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Son in jail. What must I do? 29.4.5>40

Bliss5702

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This is not a request for help, but rather to share with others how this hexagram played out for me.

My son is on probation for driving with suspended license. He was recently arrested for violation of that probation because of some other trouble he got himself into. He has been in jail for 8 days now and his court date was today. Last night I asked the I Ching:

What should I know about my sons court date tomorrow? 29.4.5>40

Of course 29.4 speaks about handing over an offering through a small window. This lead me to believe that some form of payment would be asked of me.

When I arrived at court, the public defender approached me and told me that my sons probation officer was asking the judge to give him 45-60 days. She told me that he was behind on his probation fees and if I could pay something towards his fees, it would help her to fight to get him less time. So the negotians started and lasted for about 1 hour.

The end of this fiasco is that I had to pay half of my sons probation fees and in return the probation officer recommended 21 days instead of 45-60. The judge was very hesitant because of the charges but in the end he accepted the 21 days with time served.

Had I not been there with money to offer that gift through the small window, then there would have been atleast an additional 24 days added to his sentence.

I love the I Ching. It is always so accurate. Even when I don't understand or can't clearly interpret, in the end I always end up having an aha moment.
 
S

sooo

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Hi Bliss,

I think you have a handle on this corrupt system. It's a business, and their unwilling customers are recycled through their incarceration machine as many times as possible, and are detained, while being charged each day, for as long as possible.

I was conned into a few days in County, deprived of critical meds, treated like a criminal, then released with no charges filed, not dismissed, but not filed, and with the stipulation that the case could be re-opened anytime, for any reason during the next 7 years. This, only days after having a pacemaker implanted from the Veterans health care program. My only priors were running an amber light back in 1982, for which I paid a $50 fine, and a speeding violating while cruising down a Colorado highway back in 1978, for which I paid the fine. At 68, that was my entire criminal history. And there I sat, incarcerated based on the word of a psychopathic PTSD marine, who pulled a knife on me, before trying to sell off my personal belongings in the bedroom I rented from him, the very first morning. Then they had the audacity to charge me for each day I spent in county jail. It's criminal, the way they abused their system and its victims. I was too weak to fight it at the time. Even a tail light burning out unnoticed would be considered cause to lock me up again.

It was an enlightening experience, learning how mostly good 'kids' are regularly detained for outstanding petty warrants, half the time that they didn't even know about. The saddest part is that they create criminals out of them, as the slightest violation will land them right back into their punitive system, each time making them more angry and resentful, until they figure there's nothing to lose by going for something bigger, getting higher, dealing, or worse.

Your son got caught in their net, and you're already paying them off for it. The only way to get deliverance is to make your son aware of that system and determining to stay out of any and all trouble for the next seven years. I mean, totally clean so they can get nothing on him. This was my message to those kids, many who followed me around in circles for exercise, and who referred to me playfully as OG, which is street talk for original gangster. I'd just laugh and keep on walking while they talk to me, some would cry because this hurt their mothers. I meditated in my cell at nights, and walked in circles all day, along with kids, probably a lot like your son walking beside me, telling me their stories, which for the most part were all alike. Just kids who slipped up, nothing more; getting milked for every penny they or their parents could be made to pay.

So either be prepared well to fight that system, or submit to it and keep your son spotlessly clean, so he won't have to be one of those who get recycled and used until he really does become a criminal. It is dangerous, and 29 is danger repeated. 40 is to break that cycle.

Best wishes for you both. :hug:
 

Bliss5702

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Thank you so much soooo. I'm just hoping that he will really get it together. This is humiliating and extremely painful. With a broken heart, I asked is my son ready to get it together? 64.2.5>12 I guess the I Ching is saying, not quite but it's coming.
 
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sooo

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Bliss, just to offer some hope let me share that my young son was a meth addict, in and out of jail, stole from us blind, but we never gave up on him. Today's he works at the same company as he did when he got into the halfway house on his way to prison. No blaming the system in his case.

Today he's had three promotions within that same company, is married to a good wife, has two daughters; one 5 and one 1, doesn't do drugs or even smoke and brews his own beer once a month, in control. They purchased a beautiful home a couple years ago. He plays in a band on the side, is a loving father and husband. He's been clean for the last 15 years.

Don't give up on your son; not that you would. There is hope.
 

Bliss5702

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Sooo that gives me an enormous amount of hope. I can't wait to see the day when my son is doing well. It's like you raise them from little children and you have so many expectations. He's a pretty smart child. Always had honor roll in school and was great until he went off to college and then things got wild. I look forward to the day that it snaps in his brain that he needs to take a different path than the one he's following.
 
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sooo

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A suggestion. Why not ask what path he best suited to follow? At least it might provide some kind of direction to try and guide him toward.

Having some connection problems this evening, so I may not be able to respond right away.
 

Bliss5702

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What path is my son meant to follow? 44 unchanging (ouch) that hurts.
 

angelatlantis14

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Hi Bliss,

why would that hurt? As a matter of fact it seems to be quite valuable advice - your son must learn to not give in to temptation and to tame the wildness in him - otherwise it will be too strong for him. Quite recently Hilary wrote a wonderful blog post about Hex 44 which I would advise you to read.
The fact that hex 44 is unchanging to me means that the distance from temptation is right now the premier task - no point in thinking further until that is achieved, and the waters become calmer.

Hope this helps!

maui
 
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sooo

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A couple of meanings come to mind with this 44. One could mean that he's not inclined to just 'go with the flow' but rather determined to make his own way through life. This can be confirmed by you, if he is a strong will young man or not. The other is that the Yi may be picking up your own angst on this matter and reflecting that strong emotion back to you. Maybe wait awhile until you're calm and settled down before asking this again. There's yet a third thought, that though he may be strong willed and a nonconformist, he may require strong leadership to follow, in some form or other; a strong role model... or, maybe some jail time is what he needs.

Such was the case with my young son. His strong will had to be broken or restrained before it was too late. Most of his meth buddies wound up in prison or dead. A wake up call for him was the halfway house and their no-nonsense methods of strong disciple and ultimatum, plus continued love and encouragement from his mother and I, though even when released in our custody on weekends, he could have approved friends (by me) over but wasn't allowed to roam the streets. Anyone questionable at the door I sent away. He had to break ties with everyone in that crowd, which was tough but absolutely necessary. A new paradigm had to be created. So happened that a couple of old school chums came around and wanted to start a band. I lent him my guitar and amp and made a band room out of our spare bedroom. They were over 21 and by law could drink beer, which they were allowed, but those friends had to give me their car keys until they came for them the following day. So a lot of restraining conditions were placed on him and those he hung out with. The job he was forced to get back then is the same company he works for now, and he married their purchasing agent. He had a bout with too much beer for a few years, but with his second daughter, that too has been tempered and tamed. I'm very proud of him now, but we went through some real hell to get to this point.

Don't give up on him.
 

Bliss5702

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I have always viewed hexagram 44 as the inevitable doom. Thanks for clearing that up for me.
 

Bliss5702

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Yes he does have an extremely strong will. There's this young lady that he went to school with who loves him dearly and I love her. She has a great heart and an enormous amount of tenacity. She works hard and have goals that she seek to accomplish. He says that he love her too. They were living together until she decided that she didn't want to be involved with drug related activity. She has told him that they can try it again once he is released, but he has decided that he's going to roommate with his friends, the ones that smoke marijuna daily, knowing good and well he's not allowed around any of that stuff. He has to drug test weekly. But can't nobody tell him anything. No matter how you try to talk to him, he will not listen.

I've been extremely stressed the last couple of days. My blood pressure has been extremely high. I have only two children and both of them are giving me problems at this time. I asked a couple of questions to the I ching yesterday and the answers were all extremely horrible. Is it true that the I Ching picks up on your feelings and hand them directly back to you in a reading?
 

Bliss5702

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Yes pocossin you're right. I'm at a breaking point with both of them. I'm ready to walk away knowing good and well, I've done all I could to love, support and raise them.
 

pocossin

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Please, don't just draw a line. Understand why. I know of families who have been destroyed by an attempt to rescue drug-addicted children. Your resources will stretch only so far. I congratulate Sooo on his success, but I think he drew lines that he is not telling you about. Somewhere, there is the assertion: Do this again and you are on your own.
 
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sooo

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I drew lots of lines; too many to mention, but to an addict, staying high is all that matters. Pot, imo, is quite benign, but not if he's being tested for it and gets incarcerated for testing positive. He has to isolate from those friends, at least until he gets clear of his probation testing period. For a kid, that's easier said than done. And the gateway drug thing is true, but it's usually cigarettes that's the first gateway, and then beer. Thing is, in the area of carnality, these are not all that troublesome, until he gets busted. Then he's in that web I talked about earlier, and he either goes really straight or falls into their pit.

Walking away, well, good luck with that. There were periods when his mother and I would say to each other, we have a right to be happy too! And it didn't seem to matter. He has to be ready to change the game before he'll change the game. Parents aren't always equipped for that, especially if one of them coddles and enables him. I can assure you, that wasn't my way. H18 really applies there, I may have been too tough while she was too soft. But at any rate, it wasn't up to us.

I think drawing a line for yourself would be most helpful. How much attachment, how much detachment. Your health is every bit as important as his behavior, and you have an obligation, first to yourself, to mind your own health and well being. And I think you can tell him, or them, that. You have limits, and you will support him only so long as he works with you on getting out of this mess. But what I meant was that, when he's ready to get it right, be there for him to support that behavior.
 
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sooo

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And, yes, I strongly perceive that Yi will often talk to our own state of being, our emotions and thinking, at least as often as directly speaking to our specific questions about other matters.
 

peter2610

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Bliss,
sooo's 'Don't give up on him' is spot on. Hex 44 represents the eroding of your position by negative thoughts and opinions. It often appears when we find ourselves in a situation full of negative influences such that we begin to doubt that there can be a way out but if you look at the ruling line, 5th yang, you'll find it is urging you strongly to hold to a positive outlook. In this situation you'll need all the strength and patience you can find, your opponent isn't your son, it's the lifestyle being offered by his mates. Don't be harsh with him but quietly and firmly hold to your values and to your belief in your son, don't try to pull him back into your life, be strong and patient. In this way, in a silent way, your heart will talk to his heart and he will begin to understand the path of return.
 

Bliss5702

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All of this is way too hard for me. I don't know how much more I can take. At times I'm afraid to open my eyes because I don't know what I will be faced with next. I'm scared, I'm hurt and I'm confused. I've lived my life for my children and now it seems that the most important relationships I have are falling a part. And I can't get a positive reading from the I Ching no matter how hard I try. Thank you all so much for your kind words of encouragement in such a dark time of my life. Who would have imagined I would be in this place? Your words mean so much to me.
 

pocossin

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I think drawing a line for yourself would be most helpful. How much attachment, how much detachment. Your health is every bit as important as his behavior, and you have an obligation, first to yourself, to mind your own health and well being. And I think you can tell him, or them, that.

Well said.
 

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