...life can be translucent

Menu

29.3.4.6

I

ichinglover

Guest
hi!

i have to apologize for flooding this forum with my stupid questions.
But since I'm not too well versed in I ching, I can't decipher things, and this is
my only hope....

I asked "How can I improve my emotional state?"
and got 29.3.4.6->43

i don't know why do I need to stay alive, what for?

For the past 1.5-2 years every day i do nothing but eat, and watch some stupid movie over and over again, and I ching. I can't work, i can't do anything. I can't look at myself in the mirror.
I think line 4 talks about that.

I also kept asking the same question over and over again - "what should i stay alive for?"
nothing worked out.
 
Last edited:
tigerintheboat

tigerintheboat

Supporter
Clarity Supporter
Joined
Sep 22, 2006
Messages
1,612
Reaction score
49
STOP DIGGING, Ask for Help

ichinglover said:
I asked "How can I improve my emotional state?"
and got 29.3.4.6->43
Click to expand...
The Chasm (H29) is something you have to go through. There is nothing to hold on to...you have to develop the resources in yourself, in your heart. Line 3 is about doing nothing rash. (The first rule of holes is, that when you are in a hole, STOP DIGGING!)

Line 4 is about help being lowered down to you (did you ever go through with getting help from the psychologist (Pam?)

Line 6 says that whatever you are doing, it isn't the right thing. You are bound and your struggles have made it worse. There is now disorder, and you can not simply set it right. There is something in the line about boundaries not observed.

H43 is about eliminating indecision and becoming determined. In your case, you need to be determined to seek help, and not let the obstacles stop you. But you can't solve these problems yourself at this point, so please seek help.

Tiger

P.S. This last full moon was very potent, and will have made things worse. Forgive yourself recent events and reactions and be determined to seek help while things are calmer.
 
Trojina

Trojina

Supporter
Clarity Supporter
Joined
May 29, 2006
Messages
26,981
Reaction score
4,484
Does anyone have any particular reason to stay alive ? Is being alive about reasons ?



Anyway I think you mentioned in the other thread that when replying you get logged out when you try to submit the message. This is also happening to Maria and I, if you PM HIlary to tell her about it also then we may get somewhere.

Thats a good reason to stay alive for the next 5 minutes anyway ;)
 
I

ichinglover

Guest
yes, isn't it...
And tell them what the roblem is how to fix it, after all I'm a software engineer...

Tiger,
thank you for your interpretation. Yes, I did talk to her, and she explained how things work with her,
but she is quite pricey, even for a shrink..They are never cheap, but she charges double of the regular fee...So basically, I can't afford her...For that amount I can do a nose job - I have my problems with my apperance...However, I found a similar sort of therapy and a therapist much-much cheaper, I go to her, but she is not highly qualified to deal with trauma patients...She is better than nothing, thats for sure

I'd liek to thank you for recommending Pam to me, as it made me do a research, and I found this cheaper one who does something similar

I wish i'll understand more about line 6..
 
Last edited:
Trojina

Trojina

Supporter
Clarity Supporter
Joined
May 29, 2006
Messages
26,981
Reaction score
4,484
ichinglover said:
yes, isn't it...
And tell them what the roblem is how to fix it, after all I'm a software engineer...

..
Click to expand...

well i told Hilary you thought it was something to do with the length of the 'time out' for writing posts which is what you said on the other thread...so you may be able to help her if you have the knowledge...meanwhile Maria and i are losing our fantastic posts ;)

actually helping other people can be quite a good way to forget about thinking about why you want to live :D


And that ties in with Tigers response actually, stop digging around in there, put the shovel down...go and look at someone elses problems for some light refreshment
 
Last edited:
L

Lilly-La

visitor
Joined
Oct 9, 2006
Messages
220
Reaction score
7
Being determined

Hi iginglover,

having suffered from anxiety/depression disorder myself for some time and beeing healthy by now for many years i can wholeheartedly confirm tigers words here:

tigerintheboat said:
H43 is about eliminating indecision and becoming determined. In your case, you need to be determined to seek help, and not let the obstacles stop you.
Click to expand...
 
I

ichinglover

Guest
MareMaria,
I took a look, and got a heart ache - mind you i'm in my 30's!

Truly a heart ache, this lady describes me, a sad abused child..And her ideas of therapy - like she stolen my thoughts...Thanks a lot...Though what I've read stirred an enormous anger/rage in me.
I was pounding the pillow for half of the night, and still have a heart ache....

How can I not feel like a victim, after knowing what my father and my mother done to me? And now my mom keeps reminding me of my duty!!!!!! Allgedely I owe her something...Is not it funny? Funny in a sad sort of way...How can I ever live with this anger/hurt? And I had temper tantrums as a child, they were ignored, and I was labeled
as an angry girl, angry woman... And indeed I'm now, no one took me seriously as a child

And the rage I have I use to harm myself now..I'm bad, according to my own vision of myself imposed on me by my parents...To my rational grown up mind it sounds like a total absurd, and yet when under the influence of my hurt/pain/anger - I physically hurt myself...

In short, I asked "How can I deal with my anger/rage?"

Got, surprisingly 50.1.5 ?

As usual any comments are more than welcome...

And Trojan,
you are right - being alive is not about reasons.However, staying alive when you 've got no hope is a completely different story...
 
Last edited:
D

diamanda

Guest
Maremaria thanks for the link, what amazing articles on there.

Ichinglover, your answer in short sounds to me like:
50 - cook it slowly, you got this answer before, so this sounds like the next step.
50:1 - empty all old food, empty all previous thoughts and conceptions.
50:5 - listen carefullly. To me it sounds like listen to your heart, and others, seek help.
1 - set it all right, reboot it. A new beginning where things are finally possible.

Two very important things to remember are, a) that you'll need to acknowledge
that your parents have no power over you anymore, and b) that what they did to
you is unforgivable. You have every right to be angry with two idiotic, or evil, people
(same thing really), who harmed a defenseless child. You do not have to forgive them,
you do not have to ever stop feeling resentful for what they did. I know very well that
people who have no first hand experience cannot understand this, but this is indeed
the very best way, as the article puts it also and much more eloquently. It's even sadder
that people who did have first hand experience with this will disagree, exactly how the
articles put it with such great clarity, that denial is the root of all further evil - you say
you take it out on yourself at present, well i don't know what is worse, this or lots of
others who take it out on other people (or worse, their own children).

So to deal with your anger, you'll need to empty out, then reboot all your beliefs on
this. "He's your father/mother, so no matter what they did, they did it out of love/
because they didn't know any better, etc etc, so, they'll always be your mother and
father, you have to forgive them and love them". If you ask me, THIS has to go first.
I'm aware it may sound harsh to people without first hand experience, or with but
in denial, but in my experience this is the only thing that works, and i'm grateful
that there are professionals out there (re: those great articles) who manage to
graps the essence of it all, without all the political correctness waffle of our times.
 
M

maremaria

Guest
ichinglover said:
In short, I asked "How can I deal with my anger/rage?"

Got, surprisingly 50.1.5 ?

...
Click to expand...

I think you were given a very beautiful answer, IChinglover. Transformation and Creation.
Perhaps your anger is the catalyst that will help you to make the changes you want. It will be transformed or it will transform. It’s the knot that ties you, it’s the sword that will release you. It’s a tool, use it and don’t let it use you.

You have an urge for a quick change. I understand that, but those things take time. You just have realized many shocking thing. You will have to stay there a bit. To look at them better, to hear what they say to you. With the help of your therapist you will find the way to handle them. Choose the best therapist you can afford. You deserve this.

all the best :)
 
bamboo

bamboo

Supporter
Clarity Supporter
Joined
Mar 9, 1971
Messages
1,485
Reaction score
49
diamanda said:
Maremaria thanks for the link, what amazing articles on there.

Ichinglover, your answer in short sounds to me like:
50 - cook it slowly, you got this answer before, so this sounds like the next step.
50:1 - empty all old food, empty all previous thoughts and conceptions.
50:5 - listen carefullly. To me it sounds like listen to your heart, and others, seek help.
1 - set it all right, reboot it. A new beginning where things are finally possible.

Two very important things to remember are, a) that you'll need to acknowledge
that your parents have no power over you anymore, and b) that what they did to
you is unforgivable. You have every right to be angry with two idiotic, or evil, people
(same thing really), who harmed a defenseless child. You do not have to forgive them,
you do not have to ever stop feeling resentful for what they did. I know very well that
people who have no first hand experience cannot understand this, but this is indeed
the very best way, as the article puts it also and much more eloquently. It's even sadder
that people who did have first hand experience with this will disagree, exactly how the
articles put it with such great clarity, that denial is the root of all further evil - you say
you take it out on yourself at present, well i don't know what is worse, this or lots of
others who take it out on other people (or worse, their own children).

So to deal with your anger, you'll need to empty out, then reboot all your beliefs on
this. "He's your father/mother, so no matter what they did, they did it out of love/
because they didn't know any better, etc etc, so, they'll always be your mother and
father, you have to forgive them and love them". If you ask me, THIS has to go first.
I'm aware it may sound harsh to people without first hand experience, or with but
in denial, but in my experience this is the only thing that works, and i'm grateful
that there are professionals out there (re: those great articles) who manage to
graps the essence of it all, without all the political correctness waffle of our times.
Click to expand...

I agree with this post.
Dr Susan Forward was one of the first people I know of who upheld the right of one to "divorce" one's parents in the name of emotional justice, and to state that you do not have to forgive.

I must share this....a few months ago I was in the gym and I happened to see a re-run of the show The Sopranos. I never watched that series at all when it was on...but this episode was interesting, it was Tony Soprano seeing a therapist. I decided to rent the series from season one. It turns out the whole show is pretty much about Tony seeing this shrink.

Now aside from the fact that this show is about a mafia family, I have found the series fascinating. There is a much deeper story line. And when Tony starts to confront the truth about his mother, it gets really interesting. I was amazed. at my age and after so many years of working through stuff about my own mother, I think in watching the Sopranos I got renewed insight about my own mom and why she caused me and my siblings so much grief and trouble and heartache. It is sort of anti-climatic now, because I have let go now for awhile, but still it was like emotional justice again for me. I wasnt crazy!! No matter how much time goes by, a "child" can still sometimes think that they must have been crazy, because "mom" cant be wrong. Confronting the truth about our parents is the hardest thing some of us will ever do, and it is so easy to slip back. It is so excruciating to acknowledge that they just did not love.

and even though, Ichinglover, you say you are not up for any therapy type reading, I still recommend the CD set Warming the Stone Child: Stories about Abandonment and the Unmothered Child by Dr. Estes.
It is so healing and will make you cry and cry, but it will also give you so much hope.
a good way to approach 50.1 for sure

thats one thing about Alice Miller that I found when I read her a long time ago...she described the wounds very clearly, but I didnt feel she outlined the solutions very clearly. Dr Estes does that. 50.5
I can say from experience then when the rage is fully acknowledged, and the hurt, forgiveness becomes almost a non-issue. because you separate. and it is even possible to eventually feel compassion.

also, when you are ready to heal, and keep healing, the support from the universe can come from anywwhere! Who woulda thunk THe Sopranos could be a valuable tool for insight! HA.
 
P

peterg

Guest
trojan said:
Does anyone have any particular reason to stay alive ? Is being alive about reasons ?



Anyway I think you mentioned in the other thread that when replying you get logged out when you try to submit the message. This is also happening to Maria and I, if you PM HIlary to tell her about it also then we may get somewhere.

Thats a good reason to stay alive for the next 5 minutes anyway. (QUOTE)


Some thoughts on this which helped me.

There is a right time to be born and a right time to die.

On this side we see jumbled threads , on the other side there is a pattern and a meaning to it all.

If you deliberately terminate , then the pattern of your life is incomplete , and can only be completed elsewhere , at the cost of sufferings greater than the ones youre leaving behind.

When you get all tangled up just tango on ?
Maybe fate will lend a hand.


Kind regards.
Click to expand...
 
I

ichinglover

Guest
Thanks Peter!

i've on;y been on this side, not on the other, so with my limited view i can't see any patterns,
other than bad one s tha I need to break...

Fate? It was cruel to me right from the beginning....
 
EsYoSoy

EsYoSoy

visitor
Joined
May 30, 2015
Messages
18
Reaction score
9
ichinglover said:
hi!

i have to apologize for flooding this forum with my stupid questions.
But since I'm not too well versed in I ching, I can't decipher things, and this is
my only hope....

I asked "How can I improve my emotional state?"
and got 29.3.4.6->43

i don't know why do I need to stay alive, what for?

For the past 1.5-2 years every day i do nothing but eat, and watch some stupid movie over and over again, and I ching. I can't work, i can't do anything. I can't look at myself in the mirror.
I think line 4 talks about that.

I also kept asking the same question over and over again - "what should i stay alive for?"
nothing worked out.
Click to expand...
I'm a little late for this conversation. I would just like to comment that hex 29.3.4.6 gives hex 44, not 43
 
Trojina

Trojina

Supporter
Clarity Supporter
Joined
May 29, 2006
Messages
26,981
Reaction score
4,484
......only 12 years late....but you're right it's 44 not 43
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Clarity,
Office 17622,
PO Box 6945,
London.
W1A 6US
United Kingdom

Phone/ Voicemail:
+44 (0)20 3287 3053 (UK)
+1 (561) 459-4758 (US).

Top