12.2.6 to 47 - what was my lesson?

[flipflops]

I am still processing my recent break up though surrendering more and more.. I would like to identify what my lesson was from the relationship. I asked:

what was my lesson from being with x?
12.2.6 to 47

I interpret this as I learnt to actively address a decay that was setting in and causing me to feel increasingly oppressed, by being true to myself and sharing how I felt honestly.. - does that sound right? The result was the end of a relationship that I wished to continue.. Whilst painful, I feel better for having honoured myself. - lesson was to to be more authentic and courageous in relationship despite the risk that it may end?

Q. does line 2 imply that it would have been better if I had retreated and not engaged in any dispute in an attempt to undertake a re-structuring of the relationship? Is my lesson that I should have beared the oppression (this can’t be so can it?!) or that it was right that I actively addressed the decline and then endured the consequences of the break up?

line 6. There was a standstill that I fought to bring to an end.. in so doing the standstill ended along with the relationship - whilst there has not been a return to the relationship I am experiencing more personal peace (mostly) and strangely have been much more communicative and authentic without fear with everyone I've met the last few days.. there's been a shift.

Interesting Wilhelm mentions peace in this line:
“The time of disintegration, however, does not change back automatically to a condition of peace and prosperity; effort must be put forth in order to end it.”

the last message I sent to x was entitled ‘peace’.

 

[radiofreewill]

Hi flipflops,

I like your interpretation ~ it reminds of this quote:

"And so I no longer hide. I finally made the decision. And soon after, it was clear to see that 90% of the stress I’d carried through out the years was because I hid myself, pretended, smiled when I didn’t want to, silenced myself when my song was emerging from my very skin. I denied myself and so my world inside was a crumbling mess. I stopped hiding and was blown away by how easy it was to live. Living became natural again. And being me was no longer a problem. They don’t teach this stuff in schools but they should. They really, really should. Real living is about unhiding. That’s when everything starts to make sense."

~ S.C Lourie, "Soul Notes of the Butterfly"

In Field's "Duke of Zhou Changes", Hexagram 12 is called "Wrongdoing" or "Going about it the wrong way."

His commentary says:

Line 2 ~ "The omen depicts a common form of sacrificial offering: steamed food wrapped in leaves. While appropriate for the common man, it would be inappropriate for the nobility, especially someone as great as a ruler whose offerings were presented to his ancestors in bronze cauldrons. If the diviner must make a present of something, he must be sure that his package is appropriate to its recipient."

Line 6 ~ "Here the omen clarifies the actions of the preceding two lines. The wrongdoer (the Shang king) is overthrown. After his transgressions cease, there was rejoicing. If you encounter this line, be assured that the guilty will be punished and the innocent will rejoice."

So, a simple summary might be ~ If you set the table with your ego, then an ego (the Shang king) will show up across from you ~ However, if you take your seat as your true self, after overthrowing your ego self, then you might find yourself dining with a true king in his own right.

It's been fun sharing this thread with you ~ imho, you've got good natural insight ability ~ I hope you'll continue to grow with the Yi and trust the Way!

Many Blessings!

 

[eleodd]

Flipflops - as I feel a sort of connection with you, I really wish you all the BEST, I'm sure the future will be bright for you. Believe. E☺

 

[rosada]

I see 12.2 as describing those times when we pretend to be interested but really aren't. Sometimes this is necessary - like when a mother says, "Oh my goodness you ate all your oatmeal! What a big boy you are!!"- but in a relationship such feigned enthusiasm is a sign stagnation is setting in.
So I think the IC is telling you that you or your partner acted interested long after the thrill was gone and ultimately there just wasn't any real enthusiasm to keep the connection alive. If there is a "lesson" to this perhaps it would be to recognize when you are bored and make changes before you're bored to death. Or perhaps the lesson is that when it's over it's over and don't hold on - move on.

 

[Sixth Relative]

what was my lesson from being with x?
12.2.6 to 47

Hi flipflops

From a text-based reading (the most common in the West), both hexagrams have an implication of lack of communication and isolation and both hexagrams advise in their Images to keep one's individuality and "virtue" even at the cost of withdrawing. So, you could say that the lesson here is to never sacrifice your own path for an unsatisfying relation.

But reading this answer with the Wen Wang Gua method (a different type of reading, not using the text but astrological symbols), it gives a strong picture of a more detailed conflict. It's confusing to me, since nothing in your thread points to this, but it seems like the central issue in the relation was the absence of kids, you wanting to have kids and he reducing his willing to have kids:
a) The line representing you is Mao (wood); the line representing him is Si (fire); wood produces fire, so you did love him and the relation used to be good
b) The line representing his feelings is Xu (earth) and changes to Wei (earth); it has attached the symbol of Parent, so he was focused on parenting issues. Since in the Chinese zodiac Wei comes before Xu, this implies that his parental feelings were in retreat, diminishing.
c) In 12zhi47 it's noticible that the symbol for offsprings is hidden (so it becomes absent). When the question is about a couple, an absent offspring becomes a central issue. The interpretation must decipher whether the child can come out of hide or not. In this case the symbol for offsprings is Zi (water). When a moving line is of an element controling the element of the hidden line, the hidden line can't come out of hide. In this case, the moving Earth line controls the Water hidden line. His reducing feeelings of becoming parent prevent the Offspring to come out of hide.

So, from a Wen Wang Gua reading, it seems like the lesson was that you want to have kids and you wouldn't have you wish in this relation.


Of course, both readings (text-based and Wen Wang Gua based) can complement one to each other: The lesson would be to never sacrifice your wish to have kids for a relation where your partner doesn't want that, because sooner or later that relation would grow unsatisfying for you.

 

[Sixth Relative]

Oh, I just saw your other threads...

 

[flipflops]

Hi radiofreewill
I've been away a couple days - sorry for the late response to your thoughtful feedback..

I LOVE your quote.. it is so poignant. Love also the concept that we/I will attract someone to sit across from me who is authentic only if I am authentic myself.. I think there are codependency issues for me.. some fear around losing someone once I feel an attachment - the fear means I become for them what I think they want (so they will want to stay) but this eventually ends up sabotaging the relationship - because then they are not sitting across from an authentic person.. which ties into Rosada's insight about boredom I think. It is terribly boring to be in the company of inauthentic people.. it's a pattern - I thought I was further along addressing this than perhaps I am - though at least the relationship didn't go on for years in this manner and it's good to re-visit and hopefully finally break this cycle.

Also fascinated by your referencing of Field's "Duke of Zhou Changes" - I will look this up - the symbolism of the steamed food wrapped in leaves is striking for me..

Thank you.

 

[flipflops]

Hi Rosada,

Nice the meet you. Really interesting point about feigned enthusiasm - there may have been some of this on my part as well as his - it needs reflecting upon.. I think it all comes back to this idea of coming out of hiding and daring to be and continuing to be authentic - because once that goes.. nothing is real really is it?

Re: changing before boredom sets in - yes maybe.. I did feel a bit hamstrung in that regard - i recognised it and did try to break the pattern that was contributing to this setting in.. though it was difficult to get the relationship on the road and out into the world.. recognition of this was when I started to re-gain my authenticity, speak up and try to address and break the pattern.. it broke the relationship.. it's all very interesting!

and re not holding on - so true and so hard to do! I definitely feel increasingly a shift in letting go, though it would be inauthentic of me not to admit that I still have a slight thread of hope that this may have been a necessary shock to re-order things and that there may be a reunion.. (sharing this here is good because it helps to break through the fantasy of that - I am pretty sure this is a fantasy - though I haven't quite let go of this glimmer of hope just yet..

Thank you for your response.

 

[flipflops]

Hi Sixth Relative,

Wow - what a totally amazing interpretation in every regard!

Yes I did love him..and yes the central issue - having a child and this becoming absent is totally accurate. When I was discussing this honestly things were good (until it reached a tipping point) and then when I stopped (deliberately decided not to mention it again through fear of losing the relationship) - things starting slipping away.. once it became absent - again tying back into inauthenticity.. Amazing insight!

It's a separate issue to this thread - though it's my discovery of him being actively online dating that is the real shocker.. Everything else makes sense.. but this deception on his part is completely unnerving. anyway.. onwards and upwards.. let go let go!

Many thanks indeed for you taking the time to respond.

 

[catchyouri]

I see 12.2 as describing those times when we pretend to be interested but really aren't. Sometimes this is necessary - like when a mother says, "Oh my goodness you ate all your oatmeal! What a big boy you are!!"- but in a relationship such feigned enthusiasm is a sign stagnation is setting in.
So I think the IC is telling you that you or your partner acted interested long after the thrill was gone and ultimately there just wasn't any real enthusiasm to keep the connection alive. If there is a "lesson" to this perhaps it would be to recognize when you are bored and make changes before you're bored to death. Or perhaps the lesson is that when it's over it's over and don't hold on - move on.

Lot more going in certain (quantum) quality of a connection which does not lend/limit itself to a simple move on solution.

 

[Topher]

12.2 maybe in a period you had some sort of problem you felt stuck(12) didn't find a solution but it was really a time that will serve you to find the root of the problem (the solution won't come to you if you dont put effort into it)

maybe means the time got you stagnant served to discover the problems you had and you could notice in the break up period, (this isn't part of the hex but : if you want it to use it to solve it it is up to you)

after this period of stagnantion you are free to move on,you can decide to solve it with what you learn it or move elsewhere

if you decide to solve it the possible way to address the issue with this person is:

There is nothing wrong with voicing your frustration if you are sincere in achieving a meeting of the minds. Simply being critical can only lead to further obstruction. The sense of loss in losing this connection may be what it takes to reveal its importance to you.