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16.4 > 2 Contacting my ex-partner

Retro158

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This is my first post, and rather lengthy, so I hope I don't wear out my welcome on the first pass!
I have been following Clarity for some time and consulting the I Ching for quite a few years. My question here is whether to contact my ex-partner.

A bit of background: We were together for about seven years and lived together with her daughter until last October when the two of them moved out. The last two or three years were really quite difficult as she was unhappy and talking about leaving. She did like our overall household situation, meals, etc, but she lost interest in me as an intimate partner, after a couple of years when that was really quite good.

I don't miss the uncertainty of living with someone who doesn't really want to be with me, but I do miss having a family and being in a parental role very much. Her daughter, now 17, and I have a very good relationship and have stayed in touch, but it's not the same as being involved in the day to day. I'm still having a very difficult time with these changes and seem to be grieving some very 'core' issues of being 'alone and unwanted.' Haven't yet adjusted to living solo again.

A and I haven't had any contact in a couple of months after she told me she's now involved with a woman they're living with. Even so, recently I had the impulse to get in touch. My question was "Please comment on my contacting A." The result was hexagram 16.4 >2.

I've been sitting with this and reading other posts and it would seem this is encouraging me to reach out. However, it came after the string of casts below - and given the prolonged and emotionally painful process of separating, and her current relationship status, I'm reluctant to reach out. My intention would be to just get some qi flowing between us, though I'm concerned it could cause more pain and keep me hanging on to hope for reconciliation. Maintaining distance doesn't feel good, but is it better than the alternative?

Here are the other results I got recently:

01 July - Please comment on what I can expect ahead with A. 38.6 > 54 Opposition to Marrying Maiden
54 has come up a number of times over the last year or so, though on the whole my I've interpreted Yi's results over the last few years to suggest things could improve.

01 July - How can I improve things with A? 27.2.6 > 19 Nourishing to Approach
This seems to advise taking care of myself, be supportive, and that a positive influence is approaching. ?

01 July - What would be most helpful for me to consider now? 46.2.4.5 > 53 Pushing Upward to Gradual Development This seems to be encouraging and that there is new life arising in me, slowly. ?

02 July - What is the potential for A and I to reconcile and return to being a couple? 54 unchanging
Here it is again and seemingly rather definitively. I'm in a secondary role and not being valued as I would like in a situation beyond my control.

02 July - What is the best way for me to get over this 54 situation/relationship? 18.3.4 > 12
Working on What Has Been Spoiled seems to indicate inner work on my part and Stagnation would seem to describe the status quo within and without. ?

02 July - 16.4 > 2 Results to my question at the top.

06 July - Please comment on the present situation (feeling grief today.) 5.3.5 > 19 Waiting to Approach
This again seems encouraging and that I need to be patient with this transition, again with a positive influence coming nearer.

Again, my apologies if I've over done it here with sharing this full string. Thank you in advance for any insights you might have particularly about my making contact with her.

Robert
 

ginnie

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02 July - What is the potential for A and I to reconcile and return to being a couple? 54 unchanging
Here it is again and seemingly rather definitively. I'm in a secondary role and not being valued as I would like in a situation beyond my control.

Since you got 54 unchanging, it would be better for you to tough it out and try not to hold thoughts about reconciling and getting back together with her. I know this is very painful, but in the long run it would be for the best to successfully separate from her. The I Ching has let you know it's okay to contact her but it would be best not to think you can go back and re-create the past.
 

Retro158

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Thank you, Ginnie. That makes sense and seems to fit with the situation. Right now, I'm leaning towards not getting in touch. Is there anything in the 16.4>2 cast that suggests to you I 'should' get in touch, or just that I can if I want to?
 

ginnie

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Thanks for that interesting question. 16.4 does not say you 'should.' It's more saying that it's not a mistake if you contact her. It's really up to you, what you feel you can put up with. :)
 

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