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yxeli

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Hi all,

This is a question about sending an email to my ex. Recently we went to the same small house party after a gig, and i did something spontaeous and also in the frame of mind of it being in fun ( i spat a little bit of water at him, no biggy, didn't drench him or anyhting and it was in the middle of a laugh, it happens, right? :D ) it wasn't even his house, but he used his misplaced authority ( which he thinks he has) to kick me out of the house. I left after camly explaining that it was just a joke, and also it didn't compare to the verbal spit he threw at me for yrs when we were together. (yeayea i know, bad move, but to me throwing someone out of someone elses house becaus ei spat on him a little is a bit extreme)

I want everyone and all attitudes to be respected and i realise that theres some boundary issues regarding us that we're still figuring out.( I just received 55.3 regarding this person which i think sums us up, a clash of egos which we cant seem to step out of)

So i wrote him an email yesterday, havent sent it yet because this relationship, and any issues ive had with him in the past, were all written to him, (i was unable stand up for myself in front of him for a very long time), so i'm second guessing whether sending an email will only perpetuate a dysfuctional cycle or whether it'll help matters.

I've said in the email that im sorry that i crossed a boundary (for him with the spit), but also that that doesnt mean he had the right to chuck me out of someone elses house either, i think that response was very OTT. and that we have to learn to be respectful of eachother and not do something overly dramatic like that, because we're not together anymore.

that kind of ego driven overly dramatic argument is what you see couples at, not ex's, as far as i'm concerned.

anyway, after long backstory, I asked 'what if i send that email or similar'

Hex 1, 1,2,5> 56.

Now the first line is throwing me, im not sure if i read this as a sequence of actions, line 1, 'dont do anything for now.' then line 2, says its kind of time to act (?), with line 5 giving a full go ahead.

also I read it as 'great power in the wanderer', could it also be advice that this will cement a kind of 'restrained joining, loyalty at a distance' (lofting) Type vibe??


Any thoughts would be hugely helpful.

Thanks as always,


Yx
 

solivini

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Well, I was gonna try to help you interpret this, but I have a hard time with hex 1 so bear with me.

You asked what if you send him an email. In the broader context I look at the answer as Creative is Traveling (your email, what you created traveled to him).
Line 1: perhaps when he first gets the email he will be afraid to open it at first seeing that it was from you.
Line 2: The he will open it and see the dragon(what he was afraid of) right there in the open.
Line 5: maybe he will send you one back? (dragon in heaven - something flying through the air?)

I loosely use the read-one-line-as-main-answer method, but I like to consider all the changing lines because if line 2 was the answer, thats what you would have been given. So maybe the answer is, he will open the email and read it after being nervous about opening it and after the email is opened perhaps either he will write back, or see you out and straighten things up?
 

yxeli

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Thanks Solvini,

I see where your coming from here, but after writing this, i made some changes to the email (some of the language was a bit aggressive) and asked yi again. 50 unchanging, which i thought was pretty good going, but also with 50 unchanging it feels like an empty vessel, which I initially questioned.

i read this as the nuclear hex (43) in wikiwing

Deciding. What takes shape and becomes solid in the Vessel could emerge from an inner decision and declaration. The act of casting a new shape for things, founding a new way of being, might well call for the drive of Decision, bringing the message to the centre.

which seems like a big go ahead, right?

but then...these emails have caused most of the problems with us in the past, writing and speaking are two very different things, so in my uncertaintly i asked 'how will he take this email' and got 47.1>58, which to me is saying theres an obstruction in communication. I love wikiwings take on this line combo, one specific line from there is 'might feel like communicating itself felt like a punishment', which is so true of us.

also, could be a technical message, 47.1>58 could mean he's 'blocked' me from his email. Which is something he wouldnt think twice about doing.

so finally I asked 'what is your advice to me about sending him an email', and got 33>48, which I think is yi saying 'dont bother sending it, retreating will bring you closer to the well, closer to the depths of the situation, or closer to being able to communicate directly with him?

so the emails still sitting in my drafts...and may remain so, unless someone else can offer a different take?

Thanks,

Yx
 

dragona

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Hi, if it was someone else instead of him, would you bother so much? If you think he was rude towards you then he should be the one to apologize. Just don`t give him your attention, he has so much of it already.
 

yxeli

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Dragona,

Sorry, but you seem to just be giving general advice here.

Theres a reason why i need to clear this up with the guy. He's in my circle and its causing everyone tension.

Please, If you want to respond, at least back it up with the hex's.

Yx
 

dragona

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Dragona,

Sorry, but you seem to just be giving general advice here.
Yx
Yes and no. I am watching it from an outsider`s point of a wiew, but also as a female who can relate to your problem.
I mean, I just asked myself "Is there anything moooore I can do to enhance the flow of communication":eek:...I mean, really.... we are both just too caring people. And wounded. And got stuck. So don`t mind me for saying this.
If he considers you as a friend, he should send you an email, or say something of his over reacting, as it seems to be the case. It also gives me the impression that he does not want to be in your company a lot. Feel free to be offended if you are. Show your pride. But it is just my perception.

When it comes to the reading, I feel I am backed up with the 33.2,4,6<48 for wether you should send the email (I suppose it is Yi`s advice on communicating it to him in any way)
is to retreat (a few lines from Hilary I find fitting):
33.2. "You retreat because you don`t want to loose yourself; you are trying to a safe distance from anything that could harm you. And yet, there are some posibilities you value and do not want to leave behind." How you find the ballance? "Hold on it astrongly as you retreat...it will not be lost to you, but neither can it take control and endanger your retreat."
Sometimes it is good to back down, no matter you feel strongly of the matter, it is good for you to step back. it is not something easily delt with overnight, anyway...
33.4. "You retreat out of love and respect, to allow space and freedom for yourself and all involved. You avoid pointless confrontation ...and will not force things to work. It is a sign of strenght and of higher, more imaginative kind of commitment, to withdraw and seek something more natural and fitting." Choose your battles.
33.6. because "In the end, retreat inriches you - with confidence, with future promise, and above all with a sense of your own independence.....you are less vulnerable,and not easily influenced, and your communication becomes calmer and more self-possesed."
In other words, return to your well, recconect with yourself, everything starts from there, shift the focus onto yourself.

Btw, 1.1,2,5<56 , I remembered once I was waiting on a reply and was told that 1.2 speaks about my own impatience which was right on. You could try to talk it out, certainly, but out of a hunch, I don`t advise it.
I think you should reinforce yourself when it comes to this situation. Wish you all the best with it and if I post my question mentioned above, feel free to say this all back at me.:hug:
 

yxeli

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It also gives me the impression that he does not want to be in your company a lot. Feel free to be offended if you are. Show your pride. But it is just my perception

Honey,
I'm not offended. This forum is about yijing analysis and interpretation. I'm all into giving 'agony aunt' interpretations, as long as you use the lines to back you up.

Now that you have offered an actual I Ching interpretation, I'm more willing to listen to you.

Just spouting off a few whims of your own 'womanly intuition' doesnt cut it for me, i'm afraid.

I dont know about you, but i'm here to learn. that means focusing on the lines and hex's drawn.

Bests,

Yx
 

dragona

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Meant, feel free to be offended by him...but Yi is very intuitive tool imo, and also I was tinking within te casts but did not go into details untill now as it takes me a lot of time.
It is only about more or less insightful interpretation here, you have your own guts to go with.
That is it.
 

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