54.6

blue iris · Oct 8, 2008

I am still coping with issues regarding my boss...I feel we have some misunderstandings which could be cleared by an honest talk; I would like to openly tell him how I feel, I also believe he might have some wrong impressions about me.

I asked Yi Jing: should I have an honest conversation with my boss?

I got 54.6->38

What does this mean? It is about doing things out of formality...but I would like to have an open talk, tell him sincerely how I see the situation.

Is Yi Jing saying that this would lead nowhere? Or that now our connection is based only on formality and we should change that?

Please help me out, this is really worrying me. Thank you.

blue iris · Oct 8, 2008

Since I was not clear about what Yi was really saying, I asked:

If I talk openly and sincerely to my boss, will this improve the situation, bring some peace between us?

I got 36.4->55

It is really amazing that the line is talking about going really deep...because I feel I want to expose everything, talk openly and sincerely, from my heart and just bring out all that is hindering us.

Will this be a good idea? Although I feel I need to do it, just be very open and say how I feel. I thought about this for a long time, I think I have an insight into this situation and I need to talk about this.

Is Yi Jing saying that it will bring new things into the light?

Please, please, help me out...this is driving me crazy, I cannot eat, I am loosing my mind over this, because I care for my boss and I am also afraid I will loose my job.

blue iris · Oct 10, 2008

No one wants to say anything?

I hope some merciful soul comes along and helps the damsel in distress, pretty please!

Trojina · Oct 10, 2008

Hi its my view that both your answers show this is a kind of a lost cause as in that whilst you may be sincere and wanting to make peace with the boss or whatever he doesn't appear to even see you as someone to consider. He doesn't see you you for who you are, to him you are just an employee. Whats making me say this is in 54.6 theres , just insincere gestures, empty gestures, no real communication or giving. Should you have an open conversation with him was your question. Well i think the answer is no, don't bother, it would be an exersize in futility. Perhaps even search your own heart and ask yourself would you really want to do this anyway. 54.6 changes to 38, you don't see things from the same perspective, obviously, hes the boss your're the employee. Apparently in any relationship where status and power play a part the one who is subordinate spends much more time thinking about what the higher status one is thinking, for obvious reasons I guess, you need to know what he wants and so on. The point I'm getting at is i think he is thinking about you waaaay less than you are about him, he might wonder hwere on earth this 'in depth talk' was coming from if he doesn't consider you in any depth. I think that was a really clear NO answer to your question.

Anyway you asked virtually the same question rephrased and got 36.4. This isn't about going deep its about hiding your true face and getting away without harm. I'd say the very last thing to do here is to go and present yourself to 'expose' it all 'from the heart'. i think 36.4 counsels the very opposite of that and my experience of the line is its lucky if you can sort of get out of the way undetected, thats the best scenario...not do your best to get detected lol.

Now I'm not sure when you say you care for your boss if you have a crush on him or if you mean hes like a friend but either way you need to consider he doesn't see things how you do and exposing your feelings may be more troublesome to you in your relationship with him than being discrete and just doing your job.

In my experience most bosses just want you to do your job rather than reveal your feelings lol.(unless they give direct indication they want your feelings lol)

Wondering why, though you don't need to say of course, why this person is making it so you can't sleep or eat ? Sounds pretty extreme, this is what lovers do to you not bosses. Well okay sometimes work scenarios make it like that but then I don't think any job is worth losing your health for.

in a nutshell I'd say don't reveal anything or have an honest talk. Maybe it would help more to try and work out these strong feelings within you, I mean so you can find some peace about it, rather than risk more upset by talking to him

willowfox · Oct 10, 2008

I asked Yi Jing: should I have an honest conversation with my boss?

I got 54.6->38

No! It will be a waste of time.

Trojina · Oct 10, 2008

blue iris said:
I am still coping with issues regarding my boss...I feel we have some misunderstandings which could be cleared by an honest talk; I would like to openly tell him how I feel, I also believe he might have some wrong impressions about me.

as an after thought, I wanted to say especially re the 36 answer that you may need to be aware that this person doesn't have your interests at heart. In 36 one hides ones true feelings because those in power are not sympathetic, one is safer hidden. In 36.4 one is in the midst of danger and can see it quite clearly but may escape undetected. It sounds like you feel problems between you are due to misunderstandings you can clear up.. i think both answers say this isn't the case...it may simply be he is not much on your side right now so it doesn't pay to be too trusting. I noticed your previous thread about him where you said he wants someone subserviant..well yes with 54 that does come into his attitude to you and that isn't something you can clear up through discussion here i don't think.

blue iris · Oct 13, 2008

trojan said:
Hi its my view that both your answers show this is a kind of a lost cause as in that whilst you may be sincere and wanting to make peace with the boss or whatever he doesn't appear to even see you as someone to consider. He doesn't see you you for who you are, to him you are just an employee. Whats making me say this is in 54.6 theres , just insincere gestures, empty gestures, no real communication or giving. Should you have an open conversation with him was your question. Well i think the answer is no, don't bother, it would be an exersize in futility. Perhaps even search your own heart and ask yourself would you really want to do this anyway. 54.6 changes to 38, you don't see things from the same perspective, obviously, hes the boss your're the employee. Apparently in any relationship where status and power play a part the one who is subordinate spends much more time thinking about what the higher status one is thinking, for obvious reasons I guess, you need to know what he wants and so on. The point I'm getting at is i think he is thinking about you waaaay less than you are about him, he might wonder hwere on earth this 'in depth talk' was coming from if he doesn't consider you in any depth. I think that was a really clear NO answer to your question.

Anyway you asked virtually the same question rephrased and got 36.4. This isn't about going deep its about hiding your true face and getting away without harm. I'd say the very last thing to do here is to go and present yourself to 'expose' it all 'from the heart'. i think 36.4 counsels the very opposite of that and my experience of the line is its lucky if you can sort of get out of the way undetected, thats the best scenario...not do your best to get detected lol.

Now I'm not sure when you say you care for your boss if you have a crush on him or if you mean hes like a friend but either way you need to consider he doesn't see things how you do and exposing your feelings may be more troublesome to you in your relationship with him than being discrete and just doing your job.

In my experience most bosses just want you to do your job rather than reveal your feelings lol.(unless they give direct indication they want your feelings lol)

Wondering why, though you don't need to say of course, why this person is making it so you can't sleep or eat ? Sounds pretty extreme, this is what lovers do to you not bosses. Well okay sometimes work scenarios make it like that but then I don't think any job is worth losing your health for.

in a nutshell I'd say don't reveal anything or have an honest talk. Maybe it would help more to try and work out these strong feelings within you, I mean so you can find some peace about it, rather than risk more upset by talking to him

Hello, trojan,

thank you very much for a very insightful input! I am sorry I am getting to you back late, I was away for the weekend.

You are right in many things, yes...the reason why this is making me so troubled is that I just cannot afford to loose my job and because of specific circumstances in my life, finding another one is extremely unlikely (a long story, but trust me). This is the only security I've got and if I loose this...I just don't know what to do.

It is true that here we have power play - and my boss is very much into it, although I hadn't realized how much before. I thought he appreciated my intelligence and integrity, but it just caused the opposite effect. I was never interfering with him about business, trying to overrule him or something, but I just didn't allow him to step over my certain personal boundaires.

But you also have a point that there is a certain romantic involvment here...from my side from the very beginning but I feel that also from his side. He has another woman in his life and is expecting a child, but I feel that connection is more of convenience than of any true feelings. The true, alive connection was between us. It is complicated, too much to explain here, the bottom line is that personal issue do interfere here, although I never made any steps towards him neither did he.

But it could be that he wants to get rid of me because I disturb him emotionally...

We were going along really fine that's why this is hurtful and - I really need this job.

About him not being interested in what I have to say - I cannot fully agree, from my feeling, but it is true that I just cannot find an appropriate time to talk to him because he is so busy with other things. I of course do not intend to talk about feelings (god forbid!

), but about my relation to work because I do feel he misjudged me.

But as already said, no time for that, I have been waiting for the opportunity for two weeks now and nothing happens, we just have superficial talk, some things about the office and he leaves. He is never here. I really do need to catch an appropriate moment...I will see, if it comes.

Thank you again for your answer, it was very helpful.

blue iris · Oct 13, 2008

willowfox said:
I asked Yi Jing: should I have an honest conversation with my boss?

I got 54.6->38

No! It will be a waste of time.

Hi, willofox, concise and short as always

We already discussed this as tarot. Thank you!

blue iris · Oct 13, 2008

trojan said:
as an after thought, I wanted to say especially re the 36 answer that you may need to be aware that this person doesn't have your interests at heart. In 36 one hides ones true feelings because those in power are not sympathetic, one is safer hidden. In 36.4 one is in the midst of danger and can see it quite clearly but may escape undetected. It sounds like you feel problems between you are due to misunderstandings you can clear up.. i think both answers say this isn't the case...it may simply be he is not much on your side right now so it doesn't pay to be too trusting. I noticed your previous thread about him where you said he wants someone subserviant..well yes with 54 that does come into his attitude to you and that isn't something you can clear up through discussion here i don't think.

Yes, you are right here...for now I just need to keep low. I asked some more questions because this is really bothering me...I hope you can help me there, too.

Thanks

...life can be translucent

54.6

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