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How to resist temptation?

rosada

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I am staying for the next couple of months with my son and daughter-in-law to help them with the new baby. My daughter-in-law is a wine distributer and every night she brings home opened bottles of the finest wines. If we don't drink them they get poured down the drain.:eek: Now neither my son or daughter-in-law have the slightest interest in this stuff. They can take it or leave it. I on the other hand am beginning to realize I have a problem. At first I made light of my drinking saying, "It's five o'clock somewhere!" and "Drink up! There are alcoholics in India going through withdrawal!" but last night once again I'd had a few too many and I spilled some boiling thick gravy on my hands. Today I have nasty, painful blisters. It's no longer funny. I asked the I Ching, "How can I resist temptation?" and received 29.5 > 7.

29.5
The abyss is not filled to overflowing,
It is filled only to the rim.
No blame.

I see this as meaning one glass is okay but not to over do. It's pretty clear but I thought if I posted this here it might help me stick with my intention.

Any thoughts, suggestions or prayers much appreciated.
rosada
 

edge

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Being brave and posting a possible interpretation here...
Alfred Huang: "This line shows that no matter how dark and difficult a situation is, if one does not lose one's self confidence, there is always a way out"

I wonder if 29.5 is saying that this is not just about resisting temptation, but that there may be a number of different solutions to the problem, which a little brainstorming might produce? I wonder what else you could do (with yourself, or with the wine) that would be an alternative to simply 'resisting'?
When I have half a bottle of wine left I freeze it in ice cube bags so I can use it for cooking later without having to open another bottle (or without being tempted to drink the rest just for the hell of it!). There's probably a limit to how much frozen wine you can use but its just one option, I'm sure there are others...
Anyway, just an intuitive thought from a newbie :)
 

rosada

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Thank you, Edge. I like this translation that there is always a way out. I was thinking that being advised to just fill the glass to the brim but not over, to just not drink too much, didn't really give me much to go on. But the thought that there is always a way is a very helpful reminder because then when I'm actually in the situation I can be focusing not on resisting, but on looking for where the flow, the conversation, the whatever, is that will carry me past the rocks and that there will indeed be a path opening up. Kinda turns the situation into a game, there is a path, can you find it?
Interesting the term "self-confidence". Confiding in, listening to oneself.

Rosada
 

bamboo

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Hi Rosada,
I admire your courage in posting this. I think there are problems with alcohol and then there are problems with alcohol. I realized at the tender age of 22 that it was not something I could contend with at all. even tho i sometimes won the battle, It always ended up winning the war. I could no longer safely predict what the result would be when I drank alcohol.

29.5 is trouble that is ended before it reaches the point of no return. Is it something you still have control over..? that is an important question. If you are able to consistently have one glass and not overdo it, then no problem :bows:
 

edge

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Hi again,
I agree with bamboo - "trouble that is ended before it reaches the point of return', and the important point is that it is trouble that needs to be dealt with in some way. Only you can decide how serious the trouble is, and consequently what the best solution may be. My sense is that being honest with yourself about the nature of the trouble will bring the best solution, whether that be freezing the wine, deciding that it might be useful to seek help through AA or similar or simply asking your daughter in law not to bring wine home quite so often because its a terrible temptation to have it in the house every day. Maintaining your self confidence and the belief that you can find the best way out for you is the key. I always think that 'trying not to do something' or 'resisting' creates a vacuum, its an absence of action, which has to be filled in some way (often by the thing you are trying to avoid). I very occasionally have a cigarette (which I know is amazingly bad for me), but cannot have any in the house, as I would literally smoke the entire packet until they were gone! Its not an ideal solution for me to not buy or have them around (would be better never to go near them at all), but it definitely limits the trouble I can get into...:). When I'm brainstorming solutions to a problem I just keep asking myself 'what else could you do?' and write everything down, however silly, and useful stuff invariably comes up.
Good luck!
E
 
M

maremaria

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Hi Rosada,
It needs lots of guts to say something like that here and your post show another face of you. :)

I don’t think I have much to add. Edge and Bamboo gave some good insight, imo. Reading your post, aphrase came in my mind, a saying we have in my country. “the wine gives strength to the weary man” and its something I have experienced. People , in times of harvesting, where they had to work all the day, use to take some wine with them. And as a kid, when I help my family to such harvesting works, when I was allowed to drink wine, I felt what that saying meant.

Perhaps , taking care of your grandson, it’s a thing that it’s a bit tiring, it requires a lot of energy, so perhaps you see that energy refilled so maybe that’s why you need a little more than you used to drink.

Just a thought,
Maria
 

Trojina

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Agree with what everyone says really. To me the 29 does show you aren't imagining or seeing too much in this, it seems it could be a destabilising factor...but it won't be because the trouble reaches its brim and flows away.

The question is what is the trouble, the threat ? Is it the wine or is it something else that tends to really trigger the need to drink the wine. Maybe although theres temptation you are also under a bit more stress than you let on even to yourself.

Anyway we don't want you burning your hands :hug:

29 is often very much about our emotional depths, issues we have to face over and over. The thought poppped into my head maybe just a few sessions with a counsellor may help. Its good that you are sharing the problem anyway
 

rosada

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Thank you all so much for these great ideas!
First I have to tell you something amazing that happened last night. As you know 29.5 says that you follow the line of least resistance and you'll find your way so I was all primed to very carefully observe how dinnertime would flow and how I would catch the subtle opportunities. Well! Turns out my daughter in law announced she was going out for dinner with a girlfriend and my son was looking forward to eating McDonald's in front of the t.v. Like we weren't even doing dinner! I really think this was not a fluke but real evidence of group energy, that is our group here at onlineclarity, intention, creating reality. Maybe that's hexagram 7, the army (29.5 - 7)So last night was easy but it also gave me the opportunity to reflect on what the scenario has been. I think the biggie, after the fact that there are all these bottles of opened wine that will be tossed out if no one drinks them, has been I have tried to be an appreciative guest, and even tried to show I could be "cool" by drinking. Geez, is that so high school? Anyway, I got a chance to step back and see this so now I think I'll be able to negotiate dinner differently tonight.
Edge, I think your idea of writing down ideas just to encourage them to keep coming is terrific. The ice cube suggestion didn't apply here cause there is no reason to save the wine as more keeps coming everyday. (The bottles are open because these are samples from work) But the amazing thing is that after reading your thoughts and sort of joggling my brain to consider there could indeed be another use for the wine I came across a teeny tiny little comment on the web this morning saying that old wine could be stored until it changes into vinegar and then there was a list of 250 things you can do with vinegar!!! This really satisfies my heart. I just couldn't bare to see all this good wine being poured down the drain. Now If I can just get the kids interested in this recycling project... But even if we only make a quart or two of vinegar it gives a new story to tell. And isn't that what the I Ching is all about? How to keep creating a new story...

Maria, thank you for that insight about being tired. Yes, I am definitely tired in the evening which makes it so much more tempting to stay sitting down at the table and while I'm there have another .. Interesting the I Ching's first advice is The superior man makes himself strong and UNTIRING!

I want to write more and thank each of you but Jax just woke up.
tbc
tbc
 
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tigerintheboat

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Organize Yourself, Appoint Helpers

but last night once again I'd had a few too many and I spilled some boiling thick gravy on my hands. Today I have nasty, painful blisters. It's no longer funny. I asked the I Ching, "How can I resist temptation?" and received 29.5 > 7.

29.5
The abyss is not filled to overflowing,
It is filled only to the rim.
No blame.

I see this as meaning one glass is okay but not to over do
Well, we do have the funny coincidence of the abyss "filled only to the rim", but I am not sure that indicates that one glass of wine, filled to the rim is fine. If you took the literal text of your question, "how to resist," then I don't think the answer would be "to have one big full glass to the rim." I would say that the answer is to organize yourself and appoint helpers.

So, how to resist? Several thoughts, not all from the hexagram:

(1) Start with the fact that you did receive H29. You are in the Abyss, and even though there is "no blame" in Line 5, that does not mean there is not a problem to be solved. Hex 7 indicates that the "how" here is to organize yourself and to take on a campaign mindset. You were open about this here to this community, perhaps you need a plan to be open to your family. Decide who will be the one to pour the stuff down the sink each night, or to appoint helpers (your family) to make sure this happens.

(2) I have personal experience with both a brother and a brother-in-law being alcoholics. And from this I can tell you that sobriety does not mean having one glass and fighting temptation. It means having nothing, and having a plan for how to think and how to feel and where to get support when tempted. Do you really want to "fight temptation?" It is exhausting and never stops. It is better to have a plan that prevents temptation in the first place. Certainly after one glass, filled to the rim, you will have much less ability to fight temptation.

(3) Right now my favorite nutritional supplement is 5-HTP. 5-HTP increases Serotonin levels, and low serotonin levels are involved in the behavior we call "weak will power." Here is a quote from an alternative medicine doctor, Dr. Ray Sahelian...

5-HTP (5-hydroxytryptophan or 5-hydroxy-l-tryptophan, also abbreviated as 5HTP or 5 HTP) is a natural supplement that converts in the brain into serotonin. Serotonin is an important brain chemical involved in mood, behavior, appetite, and sleep. Serotonin is also involved in impulse control. For instance, low serotonin levels may lead to addictive behavior such as gambling or other habits caused by weak will power.

You might try a low initial dosage of 5-htp to start along with the decision to "not drink at all." You may lose the desire to drink, and thus the whole "will power/temptation" spectrum goes away. It is far better to avoid the whole thing than to struggle with it every day.

Best wishes,
Tiger
 

rodaki

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hi Rosada

been reading this thread with great interest and I 'm learning a lot from it, thank you for sharing and I hope you get through this quickly and safely . .
I too, like having my wine but not getting tipsy over it . . not sure how grave the situation is, but I had an idea when I read your answer, not so sophisticated or in-depth but this is what came up . .
I see 29 as repeated testings, 7 as united front, or organized action . . maybe this advises you against filling your glass to the brim and drinking each sip so as to get the most flavour out of them . . perhaps by putting more often to the test your desire for a refill might help you detect better the point when you'll be drinking just for the sake of drinking rather than for the pleasure of it . .
just a thought . .

p.s: oh, it just occurred to me . . your reading also seems to portray the situation itself: repeated meetings with danger through not fully filled rims (the opened bottles), get your act together . . hmmm

edit: the fan yao says 'young ones carry corpses (the left over bottles?), it's up to the older ones to decide the way' . .
 
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M

maremaria

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But the amazing thing is that after reading your thoughts and sort of joggling my brain to consider there could indeed be another use for the wine I came across a teeny tiny little comment on the web this morning saying that old wine could be stored until it changes into vinegar and then there was a list of 250 things you can do with vinegar!!! This really satisfies my heart. I just couldn't bare to see all this good wine being poured down the drain. Now If I can just get the kids interested in this recycling project... But even if we only make a quart or two of vinegar it gives a new story to tell. And isn't that what the I Ching is all about? How to keep creating a new story...

Thats a great idea !!! Produce your own vinegar !!!
since there is a baby in the house now, you could use more vinegar than chemical products to clean the house.
Also vinegar is good in case of fever, when you don't want to use medicine.

Another 751 uses of vinegar ;)
 

my_key

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Hi Rosada

Having read much of this thread, there is something nagging away at me about your original question and interpretation. Hex 29 for me says - This temptation thing shows itself in many facets of your life.The situation is now really burning your hands and so the heat is being turned up on facing this wider issue. Now it's not so easy to wash your hands of it.

"How can I resist temptation?" and received 29.5 > 7.
[FONT=&quot]

Danger comes because one is too ambitious. (There is a real sense here that the danger is coming from why are you always wanting more? )
In order to flow out of a ravine, water doesn't rise higher than the lowest point of the rim.
[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot](Why is less not enough?[/FONT][FONT=&quot])

So likewise a man when in danger has only to proceed along the line of least resistance; thus he reaches the goal.
[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot](You don't know why you are not happy with enough - so this always drives you down the line of least resistance i.e giving into temptation)

[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Great labors can't be accomplished in such times; it's enough to get out of the danger.[/FONT][FONT=&quot](You are stuck until you understand what the real danger is. And there is nothing to beat yourself up about here)[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]
[/FONT]
When Rodaki points out the fan yao that adds some feelings and emotional flavours to the liquor which now tastes differently for you ........'young ones carry corpses' - these corpses are not necessarily the empty bottles.

The good news is Hex 7 -
Thus the superior man increases his masses by generosity toward the people. [FONT=&quot](You'll find your power to get unstuck by being gentle and generous with yourself - not seeing this as a war)
[/FONT]
As the Big W says - But war is always a dangerous thing and brings with it destruction and devastation. Therefore it shouldn't be resorted to rashly but, like a poisonous drug, it should be used as a last recourse.

Be Well
Mike
 
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rosada

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So many kind responses! What a wonderful supportive community we have.
Bamboo, thank you for pointing out that I don't need to beat myself up and create a huge problem here. I see 29.5 as saying give the situation the attention it requires but then move on.
Trojan, thank you for seeing that just the same 29 is nothing to just shrug off either. And you folks here are the best counsellors ever!
Tiger, I am going to check into 5-HTP. I don't see wine as continuing to be a problem but the lack of will-power sure is. For example, I buy stupied things just because I feel sorry for the shop owner...
Rodaki - That image of the half empty bottles being corpses is gonna stick with me! Not my job to drink THAT!!!:rofl:
Maremaria - I went to the 751 uses for vinegar site and also found an actual vinegar making kit - it will make a great Christmas gift for the kids! :D
Mike - Thank you for noting the "danger of being too ambitious" phrase. I realize I've been trying to bond and have a family feeling with my daughter in law sooner than is possible. These things take time. Drinking her wine isn't going it make it happen faster.

Thank you all so much for your ideas and kind good wishes.
Rosada
 
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charly

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... I see 29.5 as saying give the situation the attention it requires but then move on...
Ros:
I believe that ancient greeks saw drinking as a consolation for mature people, but even young people can be addict.

Maybe the addict think that if he doesn't drink, doesn't smoke or doesn't eat, he should die. When we act like addicts we are scared, addiction become a ritual to avoid the worst.

Somethin for facing death, something for avoiding loneliness, something for facing when we are not sure of supporting the pain of a lost love, lost relatives, lost goods, lost youth.

Maybe if we are more conscious all the time that we are quite able to endure the worst losses till the precise moment of our own hour arrives, if we are aware that we are strong enough to resist, that we don't go to die now we should be less prone to drink, smoke or eat.

It's not matter of being less permissive with ourselves. When we need instant gratification is for we are being too exigent with ourselves, we need to be accepted an loved, first of all by ourselves.

Being more permissive with ourselves, less critic, if we trust more in ourselves we are less exposed to being hurt. It's no matter of taking off our addictions, for addictions are ourselves. It's matter of being better with ourselves with or without drinking, smoking or eating.

Maybe there is some hope without so much pain. I belive.

Dont' try to be like the junzi, he's not untiring, he rests from time to time.

Best whises,


Charly


P.D.

About 29.5:

kan3 pit / 不bu4 do not / 盈ying2 fill
zhi1 respectfully
ji4 already / 平ping2 flat , balanced, calm, normal
wu2 no / 咎jiu4 wrong


RESPECTFULLY:
with the best affection

[THE] PIT, DO NOT FILL
Don't try to fill the pit
Don't try to obey a command

[IT'S] ALREADY NORMAL
It's yet at its normal level
the need is already quenched

NO WRONG
Not a mistake

Ch.
 

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