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A very important issue for me - Hex 16.6 to 35

veronica

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Hi Guys, I have not posted for a while... Im still sitting on my life's little fence, scared to jump off. I feel like I am unable to move forward unless I make a very difficult decision in my life, which scares the living light out of me. I know I have to do it, previous threads suggest I have to do it, Hilary says (cries, begs) I have to do it and I still cannot do it. The decision requires making a clear cut with my ex and arranging for visitations of my son, that is starting to share him at alternative weekends and half the holidays. I am petrified of making that step so I keep prodding along, making false promises to my ex, driving to his house every weekend so I can always be with my son. During the week my ex comes over whenever he wants to, tells me that I should be thinking about my son and that I should be getting back with him. I have no life. Yet I am apparently incapable for breaking out of that viscious circle. So.... I have asked "How do I find a way (and strength) to break free?" I got hexagram 16.6 changing to 35.

As a background, even before I had my son and met my ex, I always used to observe the people who split when there were children involved and think what a nightmare that might be for them and especially for the children, an absolute nightmare. I come from a traditional catholic upbringing and very much value the family unit. I always thought that people should do everything, once they have children, to keep the family together, yet I am now in a position where I find it very very difficult to do that. I feel so angry and frustrated, why is God punishing me like that? What lesson am I suppose to learn from it? I look at my little boy and just want to cry each time he asks for his Daddy. I am scared of making the wrong move so I keep sitting on my fence. Seeing my life pass me by. I need some help here, please help me find a way and the strength to break free and out of this nightmare.
 

tigerintheboat

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Darkness or Light

The decision requires making a clear cut with my ex and arranging for visitations of my son, that is starting to share him at alternative weekends and half the holidays. I am petrified of making that step so I keep prodding along, making false promises to my ex, driving to his house every weekend so I can always be with my son. During the week my ex comes over whenever he wants to, tells me that I should be thinking about my son and that I should be getting back with him. I have no life. Yet I am apparently incapable for breaking out of that viscious circle. So.... I have asked "How do I find a way (and strength) to break free?" I got hexagram 16.6 changing to 35.

As a background, even before I had my son and met my ex, I always used to observe the people who split when there were children involved and think what a nightmare that might be for them and especially for the children, an absolute nightmare. I come from a traditional catholic upbringing and very much value the family unit. I always thought that people should do everything, once they have children, to keep the family together, yet I am now in a position where I find it very very difficult to do that. I feel so angry and frustrated, why is God punishing me like that? What lesson am I suppose to learn from it? I look at my little boy and just want to cry each time he asks for his Daddy. I am scared of making the wrong move so I keep sitting on my fence. Seeing my life pass me by. I need some help here, please help me find a way and the strength to break free and out of this nightmare.

First, the reading is supportive and seems very positive and clear. Karcher says about H16.6, "You are moving in the darkness. Do not pretend you have accomplished anything. The situation is not your fault, but why let it go on any longer. Climb out of the cave."

Similarly, H35 is about stepping into the light, emerging slowly and surely into the full light of day.

The problem is, apparently, that you already know what you need to do. You need to move into the light....so let me say it this way.

If what you were taught in your Roman Catholic upbringing represents the light, move in that direction. Otherwise, move away from it.

If your ideas about the Old Testament God represents the light, move towards those ideas. Otherwise, move away from your ideas about this God, they are keeping you in the darkness.

Whatever arguments present themselves in favor of staying on the fence, ask yourself if they are moving you out of the cave and into the light, or the opposite.

I hope this helps, and I hope that you are not offended. But since you already know what to do, focus on how to do it, by moving away from darkness and old worn-out programming and unnecessary suffering.

You have my best wishes.

Tiger
 

bamboo

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The Sorrells say about line 16.6 to "wake up from confused and wasted efforts...if yu change your ways, you will come to no harm"

To me, this would say clearly that living a half-life out of enthusiasm for unrealistic ( at this time) values is not working anymore. It is time to move forward into the light of what IS. you are not a family unit in the traditional sense anymore.

BUt I think your dilemma is deeper than the catholic values. The reason you are afraid to change the arrangement , it seems to me, is that you feel you will be gving up control of your son, and possibly fearing the loss you will feel when he has to go away on holidays and on weekends. Veronica, it will NOT be what you imagine in your worst fears!! The child has basically a right to both parents, and he loves his dad. Holding on to him does not serve his interests and certainly not your own. I think you will discover that it will be a new day for you.

The "enthusiasm" can be focused on finding new ways of being, not remaining in a stalemate. It sounds like you know what you need to do. It is painful to give up the control and face the fear, but it is time to do this. Agree with Tiger, your suffering is unneccessary. BUt you wont fully know this until you let go.
 

willowfox

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"How do I find a way (and strength) to break free?" I got hexagram 16.6 changing to 35.

It says that you are just deluding yourself with your intentions to do this, that and the other. If you want change then you must actually do something about it, get yourself out of your shell and start cutting away the tentacles that are still binding you. A journey starts with the first step, so go.

God cannot punish you as there is no such thing, person or whatever, you are punishing yourself by your own passiveness and non assertiveness. Take control of your own destiny because nobody will do it for you.
 
M

meng

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Veronica, Bradford's 16.6 comments sound as though it was written just for your question. My copy doesn't allow for cutting and pasting but you can download it here www.hermetica.info .

Imagination can run wild on us, which is actually not a bad thing within the context of a spiritual or magical experience. However, to function in this practical sphere we need to take a more down to earth approach. Especially in the case of our kids, we need to make sober judgments. A son can inherit better things from his mother and father than their phobias.

Not to pick on Catholicism specifically, but as one who was raised and schooled in old fashioned Roman Catholic morality, a fear based faith doesn't much help in these strenuous sorts of relationship difficulties. It requires clear thinking (35). How to gain this clear thinking perspective might be a good question to ask the Yi.
 

Trojina

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As long as you trust the father to take good care of your son theres no problem is there ? (Well apart from missing him, but its what many people have to do these days and on the plus side gives you chunks of free space to do your own thing) I bring this up because i have a vague memory that you felt misgivings over the way he treated the boy, but I may be mixing you up with someone else.

If for any reason you felt the father would mistreat him its a different story thats all.



As for the reading the question was 'how do i find the strength to break free' and for me 16.6 always indicates the enthusiasm in this direction (the direction of the question) is misplaced so here it suggests to me the enthusiasm to break free is misplaced. But that interpretation doesn't necessarily fit with your situation or previous consultations so feel free to take or leave it.
 

veronica

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Many thanks Guys for your comments so far and the different angles covered. I was hoping for a kind of a unified front of voices shouting "common, just do it, break free" but Trojan disagrees, perhaps rightly so. What am I disillusioned about, trying to hold onto the sorry remains of the non existent family unit or blindly trying to break free?

The day after I posted my initial thread I had a big discussion with my ex and told him (!) that we cannot possibly carry on like this any more as it is preventing us from moving on and has completely exhausted us. I proposed (!) to start sharing our son at alternative weekends and I suggested that this weekend will be the first weekend with him. His initial reactions were: first that he will fight me for 50 50 custody, then that he wants to cut ties with both of us completely. That was followed by a goodbye phone call which was supposed to be the last, which was then followed by an email message saying that in this case it would be best if I went back to live in Poland with Oli (we are currently in London), which was then followed by him turning up at my doorstep and refusing to go for four hours, crying at my kitchen table. I almost died that night. The final decision was to give this relationhip a last chance by living together for three months until the end of the year. I am currently selling my flat in London and will buy a flat in Poland, I will give notice at work (3 months notice) so that if things are not right by the end of the year Oli and I will be free to go back to Poland. I don't know how much can be achieved in three months and Im not sure if he will just "let us go" if it doesn't work out but I provisionally said yes. At least I am not sitting on the fence any more, or at least not the one I was sitting on before. I am not sure if it my first step of actually cutting down the tentacles that are holding me or letting them tighten around me even stronger but for my sanity I have to do this.

You are all very perceptive, I find your comments incredibly helpful. I really don't think I could do it without you.
 

Trojina

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Many thanks Guys for your comments so far and the different angles covered. I was hoping for a kind of a unified front of voices shouting "common, just do it, break free" but Trojan disagrees, perhaps rightly so. What am I disillusioned about, trying to hold onto the sorry remains of the non existent family unit or blindly trying to break free?

The day after I posted my initial thread I had a big discussion with my ex and told him (!) that we cannot possibly carry on like this any more as it is preventing us from moving on and has completely exhausted us. I proposed (!) to start sharing our son at alternative weekends and I suggested that this weekend will be the first weekend with him. His initial reactions were: first that he will fight me for 50 50 custody, then that he wants to cut ties with both of us completely. That was followed by a goodbye phone call which was supposed to be the last, which was then followed by an email message saying that in this case it would be best if I went back to live in Poland with Oli (we are currently in London), which was then followed by him turning up at my doorstep and refusing to go for four hours, crying at my kitchen table. I almost died that night. The final decision was to give this relationhip a last chance by living together for three months until the end of the year. I am currently selling my flat in London and will buy a flat in Poland, I will give notice at work (3 months notice) so that if things are not right by the end of the year Oli and I will be free to go back to Poland. I don't know how much can be achieved in three months and Im not sure if he will just "let us go" if it doesn't work out but I provisionally said yes. At least I am not sitting on the fence any more, or at least not the one I was sitting on before. I am not sure if it my first step of actually cutting down the tentacles that are holding me or letting them tighten around me even stronger but for my sanity I have to do this.

You are all very perceptive, I find your comments incredibly helpful. I really don't think I could do it without you.

Well i wouldn't say I disagreed, its just if i took the answer as answering the question literally then thats how I'd read it. Also i recall many previous answers seeming to support your wish to break free (34.6 i think)...but also theres something very strong in you that i feel wants to try with this relationship again. i suprised you've not yet drwan hex 6 as i feel very strong conflicting forces in you

Anyway whatever you do I wish you all the very best :)
 

bamboo

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Best of luck Veronica. The important thing is that there is progress now! movement!! 3 months is a good amount of time and who knows what may happen. Every human being carries the energy within to create the pathway for its progress. Little Oli included! may he be nourished by this time ahead! I hope there are little miracles that form stepping stones to the resolution of this for the greatest good for all
 

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