Relationship questions for I Ching readings

Relationship questions are certainly the most common reason for people to consult the I Ching. They’re also the most common reason for people to get tied in knots of indecision and confusion when consulting. And this is a real shame, as the oracle is a compassionate relationship counsellor, that can support profound understanding and powerful communication between people. The key to connecting with the oracle, to tapping into the deeper insights it has to offer, is always the question you ask - and this is one area of human experience where the question uppermost in your mind doesn’t always go to the heart of the matter.

People often come to the I Ching out of a desperate desire to know how someone feels, or if a relationship can work out. Usually, as a rule, I’d encourage people to ask whatever question is dominating their thoughts, even if it doesn’t sound particularly lofty or enlightened. But in relationship issues especially, it seems that the urgent clamour of wanting to know can drown out the deeper question.

Take a couple of questions that in my experience are asked quite often. He wants to know if the child she’s pregnant with is his (he can’t take her word for it). Or she wants to know how he feels about her, as compared with that other woman. But there might be a whole lot more potential for positive change in asking about how to create trust in the relationship, or how to listen more completely to the other person.

So here are a few more suggestions for relationship questions that perhaps have the potential to go further than the more commonly-asked ones:

Instead of
“Will I ever meet my life partner?”
how about
“How can I change to become ready to meet a life partner?”
?

Instead of
“How does he feel about me?”
how about
“What does he want from me?”
and also…
“What am I really looking for from him?”
?

Instead of
“Will it work out?”
how about
“How can I connect with her on a deeper level?”
or just
“What can I do to help strengthen this relationship?”
?

Of course there will be times when you do want to ask about the potential in a relationship - when there’s a decision to be taken first about whether to make the emotional commitment yourself -
“If I pour my heart and soul into this relationship, what can I expect?”
But once that commitment’s made, it truly is worth taking the time to find a deeper, more radical question to ask.