I'm going to see my boyfriend tomorrow. We've been together for just over a month, and it seems to be going very well. We seem to be really liking each other, and he says he can't wait to see me. It takes about an hour and a half commute to get there, so we don't see each other more that a couple of times per week. I was thinking about going today after work, but I was too tired today, so it will be tomorrow.

I asked "Any advice for tomorrow?"

I'm really stumped by this. Why the heck would I get the dreaded Marrying Maiden? Does it mean he met someone else this weekend while I worked, or am I worrying too much? All the other i-ching results so far have been extremely positive and promising, until today. I hate getting 54!

40. Hsieh / Deliverance

---- ----
---- ---- above Ch^en The Arousing, Thunder
----------
---- ----
---------- below K'an The Abysmal, Water
---- ----

The Judgement

Deliverance. The southwest furthers.
If there is no longer anything where one has to go,
Return brings good fortune.
If there is still something where one has to go,
Hastening brings good fortune.

The Image

Thunder and rain set in:
The image of Deliverance.
Thus the superior man pardons mistakes
And forgives misdeeds.

The Lines

Six at the beginning means:
Without blame.


54. Kuei Mei / The Marrying Maiden

---- ----
---- ---- above Ch^en The Arousing, Thunder
----------
---- ----
---------- below Tui The Joyous, Lake
----------

The Judgement

The Marrying Maiden.
Undertakings bring misfortune.
Nothing that would further.

The Image

Thunder over the lake:
The image of the Marrying Maiden.
Thus the superior man
Understands the transitory
In the light of the eternity of the end.

Hi Owlietta,

Hexagram 54 is about a woman who is the "second wife" rather than the first wife - she's in second place in the household.

I had hexagram 54 recently to simply highlight the fact that my situation contained a "first place" and a "second place." (I'd explain, but it's complicated and would take longer to explain than you'd care to read.) Your situation contains the same thing - you're seeing your boyfriend tomorrow (second option) rather than today (original option).

That is the background or context of your question. The answer - "no blame" - probably means there is nothing wrong with changing your plans.

<Section deleted after Trojina pointed out below that it was wrong>

And hexagram 40, your primary hexagram, meaning "Deliverance," or relief, release, untying knots - is that how you feel about not having to go anywhere today?

So far that's not an answer to your actual question, though. You asked for advice for tomorrow, not for a description of today. Maybe the advice for tomorrow is that you don't have to feel guilty for staying home today? A simple explanation that you were too tired to travel might do? [Edited: a better thing for me to do here would have been to ask you...what is it you're worried about regarding tomorrow, if you'd be willing to say? Maybe that would help figure out what the advice is.] I'm not really sure what the advice for tomorrow is, but I think Yi's saying your decision is perfectly fine.

The first question was " should I visit him tomorrow?" And I got 34 Taming Power of the Great, lines 3,4,5 > Limitation.

I didn't really know what to make of that, since it wasn't overpoweringly positive like all the previous i-ching readings have been, regarding our new relationship. Which I why I asked this follow up question "Any advice for tomorrow?" and got 40.1 > 54

"Should I visit him tomorrow?" 34.3.4.5 > 60

From Hilary's translation:

34.3
‘Small people use vigour,
Noble one uses a net.
Constancy: danger.
The ram butts a hedge,
Entangles his horns.’

I think "vigour" would be forcing yourself to make the trip today. Using a net would be going tomorrow. With a net you let what you're trying to catch come to you without exerting yourself very much. I think Yi is advising you not to do it the hard way. Take the easier of the two options. Go tomorrow when you're rested.

Likewise, I think butting a hedge and entangling your horns would be pushing ahead regardless of obstacles such as being tired. This sort of "go-itis" may not end well. The ram in the text made matters worse for himself: he not only has to get where he set out to go, but now he has given himself the added work of disentangling his horns from the hedge before he can continue.

34.4
‘Constancy, good fortune.
Regrets vanish.
The hedge is broken through, no entanglement.
Vigour in the axle straps of a great cart.’

How to disentangle from the hedge, or, better yet, avoid entanglement in the first place? Probably by being constant to what you said in your question - go tomorrow, when you're fresh. The axle straps on an old cart are (if I'm remembering correctly from what I've read on this website) the things that hold the axles to the cart and allow the wheels to turn. Axle straps are small, maybe they don't look important, but if they break the cart can't move. In your situation, I think your energy level could be the axle straps - you'll be in better shape to travel and to visit with your boyfriend when you're rested. Hilary also mentions in her commentary that axle straps are flexible and supple - Yi might be advising you to be flexible in your plans.

34.5
'Losing sheep at Yi.
No regrets.’

Hilary points out in her commentary that "Yi" means "change." I think the message of this line might be that if you go tomorrow rather than today, your plans are changed, and you've lost something (some time with your boyfriend), but there will be "no regrets." If you can lose something but not regret it, maybe what you lost wasn't all that important. I think Yi is saying that seeing your boyfriend tomorrow rather than today won't make a harmful difference to your relationship.

Notice that two of the three lines contain the omen words "Regrets vanish" or "No regrets." So...Q: "Should I visit him tomorrow?" A: Regrets vanish. You won't regret it if you wait until tomorrow.

Another consideration (a speculative one) is that if you wait until tomorrow your actual visit (independent of the travel to get there) might be better than if you went today. Remember how the ram made things worse for himself, and had the added work of disentangling from the hedge? If you try to visit with someone when you're tired, you might not enjoy it, or you might be crabby and irritable (I can certainly see that happening with me). Part of the "no regrets" from the 34 > 60 reading, and the "no blame" from 40.1 > 54, might be because you would regret it and blame yourself if you went to see your boyfriend when you're tired, and then ended up in an argument as a result. And then you might have to disentangle yourself from a thorny hedge of sharp words or misunderstandings, all because you were tired.

Of course, this is about this particular situation and set of questions only. I realize that couples often spend time together when one or both of them is tired. But I think Yi is saying that this time, you can and should avoid it, and go tomorrow.

I don't get this. 40.1 > 54 about visiting my new boyfriend tomorrow



I'm going to see my boyfriend tomorrow. We've been together for just over a month, and it seems to be going very well. We seem to be really liking each other, and he says he can't wait to see me. It takes about an hour and a half commute to get there, so we don't see each other more that a couple of times per week. I was thinking about going today after work, but I was too tired today, so it will be tomorrow.

I asked "Any advice for tomorrow?"

I'm really stumped by this. Why the heck would I get the dreaded Marrying Maiden? Does it mean he met someone else this weekend while I worked, or am I worrying too much? All the other i-ching results so far have been extremely positive and promising, until today. I hate getting 54!

Click to expand...

You are totally overthinking this....I mean 40.1 just tells you there is no problem, nothing to worry about. That one line is more important than the relating hexagram here IMO. 54 may indicate you aren't the one who chooses when to see him because of circumstance that's all...but with one line moving I would be focusing on that

Look how LiSe Heyboer translates line 54.2, the fan yao :

Click to expand...

The fan yao here is 54.1 not 54.2....also the fan yao is not the answer but many seem to take it as if it were...it is only a mirror of the answer to aid interpretation at times. I would see the fan yao as what the answer is sort of not. Some say the fan yao is often what the situation feels like. So maybe Owl feels like she is struggling to be first here but 40.1 says no issue to be resolved.

(apologies for sounding pedantic...Virgo rising, what can one do)

Trojina said:

The fan yao here is 54.1 not 54.2....

Click to expand...

Ohhh good grief . That's an incredibly stupid mistake. I'm sorry.

No, the fan yao isn't the answer. I thought it was as you said, Trojina, "what the situation feels like," maybe a more focussed version of the relating hexagram (context, background). Or at least that's what I thought when I had the wrong line...

I agree we're overthinking both of these readings. 40.1 is very simple and very clear - most readings are not so direct. But since Owlietta didn't seem to see it that way, I went on and on babbling.

I still do like 54 in this case as "original option vs. second option" in a very mundane sense, though, instead of anything to do with the sort of winning/losing caste system we often associate with 54 (much less Owlietta's fear that she'd been usurped by another woman!).

My own example of where I thought a line of 54 was used in that way, if I can successfully summarize a complicated situation...I did a reading. After thinking a bunch about it and writing down some possibilities, I thought maybe I understood the advice, but I wasn't sure. So I asked again, and got a very direct answer to my question (the single line was 32.2 - "Regrets vanish" - just as simple and clear-cut as Owlietta's 40.1).

So then, perplexed, I asked Yi, "Out of curiosity - what made [original reading] a better one for you to give me than giving me 32.2 in the first place?" Yi answered with 54.3 - "Marrying maiden waiting, Turns it round and marries as second wife."

First wife vs. second wife...first reading vs. second reading...I eventually took it to mean that in the process of "waiting" for the second reading, I engaged with the first reading and was able to learn a couple things about its primary hexagram. Had I received the second reading first, I would have gained nothing except a plain answer to my question. So it had more of an influence on me than the simple "No. Don't worry about it" would have - sort of like the second wife in 54 ended up having more influence than the first wife because she is the one who gave birth to the heir.

At least that's how I took it...uch:...I realize it's a little labyrinthine and I might be wrong...

P.S. No need to apologize! Pointing out a ridiculously bad error, and that we're overcomplicating Yi's attempt at simple brevity - thank you .

UPDATE: Yes, I had a lovely time!!! He did too, I'm pretty sure!

The thing that stood out about this visit was how difficult it was for me to get there with public transit, and it was also equally difficult to get back home on public transit. Long delays, electrical failure, hassles, confusion.

Also, I had an old woman relative (I rent a room from her) calling me on my mobilephone and yelling at me on the train because I snuck out without telling her. She knew I was going to visit my boyfriend, and she is just envious that I have a life and she doesn't, quite simply. (I'm over 40, and this old-at-heart-lady is 75). She had already yelled at me earlier that day for taking up room in her freezer, so I filled up a big bag of frozen meat and took it with me to my boyfriend's house, and we grilled it all. It was kind of an odd visit, but nice. I can understand why the reading wasn't overwhelmingly positive like it usually has been, regarding our new romance.

After thinking about this a little more than just "I'm glad Owlietta had a good time "...

You had that much trouble the next day?? I wonder what would have happened if you'd gone the day before?

The readings, in hindsight...they were about going "tomorrow" versus "today," not whether things would go well in general. And 34.5 does say there would be some loss (maybe all the trouble you had), but that you wouldn't regret it, which you don't, seeing as you said you had a great time.

And "no blame" and "regrets vanish" aren't the same as "everything will go smoothly." It's more like, "even if things don't go smoothly, you won't regret it and no one is really to blame."

34.3, for example, may have been advice to take the problems in stride, rather than fighting them and getting all upset and anxious. Taking things in stride could be "net"-like, probably. Maybe you would have had more trouble handling it all if you'd been tired.

Well, I am glad you had a lovely time! I just hope you don't have that kind of mess every time you go see him.

Oh, and thank you for coming back and updating, Owlietta. It's really helpful when people take the time to let us know how things ended up .