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how to approach to this reconnection?

sallybb

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Dear all,
Happy new year.
I have emailed back and forth with ex and got to several points that I almost got into the fight or drama again when I got the response from ex with big words. I hold my emotions as the previous reading Iching suggested me to avoid fight. Then ex felt I have been keeping feelings from him, being so careful for words and too polite, so I don't know how to approach to this relation and know what I want from this reconnection. Would anyone help me to read this? I hope to solve the last year's problems and blocks in this coming months.

The general diagnosis of this relation? 16.6>35
What is x's position in this relation? 49.5>55
What's my posiiton in? 54.2.4>24
What's my best way to relate to this relation? 44.4.6>48

Thanks very much. :bows:
 

Trojina

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Dear all,
Happy new year.
I have emailed back and forth with ex and got to several points that I almost got into the fight or drama again when I got the response from ex with big words. I hold my emotions as the previous reading Iching suggested me to avoid fight. Then ex felt I have been keeping feelings from him, being so careful for words and too polite, so I don't know how to approach to this relation and know what I want from this reconnection. Would anyone help me to read this? I hope to solve the last year's problems and blocks in this coming months.

The general diagnosis of this relation? 16.6>35
What is x's position in this relation? 49.5>55
What's my posiiton in? 54.2.4>24
What's my best way to relate to this relation? 44.4.6>48

Thanks very much. :bows:

wondering what does 16.6 say to you ? It seems a very stark and clear answer to your question to me but it doesn't seem useful somehow just to tell you what i think it may mean when I reckon you must already have a pretty good idea .

I don't think these readings are very ambiguous but i reckon its more helpful for you in this instance to go at least halfway to figuring them for yourself. Otherwise you are at the mercy of others ideas about your reading when here i can't see a reason to be because as a series of answers it paints quite a clear picture IMO..and i could be wrong which is why it may be preferable to paint your own picture first..or at least the outlines of it ?

What do you think ?
 
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sallybb

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wondering what does 16.6 say to you ? It seems a very stark and clear answer to your question to me but it doesn't seem useful somehow just to tell you what i think it may mean when I reckon you must already have a pretty good idea .

I don't think these readings are very ambiguous but i reckon its more helpful for you in this instance to go at least halfway to figuring them for yourself. Otherwise you are at the mercy of others ideas about your reading when here i can't see a reason to be because as a series of answers it paints quite a clear picture IMO..and i could be wrong which is why it may be preferable to paint your own picture first..or at least the outlines of it ?

What do you think ?

I give a try to see if my understanding are right.

16.6: ex cannot get through my ambiguous words.

But how can I be not ambiguous nor aggressive?
I guess because the cheated betrayed experience let me don't know how to take ex words. or maybe I think too much.

44.4.6>48 it seems saying that the best approach is that I need to take a risk. but what does that mean?

his position 49.5>55: he seems very open to communicate now. but does this mean he is honest and sincere this time, not like before and really mean and able to realize what he say?

my position: 54.2.4>24

54.2 the hermit(I guess it means me) lives within the limits.
54.4 wait and see for the right moment to act, not following one's emotional reaction or some should-do agendas.

those are my some thoughts on iching's reading.
:bows:
 

Trojina

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Dear all,
Happy new year.
I have emailed back and forth with ex and got to several points that I almost got into the fight or drama again when I got the response from ex with big words. I hold my emotions as the previous reading Iching suggested me to avoid fight. Then ex felt I have been keeping feelings from him, being so careful for words and too polite, so I don't know how to approach to this relation and know what I want from this reconnection. Would anyone help me to read this? I hope to solve the last year's problems and blocks in this coming months.

The general diagnosis of this relation? 16.6>35
What is x's position in this relation? 49.5>55
What's my posiiton in? 54.2.4>24
What's my best way to relate to this relation? 44.4.6>48

Thanks very much. :bows:

Okay I'll give you my take, its very different to yours.

Do you really want to get back with him ? If you really really do then take my interpretation lightly...but I'm really wondering if you do deep down ?

Q1 general diagnosis 16.6 generally misplaced enthusiasm..thats why i ask are you sure you want this. There may be very exagerated expectations from you or him, one of you or both of you not being very realistic. This is okay if you come back down to earth and have a look at whats really possible between you., and if you think he can really offer you what you want

Q2 Xs position...well taken at face value he wants a whole new scene, something really different. i don't know if he wants things between you to be really different or whether he looking out to others also

Q3 Your position..well its not great fun. In 54.2 you feel pretty much alone and you're not the one calling the shots...does it seem like you are waiting around for him all the time while hes off doing something else ? 54.4 may suggest in time things may improve with him but I also think it may indicate that you may do well to let him go and remain free for someone else who is much better suited to you. The advice in 54.4 is not to rush into things that are second best, wait till you feel really happy with someone before comitting. 24 makes me think it more likley that returning to your own true values is your way through this

Q4 best way to relate to this relation.44.4.6..well geez Sally to me this says the best way is to walk...and keep walking.


I didn't understand your interpretations. Couldn't see why you thought 16.6 meant he thought you were ambiguous ?...but anyway i see in your last post you are struggling with your feelings because he betrayed you and sounds like he is trying to convince you he's changed but maybe you don't really trust that ? Frankly your answers tell me you may be better off without this relationship..if it doesn't feel right trust your own feelings..54.4 indicates there may be a more suitable partner for you so think before comitting to him again.


however if you truly want to get back together with him of course you must follow your own feelings above any readings you get here.(.we can always be wrong)..but I'm wondering do you truly want that ? Hmm if you do 16.6 indicates that if you can be realistic about whats possible in the relationship then theres more chance for it to work...but 54.2 is no good place for a girl to be in a romantic liason IMO, well not unless shes very patient and undemanding. Seems theres quite an imbalance between you if your position is 54.2.4 and his is 49.5..sounds like you waiting in for the phone to ring while hes out reinventing himself
 
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sallybb

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Okay I'll give you my take, its very different to yours.

Do you really want to get back with him ? If you really really do then take my interpretation lightly...but I'm really wondering if you do deep down ?

Q1 general diagnosis 16.6 generally misplaced enthusiasm..thats why i ask are you sure you want this. There may be very exagerated expectations from you or him, one of you or both of you not being very realistic. This is okay if you come back down to earth and have a look at whats really possible between you

Q2 Xs position...well taken at face value he wants a whole new scene, something really different. i don't know if he wants things between you to be really different or whether he looking out to others also

Q3 Your position..well its not great fun. In 54.2 you feel pretty much alone and you're not the one calling the shots...does it seem like you are waiting around for him all the time while hes off doing something else ? 54.4 may suggest in time things may improve with him but I also think it may indicate that you may do well to let him go and remain free for someone else who is much better suited to you. The advice in 54.4 is not to rush into things that are second best, wait till you feel really happy with someone before comitting. 24 makes me think it more likley that returning to your own true values is your way through this

Q4 best way to relate to this relation.44.4.6..well geez Sally to me this says the best way is to walk...and keep walking.


I didn't understand your interpretations. Couldn't see why you thought 16.6 meant he thought you were ambiguous ?...but anyway i see in your last post you are struggling with your feelings because he betrayed you and sounds like he is trying to convince you he's changed but maybe you don't really trust that ? Frankly your answers tell me you may be better off without this relationship..if it doesn't feel right trust your own feelings..54.4 indicates there may be a more suitable partner for you so think before comitting to him again.


however if you truly want to get back together with him of course you must follow your own feelings above any readings you get here.(.we can always be wrong)..but I'm wondering do you truly want that ? Hmm if you do 16.6 indicates that if you can be realistic about whats possible in the relationship then theres more chance for it to work...but 54.2 is no good place for a girl to be in a romantic liason IMO, well not unless shes very patient and undemanding. Seems theres quite an imbalance between you if your position is 54.2.4 and his is 49.5..

Thanks very much for your help!

16.6 I read according to this <http://www.yijing.nl/i_ching/hex_1-16/hex_e_16.htm>,
but I guess I misread by my own wishes or illusions.

I don't want to commit to him again, but I think I should have a good friendly relation with him. and want to be friend, so I can really get rid of those emotions from the last year.

But I find it is hard from my position. I am not really a clear-cut person. he keeps wanting more, asking me to tell him my feelings, or saying some big words(wanting to be a good husband, father, ask me do i know he loves me..... ), but I also knew he had the other relationship after the breakup. Maybe he just wanted to calm things down or he thought it is what I expected from him. so I get a little bit confused and not know how to respond and how to lead this reconnection within a limit, not overwhelming.
 

Trojina

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Thanks very much for your help!

16.6 I read according to this <http://www.yijing.nl/i_ching/hex_1-16/hex_e_16.htm>,
but I guess I misread by my own wishes or illusions.

I don't want to commit to him again, but I think I should have a good friendly relation with him. and want to be friend, so I can really get rid of those emotions from the last year.

But I find it is hard from my position. I am not really a clear-cut person. he keeps wanting more, asking me to tell him my feelings, or saying some big words(wanting to be a good husband, father, ask me do i know he loves me..... ), but I also knew he had the other relationship after the breakup. Maybe he just wanted to calm things down or he thought it is what I expected from him. so I get a little bit confused and not know how to respond and how to lead this reconnection within a limit, not overwhelming.

oh i see, i misunderstood, i didn't realise you were only asking about maintaining friendly relations. Okay well I'd say you may need to stand your ground with him (44.4.6) especially if he is trying to push you into a position you don't want to be in..I think you may end up rebuffing him anyway (44.6).
 

sallybb

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I asked the other question:
with respect, what can I expect to connect in a friendship and totally abandon the ideas of any possible relationship? 33.3.5>35
What can I expect if I don't try to be friends either? 62
This is also a very firm answer that this relation is just not what I want. the better way to do is walking away from the love relationship, but trying to be friend is good right?
Thank you.
 

Trojina

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I asked the other question:
with respect, what can I expect to connect in a friendship and totally abandon the ideas of any possible relationship? 33.3.5>35
What can I expect if I don't try to be friends either? 62
This is also a very firm answer that this relation is just not what I want. the better way to do is walking away from the love relationship, but trying to be friend is good right?
Thank you.

trying to be friends with an ex who wants to get back together with you, when you don't want to get back with him, may be pretty hard, for him and you. I think 33.3 shows this difficulty, but 33.5 shows it suceeding well and peacefully if you can withdraw to the right degree...you know just friendly enough. You have kids together I think you said so in that case it would be hard to disconnect entirely anyway wouldn't it.

If you don't expect to be friends you got 62 ? Theres much discussion on 62 in exploring divination right now. Doing what you can manage, taking care to stay within your limits, thats what not expecting to be friends seems to be like. Presumably you can still be civil and communicate with one another if you need to without being friends exactly. That seems manageable

Perhaps these two answers combined show the best scenario being where you are aren't trying to be close friends or anything, but you are still able to talk when you need to and so on about the kids or whatever its necessary for you to talk about.

I dunno, you know the situation better than me
 
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sallybb

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I have tried to figure out what is enough about just being friend not crossing into the relationship conversation. oh, I don't have kids with ex. yea, it is what confused me before that he seems to try to make me feel he is ready to commit to me. But his previous behaviors were just not.
I am glad that I have learned to take a man's actions, not his words.

Thanks for your reply.

I think I need to feel what I want and can do within the limit while I am reconnecting with ex, as well as to figure out the boundary from no communication at all, only be civil when the communication is needed, to being just friends, to being 'close, best' friends.
I guess iching doesn't say which level is good or bad.
I need to figure out what iching means "within my limit."
 

Trojina

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I have tried to figure out what is enough about just being friend not crossing into the relationship conversation. oh, I don't have kids with ex. yea, it is what confused me before that he seems to try to make me feel he is ready to commit to me. But his previous behaviors were just not.
I am glad that I have learned to take a man's actions, not his words.

Thanks for your reply.

I think I need to feel what I want and can do within the limit while I am reconnecting with ex, as well as to figure out the boundary from no communication at all, only be civil when the communication is needed, to being just friends, to being 'close, best' friends.
I guess iching doesn't say which level is good or bad.
I need to figure out what iching means "within my limit."

well perhaps its is what is acceptable to you. As you don't have kids then theres no reason you have to connect with him if you don't want to so it really is a case of choosing what you want. From the readings it seems to me you don't actually choose to be around him really, yet from what you say it sounds as if you think you should try to be friends :confused: I know i can't understand fully from your perspective, no need to explain, but apart from your own wishes there are really no other factors here that i can see. He seems to be putting some pressure on you because of what he wants, but you still have to do what you want.

I think you were asking the Yi to understand yourself better what you wanted, and i think the Yi did reflect back to you what you wanted. Theres no right or wrong here IMO, in who we choose freely to connect with we have to go with our preference.

Anyway Good Luck whatever you decide to do with him :)

Actually i just thought about that 49.5 you got for his position in the relationship. It was quite incongruent to me before. It seemed so different to where you were, but now I'm just wondering if it may indicate he that he really does intend to change with regard to you and your answers just indicated how difficult you find it to accept him.., with good reason looking at the 54 and what you said about betrayal. However i think the 16.6 might show he would need to do alot more groundwork to prove himself to you, so for now at least withdrawal is helpful, who knows if its forever...
 
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