Hi Hilary and friends!

The last time I ching was right again - I'm 'allready across'. I divorced a few years ago and all these years I asked myself so many questins starting with why, what if , if and so on on one side and not being able to let anybody touch me on the other side. It's hard to explaine(even in my own language). But now things has happend and I realized that I'm
'already across'.
Sometimes you have to build a wall arround your heart to survive. The problem is how to break it down when it's over. Usualy you don't even see it - but everyone else does. I haven't seen mine till I met Bojan. A friend told me - take a good look at him, he is your mirror picture. The result was quite shocking for me. I didn't realize I came so close to the 'Antarctics'. It was a great mess in my mind and my soul. It's over now (thank God)and I'm OK.
But I do have a problem. To move on, or to keeep trying to get through to him. I know how hard it is to get out of there even with help. But in the first place - you have to want it.
I asked I Ching 'Is it right and in harmony with the highest order to say good-bye to Bojan and move on?'
I got H 3, ml 6 and H 42.
Thank you for your ancers.
Have a nice weekend Irena

Hello Irena, nice to have you back

It?s good to hear that you?ve travelled through your own internal Hexagram 12 and come out the other side. So - what about Bojan, is there any chance he might come with you?

I think this answer is a picture of where you are now, and in that picture you can see the answer to your question.

You wrote about putting up a wall around yourself. Hexagram 3 re-imagines that wall beautifully as the hard crust of the earth, and you are like a tiny, tender plant just beginning to push up through the soil. This is hard work - beginning new growth always is - but it is also a tremendously fertile, positive time. The new plant is tender and fragile - but it can burst up through soil that a strong man couldn?t break.

The I Ching says of this time:
?No use in having a direction to go. Harvest in establishing friends and helpers.?

This is the very beginning. It?s not yet time for definite plans. Like the plant putting down roots, or the leader who makes alliances far and wide, it?s time to expand the range of possibilities that will be open to you in future. When the plant?s tiny shoot has barely broken the soil, you don?t start tying it to canes? It?s enough that it?s just being drawn on towards the light.

But is this really enough?? Hexagram 42 suggests you?re feeling a strong pull now towards welcoming your blessings and using them to move on. It sounds as though you actually do have a growing sense of where you want to go. From this point of view it is right to ?cross the great river? even if Bojan needs to stay behind. You?re ready to do what needs to be done to make your life better, even where the changes hurt. A time of increase is one to pour yourself into life freely and reject artificial restrictions.

I think this difference between the Work of Beginning and the delight of Overflowing is at the heart of your question. Hexagram 3 feels as if you are not quite ready to say the definitive ?goodbye? - not wanting to rule anything out, needing to spend longer thinking about it. Hexagram 42 feels like a great, surging need to move on, as if you?re just too big to fit into these narrow confines any more.

So what happens next?
?Driving a many-coloured team of horses.
Weeping blood pours down endlessly.?
The team of horses are probably part of a betrothal ceremony - a way of celebrating how relationships create new alliances and whole new realms of possibility for growth. But? not this one. The horses stand ready, you are full of energy, but there is nowhere for it to go. Instead there is horrible grief, as if you were pouring your life energy into mourning. Hexagram 42 is about pouring out? this line is about a kind of ?pouring out? of yourself that can only exhaust you.

It sounds as if you already know that you?re not getting anywhere with Bojan. Here at the end of Hexagram 3, I think your own work of preparation is essentially done. There is a positive aspect to this line: those splendid horses, full of energy, standing ready - a real opportunity to move on to better things. Remembering the message of Hexagram 3: you don?t have to be able to see exactly where you?re going in order to push on upward towards the light. But increasingly, I think you do know where you?re going. Don?t accept any artificial limits to the journey!

At the heart of both hexagrams is #23, Stripping Away. Ouch? Whether you?re trying to grow something new, or to open up to the new possibilities flowing towards you, you may need to let your old ideas of purpose be stripped away. This, very often, hurts, but it?s necessary to make the space for new growth and direction.

~~~~~~~~~~

Just to be sure, I also asked the ?paired? question: what would it mean to stick with Bojan and keep trying? The answer: Hexagram 10, Treading Carefully, unchanging. This sounds to me as if the intensity of emotion remains there, but you would be perpetually trying to negotiate these passions, feeling your way to avoid getting mauled. A never-ending task of delicate emotional management - with potential for success, but is it what you want?

I hope this helps! I would be very interested to hear what other people have to say?