I once had a relationship - many moons ago - which was nice - we got on well and I know he genuinely cared for me - however he was a little insecure, and my feelings for him weren't so strong so I ended up feeling trapped, and we parted.

I have since really cared for one person, and found myslef wondering - do I make him feel trapped if he can sense my care, as I once felt smothered?

54.4 > 19

Does this say simply, with these two people - it was a matter of wrong timing? (because with both we had a good connection and no hard feelings etc - but other issues got in the way - plus different life stages maybe.)

Does it say that when it's right - the approach will be easy? The maiden will go forth - right person right time and it'll be easy?
As I still have feelings for this other person, I was wondering if it was saying the right time for him would come 'once a cycle has ended' perhaps in both our lives, but then probs wishful thinking as the question was more general than that.. or could it be saying that he feels like he wants to be in control when it comes to an approach, and that the time for that needs to be right?

Any suggestions would be great!
:bows:

Unrequited love eh. One of life's major annoyances

Wow. Just read about 54.4 from past readings and addresses this idea so clearly.

For example:

Jesed: 'Preferring to stay alone rather than compromise our confidence in relationships that really don't correspond with our way of being'.

Which is how I felt with my first boyfriend (me being the first one to see it and thus spared the pain) and how the person I keep thinking of now feels about me probably.

I also think the Yi is reminding me I need to mature more first - and express myself - before I can find the right person, or even attract them for that matter...

:bows:

" do I make him feel trapped if he can sense my care, as I once felt smothered?"

54.4 > 19

I think you did, as it seems that he does not want a steady relationship, certainly not now anyway.

Feeling trapped usually happens when someone 'leans' on you. You did feel trapped when you had a relation with someone insecure.

The marrying maiden of 54.4 is not dependent on anyone. She decides when it is the right time for her. That leaves the other totally free. Showing care is not at all wrong, if it leaves him free. That is not easy, 'care' often looks much more like demands than like love. "I" will be worried if you.. Real care wants the other to be what he is, even if that means you worry about lots of things.

I agree that 54.4 might mean that you do make him feel trapped. But it also tells you how not to.

Hello Heylise - are you the author of the translations on the YiJing Book of Sun and Moon website?
If so thank you very much - I really like your encouraging interpretations - even the disheartening ones give a constructive message - it's always a port of call

When you say it tells you how not to behave, do you mean it's saying you should wait for perfection (or as near as you think humanly possible) - a partner that you're confident fits with you - rather than accepting anyone just because you get on on some levels; or trying too hard with people that perhaps aren't made for you - you can't change people. With this person - I definitely haven't leant on him, demanded anything of him, or tried to 'change' him (not consciously anyway, though perhaps in my imagination I don't know...) but I have been the one instigating things, and shown concern etc perhaps when not appropriate, or at least not sought.... but I haven't criticised him much for being him; I don't think... at least it's been tempered with encouragement, I thought.. But who knows - one person can be sure they're being understood by the other only to discover they're not only on different pages but perhaps even different books!

Anyway does it just mean that it's important not to push anyone into associating with you if they don't feel like it? By doing nothing the way is open to the other - the one meant for you. But then, you have to show yourself sometimes in case there is something there which needs to be encouraged...

I guess when it's right with someone, it's just easy.


:bows:

I asked whether he does feel apart from me - alienated, or grated - 23.2,4 > 64 oops..

Would you read that as saying I am on the road to splitting from him? Or that a it is not yet time to give in to a complete split?
How would you initially read this?

Marrying Maiden to Approach, and Splitting Apart to Before Completion

Hi em ching.
I remember a time when I received The Marrying Maiden many many times.
I know it best to mean that one ought to consider waiting before going after someone--even if the "going after" s mostly in our minds--the fact is, we wil still not be focused on ourselves and our own feelings if we're always thinking of him, or her, and /or the relationship.Firstly, we should know our own self, before we try to 'decipher' another.
If we wait for the right time, yes, either this fellow will be with you, or, the right sort of person will be.
I believe this reading is likely telling you in general, not to sell yourself short by trying to have a rleationship before the time is right.
Whether that be because this is the wrong person, and nothing will change him, or change you , to make it work, or, it is just not time *yet* so trying to make it happen earlier or faster isn't a good idea.

The marrying maiden marries inappropriately in most of the lines, and isn't waiting the proper time and taking the right time to get to know her man--she wants someone or something--and goes for it.
That isn't always wrong of course, but what we think we want, many times isn't really what we think it is.
Is it at all possible that you want a relationship for some other reason--you know, for security or because you feel strange and awkward if you don't have someone?
Or, is it possible that you remember how it was to be in love and would like that again--even if you don't quite feel that same way now?
If you don't relate to any of that, I would just assume you can relax and allow the relationship to develop.

Approach, #19 means however, as far as relationships go that you'll move forward to a better relationship (with him, probably, or maybe another guy) a promotion of sorts.
However--in time--that will become stable--and the you'll have to have certain things to *want* to stay with each other.
If knowing you are liked or loved is important, you will not be satisfied wiht *just* that, if you two are not truly compatible.
Of course you know all that--but I can remember not not remembering any of this when my heart and /or hormones were involved.
As for 23, I can't say how come, but I think it is talking about something sefl-deprecating in yourself, even perhaps self-destructive.Are you putting yourself down maybe, em?
Especially since #64 is about not having the right clarity to move forward with something--you may be misunderstanding something and splitting *yourself* apart.Breathe a deep breath and don't asume anything.Don't worry so much.
As Heylise said--caring is always good--but not so much when we're *demanding*.
Imo Love is always good.I've *thought* I loved someone when I tried to change him or make him prove himself --that's not part of the love I felt anyway.It was my fears or hang-ups.
Besides which--how you felt when you dealt with your past boyfriend's insecurities isn't necessarily how your current boyfriend feels with *you*!
If we're too insecure-we can deal with that whether the one we care about is still with us or not.
If he's still there--deal with your problems another way from now on, you know with friends with a therapist..
And if there *aren't* problems don't look for them. ---

proserpine said:

the "going after" s mostly in our minds--the fact is, we wil still not be focused on ourselves and our own feelings if we're always thinking of him, or her, and /or the relationship.Firstly, we should know our own self, before we try to 'decipher' another.
If we wait for the right time, yes, either this fellow will be with you, or, the right sort of person will be.
I believe this reading is likely telling you in general, not to sell yourself short by trying to have a rleationship before the time is right.
Whether that be because this is the wrong person, and nothing will change him, or change you , to make it work, or, it is just not time *yet* so trying to make it happen earlier or faster isn't a good idea.

The marrying maiden marries inappropriately in most of the lines, and isn't waiting the proper time and taking the right time to get to know her man--she wants someone or something--and goes for it.
That isn't always wrong of course, but what we think we want, many times isn't really what we think it is.

Approach, #19 means however, as far as relationships go that you'll move forward to a better relationship (with him, probably, or maybe another guy) a promotion of sorts.
However--in time--that will become stable--and the you'll have to have certain things to *want* to stay with each other.
If knowing you are liked or loved is important, you will not be satisfied wiht *just* that, if you two are not truly compatible.
Of course you know all that--but I can remember not not remembering any of this when my heart and /or hormones were involved.

As for 23, I can't say how come, but I think it is talking about something sefl-deprecating in yourself, even perhaps self-destructive.Are you putting yourself down maybe, em?
Especially since #64 is about not having the right clarity to move forward with something--you may be misunderstanding something and splitting *yourself* apart.Breathe a deep breath and don't asume anything.Don't worry so much.

And if there *aren't* problems don't look for them. ---

Click to expand...

Thanks so much proserpine - really helpful and comforting. I have been thinking that he's dominated my thoughts more than I have for some reason - everything is attributed back to him which is ridiculous because he isn't really even i my life. I just don't seem to have the energy at the moment to believe in myself; be productive and pull myself out (and stay out) of my slump - and do things for myslef to encourage that rise... but I know I'm living in a 47 atmosphere (probably mostly self created but my circumstances are very inhibiting at the mo and I yearn for freedom and independence but also fear it. I received hex 47 3 times in a row when asking how I can deal with myself and stress and lack of ability to focus and control my negative emotions etc.. with changing different lines (3 repeated suggesting I'm looking for support in unsuitable things) I think reminding me I'm allowing the stuff I feel is wrong in my life to oppress me and block a better vision of my future... I need greater self-discipline and a sense of freedom so that I can express myself - and yes - it certainly makes sense that only then could I attract, and be happy with, the right person. It's just hard and sometimes I'm afraid it's getting harder to remain on an even keel - and not bring people down with me - I asked where should my focus be? Hex 22 unchanging - I think I need to re-discover the nice things.... and take them on board more. Could even be saying that - even if I don't feel it inside - I should try to be more cheerful and graceful outwardly - which might effect an inner transformation...

Good night

:bows:

Hi
I'm new at I ching, so I'm not really sure how accurate my interpretation can be, but I read your post and I just want you to know that I hope everything will be all right soon.
Don't be afraid about dragging people down, you should talk it out. You know they'll be there for you. Don't forget that you are loved.

Thanks
I think an important aspect of my troubles is my dependence on others' approval - which I am gradually shedding! hurrah.