforehand you'll meet her but she has to be nice or you'll leave(make sure you cash these checks you're writing, actually leave). She'll either learn to treat you better or she won't, but, realistically you can't have a relationship of any kind with someone who treats you bad. No matter how much you love her, eventually anger and rage will replace it.

And yes, most of what I'm telling you I learned through 20/20 hindsight.
 

DoubleOJ

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Thanx man! Really appreciate your insights in this matter! I will set boundries. Knowing her she will immediately cancel the appointment to regain control but then.. what do I truly loose? ;)
 

Cathalina

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Psychonaut613 gave you some great advice.

But I will add my thoughts as well on your reading... Please feel free to let me know (now or later) if anything is off or right, I am trying to get practice and get better at this.

-Where is my ex-girlfriend now in her love life? Hex 27 (tries to fill up empty space?)
I wouldn't know what to say about this one, I like your interpretation and it makes sense. She is feeling empty. Desperately trying to fill a void.

-Will we get back together? Hex 7.6>4
I'm not quite sure. Though I can tell you that I have asked this question and have gotten different hexes that indicated we would get back together (which we did, for better or worst).
Hex 7 - The Army indicates that either you won't or that even if you do it won't be good or permanent. Line 6: "If victory is sought immodestly, there will be humiliation." This ties in with Psychonaut's advice. But also with how willing SHE will be to get back together. Most likely her relationship now won't last. But that relationship is NOT the problem. The problem is WHY she jumped into it. You said she didn't want to get counseling with you. She has to want it too and be willing to work towards it if it is going to work. But... I am not sure what to make of Hex 4. Perhaps that your relationship might be on/off given your history.

-Where am I now in my life? Hex 43
Hex 43 - breakthrough.
I think this is very important about where you are right now: "A difficulty that has oppressed you over a long period is now about to dissolve. It is important to respond in the proper way... What is needed now is resoluteness." I don't think this is just going to go away... but this is most likely the beginning of the end. I suspect this answer will tie with your final question and answer. I don't think you are responding in a healthy way. Although perhaps part of why your feelings are so intense are not so much about love as they are about fear. That is not to say you don't truly love her. But you tired. You moved out when she wouldn't get counseling. You responded accordingly. Now that she pulled a fast one and did something unexpected and shocking, it triggered your fear that the situation is now out of your control. Maybe when this relationship comes to pass, or as it progresses and you see her destroy what is left of it before your own eyes, you will see for yourself moving on is the best choice. Perhaps right now it doesn't feel like a choice - maybe it feels like if you DO move on is because you have to. Because she already did. That guilty of losing what you had, that fear, all of that is blinding you from the fact that despite the situation now, this relationship was very unhealthy from before and perhaps it is best to let it go completely. This is your breakthrough because whether you are ready or not it is happening.

-How can I best approach my ex-gf in our first face2face meeting in january to rebuilt our relationship? Hex 54
The Marrying Maiden. I think this ties in with Psychonaut's advice. Don't treat her as your girlfriend or as someone you owe something to or someone precious to you. I am by all means not saying to mistreat her, treat her with no more and no less respect than you would any other person. Remember, she is someone else's girlfriend. And despite your feelings for that guy, even if he IS a jerk, you have to respect that. For your own sake more than anything else. A person that deserves respect treats himself with respect (as Psychonaut adviced you) but also gives respect where it is due. Respect that she is in a relationship. That IS VERY IMPORTANT for ALL possible outcomes. And so that hopefully she can start treating you with some respect.


-How does my ex truly feel about me? Hex 60.1.3.4.5>32
Obviously there are SOME feelings there (good, bad, mostly confused) because you have a long history (hex 32) and no one can take that away. Most likely she even wants to keep you in her life (hex 32). But she doesn't see real hope in a relationship with you (hex 60).

-How do I truly feel about my ex? Hex 20.1>42
As I said before, maybe the panic you are going now is 'increasing' your feelings. It's natural that we don't fully appreciate something until we risk losing it. But it can also cloud our judgement on whether we are really losing something worth keeping. I get that from hex 20 paired with hex 42 and the context of your situation but I am not really sure how to take line 1...

Best of luck, I mean it. I know this is hard. :(
 

DoubleOJ

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thank you

Thank you very much for your time and ideas. I think it's very accurate to think that a new relationship wouldn't last very long because of her friends and family who always tried to split us up.

And yes, our relationship has been going on/off in the past. About the counseling: if she wants to go for that option it might still have a future, if she doesn't.. it is doomed to failure especially after all that has happened now. It is very hard for me to forgive her, her friends and family. I sometimes think I will never be able to do that.. also, I know that I have to respect the fact that she is in another relationship right now but I also have a shadow and lower instincts. If I didn't know better (spiritual background) I would love to act out of hate and destroy her like she did to me.. but I will turn the other cheek and take my losses. I just hope this tremendous pain will someday leave me.

I am very much in doubt about going to meet her. I think it may be best to leave this situation completely as you suggested. It is true that I went through intense fear for a couple of months (and at this moment I can still feel it). This situation is indead totally out of my control.

I will stick to what Gandalf says to Frodo in the movie Lord of the Rings:

Frodo: I wish the ring had never come to me, I wish none of this had happened
Gandalf: So do all who live to see these times Frodo, but that is not for them to decide, all you have to decide is what to do with the time that has been given to you

So I will probably move on, unless someone else has a totally different view on my readings, than please tell me.

Thank you again and very much love and luck to you!
 

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