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13.5.6 > 55 dreams of forced reunion

kestrelw1ngs

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hello all,

I have been having recurrent dreams that I am getting back together with an ex. the dreams present in various contexts, almost always some kind of home that feels familiar but strange, and there seems to be other people (family, friends) invested in our reunion while I'm silently uncomfortable/checked out. usually the dream ends with me excusing myself in some way, a few times this happened when sexual intimacy was initiated. he is sad but accepting, although confused.
its implied in the dream there has been a change or an apology on his end, but its just not enough. i feel pressured and disturbed that he even thought we could be together again.
they leave a feeling of guilt/shame in waking.

I asked the Yi: "please show me a picture of what these D- dreams might mean"
received
13.5.6>55

and am at a loss. hex 13 makes sense with some context, as our relationship was less intimate and more about me occupying a specific social role for him:

this man met me when we had a significant age gap, and was my first relationship. he sort of groomed me as i was completely inexperienced and fresh out of a religous cult, while he was a bit of a sex addict. for 3 years i was caught in his whirlwind, which in retrospect was as expansive as it was damaging - he coaxed me into moving out of my hometown, introduced me to travelling, conferences, greatly expanded my sense of capability, but all while verbally and emotionally abusing me. i met so many people during this time and felt connected and accomplished, yet very dissociated and unable to be an individual, even changing my course of study to match his.
in the end, he dumped & scapegoated me splitting up an entire community & non-profit we had built around a common cause, excluding me & all people I'd brought into the organization while using my work. effectively destroying an entire planned future with promises of travel, funding, study.
he went on almost immediately to pick up a new 18 year old student of his for a mate, and start new organizations on campus,

since the beginning of my current relationship, i have had obsessive thoughts that i am becoming him, acting like him, subconsciously in an attempt to understand why. my partner though not much younger than me, has less life experience, and i do find myself acting in unacceptable ways towards her though making attempts to change my behaviors. however, while i've been stuck in this deep seated terror of hurting her like I was hurt, I can't think clearly about ending OR committing fully to our relationship, or much of anything..... in a sense it seems the past still has a hold on my psyche.

I asked the Yi to show me a picture of the effect of relationship with D-
received 40uc RELEASE

clear message to move on, let it go. but the dreams continue to occur and upset me.

I can see how 13.5 might make sense with my subconscious trying to humanize him, like make some sort of inner peace with his humanity, as I did see a fair amount of it and we spiritually connected in so many ways. 13.6 might just be an assurance that there is distance between us, and no need to stay so afraid?
but how hex 55 is the context...hm.

I'm stumped and would welcome interpretative assistance. many thanks
 
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redoleander

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13.5 might be the dream itself; a kind of reunion that potentially brings more closure or clarity or peace. Sometimes speaking to the person is not a good idea so the dream maybe serves as a way to do that? It could also just represent a kind of run in with him (in the dream) and it bringing up a range of strong emotions.

13.6 Leave him there as he is and you as you are. Take your learnings and experience and focus on yourself. 13.6 can be a bit lonely but that might actually be a suggestion in this case. To cut cords more fully somehow? Perhaps there is help you could even have in that with an energy worker or other type of processing that has a goal of totally letting go.
 

kestrelw1ngs

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13.5 might be the dream itself; a kind of reunion that potentially brings more closure or clarity or peace. Sometimes speaking to the person is not a good idea so the dream maybe serves as a way to do that? It could also just represent a kind of run in with him (in the dream) and it bringing up a range of strong emotions.

13.6 Leave him there as he is and you as you are. Take your learnings and experience and focus on yourself. 13.6 can be a bit lonely but that might actually be a suggestion in this case. To cut cords more fully somehow? Perhaps there is help you could even have in that with an energy worker or other type of processing that has a goal of totally letting go.
I like this idea it an energetic ceremony/cord cutting.

Lately keep receiving line 17.6, including for the question "how do I heal my heart?"

I hadn't been able to make heads or tails of it. Sacrifice on Western Mountain??? But it seems symbolically weighty, and has come up at least 4 times.

Then found this thread on the line that mentioned "killing ones inner tyrants" and had the phrase "the king is dead long live the king" come to mind.

I now have a mind to do something like this with the energies of tomorrow's solar eclipse in my natal moon sign.

Thank you 🙏 your perspective has been helpful multiple times in these threads.
 

redoleander

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Ah yes, 17.6,.. that’s beautiful and sounds like you’re on the right track. I hope it’s ok if I add that I relate to what you wrote and want to validate your feelings. The validity of your feelings is unrelated to the need for release. You can be totally valid in needing your experience processed, witnessed, and healed even when receiving suggestions to let go. Letting go might be cyclical even, clearing debris away over time. It’s ok to not remove it all at once but perhaps it’s coming through that there is some stuff that’s ready to go. Good luck ❤️
 

kestrelw1ngs

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Ah yes, 17.6,.. that’s beautiful and sounds like you’re on the right track. I hope it’s ok if I add that I relate to what you wrote and want to validate your feelings. The validity of your feelings is unrelated to the need for release. You can be totally valid in needing your experience processed, witnessed, and healed even when receiving suggestions to let go. Letting go might be cyclical even, clearing debris away over time. It’s ok to not remove it all at once but perhaps it’s coming through that there is some stuff that’s ready to go. Good luck ❤️
Thank you redoleander. Of course it is okay that you relate, although I'm sorry you do!
This is one of the hardest times I've found myself in emotionally yet, and I'm going to seek some additional therapy & ways to process.
The eclipse brought some clarity but not enough to really clear the air. A little is good for now though. These things take so much damn time.
 

kestrelw1ngs

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coming back to update, that my therapist has suggested trying a new modality that really hit the nerve underlying this and my other most pressing issues. first time in therapy i've felt that fearful excitement that comes on the brink of a genuinely radical inner change.

keeping 17.6 close at hand and imagining the ugly process of healing as the trek up the mountain, the sacrifice itself. after the hex 25 'innocence' of hex 17's process of following one path is coming to a close, looking back and seeing what needs to be sacrificed to move forward, to get back in touch with the self & divine guidance (really the same thing)...not easy, or comforting, but worthwhile. like that saying "love is not a comfort, but a light"

i keep seeing signs that say 'king' around town, and as silly & cryptic as this is, its comforting.

the king is the one with agency in the line. the hardest sacrifice to make can be my own sense of victimhood & innocence, that was taken by 'tyrants' but now here I am, a king on a mountain, and have to finally accept that my prayers for deliverance (40) can only be sincere once I accept exactly how much agency is in my hands (i.e. breaking free of the trauma-delusions that cycle between "i am a god!!" and "i am a helpless wailing infant!")

some readings stick harder than others, become the basis for a new self-narrative. this is one of them for me.
 
D

diamant

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please show me a picture of what these D- dreams might mean
13.5.6 > 55

I think you've nailed 13.5, your subconscious is trying to humanise him and paint him as an old friend. 13.6 may be symbolising travelling here (meeting at the border). So perhaps you miss the (fake) friendship bit of your relationship, and the travelling. Resulting 55 might mean that you'd like to give him a chance to redeem himself (perhaps because that would make it 'ok' for yourself too).

how do I heal my heart? 17.6 > 25
but now here I am, a king on a mountain

What makes you think you're the king? Are you behaving in an authoritarian manner, are you keeping someone imprisoned? To me this reads like you're still captive by an authoritarian figure. You can't heal your heart while you're still all tied up and dragged around by someone else.
 

kestrelw1ngs

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please show me a picture of what these D- dreams might mean
13.5.6 > 55

I think you've nailed 13.5, your subconscious is trying to humanise him and paint him as an old friend. 13.6 may be symbolising travelling here (meeting at the border). So perhaps you miss the (fake) friendship bit of your relationship, and the travelling. Resulting 55 might mean that you'd like to give him a chance to redeem himself (perhaps because that would make it 'ok' for yourself too).

how do I heal my heart? 17.6 > 25
but now here I am, a king on a mountain

What makes you think you're the king? Are you behaving in an authoritarian manner, are you keeping someone imprisoned? To me this reads like you're still captive by an authoritarian figure. You can't heal your heart while you're still all tied up and dragged around by someone else.
maybe i misunderstood the image in 17.6? my impression was the King on the mountain is an almost celebratory figure, making a sacrifice so the gods can free him to follow his own leadership....
or is the king the tyrant whose head should roll?

either way it does seem to be about reclaiming some emotional agency.

as far as the 13.5...well, I don't know. never considered I would forgive & allow any kind of redemption in real life after the way things ended. all that came before, maybe, but that ending destroyed my sanity & sense of safety and will likely take many years to bounce back from.

could be the subconscious toying with the idea of reconciliation, to really confirm that no, there is no redemption, even if he returned to apologize. i do still blame myself sometimes, and therefore sympathize or excuse the bad treatment. as i'm getting older, the anxieties he displayed make more sense, and I have more reflection on my own behavior.
similar to how one might soften an adolescent anger at a parent once experiencing life at the age they were when raising you. sort of an "ah, i get it now"
but still, those anxieties are no excuse for using & violently discarding someone who trusts you. perhaps the dreams are exploring the reality that I can empathize without making excuses for him, or for myself now.
one can forgive to move on but not forget.
 
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D

diamant

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Hexagram 17 (unchanging) means that someone wants us to follow them, and we agree, and we do follow them.

The 6th line is far removed from that notion. In 17.6, someone is captured/restrained and tied up, so that they are forced to follow. Then we have another person in the line, the king, the authority, and the king here offers a big sacrifice at a mountain. In short, an authority figure takes a tied up person to a mountain to have them sacrificed.

The Xiang Zhuan text adds that "the top is destitute/impoverished". So, not a good situation overall.

To heal your heart, you need to reflect on and resolve this type of (metaphorical I hope) scenario.
 

kestrelw1ngs

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Hexagram 17 (unchanging) means that someone wants us to follow them, and we agree, and we do follow them.

The 6th line is far removed from that notion. In 17.6, someone is captured/restrained and tied up, so that they are forced to follow. Then we have another person in the line, the king, the authority, and the king here offers a big sacrifice at a mountain. In short, an authority figure takes a tied up person to a mountain to have them sacrificed.

The Xiang Zhuan text adds that "the top is destitute/impoverished". So, not a good situation overall.

To heal your heart, you need to reflect on and resolve this type of (metaphorical I hope) scenario.
thank you, that's a clearer image.
resonates with a lot of the hex 37 I've been receiving (mostly as relating hex). and the occasional 38. internalized authorities enforcing conformity to roles, versus the moment of 'breaking out.'
as in, there is in dysfunctional/oppressive Family, a sacrifice of the self in being forced to follow the 'king'

I've read in other threads 6th lines are sort of the moment after being in the energy of the hexagram. 17.6 in this case may be a moment of reflection, or a crossroads where it becomes urgently apparent what is being/was sacrificed in following.

Even in following oneself and intuition, there will be a sacrifice made. Sacrificing money or stability for integrity, for example.

Thank you, I have greater clarity on what this is about now.
 

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