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Confusing "relationship"

tanyaks

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Newbie to the I Ching here. I've been dabbling lately with the I Ching to help understand where things might lie with a certain man that was interested in me much of last year.

We had quite a confusing year - I'd say there was tremendous attraction between us; however, signals we both gave eachother missed so often although there were moments of dates and get togethers - some fun, some not so fun. We had a falling out late last year over signals he was sending. He was angry/hurt. I was angry/hurt. We were both probably extremely confused.

The first half of 2006, he would ask me out, in private, but it was always for a group situation (we belonged to a large social group and attended many events) and he'd speak to me little to none. I wondered often why I was even around. He would act as if he didn't know what to say to me. Or, he didn't want anyone to know we were "dating." Which hurt me a great deal.

Then, later in 2006, his signals of interest in me in very private and clandestine ways - whereas in public at group events, he would barely speak to me. [sidebar: I did question him and his very confusing behavior/actions in early Spring 06 and he said he was sorry, that I wasn't just some lady in the group to him, that I really meant something and he wanted to explain. --- BUT, he never did.]

Signals turned from glances and later evening brief discussions and then private emailed date requests to secret (when no one else would see) touching (hands, shoulders, arms, and someplace else that perhaps was just a tad over the line) - which at first I took as interest, him only being able to relate in such a way (possibly hurt from a previous divorce and a subsequent failed engagement to another) - relate in a confusing manner - however, after a while I just had to tell him enough was enough - when he crossed the line. That he was coming off as not really being interested, just toying with me and that I was just sick of it all - is he or isn't he - so I asked that he just leave me alone.

After that, he continued the private touching of my hands or "such." Never explained anything. Never publically showed direct interest in me - this continued. I grew more and more angry and feeling violated. Again, I asked him to go away and made this extremely clear this time. He was very angry, one could say hurt and angry. Contacted me via email two weeks later with a general little email that went to a few folks, but I did not respond.

I thought, you know, if a man likes you, he'll show it - you'll know. There comes a time when you have say, the man just isn't into you.

And so, I so I totally dropped all contact with him and he soon left the group and we've been apart since early January 2007. In addition, around the same time (December 2006), I also pulled away from events and contact much of this year, but since summer, I've basically totally resigned. Occassionally I wonder if I misread him and that he was interested but somewhat lacking in knowing how to relate (or jaded/frigthened) that or maybe I was right and he was just playing with me all along.

It was if we were in an endless cat and mouse situation and we both kept misreading eachother. But, I don't know. There is an occassion coming up shortly where I might see him again - so I've asked these questions. Would anyone mind helping decode/interpret what these might mean for me?

What is X feeling for me this week? Hex 44.5*.6 - hex 32.
What has he felt for me since I've been away (since he's not been seeing me)?
hex 38.1.2*.4.6 - hex 2
What will X want with me on the night of the upcoming event? hex 45 5*.6 - hex 35
Will he contact me anytime soon? hex 32 unchanging

Thank you for any assistance.
 
U

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I would just say that it is impossible for a man to express his inner feelings in public, like that of a woman. It makes a man weak if he is not hard on the outside. If he is soft on the outside, he becomes more like a child, or looses his individuality, his confidence. And people around him (unless it's just me) do loose respect for him. Women's heart center is much stronger than that of a man...
 

RindaR

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In your place, I might be interested in asking also, "What do I need to know about X?"
 

tanyaks

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Thanks much for the considerations thus far. I've gone ahead and asked the question you mentioned and am again further confused. Oh my, this man.

What do I need to know about X?
hexagram 43 1.2.6 - hexagram 33

Since I wasn't sure what the Breakthrough (43) was, I asked from X's position and from mine, just in case.

What is the breakthru with X? hexagram 35 unchanging
What is the breakthru if meant for me? hexagram 15 3* to hexagram 2

I also asked:
Will he return? hexagram 42 1.6 to hexagram 8

Is it just me or does this appear he'll be coming back around again? And if so, is this all somewhat positive in that we can work out our differences and just be friends? I'm not sure if I wish more with him. And from these hexagrams, I can't actually tell what he wants - hence why I'm here asking for assistance. :)

Thanks so much.
 

willowfox

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"What is X feeling for me this week? Hex 44.5*.6 - hex 32."

It would appear that he felt nothing. Unfortunately, this silly situation looks all set to continue with no progress in sight.


"Will he contact me anytime soon? hex 32 unchanging"

If he has not contacted you so far, then don't wait up.
 

Tohpol

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Newbie to the I Ching here. I've been dabbling lately with the I Ching to help understand where things might lie with a certain man that was interested in me much of last year.

Tanyaks, quite apart from the answers you received from the IC I'd move on with your life and don't get manipulated by this idiot anymore.

IMO, this guy - for whatever reason - has been toying with you exactly as you said and in a pretty nasty way. You and anyone looking for a loving relationship - an adult relationship - deserves better. So, I'd let go and move on as the readings gently seem to suggest.

Topal
 

soshin

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What do I need to know about X?
hexagram 43 1.2.6 - hexagram 33


What is the breakthru with X? hexagram 35 unchanging
What is the breakthru if meant for me? hexagram 15 3* to hexagram 2

I also asked:
Will he return? hexagram 42 1.6 to hexagram 8

Hi, tanyaks,

Please stay away from him (33) . Or, in other words, throw him out of your life (43). Saying that I hear some little voice in the back of my head :mischief: saying it's not that easy, and I can relate to that. :) Always a little hope remains that he could have changed.

But from the answers of the Yi I do not see any signs for such a change on his side.

I'd guess another (obviously mainly distracting) start into a "relationship" with him would simply not do.

Namaste,

Soshin

Oh yes, I forgot: Perhaps you could catch the opportunity seeing him again to make clear how you felt being the toy for his little games... (43). Perhaps some clarity of understanding (35) could be the result on his side. Obviously this would include you being 15, 3 > 2 :) If you do not cling to any results (a new start) here in this situation, you could do quite a lot for both of you. Me thinks this would make for a fine end.
 
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cesca

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Hi Tanyaks,

I would just say that it is impossible for a man to express his inner feelings in public, like that of a woman. It makes a man weak if he is not hard on the outside. If he is soft on the outside, he becomes more like a child, or looses his individuality, his confidence. And people around him (unless it's just me) do loose respect for him.

Don't fall for this. There ARE good men out there, who are clear about their feelings and can be clear with you. I agree with Soshin and Topal: lose this guy, get on with your life, and find someone who is up for a real relationship, if that's what you want.

Cesca
 

RindaR

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<snip>

What do I need to know about X?
hexagram 43 1.2.6 - hexagram 33


<snip again>

43 - quoting LiSe:
the speaking staff, raise it at the king's court
Proclaiming truth is dangerous
Statements come from the capital
No harvest undertaking war
Harvest: to proceed probing
The great image says:
The Marsh is above Heaven: resoluteness
The noble one gives a salary to those below, he stays in virtue and so aloof
tri58d.gif

tri01d.gif
11.jpg
day 11 of a yin moon
Speaking out one’s conviction,or holding up one's dignity, can be a dangerous venture, but it is necessary for a clean and healthy heart – and it may also benefit the rest of the world.
Don’t keep still, but take care. Evaluate the possibilities and if it is necessary. Avoid fighting; there are better ways that give more results. Reckon with people’s ability to understand – or their not being able to. And especially with the reactions of those in power. Nobody will benefit by your losing your head.

I'm thinking that the ways this might apply to your situation possibly include:
  • the way you've dealt with the dissonance between his public and private interactions with you in that you brought it to his attention last year.
  • the way you seem to be feeling threatened by that dissonance
  • the fact that you've brought your concerns to his attention without any response / change in his behaviour makes me ask, in light of this hexagram, does he have the ability to really see what he's doing to your feelings? or perhaps he does not care?, or perhaps being able to touch you without having an emotional component that he's willing to acknowledge (at least superficially in public) gives him a feeling of power?
Line one indicates to me that this dissonance is a deal-breaker in your relationship - no matter how good the rest of it is, without resolving this issue, I don't think you will be happy in it.

Line two indicates to me that there is something dark here, in the sense of being unknown and possibly of being a threat, and that it might be a good thing to prepare yourself - to set up sentries - for how you want to react to him the next time you are in contact with him. You seem to know him well enough to guess what his likely reactions will be.

Line 6 talks about being open and straightforward - both with yourself and with him. You might want to explore what it is that you enjoy about your contact with him, (being open/honest with yourself) and see if there's a way to get that same pleasure in the context of a relationship that doesn't leave this bad taste in your mouth, this bad feeling in you.... by either changing this relationship - putting your foot down, and acknowledging that you have the freedom to meet your own needs within this relationship, and if he's not willing (or able) to be consistent in his responses to you, to meet your needs in another potential relationship later (being open/honest with him).

Is this helpful?
 

Trojina

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( 56.2.4.5 ? why is this Rindas sign off i keep wondering )
 

RindaR

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I asked Yi what I should use as a signature, and this was it's response. I find it resonates well with my sense of how it is to be in this world...

...especially when one follows it through the transitional hexagrams and lines.
 
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Trojina

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Thanks, glad i asked I'd never have guessed that.
 

tanyaks

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Thanks Rinda. Thanks everyone. Yes, the post(s) does help. The last post explaining 43 1.2.6 into 33 is very helpful. And I can say, your explanation and the I Ching are right on target. As for him "caring" about my feelings, I grew over last year to believe he doesn't. But since over time and being away, sometimes one wonders.

When you wrote about "sentries," I just gasped. Do you know how many times last year my friends had to serve as sentries to keep him at bay so one of those "private" incidents wouldn't happen? Numerous. But, he was often very cunning and found a way, even if it took til the end of an event - to find an opening - when I was alone. Yes, he sounds like he has a real dark side, slippery nature.

That's why I'm concerned about this event coming up. But for the last seven months, he has completely stayed away.

Now I see he might return to the group, 42 1.6. - 8, and I will continue staying totally away from him - which is what I've been doing for many months - the I Ching just let me know (and all the great posts) I was doing the right thing. At first he seems as this nice, easy going, unassuming man, but then, it changes and he hides this whole other side to himself, you might call it insidious or sneaky. Very few people have seen this side - in our group - I'm the only one.

I'll set up sentries once again, for the last time, this coming event. I know though, this cannot continue. I'm now facing the decision to not return to this group, ever, - if he returns. Thank you for all the assistance. It's so appreciated.
 
B

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Hex 44.5.6 - hex 32.

Looks to me like this charming fellow wanted to keep you "under wraps" as his personal squeeze, for as long as he could, and that he got very defensive when questioned about it.
 

tanyaks

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Thanks Bruce. That particular hex arrangement does fit the entire scenario it seems to my amazement. What worries me is that I had asked, "what is he feeling for me this week," and 44.5.6-hex 32 came up. Still more the same in his mind it may seem.

There are now two chances that I will see him again. This Saturday evening and the next holiday weekend. To be honest, it's only a matter of time. So, I'm now prepared.

Asked these questions as follow up to those all of you have helped me with above.
What will relationship will he pursue with me, if any, after we see eachother again. = hex 53.6 - hex 39. This sounds like something more than what it was?
Is he planning on apologizing? 23.6-2 (This is a no, but not a surprise)
What does he want me to know about why he treated me the way he did?
hex 8.5-hex 2 (?)
Why did he keep us a secret? hex 46 unchanging
So, I'm very confused still.

Overall, going on his actions alone, this man is just not aware of, know how to, or care about how I've been treated. I've asked, "For my own happiness, how should I be toward X next time I see him?" hex 21.1.4.6-hex 2. I have to try and work through the problem with him or express my concerns. I must not rush into that though. And I must know when to stop and not cross any lines. Say what I need to see at a decent moment and be open to hearing what he has to say. Then move on. I think that's what that means.

Again, thank you so much for your assistance. It's a strange scenario.
 

tanyaks

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Everyone,
Actually, I've read that 53.6-39 may mean he won't be pursing me at all and I'll be free to enjoy my time with my friends and not worry about anything else for a change. :)
 

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