Hello,

I have not consulted the I Ching in quite some time and I am feeling a little rusty. Any help would be greatly appreciated

I asked two questions:

1) Will me and X be in a committed romantic relationship now? 52.3.5 to 20

I think this means I should hold back and keep my talking to a minimum. Although holding back will be difficult.

1) Will X pursue a committed romantic relationship with me now? 35.3 to 56

This seems to be saying yes, and perhaps this shows that I am to let him do the pursuing.

Just so you have a little back drop. Me and X are very much attracted to one another and have desired each other for a number of years. However, we have never been able to be together because of outside influences, that are now completely gone. Although I am very attracted to him, I feel very hesitant about being with him romantically. We recently got back in contact and he was most definitely pursing me, but I held back and now he seems annoyed with me. Let me know what you think

Why do you feel hesitant about being with him romantically?

Not convinced that he won't hurt me. Not sure if he can be loyal or if he'll just want only one thing. That's why I specified "committed" romantic relationship in my question.

52.3.5 < 20. Stilling's Viewing.

52.3 --- As you say, holding back will be difficult. It sounds as though you would be repressing natural movement by holding back. The "danger" of potentially being hurt is preventing you from following your natural attraction.

52.5 --- I am not sure this is saying to keep your talking to a minimum. It is perhaps more about being clear and orderly in your communication.

oops. I just realized that I had the yin and yang operators wrong and have deleted what I posted a moment ago.

Anyway, in "viewing" the results so far of your "stilling" -- you see that he is annoyed.

And I haven't managed to tell you anything that you don't already know. Except that perhaps 52.5 is not necessarily about keeping your mouth shut, but rather about taking care when you do speak.

Do you know if wanting a committed relationship is something that you have in common? Or is it a place where you two differ in terms of what you want?

Please note I edited the previous note (in case you read what I wrote beforehand.)

35.3
Wikiwing says, "All have confidence, regrets vanish."
Bradford says, "Many liberties, regrets pass."

not sure here... except that it sounds like in the past outside influences kept you apart --- so you were not at liberty to explore the relationship. And now you are able to do so.

Or is he the type to have confidence and enjoy his freedom in relationship?

Again --- Do you know if you both eventually want to have a committed relationship?

Hi Jumpinmouse,

Thank you for your responses. Our lives intertwine through work, so we have been communicating under that guise, and as yet, have not discussed anything romantic. He was pursuing me quite a bit this week, but one night I did not respond to him and the next morning his energy towards me changed i.e., came across annoyed and didn't follow through on getting me some paperwork. I use to be very open with him about my feelings, but now I have a much better hold on them and I am in much more control of my emotions regarding him. I have to meet with him Monday and Wednesday. He is one to enjoy freedom in a relationship.

hex 56 in the future, especially for love reading predicts that he's looking for something instant, once he's gotten what he pursued he will quickly be bored. There will be danger if you commit to a relationship.
52 > 20 basically is telling to rethink and consider your position first. Dont say anything and dont believe in any promises. From my experience he's kinda into mental manipulation according to your story. Be aware of him in the future if you decide to be with him.

Hi Jumpingmouse,

Just an FYI....it was 35.3

Hi Altair, I think that is a fair assessment, hence why I am hesitant. What do you think about 35.3?

Dreamscape1, (Thank you for pointing out my typographical error so that I could correct it.)

Here is another translation of H 35.3 -- from LiSe at http://www.yijing.nl/hex/hex_35.html

"All consent. Regrets disappear."

I think Yi is simply telling you that you will have a committed relationship if you both agree to have a committed relationship, i.e. when "all have confidence" in making a commitment. It sounds like you are only at the very beginning of the possibility for romance. It is perhaps not the best time to be thinking about commitment other than thinking about what you would need for that, and then exploring the relationship to see if it "fits".

I don't think Yi can tell you what is going to happen. Yi cannot give you a guarantee. It depends on how things develop as you move forward. And you can only hope to manage is your side of the equation.

Why would holding back be difficult? Is it because you have a pattern of relating in which you think you have to give someone what they want right away? Is it because it is difficult for you to be patient and get to know someone before giving into physical attraction? You do not have to answer these questions here. But it might be worth thinking about. When I read Stephen Karcher on Hexagram 52 I get the idea that sometimes it is a time of letting go of "the old King", i.e., what used to rule our behavior that may not work any more. And I agree with what Altair says about 52 < 20.

There does seem to be something hopeful about the second reading. 35 is a pretty sunny hexagram.
But perhaps you don't want to be offering someone "horses for mating" until you have more trust and confidence that you are both hoping for the same thing in the relationship. If you access the story about Hexagram 35 available in Wikiwing on this site you will see that King Wu only gifted his brother Kang with horses because he was able to trust that Kang was loyal and was not going to betray him.

Why not enjoy the uncertainty and the possibilities? And the chance to View (20) how things unfold without feeling compelled to manipulate them? Let 56 be about the journey and not the destination.

Thank you so much, Jumpinmouse. Your analysis was very insightful and practical.

Another way of looking at the reading is to see the visual aspects of the hexagrams. In 35 the upper trigram can be seen as the sun and the lower trigram can be seen as the earth. It looks like the sun shining on the earth. When it changes to 56, to me it looks like someone is relaxing on the earth under the sun.

So Yi might be advising you that you will enjoy your time under the sun more if you take care not to be burned, i.e., not too much, too fast. Does Yi seems to be confirming something that you already knew but perhaps did not quite trust?

I think it is. What you are saying most definitely resonates with me. If I take it slow, then I will likely see his true colors/intentions before I make myself vulnerable. Do you think hex 56 is a confirmation the relationship will be short-lived and just fizzle out before it even gets started?

To me 35.3 indicates the potential for progress.

I think of the third changing line as the transition from inner to outer. It is the "threshold" line between the inner and outer. It speaks of "all have confidence". What keeps all the different parts of yourself from having confidence?

Hexagram 35 speaks of gifts, What gifts do you bring to the relationship? What gifts does he bring to the relationship?

How can you know if you want a commitment with him before you visit(H 56) the relationship?

I saw here in the forums somewhere an instance in which an individual kept receiving variations on H 35 for a relationship question. Bradford's advise was "Be open." (Bradford is a YiJing scholar).

One can be open in a positive way without being vulnerable in a self destructive way.

In my first post I mentioned yang and yin operators. You can derive the yang operator from your reading by making the changing lines yang and the unchanging lines yin. So when line 3 and 5 are changing it gives hexagram 39. With the yin operator you make the changing lines yin and the unchanging lines yang. So the yin operator is hexagram 38. I understand the yang operator to be the way "into" the situation and the yin operator to be the way out of the situation.

H39 -- you were previously Obstructed from relating and now that is gone.

H 38 -- Oppostion When I thought about this I started to wonder if perhaps your goal is a committed relationship and his is not and that is where there is opposition. But it may be about your inner opposition. There is a part of you that does not want to take a risk, no? You don't have to risk everything. You can risk a little bit at a time.

One last thought....

Is the "danger that smother's the heart" in 52.3 the danger of being hurt or the danger of missing an opportunity?

If he can have "many liberties" in a relationship you can have "many liberties" in a relationship too.

If you hold yourself back will it be from a self-imposed double standard or from wisdom?.

I don't think the best opportunities fizzle out before they even start.
I think the best opportunities come to the well prepared.
Too much too fast can burn out.
Fear lets things fizzle out before they start.

Thank you, Jumpingmouse. So, my lack of confidence is based on past experience with him. And you're right, how can I know if I truly want a commitment with him until I gain more experience with him now that the circumstances have changed. I like the idea of risking a little at a time. I don't mind liberties as long as they are not hurtful or involve deceit. We play too many games with one another.

Just want to give an update. So it did fizzle out rather rapidly, but not just on his end. The last time I saw him everything about him was like nails on a chalk board and I couldn't wait to get away from him. I felt zero attraction: his clothing, conversation, mannerisms etc....were all a huge turn off. I'm glad for this recent experience with him because the rose colored glasses are off and I am 100% certain I would never want any type of relationship with him, including platonic friendship. Thanks for all the feedback