17.3 to 49...confrontation about perceived unfair treatment

[poeticwalking]

Been dealing with a situation for a while where I feel I've been treated without respect in various instances in a band I play in (formerly music was my FT work; few years ago that changed, came back a lil last year to 30%). Of course with covid many things got cancelled but even before then I only had been assigned one low paying gig for the year that got cancelled (we usually know about weddings months in advance). I am being pushed down the line so they could make room for another person newer to the group that at this point year or two in still doesn't have any of the songs memorized (granted, there's like 100? I have no idea haha). We have a few gigs now, and also next year, but I am on none, even if more than one person on my instrument is needed. I have 6 years experience in that group (plus another 7 years playing style of music in other groups). There's a guy in the group for 13 years, that's fine if he gets 1st preference. I also have played another instrument many times when needed and also covered for the singer usually with little or no notice (in 6 languages, only one of which I speak). I feel I have more than pulled my weight, and lately there's been all this talk about inclusiveness and community, but I feel constantly looked over, criticized for things others do that aren't, and pushed out (many other things in last 2 yrs besides recent no gigs).

Decided to confront the guy who assigns the gigs, asked about what's the likely result of the email I sent, got 17.3 to 49. I have been confused about my readings lately. Not sure if it means, I need to take the lead and put my music into my own hands, form my own project (or even just raise my voice), or if I'm the one being immature and need to get over myself. TBH this group has really screwed with my mind so much in last couple years it is really difficult for me to get perspective. I try to from other bandmates but everyone is so drained (and has been for couple years) that no one is there to speak for me even if in private they support.

 

[my_key]

What's the likely result of the email I sent? 17.3 to 49

The likely result of the email you sent is that there will be a move towards the old being stripped away. It will prompt a culmination of events that has been building up for a long while. 17.3 is a kind of coming of age line - letting the small son go and becoming attached to the mature man - and that sending the email was the right (mature) thing to do and results in you seeing an outcome that you have long been hoping for (following).

...or it may be nothing like this at all.

 

[poeticwalking]

As a followup, basically nothing changed in the band. People are still too exhausted to support me. Well, it's 2020. Only one person of 14 reached out to see how I was feeling, and then the main dude was deflecting saying that there were "too many big personalities in the band", shifting blame on to some person who quit 10+ years ago and asking what my problem was, otherwise it was ignored. I shifted my mindset a bit and am just trying to let go of any expectation that anything will change. I decided to still participate since my need to play is bigger than my need to feel respected I guess right now, since so little music is even happening. I also sang on a few gigs we had, I just kinda pushed my way in (hey, I brought the megaphone- which is what we do on acoustic gigs- I'm singing a couple songs, this is the one, go). This did make me feel better. One guy did say that I should sing this one song he transcribed although we haven't done it yet. I also have been so stressed about my relationship since then tbh and then the short gigging season we had is over since it's getting cold out/covid.

I am hoping once I can get centered about my relationship I will have more mental emotional energy to start working more diligently on music again. We shall see.