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recovering a friendship / talking advice

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gael123

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Dear all

Many thanks in advance for any thoughts anyone can give me on a difficult situation.

Two and a half years ago I realised I would have to be honest with a close friend that my feelings for him were romantic. He was with someone else and I told him then I would not bother him with them again but that I could not go on saying nothing as it was causing me to feel our relationship was dishonest. Our friendship stuttered on, I got together with someone and we saw each other less often. It was awkward. I knew I still had feelings for him, we had known each other ten years so they went deep. (He had never been single in that time.)

When he got engaged in January 2014, I decided the time had come to stop this difficult relationship. I told him I was very happy for him, but that I felt my feelings, and the difficulties between us, meant it would be wrong for me to accept his invitation and that we should move on from the friendship.

He accepted this but I knew he and his partner were angry and hurt that I had said no to their wedding invitation and cast a bit of a pall over the week of their engagement. It was made worse because we live very near each other.

He and his spouse are now moving to another city. I have had a good 15 months to move on from the situation, and they are happily married by all accounts. Since it was a close friendship - and we work in the same field so will likely come across each other from time to time in the future - I am drawn to the idea of seeing my old friend again and trying to at least partially patch things up. I bumped into him and aired the idea and he seemed to be willing and even enthusiastic.

I asked the IChing: should I meet up and talk to him? I received hexagram 23 with changing line 4, moving to aspiration, 35. I then asked it what I should expect if I did speak to him and received hexagram 47, changing line 6, leading to hexagram 6, conflict. I asked if I should ever try to restore our friendship and received hexagram 57 changing to 29, which I see as very negative.

This is a difficult situation and I do appreciate that my own part in it is complicated and hard to understand, so please don't imagine I think I am - or he is - completely in the right here. I would just appreciate anyone's thoughts on this, and many thanks to you.

Gael
 

ginnie

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should I meet up and talk to him? I received hexagram 23 with changing line 4, moving to aspiration, 35.

When we get hexagram 23 we are counseled not to do anything at all. Moving line 4 doubles that meaning, because it says you would be close to a catastrophe if you act. Often, asking more questions after the first one has not been understood only muddies the waters. :)
 
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gael123

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Thank you! Yes, I think you;re quite right about muddying the waters - the first one is the most significant. I simply wanted to understand what was meant as it was a biggish decision.
 

Sayuki

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Hi, Gael.

To tell the truth, your reading doesn't seem promising. In fact, you kind of gathered collection of negative lines and resulting hexagrams.
47.6 looks not so foreboding, but pay attention to the line
If the regret is genuinely felt the movement brings good fortune
The problem is that domain of feelings is an area of tenderness, and one never knows when and where his feelings may suddenly spring up again, especially if you loved this man for such a long time. It's like balancing on a tight rope.
It seems better to let some water flow under the bridges.
Also, despite I agree with ginnie about further asking in general, I would suggest another casting to clarify situation, like "What should I do about..."
Best wishes to you :)
 
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gael123

Guest
That is such a helpful response and really clarifies things for me. I have decided not to pursue that conversation at this time - your wise words about tenderness of feeling stay with me. Thanks very much to both of you and sorry for the delay in replying.
 

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