I've been corresponding with a potential suitor online for several months now. Over the holidays I will be going "home" which is the area where he lives. I asked the Yi to give me a picture of my interaction with this person. It gave me the Marrying Maiden, hex 54, twice unchanging. My quick research implied this isn't a positive commentary!

From elsewhere on this site about 54: "When a woman receives this hexagram in response to a relationship question, I've learned to ask her whether the man isn't already involved with someone else. Very often, he is - and the poor 'second woman' explains that she never wanted to fall in love with him..."

Granted, we are only corresponding, he is apt to have other women. But it's a big red flag to me anyway.

Also: "Receiving Hexagram 54 often reflects a very insecure, frustrating situation. But although this is change you didn't ask for and can't control, it could still be bringing you something of value. 'Marriage' can also mean finding your own place and fulfilling your destiny."

So maybe not so bad after all. But that implies the opposite, that he might be my destiny. Which is it?

So I asked "What should I know about this person?"
Answer = 42.5 and 27.

That line reads:
If in truth you have a kind heart, ask not.
Supreme good fortune.
Truly, kindness will be recognized as your virtue.

From what I gather, that line signifies a generous person.

27 is about nourishment without meaning, simply getting fed. What does this mean? That he is looking for nourishment (romantic and otherwise?) That he has a nourishing personality? That he hungers for information, a curious info-seeker?

Any insights are greatly appreciated.

-e.

I asked the Yi to give me a picture of my interaction with this person, hex 54:

I think this suggests that you must watch your behaviour with this man, not to be forward and pushy, it requires that you be sweet and reserved, let him take the lead, so don't have high expectations then you won't be disappointed.

So I asked "What should I know about this person?"
Answer = 42.5 and 27.

He appears to be a kind and caring person who is looking for a romantic relationship.

Thanks Willowfox. It's funny that you said "let him take the lead". I have done so, thus far, and this guy is rather traditional -- so it definitely fits!

* * *

Anyone else? Does anyone see 54 as a red flag?
And is 42.5-27 completely/only positive?

...

Jesed, if by chance you're out there, I'd love your comments on these hexagrams

Hi Elizabeth

Just in case the comment could be useful

54 is an hexagram about relations between men and women. So, here there is potential for romantic relation (not in 8 and 13, where the feelings are more friendly than romantic). That is a first step. It is not the worse one (44), but neither the best (32). It is better 53 than 54, of course, But getting 54 is not to make you run away

What is 54, in terms of relation? The bound is based on mutual afinity, rather than legal obligation. That is good base (more in western societies, than in traditional chinese society); but it is dangerous at the same time.

The risk can be hidden issues to be solved (therefore, the posibility of adultery), but not necesarly. It can also be precipitation (not walking step by step like in 53), or an teen-age kind of ilusion. Wich one is the one for this particular relation, is up to you to decide.

The time of 54 started between middle march and end of april 2007 (search for the roots in what happened on those dates). And consolidated at the end of october 2007 (search for visible signs of what is happening now in what happened then).

I need to know the date when you asked the question, to derivate further implications.

He seems to be a good person (line 5 of 52) and you seem to be good person too (line 5 of 54). That is good base for a relation, but not always is enough to have 2 good persons to build a good relation. Seems this is not about good/bad people, but adecuate or inadecuate time/ways to build the relation.

Best wishes

Hi Jesed,

Thank you so much for your input. To answer your question, I asked the question on 21 November at 5:30pm local time [which happens to be 3 hrs later than London.]

I need to think back about march and April this year -- I dont know what happened then. I met this person online in August. I wasn't dating anyone in March/April or even looking...oh! I know. I was thinking about another friend of mine and how I thought we might be a good couple at the time. But we're just friends. Maybe this relates to that somehow??

I travelled on a business trip in late October to *near* where this person is but did not see or meet him, although he'd asked if I would be in his city (I wasn't). Other than that, I'm not sure what would have consolidated this. From your words I'm guessing it was/is something subconscious or psychological so I have to think about it.

Because this relates to this thread, I wanted to post a followup reading. I just asked the Yi for a general diagnosis of my romantic life (asked at 8:30pm Moscow Time on 26 November). I received Hexagram 40.1 Deliverance and then Hex.54 the marrying maiden.

The details for those hexes:
40. Hsieh / Deliverance
above Chên The Arousing, Thunder
below K'an The Abysmal, Water
The Judgement: Deliverance. The southwest furthers.
If there is no longer anything where one has to go,
Return brings good fortune.
If there is still something where one has to go,
Hastening brings good fortune.

The Image: Thunder and rain set in:
The image of Deliverance.
Thus the superior man pardons mistakes
And forgives misdeeds.

Line 1= Without blame.

and Hex 54. Kuei Mei / The Marrying Maiden
above Chên The Arousing, Thunder
below Tui The Joyous, Lake

The Judgement: The Marrying Maiden. Undertakings bring misfortune. Nothing that would further.

The Image: Thunder over the lake: The image of The Marrying Maiden.
Thus the superior man Understands the transitory
In the light of the eternity of the end.

Hi Elizabeth

Just in case the comment could be useful

Seems your romantic life have been a huge issue in your recent past. You need to release past bad experiences (40) before attempt to start a new time. Otherwise, you would be like a young woman wanting to be married, without achieving that goal in the better way (54).

It would be wise to examinate what is in your past romantic life (even years ago) that still makes you be tied and unsatisfy (you don't need to answer me, but to yourself)

Best

Hi Jesed -- you mean the Yi is saying that the past is holding me back *even now*??

I know the issues to which it refers, but in my opinion I've already moved past them... so i wonder what the Yi is telling me (??). If it is right, and I haven't moved past them, I'm not sure when that will happen (??) Since i dont sense the problem myself. (??)

I received Hexagram 40.1 Deliverance and then Hex.54

Hex 40.1 says that the problem from the past is now over, so just relax and take it easy and be patient.

Hex 54 it is not the time to go chasing after a man, it is the time to go about your life with no desire in your mind, just let things happen naturally, so in any relationship you must be prepared to follow and not to lead.

Thanks willowfox. It's funny about 54 -- that is what I've been doing. In fact, I asked the question because I dont feel the way I used to about relationships "want one, have to have one". I'm very into my work now, and this man appeared and I'm nervous bc I'm actually happy being alone now! Yikes! So that meshes (luckily) with 54. I'll just keep on keeping on.

* * *

This is a separate reading, but relates to the topic of my thread so I decided to tack it on here.

I recently met a young gentleman at a dinner party, but we only met in passing. Near the end of the evening I was in a five-way discussion with him and several others. I took an interest due to his demeanor, views, and conversational aptitude. The party was hosted by friends of mine. I'd like to see this person again, and thought to ask my hostess if she & her husband have plans to see him again, if I might nonchalantly drop by. So I asked the Yi to show me a picture of the possibilities with this person.

It gave me hex 6.5.6 Conflict and Hex 40 Deliverance.

I read the background on Hex 6 and found it confusing at best. Among the interpretations I read for it are "Do not take the initiative yourself, but join with others" -- which is what I'd be doing in another group setting. And line 5 "quit while you're ahead" before line 6, when you will get squashed. I"m not sure where 40 comes into this.

One thing: Arranging a meeting is difficult given my schedule and my hosts' schedule. It seems the Yi is advising that IF a meeting should occur, it should be a group one. Which was my suggestion as well. This person might not like me, or any number of things can happen. Plus I'm not in a position to set up a meeting as I dont really know him.

My hostess replied suggesting this person and I "just meet up alone". For me that's a no-no for a long list of reasons. The Yi seems to agree, yes?

elizabeth said:

no-no for a long list of reasons. The Yi seems to agree, yes?

Click to expand...

Pretty much Like 54 and 40. Just let things happen naturally. If you are interesting to him, or any other guy then they'll come to you.

Topal

So I asked the Yi to show me a picture of the possibilities with this person.
It gave me hex 6.5.6 Conflict and Hex 40 Deliverance.

Click to expand...

Hi Elizabeth

6 - The noble one, when he sets up affairs, plans ahead. (Interesting use of "affair" here )
6.5 -Be true to yourself , be strong and indepandant and be true to him - This will put you and the possible relationship in the best light, with the best chance of success. Be careful in how you approach this - your motives and attitudes are key for a smooth journey.

6.6 - Understand what it is that you want from this relationship. Look at the reasons for why? and what?

40 - This implies for me a loosening up and a letting go. There is something that you need to free yourself from to make this picture brighter and more clearly defined for you.

Love and Hugs

Mike

Mike and Topal, thanks. Hm. Mixed messages. If I don't "arrange" a meeting, none will happen as this person and I did not speak. I wanted to create a space for us to interact to SEE if something further might develop. If I do not do that (per Topal's message), it is 100% sure I will not see this guy again. But maybe that's in line with the past 3 years of my life with zero dates! Mike I like your interpretation better but I'm not sure what it means in concrete terms. I keep seeing that "free yourself from the past" (or from something) message and honest to God, have no clue what that means or what I'm supposed to do about it.

I could easily do nothing in this case, and nothing will happen, period. Is that what the Yi advises? (?)

So I asked the Yi to show me a picture of the possibilities with this person.

It gave me hex 6.5.6 Conflict and Hex 40

Hex 6.5 says you will definitely need a go between here.

Hex 6.6 You will certainly be able to see him again but unfortunately your initial happiness will turn to disappointment.

Mike I like your interpretation better but I'm not sure what it means in concrete terms. I keep seeing that "free yourself from the past" (or from something) message and honest to God, have no clue what that means or what I'm supposed to do about it.

Click to expand...

Hi Elizabeth
Hey that makes two ....... I liked it as well.
I'm not sure that Topal and I are saying different things. This may just be a point of perspective thing.
Here, try a quote from Paul Coelho
"A warrior of light knows that in the silence of her heart she will hear an order that will guide her".
You might want to take time out to carefully re - read the words that everyone has used in this thread. Sit down quietly alone somewhere you enjoy being. Decide on what level you would like the answer (big picture or little picture), then mull things over. When you listen the answers will arrive.

Love and Hugs

Mike

elizabeth said:

Mike and Topal, thanks. Hm. Mixed messages. If I don't "arrange" a meeting, none will happen as this person and I did not speak. I wanted to create a space for us to interact to SEE if something further might develop. If I do not do that (per Topal's message), it is 100% sure I will not see this guy again. But maybe that's in line with the past 3 years of my life with zero dates! Mike I like your interpretation better but I'm not sure what it means in concrete terms. I keep seeing that "free yourself from the past" (or from something) message and honest to God, have no clue what that means or what I'm supposed to do about it.

I could easily do nothing in this case, and nothing will happen, period. Is that what the Yi advises? (?)

Click to expand...

Just one more thought on this Elizabeth.

I do understand your predicament very well indeed. I've been in that exact situation many times before. Now, in my mind the Yi seems to be suggesting that this guy isn't going to give you what you would like, or that you are not going to give him what he would like. The timing is wrong. That's what it seems to say. HOWEVER, reality is fluid, things change. Who knows? Now, if YOU decide you want to see for yourself what might be then go for it! Find out! In the end, it's your call. If you want to "create some space" then do it. Do it in full awareness of the advice here and in full awareness of your own wishes on this matter. As Mike says, spend some time really meditating on it and then make a decision. But make it for the right reasons. In other words: "Right. I want to see him. I want to have a go. And if it all goes pear-shaped - so be it."

Yes, sometimes doing nothing is EXACTLY what the Yi sometimes advises. And it is only our personality/ego that whines and screams for it's needs and rights that tells us it shouldn't be that way. Well, sometimes it does have to be that way, for a time.

I remember going against what the Yi advised more than once and suffered terribly for it. I also learned an enormous amount about myself. So, there is often some strange workings of destiny in amongst our lessons...

There's no right or wrong here Elizabeth - just choices.

Best of luck with your contemplations and take care.

Topal

Yes, sometimes doing nothing is EXACTLY what the Yi sometimes advises. And it is only our personality/ego that whines and screams for it's needs and rights that tells us it shouldn't be that way. Well, sometimes it does have to be that way, for a time.

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Topal - Wise words indeed taken from teh School of Hard Knocks induction programme.
Doing nothing is the hardest advice to follow. My "nothing" usually consists of doing a little bit of something and at times even the little something mostly causes a disproportionate amount of pain.

Best advice : When Yi says do nothing lock your self in the cupboard under the stairs and sit on your hands. Do not speak, move or even breathe. Wait for the blue moon to appear before venturing out.

Maybe Elizabeth doesn't have to be quite this extreme !!

Love and Hugs
Mike

I'm seeing 6.5.6 > 40 as meaning that Elizabeth's idea of setting up meeting with this fellow is filled with Conflict. How about the tried and true method of just letting your hostess know that you found him interesting and would welcome a chance to see more of him? She can pass this word along and then if he is interested let him do the guy thing and seek you out.

For some reason my instant email notification for this thread is not working! Ahem.

Topal and Mike -- thanks. Sometimes we don't want to hear what the Yi is telling us. But I listened and hopefully have avoided a disaster (or just a disappointment).

Rosada, your reading was right on target too. I"d initially suggested some drop-in dinner but I didn't want it to appear "set up". Many email exchanges later, after my hostess at first insisted I "had to just try", and I started to backpeddle (due in part to this reading and in part due to my conscience), she confessed that her husband's inquiry's into this guy's rel'ship status (which I had NOT asked them to do! infact I made clear I didnt want anything out of the ordinary to happen) had aroused suspicions. Bad move! She explained it would also be unusual for them to invite this person to dinner in city center (since he doesnt live there or work there). Why she had not told me this at the OUTSET, when I had succinctly said "only if it's going to appear casual and normal", I do not know...

In sum: full of conflict as you said!

End result: No meeting will occur and no invitation was extended. I feel better

Returning to the very first post in this thread, about my long-distance correspondent. We now have arranged a real life meeting in early January. I asked the Yi to show me a picture of my relationship with this person in 2008.

It gave me Hex. 28, Line 5 Preponderance of Great, and Hex. 32 Duration.

A very peculiar (at first glance) reading. I did some research and got opposing messages from the first hex -- everything from "success" to "excess; too much yang, in trying to fix it you go too far." I recall my initial reading on him said I should let him take the lead. How does this fit into that?

That changing line: A withered poplar puts forth flowers.
An older woman takes a husband.
No blame. No praise. (not good, not bad, just right, like goldilocks? Is this good?)

28. Ta Kuo / Preponderance of the Great
above Tui The Joyous, Lake
below Sun The Gentle, Wind

The Judgement -- Preponderance of the Great.
The ridgepole sags to the breaking point.
It furthers one to have somewhere to go.
Success.

The Image -- The lake rises above the trees:
The image of Preponderance of the Great.
Thus the superior man, when he stands alone,
Is unconcerned,
And if he has to renounce the world,
He is undaunted.

32. Hêng / Duration
above Chên The Arousing, Thunder
below Sun The Gentle, Wind

The Judgement -- Duration. Success. No blame.
Perseverance furthers.
It furthers one to have somewhere to go.

The Image -- Thunder and wind: the image of Duration.
Thus the superior man stands firm
And does not change his direction.

Some of the other info I found on these hexes:

Hex 28 -- "[With cultivation comes intensity] : [Excess].
Marsh submerges wood. Great Exceeding. (Passing Limits).
One stands unafraid in isolation,
Withdrawing from the times without sadness.[showing lack of concern]".

for 28, "A combination of being 'seductive' (44) with a focus on singlemindedness (01) is reflected in the excess, the exaggerations, the going beyond what is required, states of hexagram 28.

28: There will be advantage in moving (under its conditions) in any direction whatever; there will be success.

Line 5: "A withered willow flowers. An elderly lady marries a learned man. No harm. No praise. One attempts to augment one's appearance."

Is that a comment on appearance versus substance? (?)

Also: "28 is a preponderance of something great, or heavy. It weighs on us and its a time to consider the object of weight. The secret to making the most of the time of 28 is to gain a cheerful perspective, especially when dealing with the outside world and those around us. Its a time of standing alone and renouncing attachments to circumstances. Once this perspective has been reached, we can move forward toward the future, assured. ?It furthers one to have somewhere to go.?"

"Great Traverses describes your situation in terms of how to act in a time of crisis. It's symbol is the ridgepole, the strong idea that all other things depend on. The way to deal with it is to push your principles beyond ordinary limits and accept the movement it brings. Have a noble purpose. Make an offering and you will succeed. Find what is truly important and organize yourself accordingly. The ridgepole of your house is warped and sagging. The structure of your life is in danger of collapse. But there is a creative force at work in this breakdown. So impose a direction on things. Have a place to go. This is pleasing to the spirits. Through it they will give you success, effective power, and the capacity to bring things to maturity."

How would 'having a place to go' relate to a new relationship?

"Nothing is to be achieved by forcible measures. The problem must be solved by gently penetration to the meaning of the situation (as is suggested by the attribute of the inner trigram, Sun); then the change-over to other conditions will be successful. It demands real superiority; therefore the time when the great preponderates is a momentous time."

"When an end comes to something, then don't sit down and stop living. Go on with the possibilities you still have. Maybe you will even find a new life, a realm you could never have found before."

Am interested in any possible interpretations here. It seems at once very good and very bad depending on how you interpret the first hex...

Hello Elizabeth

It gave me Hex. 28, Line 5 Preponderance of Great, and Hex. 32 Duration.

Click to expand...

You are dragging yourself down with a lot of issues here, almost to the point of breaking. Wise up. Lead the life you need to lead . Strike out in a new direction, take on a new outlook and attempt to find the happiness you are looking for. Where and how you are looking now may not be completely the right thing for you. Look to the future.
Love and Hugs

Mike

In my mind, considering a relationship *is* considering (looking to) the future. Is the Yi then saying that this guy is going to veer me off of my personal path if I stay with him and therefore best to avoid getting involved?

The I Ching is telling you how to endure until you meet.
If you keep pondering this pre the actual meeting, you will wear yourself out.
Pre-ponderance will wither you till you don't feel poplar at all.
However when you do actually meet you'll bloom.
So relax.
Worrying about it will get you no blame and no praise.

Ohhhhh. Okay. Now I get it!! Thanks Rosada. So the Yi didnt address future, only present. The Yi is very very smart! I tried to trick it into a prediction -- no go.

Thanks.