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23 > 9

klann

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So, it's been a month now since we split apart. His divorce is reaching its final phase, as I have heard it's pretty nasty, but I have detached myself completely. Following the conversation we had, I suffered a lot of pain, sadness and loneliness but I have realised that he just can't deal with a new relationship (no matter how much he had tried) when his home situation is falling apart.
However, he started calling me now. In a shy and restrained way but still so. I still have strong feelings for him, yet I am aware now that I was giving more than I was receiving and that the disbalance was very wrong.

He invited me to his child's birthday and I'm not sure what to do. I like the kid and she would love to see me there as much as he would, but I know that I still have hopes we might eventually get back together.

I asked "What's in store for our relationship in the future?" and got 23 > 9

Am I to pay more attention to 9.4 than to hex 23 since there are 4 moving lines?

Any suggestions are welcomed.

Thank you a lot.
 

willowfox

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"What's in store for our relationship in the future?" and got 23.1,2,3,5 > 9

The lines of hex 23 are part of your answer and thus very important. There is no hex 9.4 in your answer.

This suggests that the future is going to be troublesome as far as this relationship is concerned, do you know of someone who will try to keep the two of you apart? Line 5 says that after a troublesome period the tables will turn and the situation will indeed improve.
Hex 9 says that after a period of problems and various obstacles success will come for you but it will take time.
 

Tony_L

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Klann got 23.1.2.3.5 >9 regarding a relationship question.
My first impression was that 23 describes what both klann and the gentlemen she wrote about are going through. She has cut the relationship out of her life because she was giving a lot more than he was. He is going through a nasty divorce, presumably stripping away an outworn relationship from his life.
The relating hexagram is 9, small accumulating or small nourishing. I got the image of klann needing to "domesticate" this gentleman the way one trains an animal (as the hexagram describes) to behave properly in the home. Her experience is that he does not yet know how to give in a new relationship. She will have to teach him that if the relationship is to succeed. There are clouds on klann's horizon but not yet a guarantee of rain.
The changing lines seem to refer to steps in the process: deciding who she wants in her bed and what kind of behavior she desires.
 
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klann

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This suggests that the future is going to be troublesome as far as this relationship is concerned, do you know of someone who will try to keep the two of you apart?
Line 5 says that after a troublesome period the tables will turn and the situation will indeed improve.
Hex 9 says that after a period of problems and various obstacles success will come for you but it will take time.

Hmmm...no, I don't think I can imagine a third party that would try to keep us apart. Which doesn't mean that the person doesn't exist... As far as I am presented with the situation, he was "going through a lot and could not deal with complexity every new relationship brings, so it's better to stop it". His ex-wife has been very much in favour of us being together since the children adore me.

You say "the tables will turn and the situation will indeed improve". Is there anything I could/should do to make it happen?

Thank you.
 

klann

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The relating hexagram is 9, small accumulating or small nourishing. I got the image of khann needing to "domesticate" this gentleman the way one trains an animal (as the hexagram describes) to behave properly in the home. Her experience is that he does not yet know how to give in a new relationship. She will have to teach him that if the relationship is to succeed. There are clouds on khann's horizon but not yet a guarantee of rain..

Thanks a lot for your insight.
A question: the clouds you are mentioning; are they blocking the Sun or bringing the sorely needed rain?
 

Tony_L

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klann asks "A question: the clouds you are mentioning; are they blocking the Sun or bringing the sorely needed rain?"

Let me quote from Cheng Yi translated by Cleary:
"9 Small Development: in Closeness (8) something must develop...in the sense of nurturing."
Judgement: "Small development is successful. Dense clouds, not raining, come from one's own western region."
"The clouds are the energies of yin and yang; when the two energies combine they build each other up and condense into rain. If yang takes the lead and yin follows harmoniously, they combine; if yin is first, yang will not follow, they will not combine...[and] cannot form rain."

I understood the rain to be the nurturing you are seeking in the relationship. Thus far your roles have been reversed. Your yin is taking the lead, so the clouds [your relationship] are not producing the sustaining rain that you desire.
 

fallada

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I like very much, what Cleary says about the yin leading will not produce the desired rain. This is a crucial point in hex 9 – mho. Let me contribute yet another way of interpreting this role-problem between yin and yang.

For the farmer a warm spring rain is necessary, so that his work of ploughing and sowing will come to fruitition in terms of a rich harvest. The dark clouds are omens of the coming blessings and the relief that they will bring for the dry soil. The farmer can only do the necessary. But whatever he does, it will never be sufficient to produce a harvest. The farmer depends on heaven to contribute to the outcome.

If emotions start to dominate our actions (which is not the case with you), we have a yin leading. The key in hex 9 is to accept the yin role of the farmer and comply to heaven’s yang. "Let yourself be guided by the situation": Accept whatever turns fate will make and accept the set-backs. It is not in your hands to carve the future. Just contribute YOUR part: the necessary and no more. If you try too hard, untimely thunderstorms may destroy the harvest or you exhaust yourself needlessly. If you comply to heaves’ wisdom, then the rain, the blessings and relief will come. We just don’t know where and when and how and if on time for this season’s harvest. In hex 9 we are not ment to see further, but trust.

Hex 9 is sometimes soooo frustrating on a practical level, but a helpful and protective hex on a ‘sprirtual’ level. Sometimes the protection lies in not getting what we want or not getting it the way we want it or at a time we think it should come. Hex 9 is a good time for rain-dance and effective prayers. It contains a lesson: There is no reason to take failure personally and no reason to be proud of our laurels, either.

Wish you a warm spring rain-shower!
 

klann

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If emotions start to dominate our actions (which is not the case with you), we have a yin leading. The key in hex 9 is to accept the yin role of the farmer and comply to heaven’s yang. "Let yourself be guided by the situation": Accept whatever turns fate will make and accept the set-backs. It is not in your hands to carve the future. Just contribute YOUR part: the necessary and no more. If you try too hard, untimely thunderstorms may destroy the harvest or you exhaust yourself needlessly. If you comply to heaves’ wisdom, then the rain, the blessings and relief will come. We just don’t know where and when and how and if on time for this season’s harvest. In hex 9 we are not ment to see further, but trust.

Hex 9 is sometimes soooo frustrating on a practical level, but a helpful and protective hex on a ‘sprirtual’ level. Sometimes the protection lies in not getting what we want or not getting it the way we want it or at a time we think it should come. Hex 9 is a good time for rain-dance and effective prayers. It contains a lesson: There is no reason to take failure personally and no reason to be proud of our laurels, either.

Wish you a warm spring rain-shower!


Thank you so much for your thorough interpretation.

Yes, this "letting myself being guided by the situation" is very frustrating for me since I am proactive by nature. I hate sitting back, waiting and hoping for the blessing above (I would make a lousy farmer, I guess).
But, on the other hand, it's calming: I really am doing only as much as I can and I probably am protected - from chaos, from vagueness, from his unclear feelings, from further pain. And, I have been taking the failure personally, thinking about my fault in all of it, while all the way I knew there was so darn little (if anything) I could have done to prevent bad things from happening.

Thank you again. I do hope the rain will, eventually, come.
 

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