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viviank

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Hello my dear friends,
The end of the summer finds me in awkward situation!
I went for short trip in a place where an old flirt lives and we naturally meet! Small place! This guy has a friendship with a cousin of mine and her boyfriend. They hang around often! My cousin leaves in a different city but those three seemed to meet each other.
The relationship with my cousin and me is typical but she seemed willing to know me better and the same was from my part but we didn't had the chance as we live far apart.
That's the background.

What happen is that when I met the guy she called him, and he suggested that he and I should go to her vacation place and spend a couple of days with my cousin and her boyfriend while they spoke on the phone. Not stay in her house but to a hotel in different rooms. All very civil and friendly.
She agreed and she said that she will try to find rooms for us.

But he didn't call at all after that. And the day we supposed to be up there he made a check in in facebook that he was there with my cousin and her boyfriend and a female friend. Obviously I was furious but my question to you is about my cousin. I don't blame her for anything and I wouldn't want to ruin my relationship with her. I don't know what this guy said about me to my cousin and obviously I cannot ask him.

So I asked
What will happen if I call her
18,2,6>15

What will happen if I don't call her
40,2,3,4>15
 
T

taoscopy

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No, don't call, you've got 15 both ways.


What will happen if I call her
18,2,6>15


18 - Disorder

One needs to abandon their business and make themself available to patiently soften their most embarrassing flaws, in order to be able to inspire trust and be engaged by those who can help them.

2 - One helps the weakest gently.

6 - One leaves others to go and see.
In the making
15 - Decency

One shall not provoke with initiatives.

They have shown a weaker behavior, there is no need to be harsh with them, call for what? Just be kind and let them enjoy their time.



What will happen if I don't call her
40,2,3,4>15



40 - Amending

One makes progress by abandoning what limited them.

2 - One is asked to find the answers before it is too late.

3 - When one neglects they give to others.

4 - Doors will open if one deviates from an unnecessary convenience.
In the making
15 - Decency

One shall not provoke with initiatives.

That's the right thing to do. It's an interesting answer that you've got. There are many possible interpretations.

Line 2 is about calling her before it is too late.
Line 3 is about calling her to tell her that she has neglected to tell you about him.
Line 4 negates lines 2 and 3: don't call to tell her that and she will invite you. Because it's not necessary to call her, she already knows.

15 is a confirmation: don't provoke with initiatives. Your cousin has been weak, that's what the Yi told you with 18.2, get over it. 18.6 tells you that you might break your relationship with her if you call her (because you won't be able to maintain 18.2).
 

viviank

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Thanks Taoscopy for your help!
This happened two weeks ago. She didn't call since then. The thing is that she don't know anything form me about what is going on between me and the guy. If she knows anything it will be from him or what she suspects. The bottom line is that I don't know what she knows and in her place I wouldn't get involved at all. And I believe that's what she did.
I agree with the fact that I get 15 in both cases and that's good but I am curious what he told her. And I am confused about 40>15. My take on this is
40.2 if I don't call the bad intention of him will be revealed to her and neutralized to my benefit
40.3 is about her difficult position and if I don't call she would think that everything is ok between us but next minute she would doubt it. Or that applies to me!
40.4 if I don't call I will free my self from implications I don't trust.

I like 40.4! I hope I am not too optimistic about my interpretation
 
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D

diamanda

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Hi viviank,

Glad to hear you managed to get some holiday in the midst of chaos.

What will happen if I call her
18,2,6>15

You will be nice and polite.
You will most probably find out what happened, and you will want to walk away.
The whole thing will end without any substantial results, but smoothly.

What will happen if I don't call her
40,2,3,4>15

There's going to be cunningness and problems.
You will turn to a good friend of yours.
The whole thing will end without any substantial results, but smoothly.

The 'call her' option sounds by far the easiest and best.
 
T

taoscopy

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It's already too late?

Oh then 40.2: calling her before it is too late
40.3: you've neglected to call her so he could tell whatever he wanted
40.4: it's about him, you can restore your relationship with your cousin if you tell her what he did. Not too sure about that line.

I'm a bit tired so I won't review the other cast but I guess that you should call her then, 15 means that this guy has been provocative, the interpretation can vary greatly depending on the situation.
 

viviank

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Thank you both Diamanta and Taoscopy for your time.
My dilemma to call her or not is more complicated. When asking the questions I had in mind possible inplications/results about the guy that behaved very badly. And my gut feeling tells me not to call. So that's the problem!
 
T

taoscopy

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OK it seems that there is a shadowy relationship between this guy and your cousin. You've been used like a toy, the best is to forget about them. 40.4 was about you I'm afraid, they needed to get rid of you so they can stay together.
 

viviank

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I don't think so but we will see. I think this is entirely his doing because the girl didn't have any reason. I believe she was as surprised as I was when he showed up with the other girl and not me.
 
T

taoscopy

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This 40.2.3.4 is very difficult to interpret. However with 15 on both sides you're safe if you don't call.
 

viviank

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I asked
Did she (my cousin) had any reason to get rid of me?
41.5>61
 
T

taoscopy

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They don't want 41.5 from you, so that means that they have been doing things that you would not approve. The Yi is entrusting you with very specific information.

41 - Remove

One loses their support and abandons. Accepting the constraints will arouse sympathy.

5 - One wants to encourage the weakest to return and repair their mistakes.
In the making
61 - Immobilized

Show patience, one is asked to make progress.

ETA: Alternatively, maybe I have made a wrong interpretation of 40.4 and the Yi is telling you to stop looking along that line (return from this mistake).

You're safe if you don't call it's all that matter at this point.
 
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pocossin

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What will happen if I call her?
18.2.6 > 15


Your troubles will be cleared, and you will once again be in control. Doesn't matter what the guy said about you, and he may have said nothing. Talking will help you clear the air with your cousin, but she may be totally in the dark. He has given you a wonderful gift. You now know that he is untrustworthy and is unsuitable as a friend.
 

viviank

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Thanks Pococcin
I agree! Even if you think this with logic without the help of the I Ching that is the best thing to do. But what is your take on the 40>15 as it seems hard to break.
And your comment about this guy is absolutely correct. I now know he is unreliable and that makes me feel sad because, if I want to be honest with my self, I still like him but I cannot trust him. It will pass! I 'll forget him.
 
T

taoscopy

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OK, you know what?

Clear the ambiguity, ask the Yi what is limiting you:

40 - Amending

One makes progress by abandoning what limited them.

I see where the Yi is dragging us to now :D
 

viviank

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I asked and
33,1,5>30
33.1 I have withdrawn already from him. I send a text message the same day I saw his check in, said to him what I think of his behavior and that there aren't many things left to talk about.
33.5 I should adjust to this retreat I have already made and not stir up things again by calling my cousin

So my logic is limiting me and perhaps my ego/ dignity?
How that sounds?
 
T

taoscopy

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Ok, my take is that the Yi says that you need to stop being patient. 30 is about patience.

33.1: stop waiting
33.5: unfriend them on facebook, cut bridges with them.

33 - Moving away

Before leaving, one must hand over the reins.

1 - Others ask one to wait.

5 - One stops searching alone.
In the making
30 - Lucidity

Patience will bring success.


15 - Decency

One shall not provoke with initiatives.

While you are at it, you can ask the Yi what are the initiatives that you should avoid (in regard with 40 > 15), but that would be more for the purpose of enjoying a talk with the Yi than solving this issue. It can comfort you if you still have doubts about what to do.
 
E

Endless

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What a beautiful thread guys! viviank, did you finally get your cousin at the phone or text her?
 

viviank

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I have asked yi what to do in regard with the guy and the answer was 53 with no moving lines. 53 has to do with patience, a lot of it! I suppose the yi advising not to anything more. Believe me I was so angry back then that I wanted to leave immediately because if I would meet him I would slap him. But he returned and he didn't show up in cafés or any central areas and I stayed there for two days after he returned as my programmer was. To unfriend him it was something that I considered but I decided that I should deal this more calm and with accord to 53.
 

viviank

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No I didn't call yet! I want let everything sink in for bit. Maybe tomorrow endless
 
T

taoscopy

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I have asked yi what to do in regard with the guy and the answer was 53 with no moving lines.

53 - To associate

One offers their fellows to overcome constraints by associating.

In my opinion it's more about treating him like he treated you.
 
D

diamanda

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I asked
Did she (my cousin) had any reason to get rid of me?
41.5>61

Your cousin has some form of financial/material gain from the guy.
So maybe that's why she indirectly supported his decision to turn up with another girl.

I have asked yi what to do in regard with the guy and the answer was 53
53 speaks of the normal/socially accepted method of a woman getting engaged.
How does such a woman behave?
As an example, she doesn't run after the guy - I won't analyse, we all know how it goes.

From what you've said so far, the guy sounds desperate - he wanted to go there with
you, but when a 'better' (to his mind) opportunity turned up, he immediately, and
without explanation, forgot about you. He doesn't sound the type of guy who is good
for a 53 situation... it's certain that sooner or later he'll behave the same to this other
girl too.
 

viviank

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Reading Wilhelm
53
THE IMAGE

On the mountain, a tree:

The image of DEVELOPMENT.

Thus the superior man abides in dignity and virtue,
In order to improve the mores.

The tree on the mountain is visible from afar, and its development influences the landscape of the entire region. It does not shoot up like a swamp plant; its growth proceeds gradually. Thus also the work of influencing people can be only gradual. No sudden influence or awakening is of lasting effect. Progress must be quite gradual, and in order to obtain such progress in public opinion and in the mores of the people, it is necessary for the personality to acquire influence and weight. This comes about through careful and constant work on one's own moral development.

My time will come I believe.
He is not a 53 kind of guy but I am. And he will eventually contact me. Then I will treat him as I should.
 
T

taoscopy

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Ok, from your reaction I think I can interpret 40.2.3.4 > 15:

2 - One is asked to find the answers before it is too late.
->You need to react before losing him for good

3 - When one neglects they give to others.
->if you neglect to react then this girl gets him

4 - Doors will open if one deviates from an unnecessary convenience.
->forget about your cousin and focus on him

You can still ask about the initiatives if you like but my take is now that you should not care about her but him.
 

viviank

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Taoscopy I can thank you enough for the dialogue and the contribution and every one else like Diamanta and Pocossin.
To tell you the truth, Taoscopy, I given this a lot of thought about give up completely on him or do something drastic these two weeks. I ended up with the thought that I should wait for him to make a move. As Diamanta said I wouldn't run after the guy. But the thing is even if he returns how could I trust him after that. A friend who knows him told me after the incident that he has commitment issues since his father died about a year ago. As I said I like him but I want also a reliable partner. He needs to change my opinion first in order to form anything with him. And I can't tell you how sad I am about this all.

So as far the reading concerned my focus unfortunately is still on him. But I cannot do anything for the time being because if contacted him first is like I am accepting his behavior and I won't have that.
 
T

taoscopy

Guest
Don't be afraid to retaliate, if you kick him from your facebook page he will want to apologize and start behaving.
 
T

taoscopy

Guest
The Yi knows best.

ETA: from this perspective we can also revisit 18.2.6:

Line 2: friendly conversation with your cousin
Line 6: drop it, you have something else to see

18 - Disorder

One needs to abandon their business and make themself available to patiently soften their most embarrassing flaws, in order to be able to inspire trust and be engaged by those who can help them.

2 - One helps the weakest gently.

6 - One leaves others to go and see.
In the making
15 - Decency

One shall not provoke with initiatives.

As a bonus you can ask the Yi what are your most embarrassing flaws (from the 18). But you don't need to tell us naturally.
 
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viviank

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Well I asked something more practical last night while drinking tsipouro, a very strong alcoholic drink and feeling quite low!
I am tired,how can I get this guy out of my head?
The answer 47.2>45
I jump of my chair feeling I' ve been watched. And then I started to laugh!
Ginnie I think wrote
"John,
Getting h47 usually signifies feeling quite exhausted --

Sometimes line 2 moving in h47 signifies that the person sits or eats too much. So they feel tired."
Or drinks I would add!

Also how did I handle the whole situation with this guy ( evaluation for myself)?

46 not bad! I am improving, right?
 
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