Hello,

I lived with some people who I learnt were not good friends. One of whom though, I had good times with and do like and was kind of close to, although she also in a way betrayed me. They are no longer in my life and unfortunately dissolution is the best way to describe the parting but definitely for the best.
I recently heard from the one I got on with the least (money issues) in which I had to be firm with her about something - petty matter but I was in the right and she didn't like that, and said she was speaking for all when she said I was 'out of order' (it was about the smallest amount of money) though she started it all friendly-friendly.
Anyway, that was that, but then I heard from the one I got on with best - just something small, but it could have been read in 2 ways: that she was being sarcastic (the distrustful part of myself) or friendly (to make up for the other girl perhaps - or at least show there's no hard feelings)

I asked Was it a friendly gesture? 39
Seems to speak of an inner connection obstructed by others perhaps?

Can I trust her? 23.5

Interesting line (v relevant!) but could be read in two ways it seems.

Originally Posted by trojan
In another thread I noticed Autumn interpreted 23,5 as something to do with 'civility' ?
In general, observing an enemy, or a hostile force, and hiding your true intentions through sophisticated, ingratiating social displays (court ladies, fish), and thus transforming the original open enmity, and turing it into an advantage for your side of the competition. People who kill you with kindness, or backstab with kindness, or take advantage of you in a way that you thank them for it.

Hmm.. 'the surest way to vanquish an enemy is to make him into a friend'

I do think of her with affection but it wasn't a close friendship, but perhaps she does want to make up for things a little bit.

I then had the idea of initiating further contact (not that I want to go back to that group or anything - just because I'd like to know how she's doing etc.) I wrote out a message but then stopped myself - remembering I guess the hurt of it all. It wouldn't be a big deal in itself - but it just felt wrong to send somehow.

Send message? 55.3,5,6 > 13
Perhaps simply, a waning friendship - or that I'm giving too much unnecessarily (considering how they treated me)

Does that mean yes?
23.2,4,5 > 6
I took this as saying detach from her because she causes you inner conflict.

I really am at peace with what happened but I think she's a good person, but the general mentality of that group was against me and she went along with that.

I suppose I ask, because I wonder whether I should act on my friendly impulses? But then maybe that's because, feeling in a happy expansive mood I chose to forget her having let me down. It's probably a matter of thinking before acting on even positive (perhaps especially) whims because feelings change and it could just lay the path open to being 'wronged' again in some way, or at least feel foolish and regretting (again) being too nice.

Probs best to split all together in other words, despite good intentions, some relationships just aren't meant to be.

Would appreciate any thoughts/ experiences with the above lines but as I said, I am at peace with it all. Interested to hear takes on 23.5 - do you lean towards friendly gesture, or fake?

:bows:

Well,

I've heard again from the confrontational one - she's used this tiny matter to let rip so I let rip back. Also I received 51.3, 5, 6 - 13 not 55.
Perhaps relaying the fact that I was soon to get attacked in that area (groups of people) again.

I wish it hadn't got this petty - it really upset me that I didn't leave on a good note, and I don't have hard feelings towards the rest of them, but at least now I've told my truthful standpoint on it all.

It's silly but in hindsight of her recent email - I'm inclined to think perhaps the gesture from the other (23.5) was a disguise for bad feeling....

I asked - Should I message her to tell her no hard feelings etc (ascertain her standpoint I guess) and received 56 - I think that's saying I should move on and not drag it out.

I suppose I just feel I want her to know I did care about her.. but she's probs hardened against me. In the great scheme of my life it doesn't matter - they are not the type of people I can be real friends with so I should just forget them.. but it's hard and I just don't like confrontation and being disliked I guess (maybe my ego/ irrational fear of being completely alone one day or something)

Anyway - I suppose move on rather than try to make anything better any more - she's bound to be firmly on the other bitchy girl's side.

or perhaps this is more in order
My anger channels are annoyingly blocked when it comes to this sort of thing.

Now you aren't living with them the risk to yourself of making friendly gestures and them being rebuffed/abused/mocked is way reduced isn't it ? Whats to lose really in connecting with her if you have the impulse, they can't affect you much anymore either way.

Re 23.5 that was Autumns take i was quoting, an unusual one, can't say I've ever found it to be that way in my own expereince. In my own experience 23.5 seems to be around a connection within a deteriorating situation that actually brings some reward or benefit. For example i had it when work was running out at an agency i worked for but someone there called me to ask me to take another role there..thus extending me favour, an opportunity within a situation that appeared to be falling apart. So when you say this person was the only good thing about the group could be she was and also that she may have bought you favour or spoke for you in some way with regard to the group.

Hmm anyway i haven't looked closely at the readings but in your situation FWIW I'd figure what is the worst that can happen if you message her ? If shes nasty about it you need never message her again..you are much more free now in how you relate to these people, much less risk so much easier to relax and do as you feel isn't it ?

Yeah thanks Trojan. I acted on my friendly impulse towards her so we'll see... I could be wrong about her but I'll try not to let that make me feel foolish..
In defense against the other girl, I expressed my true feelings on the circumstances of my leaving and surprisingly her unfriendliness changed to an apology so now it's water under the bridge and 'made up'... although maintaining I took it 'too personally'. But as you said, I am no longer directly affected by them so it doesn't matter either way but I suppose the weight of the pain associated with them has lifted a bit, plus we're now trying to challenge our dodgy estate agents about a financial issue so it's good we're all unified in that!

They probably still feel they did nothing wrong in being insensitive etc and I know my over-sensitivity/ distrustful habits probably was the worst combination with their (as a group) mentality.. and also a lack of deep common ground.. So they probably feel that they were in the right but never mind. That's just their nature and my nature is to not have feuds.. even if that does make me feel that I've backed down, no point in dragging out the feeling of having been wronged - especially if what they did wasn't really that bad and probs more to do with how I saw myself.. just incompatibility which as the Yi says, leads to humilitation if you aim for intimacy with people with whom you have no close connection.

But I still feel affection for some of those times - nostalgia seems to increase the older you get! Lack of faith in the future I guess But I am looking forward - armed with greater self knowledge not to repeat this same sort of issue again! And that things can only get better now that I am away from the pressures I felt there...

I asked Am I meant to have further connection with the group of people (both in the house and area) who I've been familiar with for the past four years but has now come to an end? (I suppose feeling it more acutely because I have moved home for a stop gap - a complete change (especially socially)

59.6> 29
Seems to reflect perfectly that detaching from them was necessary for me - with them I was in a perilous situation - they weren't suited to my nature - and so by removing myself from there, I have 'removed occasion for bloodshed'.

Ah well. :bows: