Hi, i am a 33 year old man who has been dating a 33 year old woman for about 15 months. I have been really confused about whether to continue on in this relationship or to let it go. I am willing to face the pain of breakup and i am willing to enter more fully into this relationship, it is just that I have not had a clear answer for the entire 15 months we have been together.

I did an I-ching reading (the question was: please advise on breaking up with patty) on this and got:

46. pushing upward with changing lines 6 at the beginning, 9 in the second place, and six at the top
changes to hexagram 22. Grace.

i really appreciate all comments as this particular area has been such a struggle for me for quite some time.

wanted to add some background to my post.... she has 2 kids: daughter 15, son 7. I have continualy felt that maybe she isn't the one i want to marry. She is in love with me so deeply, has had many dreams showing us married in the future...and happy. This is what has me saying.....should i keep considering her. I have been on a spritual path for the past 15 years. She has just taken hers up last year with meeting me. She has made great strides. However, i find myself constantly saying.....I really wish I had someone that was 'softer', less critical on themselves, etc. It is as if i feel like i carry the load of the relationship, trying to live my own life and also trying to help her understand or work through her path.

This is a tough one. She has had many clear spiritual encounters in the past 12 months, that is unique to her, and yet....i can not ignore my constant feelings of doubt of the whole situation.

i welcome any comments....thanks!

011000(46)
110001(41)
-------
101001(22)

The image of 41 reflects your undelying doubts. This is not an absolute answer to your quest, rather a proposal for you to create a sanctuary within through which you can see things at its right place.

Hillsandvallies:

Seems to me you have "rehearsed" breaking up in your head - that says something!

It does seem that her "being deeply in love with you" and you having been her spiritual teacher/mentor - at least by guiding her is all very flattering - although it can also be a burden.

I don't know what you should do - but I'd look at how much you enjoy the flattery of your position with her (22) and if that's what would be difficult to give up. The price could be too high.

From my experience, we know when it's right and we aren't ambivalent.

Peace.

thanks yly.
today i was thinking about this. Many times in the past i have made decisions prematurely based purely on emotion. I was thinking about this today and i came to the conclusion that I really need to re-phrase the question.

I asked the i-ching : please comment on my relationship with P.

and the iching reads:

13. fellowship with men.
lines 6 in the second change
line 9 at the top change

changes to hex: 43. breakthrough

any comments???

i have only been studying the i ching for a couple years, and on this i seem to not be able to make sense of this. I would welcome any feedback. Thanks very much.

The first reading in regards to breaking up with Patty is pretty clear...you seem to be moving in that direction, but you are uncertain as to where this will take you.

The last reading also seems to reflect what you MAY be feeling...a little hedged in, distressed by in-fighting and your own internal conflict...

And line 6 .....well, Balkin says "..not a true rejoinder of hearts and minds, but more of a relationship of convenience....nevertheless.. valuable if you recognize it for what it is." THis is maybe how you are feeling for now?

43 advises you to make up your mind, come to a resolve either way.

In the end that is what it comes down to: YOur decision. I tend to agree with Peace above. A lot of ambivalence would seem to undermine your position in this relationship. I think the question is whether or not you really can commit to this relationship and going forward with resolve.

And I love what Yly says.......perhaps you most need to create an open space where your true feelings can surface and with them, the appropriate resolve towards the future.

thanks very much to those of you who responded. there is much in what has been shared. It has given me the stuff of what i need to continue on with this issue and work towards an inner resolve.