14.4 relationship break up or not question really need help interpreting

[Osenia]

Hello dear people

Hope you all are well! So I am in this pickle where my on and off relationship is becoming quite unbearable and im just confused if I should finish it painfully or if there is still hope and I should stick to whatever that me and X has.

To cut story short - I have been dating my flatmate for 4 months already on and off, but he is afraid to commit due to his previous painful break-up, not being in a relationship for a long time and most of all us being flatmates and good friends (so there is a risk of losing our friendship, which is as he said very valuable to him). We sort of split up but then again got back together as he seemed to be confused himself and hence I decided not to pressure him too much. I was away for a week, got back and I did not expect for anything to carry on but he was very nice and I could tell he missed me, so we were back together. But now it again seems to fall into this unknown land, where he doesn't particularly seem to be willing to 'run after me' eg. I would think he would want to spend more time together etc.

So I have asked : Should I finish relationship with x or is there any hope?

I got H14.4 changing to 26

From what I have built up from readings on the forum and my own interpretations, the answer is not to do any rushed decisions. I also read that best is to dont wish to control life with 'my power' to end things and rather focus on my goal to improve the relationship/get this somewhere more serious by staying strong inside and not giving up instead.

Also, changing line 4 has spoke to me about being jealous/envious to others, trying to see differences between oneself and others. This for me related to me being jealous of people he spends time with, even my flatmates and good friends... thinking that they maybe are better than me, or they receive more attention.

Maybe I got it all wrong and just don't want to end this relationship. It just maybe a way to protect myself.

Any advice, suggestions and help would be greatly greatly greatly appreciated! Thank you so much beautiful people!

 

[angelatlantis14]

Hi Marijan,

I understand your wish to know everything at once but the way you worded your question makes it difficult to answer...
After all, "Should I end my relationship?" is a quite different question to "Is there any hope for this relationship"
Depending on the question the answre could here be both Yes, go ahead finish it, this will bring a great result, but also yes, keep up the hope, this will bring great results... you see the difficulty.
How about focussing on one question first, getting an answer and then, if you still need clarification, ask the opposite question?

best wishes

maui

 

[Osenia]

Hi Marijan,

I understand your wish to know everything at once but the way you worded your question makes it difficult to answer...
After all, "Should I end my relationship?" is a quite different question to "Is there any hope for this relationship"
Depending on the question the answre could here be both Yes, go ahead finish it, this will bring a great result, but also yes, keep up the hope, this will bring great results... you see the difficulty.
How about focussing on one question first, getting an answer and then, if you still need clarification, ask the opposite question?

best wishes

maui

Thanks Maui for you answer and advice! This is just too true that I wish to know everything at once, this quality always pushes me into rushed decisions haha
I have listened to your advice and asked I ching Should I finish my relationship with X?
I got 23.1.2.5 changing to 61

One changing line is already a mission to interpret but the whole 3 uff... a little too much. What I got from the hexagram is not to finish the relationship. Not to jump into conclusions too quickly (finishing the relationship) as it will bring misfortune, stay still and maybe be truthful both to myself and the other person. Especially line 2

"The frame of the bed is rotting. If one continues despite this, misfortune."

Yet line 5 is quite opposite two lines 1 and 2. It all results in a positive Hexagram that speaks about inner truth and maybe the need to stop 'dreaming'. I am very much confused here.

If anyone can elaborate on this answer it will be fantastico!

Thanks so much once again Maui!!!

 

[angelatlantis14]

Hi Marijan,

well that is quite a complex answer that you got here. Please note that I do know nothing really of the situation, but get the impression that the relationship and its deficiencies make you unhappy. So, if someone in this situation would right out ask my opinion, I'd probably say, yes, go ahead and split from this guy.
But since you asked the I ching, which is in any case wiser than I I shall try and give an interpretation based on the actual reading.

Hex 23 is called "Splitting apart" in Wilhelm. The text says that right now no undertaking is fruitful. That would mean, that persevering in the seperation AT THIS POINT in time will not be an advantage. Right now, there is nothing to be done but wait out the bad situation. That would be in synch with your own interpreation.

However, on the line journey through the Hex things change - while line 1 and 2 re-inforce the tone of the judgement - don`t act, nothing will be to advantage - in Line 5 you get a hopeful message and a change of fortune.

Wilhelm says of this line "Here, in immediate proximity to the strong, light-giving principle at the top,
the nature of the dark force undergoes a change. It no longer opposes the strong principle by means of intrigues but submits to its guidance. Indeed, as the head of the other weak lines, it leads all of these to the strong line."

So the question is what might the strong and light giving principle be? To me, it could be your mind and your decision-making process. That may mean either that you will eventually find good and strong reasons to stay with your partner, or it might give you good and strong reasons to break it it.
So this would be a way of saying, don't act now while you are still in the dark about some things, but wait till you find enlightenment and then take the decision that is right for YOU.
Interestingly, this thought is mirrored in the changing Hex 61 - Inner Truth. The moment you know what is true for you, you can take the decision - whichever way it goes.

This would be my interpretation - I may be wrong, and others may have a different take on this.

Wishing you all the best

maui

 

[rodaki]

hey Marijian,

'this is not about you' is a catch phrase I've often found succinct when getting 14.4, so it seems to me that your initial answer says to only accept the behavior that stems as a reaction to you and your own actions rather than carrying the responsibility or weight of others' life 'wealth' . . setting clear limits will be helpful both for you and for your friend so he owns up to his experience & his past.

'Greatly Restraining Others' Past' could be another way of saying it, especially when you take 26 into account (which often speaks of managing built up material)

 

[Osenia]

Thank you so much for your insight! It is indeed a rather odd and dark(er) period at the moment and both myself and him feel very confused about the whole situation. He is also thinking of moving out so that we could continue relationship or properly finish it. I am thinking that the reason that I want to maybe finish things with him is to show my 'power' and maybe wish for him to then run after me, which is more of a fairytale. Like I ching have advised before I make any decisions I should be truth to myself what is that I really want or this relationship to end or put my energy into trying to make the best out of it.

I found this hexagram/answer indeed very interesting and complex as it for me at least defines the flux of events as well as ups and downs in our relationship. It sounds like according to the hexagram time for me the right decision will come and I will feel it when it comes.

I agree that strong and light giving principle is related to my own decision making as well as the principle either to be done with it or to carry on with the relationship, find a way to make it work and stick with this principle.

It is so great to get some opinions upon the interpretations of given hexagrams! :bows: Thank you so muchhhh!!!

 

[Osenia]

hey Marijian,

'this is not about you' is a catch phrase I've often found succinct when getting 14.4, so it seems to me that your initial answer says to only accept the behavior that stems as a reaction to you and your own actions rather than carrying the responsibility or weight of others' life 'wealth' . . setting clear limits will be helpful both for you and for your friend so he owns up to his experience & his past.

'Greatly Restraining Others' Past' could be another way of saying it, especially when you take 26 into account (which often speaks of managing built up material)

Thank you Rodaki so much!!!! I was actually thinking that Maui was right and the question was rather confusing well there were two questions in one so it is hard to understand whether the answer is related more to the question of whether i should split up or is there any hope? Hence I decided to focus more upon the answer that I got from the question should i finish our relationship and the H 23.1.2.5 changing to 61 which at the moment seem to advice to restrain myself from any action, will see what comes out of that heh

 

[angelatlantis14]

Hi Marijan,

thanks for the update!
I really hope that things will work out well for you.
best wishes

maui