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Cold and withdrawing?

spica

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This guy X has been seeing is acting cold and withdrawing again. She asks the i ching, why is he behaving this way? 37.5>22

This hexagram seems so positive - a king approaches his family.. but it does not make sense in this context.

How does the guy think of X? 42.3.6>63
It shows a nonchalance (walking in the middle) and an unsteady heart?
 

lloyd

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What may X have done for this guy to be cold again?
The answer to that question will resonate directly with what X feels that is happening. In your current question you can only make vague second guesses at what goes on inside the guy.
 
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pink_mandolin

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37.5>22

Hi Spica,
just an idea but maybe it means there is nothing wrong in the sense she shouldn't worry, that he will approach- maybe he has something else going on in his life where he is having to withdraw for the time being & is needing space?

She asked- Why is he behaving this way? Some wild guesses-
  • Is he in a relationship with someone else- does he already have a family? Is he someone elses king and thats why he's being distant?
  • Is he having family troubles right now? i.e. problems with his parents- siblings etc..
I agree with Lloyd, Only x will know whats really going on- but it may be worth her asking him if he's ok and gently finding out rather than assuming he is just being cold, as that would create mistrust if she assumes he is being cold and then confronts him. From experience hehe men often just want space when they do that- when you give them space they generally come back like the king in line 5.

:hug:
 
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pink_mandolin

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A brain Wave

Its difficult trying to read the lines from someone elses perspective but I thought I'd be brave and have a go!

How does the guy think of X? 42.3.6>63
It shows a nonchalance (walking in the middle) and an unsteady heart?


I overlooked this question when I read it. You asked how or what this guy thinks of X? The lines to me looks as if he thinks/see's her as perhaps being unsteady in her heart- is he seeing her has having a few problems- that could explain why he's being distant- he could be very well think she is not as interested as he is?

Approaching him, communicating and sorting the situ out might be a very good idea!

Line 6 makes me think he see's her as not bringing any increase and that he may even be feeling resentful? Is he feeling neglected?! Is he seeing that she should be giving more?

She needs to investigate that further I think..

I'm thinking from the whole reading that the issue is not with him, its with X and her behaviour or attitude or at least certainly how this guy see's her! She might want to ask what her best approach with him is! That would certainly help!

Thats all I have, hope its of some use.
 

spica

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Dear both, thank you for your replies.
Lloyd, that is a good question not thought of. X will ask it in the manner, very soon, when ready.

Pink_mandolin, thank you for your attempt at my questions. I think you got it spot on!

Yes, x found it funny line 5 moved, as it was a positive line. So, time has passed, things became a bit clearer. He did come back, like a king, except a bit less stately. There was definitely something slightly off between them.

X has been hurt by the guy; X does not think it X's fault at all, mostly, for X has give their best. Yes, nonchalance and an unsteady heart must be how the guy sees X, for X is in the midst of deciding (neutrally, without emotion), whether being with the guy is a good option afterall. So, naturally, the guy would sense a dsinterest and nonchalance.

However, he would not talk to X. One reason X wants to let go is because X sees little hope in the horizon for this to be a workable partnership. X has been pained, mostly by the guy's inability to move things forward, wanting things stagnant, without communication - leading X to think that all X's efforts to work things out are in vain.

Thank you for your advice. Much appreciated now. :hug:
 

pink_mandolin

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Digging a little deeper

(((Spica))) your welcome it was nice to be able to share what I thought.

I like Hexagram 37. 5 :D I always think it has an air of integrety about it. & the fact the interpretation I have here says not to worry ;) Always a big whew- for me- I only use the I-ching for myself but Its interesting to try and look at other peoples throws!

You sound angry about the situation as your friend or X does. But I was thinking by the line- 37.5--22 This guy is actually trying his best- thats the impression I got from the line. I mean our best isn't always perfect- and not always in other peoples eyes either! But it is the best we can do in every given moment! I was thinking that perhaps this Hexagram 37 has more to teach you- its about family from what I understood and this guy is approaching her as if she is family- which suggests to me a close/strong bond/tie he feels or one worth keeping despite the situation. To me it looks as if there is actually a lot of hope there from his side of things. He came back as the Yi advised he would- thats interesting! I think It confirms he cares a great deal- what do you think? Laying any tensions or unhappy feelings aside?

If you read the line of the relating Hexagram 22.5- ""Grace in the hills and gardens.The roll of silk is meager and small. Humiliation, but in the end good fortune"" it might give you some further insight into this guys behaviour! Its interesting you said he approached like a king but less stately! This line shows you thats how he approached. He approached with the best intentions, but what he had to give wasn't a huge display- he simply gave what he could, thats why the yi said it was good fortune and why I think this guy is doing his best ;) See what you think?!

From an outside perspective on this situ from what you describe both maybe trying their very best! I think he is and thats what the Yi is pointing out!

Just some further considerations! I'd have another good look at what these throws are telling you as I think if you look deeper into them you'll discover more about the situation. I always find this- especially days later when I look back!

Thanks for the feedback!!!
 

pink_mandolin

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ps.

I see from the lines that it Could be this guy feels a little inadequate or insecure about what he is actually offering- that could be another cause of his withdrawal and holding himself back. I think often the cuprit of holding ourselves back can be from feeling inadequate- simply because we don't feel good enough, I know that from personal experience. (if X had been pointing out that he isn't giving enough, it could be playing on any sense of inadequacy he might have! it may not help the situatuon but make him withdraw further!)

I would definetly ask the Yi if it had any advice on how she should act further in this situation. To keep this relationship if she decided to- a suggestion would be that a little humility might be needed- to see this guy as he really is- warts and all and accept him and work from there. If the bond is strong in her too as the line suggests its strong in him then it could be worked through- I guess that depends on how much X is willing to grow and change herself ;)

Pps. I used something called a fan yao- is that how you write it- something I need to have a look at I think- no doubt someone will point me in the right direction ;-)
 
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spica

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Thank you, thank you Pink_Mandolin!
You are extremely accurate - have all sides covered! But sometimes truth is hard to swallow or accept.. You have uncovered a facet X has refused to see/forgive/accept, even though some time has passed since the last post... but time will bring forth the journey.
I sincerely thank you for your post though it is very late. It has given me insight into this confusing situation.
 

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