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kaya

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Hi!

I found out yesterday, that my husband is cheating on me. By now he knows I know, but we didn't have any discussions yet because I just left home to protect my soul.
I asked I ching 'what kind of relation shoud I take toward him so that it would be best for me' and got the answer 38 1,2,4 --> 23.
The second part is clear - splitting apart but the first is rather confusing.
Help me clear my mind please
ikra
 

willowfox

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Line 38.1 says for you to stay still and not to go running after him because in due course he will see the error of his way and try and come back to you.

Line 38.2 He will most likely ask you to meet him at some cafe someplace so that he can try and explain or whatever.

Line 38.4 Says to look for help from someone that you can trust and rely on to guide you in this matter, to help you resolve the problem.

Hex 23 Unfortunately your relationship is going down hill very fast so there is really no action that you can take that will be beneficial to you.
 

kaya

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thank you willowfox

I asked the question - what is the best relation for me toward him if he come back to me
answer 54,1,2 --> 16
That means - I will be able to tramp along but if I remain a 'widow' I'll be better off?
can you help me also on this one?
Should I formulate the question otherwise?
ikra
 

zhan1

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Hi kaya,

Your question is OK, and the Yi is answering it's just that you have to take this step by step. When you ask questions rapidly it is easy to get out of sync with the oracle. Keeping your circumstances foremost in your mind and allowing for some flexibility with regard to your questions will help. In other words, the Yi can guide you without always answering your questions directly.
Line 2 of hexagram 54 indicates that it would be appropriate to put a little distance between you and your husband, but not to cut off contact completely.

Hope this helps.
 
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rosada

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54.1 Says there is a second women in the background whom the first wife must accept.
54.2 Acknowledges the wife will be sad, even lonely because her husband has been unfaithful, but she remains loyal.

It seems to me the I Ching is describing your situation with great accuracy so I think the I Ching is counseling you that if you want him to come back, the best relationship for you to have with him if you get back together, is that you have an attitude of total acceptance of what happened. This surprises me, because it sounds like you must not even require an apology, but perhaps what the I Ching is saying is that if you really want to get past this, you'll have to just accept it.

16 is very encouraging I think. I read it as saying that if you can accept your husband and what happened, the potential for your relationship to survive and thrive is really quite good.

But on the other hand, we were asking what was the best way to have a relationship with your husband IF you wanted to get back together. So it seems to be saying, "If you want to have a good relationship with this man you're going to just have to accept that this is the sort of thing he does." It does not say however that you necessarily SHOULD get back together with him, just that if you do, it would be best that you not bear a grudge or even expect him to change.
 
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Trojina

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Actually 16 has much to do with illusions, building up pictures of how things might be so on the plus side can be about making ready for something not yet happened but equally can be just building up all sorts of hopes and wishes with no foundation.

I think its important for you to really see what is, don't harbour any illusions about this man. The reality looks like, as you know, that you don't have much influence in this situation, that your're kind of in second place right now and that is hardly a rewarding place to be so its up to you if you want to settle for that
 

kaya

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Dear answerers!

Thank you very much for your answers. I can't sleep and eat and I have to decide something because not knowing what to do is killing me.

Iasked
'how will my life look like if I go away?' The answer is 18,2 --> 52
'how will my life look like, if I stay with him? The answer 39
'what is the best thing I can do in this situation? The answer 28 2,5,6 -->56

None of the answers seemed realy encouraging to me, but maybe you can a bit more in them.
Thank you again for all your help.
Ikra
 

rosada

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Love Him or Leave Him

I think all of your answers are saying that if you want to stay with this man you must be prepared to accept him totally just the way he is with no expectation that he will change, and that if you cannot do that you should leave without drama and do not expect him to come running after you. 28.6 particularly seems to emphasize that if you cannot tolerate his infidelity you should not force yourself to put up with it, but should move on.
 

Trojina

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Dear answerers!

Thank you very much for your answers. I can't sleep and eat and I have to decide something because not knowing what to do is killing me.

Iasked
'how will my life look like if I go away?' The answer is 18,2 --> 52
'how will my life look like, if I stay with him? The answer 39
'what is the best thing I can do in this situation? The answer 28 2,5,6 -->56

None of the answers seemed realy encouraging to me, but maybe you can a bit more in them.
Thank you again for all your help.
Ikra

Actually I'd say your best bet would be a temporary departure. I see 18.2 as an indication that in dealing with this isssue its best not to be too harsh in how you correct it. Try as much as possible to go a bit easy here. IOW avoid anything too drastic. If you stay you get 39 and that looks like being stuck in a hard place. Your 28 to 56 answer says to me a temporary removal from the situation is probably good and with 28.6 its not easy whatever you do. The water goes over your head. I think that probably describes how you feel now. You can't eat or sleep because these upsetting feelings are so overwhelming and I'm sorry its this bad for you now.

Regardless of what i think the Yi is saying (and I haven't given it much time) it seems to me theres no sense in making really hasty decisions now, give yourself a bit of time and space. Don't put too much pressure on yourself to make any permanent solutions, just keep your head above water (28.6 btw) and look after yourself.
 

willowfox

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'how will my life look like if I go away?' The answer is 18,2 --> 52 You will have the chance to forget about him and you will have the chance to find some peace of mind, and relax.

'how will my life look like, if I stay with him? The answer 39 Lots and lots of problems.

'what is the best thing I can do in this situation? The answer 28 2,5,6 -->56 Move on.
 

ikra

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Thank you all.
I'm getting my self under control slowly ( I have been sleeping tonight :)).
I'm tryiing not to react to soon. First I want to realy think things over.
If you don't know what to do don't do anything said Confucius and in this situation probably realy the best thing to do for next few weeks. I am realy gratefull for your help. This is a lifetime decision - I can use all the help I can get.
Thanks again
 

kaya

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Hi again!

I asked Yi 'what have I done wrong in my relationship toward him?
The answer is 64, 1,4,6 --> 19
Can you get insight in this?
lp ikra
 

rosada

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64.1 You rushed into this marriage.
64.4 Now you are finding out things about this man's nature that could have been more easily dealt with before you pledged to take him "for better or worse." Now you are confused by doubts and uncertainties.
64.6 If you continue to behave rashly, over-reacting to bad news or ignoring underlying problems when there is good news you will not be able to resolve your difficulties.
 

Trojina

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Hi again!

I asked Yi 'what have I done wrong in my relationship toward him?
The answer is 64, 1,4,6 --> 19
Can you get insight in this?
lp ikra

Are you Ikra :confused: er anyway I kinda agree with Rosada. I just wanted to say check out your question. Theres no reason to suppose you did anything wrong. I'm saying this cos theres alot to carry with the pain of the split, the deceit and so on without adding self blame to the mix. I know you'll want to understand what happened and why, thats natural, but go easy on yourself in terms of blame. He did what he did and it was his choice and responsibility, you didn't make him do anything.
 

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