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friendship 1.5>14

laterisr

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Hi again All!


I asked earlier about contacting a friend and I got 2 different responses. I became confused so I kept asking questions different ways. I am having alot of trouble learning to read this or adapt it to my situation. Anyway I did go ahead and call my friend, they didn't answer (given the time that doesn't mean anything). He hasn't called back yet either but again given his personality that doesn't mean much either. So the lowdown is I am the one that said the mean hateful things and we weren't friends anymore. I came back and apologized sorta but at that time my apology didn't seem to be accepted. I didn't make sure there was any understanding of what was being said and all interaction during this disagreement took place online.

The point is I have been reading through these forums and people's suggestions to others on what questions to ask so I decided to try a different approach and asked "Where mine and my friend's friendship was at now?" It answered 1.5>14 . I have been getting alot of resulting 14s in my questions about my friendship with this person and some primary 14s
so I asked "Why I was getting so many 14s" and the answer was 50.1,6>34

Does this mean anything to anybody? I asked other questions but I have such a hard time figuring out the answer..I keep asking in hopes I will understand eventually lol

I want to thank Steve and Twilight for answering my last post. Thanks so much for taking the time to read and answer :)
 
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zander

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1.5-Flying dragons in heaven. It furthers one to see the great man-
Seeking advice from the Yi and consulting with the others here. I also see it as receiving answers already, could be from your previous post as you stated.
changed to...
14-Fire in heaven above:
The image of POSSESSION IN GREAT MEASURE.
Thus the superior man curbs evil and furthers good,
And thereby obeys the benevolent will of heaven.
I see this as reflecting on the adviced given previous to this thread.
What does 'curbs evil-furthers good' mean to you? I see this solely as meditation/reflection on what has transpired, mostly from your part to gain better understanding of your own nature.
you said:'why getting so many 14's?'
50-Fire over wood:
The image of THE CALDRON.
Thus the superior man consolidates his fate
By making his position correct.
I think the Yi believes in the good and great within you. Wants you to stop and notice, ponder your actions perhaps.

50.1-Six at the beginning means:
A ting with legs upturned.
Furthers removal of stagnating stuff.
One takes a concubine for the sake of her son.
No blame.
There are things to be thrown out or thrown away within yourself that are of no use anymore. A cleansing within the self.
50 uppermost line-Nine at the top means:
The ting has rings of jade.
Great good fortune.
Nothing that would not act to further.
I think this the Yi speaking of your goodness here. i do not sense this as having to go out and accomplish something outside of yourself, but to focus on the goodness within yourself.
34-Thunder in heaven above:
The image of THE POWER OF THE GREAT.
Thus the superior man does not tread upon paths
That do not accord with established order.
Again referring to your compacity for goodness/greatness which the Yi sees, but, do you? Do you recognize this strength within yourself? Because to have the power of the great many times means holding back, not apply it forth, but using it to center yourself primarily for the good of others and the good of the circumstance.
In closing Late--I sense this a time of reflection not action, it is more about character building within yourself, adding depth to your own personal foundation and this circumstance(with yourfriend)has provided the perfect opportunity.
 

laterisr

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Thank you very much for responding. :)

When you say reflecting on the answers I already got from others. That is very confusing to me. I posted a question on getting 23>19 when asking whether or not to contact my friend. The 2 responses I got seemed to be contridictory, one interpretted as saying do so cautiously the other interpretted as saying don't do it at all.

I was going to come back and ask for more clarification but decided to just make the call. So I am not sure how reflecting on those answers would give me insight into where things are now or future. Maybe it's that I know where they are now?(That would be along the lines of you saying i already have the answer. ) Meaning we aren't talking tho there is some friendliness (teasing) on a mutual online forum.


As far as "curbs evil and furthers good" it's applying a relating hexagram (14)as a whole to the answer. Perhaps don't perpetuate the evil? Tho I am not sure how I would do that. I haven't contacted the person except for the most recent msg to say Hello, was thinking of them and missed them. There is no reflection on the previous answers given since they only regarded contact not the situation now. Unless Steve's response to not let it where it stands. I haven't had many arguements like this with friends so I am a bit lost. Normally I would push it more if I hurt someone to let them know I didn't mean to hurt them. I didn't with this person. Probably because he is a guy and I don't know. I was afraid he wouldn't be receptive to it and didn't want to beg for friendship. So when they seemed to say they were fed up or whatever. Not their exact words, my interpretation. I just stopped typing. Another thing I wouldn't have done in my other friendships. I wouldn't have let the arguement stay online, I would have called so all miscommunications would be solved right there. Again so afraid of his reaction I didn't even try. I let it all go for almost 2 mos now. I took some outsiders advice that the ball was in his court so to leave him alone. I think for me it was the best decision but in hindsight I don't really believe it was in his court. I believe it was in my court to show repentance and what kind of person I really am. If that makes sense. It's a strained relationship since it started out romantically but we have been friends now for 3 yrs. He distanced himself from me because of emotional swings. Those swings weren't normal for me but I was often holding things in and not talking to him about them so I think those are where my abnormal emotional swings came into play. Holding things in like that isn't really true to my nature either. I guess I really wanted his approval and was afraid bringing those things up would result in answers I didn't want or arguments but it led to me seeming unstable and arguments based on nothing anyway.

Sorry, I rattled on a bit much. The thing was I was trying to ascertain from the I-Ching if there was any hope for the friendship or if all was lost. I suppose tho, even if all is lost doing what I believe is right in my heart is still necessary.

Sometimes finding what is really in my heart beneath all this confusion since I have so many unresolved feelings/issues becomes hard. I did ask few other questions which were

"How do I reconnect with myself, find what I really want to do with him, " 37.1>53?
"What do I need to do to find peace in this situation?" 27.5> 42
 

laterisr

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Your difficulty is the consequence of ignoring hexagram 23's warning not to go ahead. Simple as that. Now you know. You are now in a morass of confusion and you cannot understand what the oracle is saying to you. This outcome is what I would have expected. There is nothing you can do now, you will just have to weather the changes as best you can. But I do advise you to put the I Ching away for at least a week, otherwise you are only going to plunge yourself further into a dilemma that need not be.


This confusion was very much there before I made the call so I don't see it as result of making the call. Which outcome you are talking about? Alot of my thoughts and all of the questions with answers that I spelled out here were before the phone call. I could reask them all and see if answer is different now that I made the phone call.

I decided to post more and ask for more clarification because I didn't like trying to interpret on my own I had been feeling lost. Like I said all of those questions and answers occured before the phone call which only took place a day ago. I kept a record of the questions I asked with the answers. I was/am in confusion how to interpret the oracle is saying to me all along. I am very new to this.


Whether the phone call did irreparable damage I don't know. Where you saying you felt it would be damaging to the friendship or my psyche?

How do you link to other threads? Would have been nice if I could have done that from the start.

Thanks for answering :) All of you are wonderful for taking the time.
 
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laterisr

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I don't doubt the confusion was there before the call, but was it there before you got the idea to call, consulted the I Ching, got 23>19? Before the idea forms, is before confusion forms when it is the wrong idea. The oracle advised you to back away, you didn't, so you ended up compounding your confusion. You should aim to get back to the state of mind when you accepted the friendship was over, before you felt some responsibility to call, as if it was on your shoulders. The oracle gave you a timely warning to desist in this direction. But you didn't, so everything you are now experiencing is to do with that decision.

I never accepted that the friendship was over, not for one second. I never had peace about it. His reaction to me was not extreme at all and even at the time I was unsure what he was saying. I chose to just hold back because of my fears.


I had always resolved that I would try to contact him again but I didn't want to be so afraid. My reason for not doing it before was fear of his reaction. That is a pretty bad reason for not contacting someone you care about when you have wronged them in my opinion. Doing what is right should be one's the primary concern, not whether or not one gets chewed out or looks like a fool. I told a friend I would call when I wouldn't be devasted by the response. I needed his approval or acceptance too much, I was clingy. I felt I could handle the response so I have now made the call. So confusion resulting from this phone call or "idea" (since the idea was always there) of this phone call isn't accurate if anything I see more clarity with time.

What will be will be. To post what I asked for question and got for answers is always useful for learning purposes. I do hope to glean something for now but no matter, it will help me and others in the future. If it is lost for good then that is sad but I don't give up hope until... I don't know when I give up hope. I don't do that alot, I just move on with it.

I am still curious about the other readings only because I want to learn how to read what it is saying to me. Others providing insight would be great to see if that rings a bell for me.
 

laterisr

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Confusion is often just an excuse we give ourselves for acting erratically. But actually the real reason is that we have not sat down and tried to understand the situation clearly, we are in fact avoiding doing precisely that, because some part of us doesn't want to face the truth of it. We would rather push and shove the situation than learn the value of waiting. We would rather be certain now and be wrong, than simply live with not knowing. It is amazing how we deceive ourselves. I often find the real turning point in the kind of situation you describe comes when you are prepared to accept the worst-case scenario: that it is over. That doesn't necessarily mean that it is over, but you can be sure that that's the point at which you can stop confusing yourself. Ironically, this is often the trigger of a change, such as the other person contacting us. But really, if we are to get anywhere with the I Ching, we must learn to be a whole lot less bothered, no matter what.

Twilight, I really thank you for your interpretation of my original question. The fact remains I chose based on what I was instinctively feeling and some other questions to go with Steve's response. Since I am starting to experience some peace again, I don't know that I did the wrong thing in calling.

Me asking for interpretations on the other readings and confusion about them..so are you saying anyone here who is confused and asking for guidance is wanting to falsely believe what they know to be wrong? I am like everyone else, I ask for guidance from people to be doing this a whole lot longer than me. I am not going to jump on the first answer that falls to me unless of course my spirit rises in such a manner that it calls "that's it!".

One of my biggest faults is not being willing to be wrong so that would not be an issue..if anything would be an issue it would be the making sure I am right before taking a leap first. It is not a leap if I made sure I was right as I often do.

Since I have been discussing with you ..I have come to appreciate more what Zander was saying about the good in me. (The Iching believes in the good in me) I haven't felt like i have been a good friend or good person in this situation and to reflect on that and what/if there is anything I can within myself .

I really appreciate your concern and thank you for all the insight you have shared :)

I hope I come across okay here. I was feeling kinda scolded for not taking one person's view. Everyone is entitled to their view and I want to read them. I need time to absorb this all.

-laterisr
 
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