Newest bullies 35>23

goddessliss · Feb 14, 2016

I'm back at college and it's become a combined class of students at different levels new and old and there are some new bullies. A similar incident happened for me - I liked to be called by my full name or Liss and don't like it being shortened to Mel. I never have but like last year when I spoke up and said what I preferred they kept calling me Mel and laughing and saying oh we keep forgetting. It may sound tedious but I find it's just disrespectful and I could see the ringleader trying to assert herself right at the beginning of the day and just knew something would happen to start the bullying off.
Pleased show me the way to deal with our newest bullies

Hex 35.4>23

Advanced boldly, don't be tentative - oh my I find that difficult when there's only one of me and 3 of them.

goddessliss · Feb 14, 2016

Just to add further information about the ringleader. She's an ex executive of some sort so she is used to being in control of others and she's already shown those tendencies in the classroom which has got her a following. I'm probably the only one that speaks against her as I don't like anyone aside from the teachers being in control of the class. Why can't she just be a student like everybody else!

Pearlescent · Feb 14, 2016

I wish I could be of help but I've always struggled to understand this line in particular. Ive taken it as a sort of admonishment from the Yi myself at times...perhaps about my line of questioning, but I'm sure it has to mean more than that; so I'll be glad to see if someone with experience of this line might comment. With 23 as the relating hex I wonder if the time isn't quite right for you to do anything about it. Also, I think a while back I ran across an old thread of yours in the archives where you talked about being a Sagittarius? Just offhand its interesting because Saturn is in your sign now, which I believe (Sagittarius) rules higher education... And I can imagine this is an unwelcome distraction in the classroom. (I bet you're a much better student though

)

If I ever recieve an answer like that, on occassion I'll ask 'what is it that I don't understand about this situation?', which sometimes helps me to get a fresh perspective.

Windrell · Feb 14, 2016

Dear Goddessliss,
first of all I believe that I Ching tells us what it is going on or what the future will be.
I Ching does not tell what we should do.
I understand 35 4>23 as predicting :

You will gradually be overpowered by her/ringleader, who is described as the villain!
It is stern and cruel when the incapable/evil person persists in advancing as she/ringleader will limit your opportunities!

This is the situation you are facing!
In my opinion you must play hard! No room for diplomacy and tenderness!
I Ching shows you the true colors of your situation. Nothing more.
BE COURAGEOUS!

Tim K · Feb 14, 2016

I would just ignore anyone who calls you 'Mel', pretending not to hear the call.
Imho after a while they'll get the message.

Now let's look at the reading: h35, sun above the earth.
Takashima: Honourable men make their virtues clear.
Earth(they) follows the light/sun(you).

Win them over by showing your brightness and intelligence.
Don't confront the leader directly, .4 warns about improper position, misplacement of power, leading to h23 - no advantage to move anywhere.

Secure the peace of common people then the Emperor will grant you an audience 3 times a day and present horses (followers?).

diamanda · Feb 14, 2016

I've had this line quite a few times in the past. It always referred to someone acting in secrecy, behind my back. The answer shows a rodent, and of course rodents 'make progress' down below. That eats away at the foundations, and thus brings collapse (23). If someone allows the rodents to make progress in secrecy, then collapse will be inevitable.

show me the way to deal with our newest bullies
Hex 35.4>23

From the above I conclude that the best way to deal with them is not to allow this to be done in secrecy. As to how this could practically be done (and taking into account my experiences with bullies...). I'd say make sure you don't have any one-to-one dealings with them. Make sure that every single time you have any sort of dealings with them, there are witnesses.

Make sure that everybody else knows what you'd like to be called. Stick to one version of your name, so that nobody can claim they "got confused". Make sure everyone else is using your preferred name. If the bullies do call you Mel, with witnesses around, treat them like you would stupid kids, i.e. without showing any anger, but with an air of

, correct them and ensure that witnesses hear you. If by accident they call you Mel and nobody's around, ignore them as if nobody has spoken. I've had similar incidents with my surname... and similar to you I like to stop it in its tracks, before the bullying gets any further.

rosada · Feb 14, 2016

The Judgement describes the situation.

The Image tells how one should deal with it.

In 35 the advice is that "the superior man himself brightens his bright virtue." - Wilhelm
I think 35 is giving advice on how you should go about getting your right name out there.

35.4 - 23 describes a rodent that is undermining the situation.
I think this is describing this bully but it could also be a hint to you that you can not be successful if you try to undermine her in some subtle fashion.

Hmm.. just realized this is pretty much what Ashteroid just said.
Except I think in view of the advice in The Image I don't think you should ignore the insult. Would it be appropriate for you to in a friendly manner say your name again? Like, "I'm sorry to be such a stickler, but I really prefer you call me Liss" or turn to the class and say, "Actually I go by the name Liss." In other words, don't be angry, humorous or sneaky like a 35.4 rodent. Be simple and direct like you are correcting a spelling error.

Of course if it's become obvious she is doing this to taunt you I think 35 is encouraging you to bring that out in public too, in which case you may need to call her on it as in, "Are you intentionally calling me by the wrong name?" She will of course insist that she just forgot again but I bet she'll remember next time!

Brighten your bright virtue!

goddessliss · Feb 14, 2016

Thanks everyone for responding it helps me gain perspective and clarity. I have made it loud and clear what I'd like to be called in front of the whole class and one of our teachers but they still chose to be silly about it. That's when it becomes an issue to me. I can let it slide the odd time I'm called Mel but when it's done deliberately to be disrespectful that's when I get annoyed.
I'm also inclined to think line 4 is describing the bullies and I've noted your words to not confront them directly and have decided to speak to one of the teachers for support in nipping it in the bud.
The thing is too I'm quite a loner and somewhat reserved but it doesn't mean I don't want to be noticed for all the right reasons and that I'd like my shining light and intelligence to be noticed (thanks to those who said that) but does it mean I have to be outspoken for that to happen.

butterfly spider · Feb 14, 2016

Just my little gem here
I would behave as if it doesn't matter - but be firm in a business like way. If you like being called by a name then say so ... If someone calls you by a different name remind them firmly that you like being called by a different name

Have had this line once when I had experience of hanky panky in my office - I ignored it despite this casting. I should have stood my ground dispassionatly and said that I didn't like what I saw initially - not held back
Be bold ...
Xx

goddessliss · Feb 14, 2016

Thks butterfly spider but as I said I've already spoken up and it appeared to escalate the situation rather than stop it. At the beginning of the day we were asked to say our name and speak a little about ourselves. I was last to speak out of 9 people, as the teacher followed the line of desks. Mosts were brief in their introduction but all were listened to but after I started speaking the ring leader started talking over the top of me to another classmate. I ignored her ignorance but then this happened....

altair139 · Feb 14, 2016

if they don't respect you or your opinion you can always have the option to stop talking to them. Well if you have to communicate with them because you're in a group or something then that sucks, tell the prof to change group maybe?

goddessliss · Feb 14, 2016

Thanks for your support. Very small class of 10 where two class levels are combined to even make up a class. We do have to work together on group projects and learn to work as a team so yeah it totally sucks.

Lodestar · Feb 14, 2016

Sorry to hear you are going through this .. What cows!
I haven't read this, but a long time ago I read some PDFs by this author and found them excellent
I wish you the best of luck! It might also be worth visualising and setting an intention for what you want to experience. Take the focus off the bullies and put it on you having a really positive student teacher experience where they just drift off and bother someone else..

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Tongue-Fu-S..._UL160_SR105,160_&refRID=1GCW698C4FM0Q4YVT727

Lodestar · Feb 14, 2016

Oh saw about the dreaded group work aspect.
If confiding in the tutor is an option, do.

goddessliss · Feb 14, 2016

Thanks Lodestar you've inspired me to go to my local library today and look for that book or similar. I also wrote on my whiteboard which is my fridge really about wanting a positive experience at college and what that 'looks like'...I wonder if this is part of helping me to brighten my virtue thus stripping away her ability to undermine me without actual confrontation with her.

Hujambo · Feb 14, 2016

I wonder if this is part of helping me to brighten my virtue thus stripping away her ability to undermine me without actual confrontation with her.

I looked at your reading last night and whilst I can often get interpretations wrong, what you have written here was my initial thought given my recent experience with 35 > 23. I agree with Lodestar.

Take the focus off the bullies and put it on you having a really positive student teacher experience where they just drift off and bother someone else..

The place where the change could be made was in stripping back to the truth of what I want in order to advance. In your case, perhaps receiving your education without getting distracted by petty tyrants. Hold your centre/brightness and take what's yours, there are silly people everywhere who like to get in the way, they could end up wasting their time instead of getting the most out of their studies.

goddessliss · Feb 15, 2016

Thanks for your response Hujambo better than the teachers' which was that I'm being overly sensitive and maybe they just forgot my name. So at this point I'll see what happens in class tomorrow meanwhile working on myself.

Hujambo · Feb 15, 2016

I can get a bit cheeky when people annoy me in a disrespectful way, laughing always makes me feel better. You could try making an announcement next time someone calls you Mel "if you're going to call me Mel then you may as well call me Mad Max!" with a big grin on your face, or other naughty but fun ideas that you might come up with.

goddessliss · Feb 16, 2016

Update: I did make the effort to up my bright vibe before and during class yesterday and it made me feel and act positive and from what I could see it 'rattled her cage' a bit. But I finally realised it's not about her it's about me in as much as me not letting her type of personality get to me. I believe we'll never like each other but that's just how it is sometimes isn't it....so I guess that's what the reading meant advance by taking control of myself here and it will strip away the original dynamics.

goddessliss · Feb 16, 2016

Diamanda also spoke of the possibility of secrecy here. Perhaps I am the rat in this context. Yesterday I observed her and another working on one of our projects secretly but I secretly informed our teacher by email this morning of the goings on in the hope she will cut their idea out because whilst in reality they're not being underhanded in context they're being unfair to the rest of the class by taking away their potential input.

dancingfox · Feb 17, 2016

Hi Liss,

I am going through a similar experience right now. I started going back to school two years ago. My first reality check was to discover that just because we are all grownups that doesn't necessarily mean we all behave like that in class. Apparently, bullies are from all ages. The best way to handle her is to nip her behavior in the bud. Adres her behavior publicly while remain as relaxed as possible about it. Try finding an ally if possible, someone you can work with for the group assignments. If you are a loner (like me) this will be no easy task. I am three quarters through my studies and my approach in class these days is to be neutral and nice to everyone. I thought I found a decent partner but it backfired on me. After that nasty experience I chose a radical different approach. If there are group assignments I deliberately lay back and accept whichever group will accept me. I take care to be trustworthy, dependable and try not to get sucked into all the little class drama's.

Good luck with your studies! Big hug!

goddessliss · Feb 17, 2016

Thanks for sharing your story with me dancingfox we sound very similar in approach. As it turns out I joined a local community group tonight and one of the students from class was there. She seemed happy to see me so perhaps she will become my ally. Life works in funny ways sometimes doesn't it! But if not I'm with you. Just get on with it and be the best person you can.

dancingfox · Mar 1, 2016

Hi Liss,

Can you give an update if possible? I keep thinking about your story and how we relate

I was wondering how you are holding up.

goddessliss · Mar 2, 2016

Funny you asked this yesterday because yesterday was the worst day. It got no better and one of the teachers asked me to give up the study because that was easier from her point of view. I sought counselling from the college psychologist and came to the conclusion that it's got nothing to do with me it's just the mentality of the college. Today I put processes in place to transfer to another college with a lot more subject options.

dancingfox · Mar 5, 2016

Good luck to you, Liss. I hope you will find yourself in a more pleasant environment/ company in this new college.

goddessliss · Mar 5, 2016

Thankyou! It's mainly done online self study and one day workshops in the big city haha so should be heaps better. Good luck with yours too xx

Newest bullies 35>23

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