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17.3.6 > 13 - pull away or stick it out?

KateL21

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This site has been such a help and a comfort to me for over a year, but I've finally asked a question whose answer can be taken in two so completely opposite directions (for how I understand it) that I finally feel compelled and confused enough to ask for help 'out loud', so to speak.

Over several months I've been slowly developing an incredibly deep, soulful, unusual, intellectual, emotional friendship with a man, whom I've been attracted to since day one.

There are genuinely valid reasons on both sides of my internal argument why I should either assume the feelings are not reciprocated, or assume that they very much are. Circumstances are unusual to say the least. I should probably clarify that we're both single.

I'm also emotionally exhausted at this point and have decided something needs to be done, and it'll have to be by me. I've accepted that holding on to my feelings won't do anymore, but where to go from there I don't know, and is where I'm at right now.

So I asked, 'How wise would it be to let go of X romantically in my heart and move on from him for other possibilities'

I got 17.3.6>13

I feel that whatever else is going on, line 3 is talking to me about leaving my child and following my adult, because to have hidden my true feelings for so long is immature and lacking in self-confidence. Even though i'm normally a traditionalist in that the man should really generally 'go first' with that sort of thing.

But the combination sounds so positive, and the problem is to my mind, it could be positive in two ways:

1. Yes it would be wise to let go, because somewhere out there is someone I can find to 'follow' into a close bond with.

2. No it wouldn't necessarily be wise, because look at what you have here that isn't finished playing out and deserves perseverance, that has a real basis of connection and devotion, if you'd only have a little more patience for the situation you're in.


So I'm at a complete loss because to me they both make sense. Although I also don't even know if I've read the lines and hexes right, in combination, or any of that either! I would love some input on this if possible. Thanks a lot :)
 

psychonaut613

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I would say as far as traditional male/female roles go, some of us men don't take the lead simply because we get sick of being destroyed simply for having feelings for someone, I've personally been treated like I did something wrong by feeling a few times over the past year.

And all someone really needed to do to reject me , "I'm sorry I don't feel the same"

I would say why not let this guy know how you feel. If he doesn't feel the same, for sure, move on

"Over several months I've been slowly developing an incredibly deep, soulful, unusual, intellectual, emotional friendship with a man, whom I've been attracted to since day one. "

This line alone tells me your definitely not a shallow person and think and see deeply and are probably someone I would like ;)

Anyway, if he doesn't feel the same, find someone who does... And it sounds like maybe he isn't giving obvious signals of going for it, so if he keeps vacillating, find someone who doesn't. Maybe this is what your reading means.
 

rosada

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When it comes to 13. Friendship,
How wise would it be for you to 17.3 Quit following the little boy...?

Probably a good idea.

Furthermore, AFTER you move beyond Following (the 6th line indicate what happens AFTER) you may find your friend 17.6 reaches out and wants to be bound with you.

Either way it sounds like moving on is a good strategy.

However, as pointed out in the previous post, it could be 17.3.6 are indicating you could assume the roll of the strong man yourself here and ask the fellow out - perhaps to join you in some sort of group - 13 - get together as friends. However as your question was not "What should I do to strengthen the friendship?" I am wary of recommending you interpret the hexagrams as advising you do that.
 

ginnie

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Often the best way to find out the action advised by the I Ching, we need to look at the yang change pattern and the yin change pattern.

Here the yang change pattern is 52, and yes, indeed, you are holding yourself still, because you don't know what to do.

And the yin change pattern, which indicates the way out of the dilemma, is 58. This means free exchange, talking. I think the I Ching is advising you to broach the subject with this very compatible man and see what he has to say. :)
 

KateL21

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Psychonaut613, thanks for both the compliment and the advice!

And Rosada, I like that you pointed out some of the child could be directed at him, because I suppose really when I think of it, that's definitely a fair comment within our relationship. It's not all me, is it.

I'm still not sure exactly what I'll do, but in some way or other I'll get to the truth of us instead of holding it in anymore.

thanks again
 

KateL21

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Thank you Ginnie!

I really appreciate that advice, and your knowledge about the yin and yang change patterns - something I don't know if I'll ever wrap my head around myself.

Yet another tick in the box that says 'take a breath... and do something!' Okay then, I'll try! :)
 

Lavalamp

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17.3 - I think this line means you have to know what you want, and that following that will develop your character. I don't think it says yea or nay on this fellow really, it kind of suggests you examine yourself on some level. If you know he is what you want, then following that is a good idea. If he is really not what you need because he isn't assessable enough, you have to decide. Maybe he is what you want and need, but you have to be able to put aside your own need of certainty and being in control for a while. You need to figure out who you are really, maybe this process is good for you developmentally. Or maybe you are coming to decide what you really want and need lies elsewhere.

17.6 I think this says he's a real friend. The kind that would stay your friend even if you aren't for each other, even maybe set you up with someone else.

My advice is you can do one of two things. One is close the door, but before you are going to move on talk with him. If you have to decide it means you have run out of time. At that point you lay your cards on the table and make him decide too. It is about the two of you... Try not to make it an ultimatum, allow him time to think about it.

Or you can always punt and let it ride, leave the door open. Be casual about it and see other people, maybe even within the same social group. Let things play out that way, not saying make him jealous, saying let the process of sorting work itself out in the social context. Maybe the horse will come back.

You can always ask the Yi about this.

- LL
 

KateL21

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thank you lavalamp, your first set of advice is closer to the way I've decided to deal with this. There's been so much intensity lately, which is why I asked the question in the first place, that I just don't have the stamina to let it ride any longer. Cards on the table. I've already sorted out with him to meet next week. I'll simply be completely honest, which in itself will be such a relief, after that i'm going with the flow of whatever happens.

Thanks to everyone again, I really appreciate it :)
 

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