17.4 > 3 how should I act regarding my feelings?

[MoonCatcher]

I've been really depressed within my current relationship. We've just had a baby but I'm not in love with my partner anymore.

I've just realised that I have strong feelings towards a friend of mine who I've known for a few years.

I asked I Ching "how should I act regarding my feelings towards him?"

17.4 > 3

I take this reading to mean:

Although I've had a breakthrough (hex 3) if I follow my feelings (17) they will not lead to anything positive and I'll get in trouble?

Opinions are welcome please no harsh judgements! I'm only human!

 

[equinox]

Be sincere towards everyone involved AND double check if this old friend is equally sincere with you.

 

[equinox]

Opinions are welcome please no harsh judgements! I'm only human!

Why should anyone judge you? Being honest about your feelings and taking the consequences is so much better than being unhappy in a relationship, denying it and instead finding ways to escape from time to time by cheating.

 

[iams girl]

Although I've had a breakthrough (hex 3) if I follow my feelings (17) they will not lead to anything positive and I'll get in trouble?

Hi MoonCatcher,

Interesting that hex 3 is also related to a first-born baby (eldest son).

Hex 17 can be about both creating a following or following another. It sounds like you are finding yourself looking for something new (creating a following) because you are disappointed with things the way they are now. Unfortunately, following this other person (following another) might not be the answer?

 

[moss elk]

Hi Mooncatcher,
As a fellow human who has made some Astoundingly bad decisions, and Sublimely good decisions as well, I feel ideally suited to answering (and offering judgement). (as should everyone else who can read this.)

Each and every one of us can make good decisions and bad decisions. Keeping this in mind is the first step in making good decisions.

The reading says that to 'follow this friend' for a short time is ok,
but to persist in following them is not good. Your path and their paths should diverge. Use Clarity/clear mindedness in your decision. (Clarity is not a bunch of cloudy emotions) I think you should find a counselor (with specialty in post partum?) to speak with to help you right now, because what you are considering will create suffering for the father and the baby. Are you prepared to look this child in the eye some day and say, "Oh, I left your father because this other guy was there, and then that didn't work out either."

With friendly judgement,
m.e.

 

[equinox]

Hi Mooncatcher,
As a fellow human who has made some Astoundingly bad decisions, and Sublimely good decisions as well, I feel ideally suited to answering (and offering judgement). (as should everyone else who can read this.)

No. I mean if you like to judge, ok, but why should others?

I also think that Mooncatcher really should think twice about her feelings before doing any rash action and that she should make her decision concerning the current relationship independently from this old friend. Maybe the current relationship is still to save -- or not, we as onlookers can't know that.

Anyhow, it is completely legit not to love someone any longer, no matter if you have children with them or not. You have to find a reasonable and fair solution for everybody involved then, even if it hurts. Everything else is insincere and will most probably lead to an unhappy life, also for the kid.

 

[moss elk]

Because everyone should judge every thing every day?

Anyhow, it is completely legit not to love someone any longer, no matter if you have children with them or not.

Sure it is. I didn't say or imply otherwise, you brought that to the table yourself.

I didn't say Mooncatcher should be stoned or hung from the gallows.
And she made no mention of a bad relationship.

It isthe lack of reasons in her post that makes me suspect that what she is considering is not a reason or wisdom based decision, but one based entirely on emotion. (unclear clouded ones.)

I truly am an advocate for people getting out of bad and unhappy relationships. (call me, I'll bring my car and help you move.)
I see no evidence here yet of such a thing,
only a nebulous 'I'm not in love with this person anymore.' I would ask, 'were you ever in love with the father?' and if so, 'how do you define being in love?'
Answers to these would be telling.

In the country where I live, post partum issues are estimated to effect close to one million women.

The reading says not to keep following this friend, anyway.

 

[Hepzibah]

Completely agree with the post partum suggestion ..worked brilliantly for me ..

 

[equinox]

"Anyhow, it is completely legit not to love someone any longer, no matter if you have children with them or not."

Sure it is. I didn't say or imply otherwise, you brought that to the table yourself.

I thought so -- because you suggest a post partum consultation, which looks like you do not regard her feelings as genuine but only caused by an hormonal imbalance.

It isthe lack of reasons in her post that makes me suspect that what she is considering is not a reason or wisdom based decision, but one based entirely on emotion. (unclear clouded ones.)

In contrast, I found her posting very clear.
The endless difficulties of written communication -- let's wait for a reply of MoonCatcher.

The reading says not to keep following this friend, anyway.

It's indeed not a very promising reading.

 

[moss elk]

The endless difficulties of written communication -- let's wait for a reply of MoonCatcher.

Good point.

 

[MoonCatcher]

Hey guys, thanks for the input.

Moss Elk, I'm not going through post partum depression. I love being a mom.

My feelings are based on 2 years of incompatibility finally taking its toll. Resentment has built up over time and I feel our child will be happier if this ends sooner than later. Our last argument got physical and that's when I decided this relationship is lost.

I'm not planning on jumping ship from this guy to my friend. I realise that would be daft.

My question was simply based around whether I should at least be honest about how I feel towards someone whom I've known for many years. Whether there's a chance anything could Blossom at all. That's it.

 

[moss elk]

My feelings are based on 2 years of incompatibility finally taking its toll. Resentment has built up over time and I feel our child will be happier if this ends sooner than later. Our last argument got physical and that's when I decided this relationship is lost.

These are very important details, thanks for adding them. (don't hide this stuff next time, or if you want to hide it, hide it completely: don't give some details and hide others, otherwise suspicious antlered fools such as myself might act, well suspicious and foolish, and antlery ) :bows:

 

[equinox]

My question was simply based around whether I should at least be honest about how I feel towards someone whom I've known for many years. Whether there's a chance anything could Blossom at all. That's it.

Hex 17.4: It is questionable if this guy is truly willing to commit. Or vice versa: Maybe your interest will not be as stable as you think.
The relating Hex is 3, "difficulty at the beginning", so this could change over time for the better.
Maybe take it very slow and be careful, then you will see.

 

[MoonCatcher]

Sorry I accidentally replied twice.

Well, in my opinion - details aren't necessary when judgement isn't asked for. I just wanted insight into the reading at hand; so thank you for providing that.

If a woman wants to leave the father of her child; common sense dictates it's for good reason. Lol

 

[equinox]

These are very important details, thanks for adding them. (don't hide this stuff next time, or if you want to hide it, hide it completely: don't give some details and hide others, otherwise suspicious antlered fools such as myself might act, well suspicious and foolish, and antlery ) :bows:

Tcha, as we already noted -- the difficulties of written communication.

 

[MoonCatcher]

Equinox thank you! I didn't think of it that way. Yes you're right, my friend isn't entirely stable it's true. I know that the timing isn't right and moss elks point about persistence makes sense too.

 

[MoonCatcher]

Lol sorry my mama brain isn't working; I read what you wrote wrong. Yes that is also correct my feelings may not be stable. That's actually why I asked the I Ching this question!

 

[moss elk]

If a woman wants to leave the father of her child; common sense dictates it's for good reason. Lol

You gave good reasons to leave.

Experience dictates to me that people leave relationships for a variety of reasons, and not always good ones. I've seen mothers leave marriages because the new guy had a big pile of cocaine, or like my old drummers wife: to 'service' all the males in the neighborhood.
(An aside, depression is only one of a variety of post partum disorders)

 

[MoonCatcher]

Fair enough Moss Elk! I get what you're saying!

 

[moss elk]

Yes that is also correct my feelings may not be stable. That's actually why I asked the I Ching this question!

I've noticed over the last few years, when responding to relationship questions, that the majority of Yi answers have been in the negative.
One might conclude that Yi is somehow against relationships, but a better explanation is that people consult when they are confused, and that confusion itself is intuition uncomprehended. (Like in 30.1, you are taking steps but feel confused, respecting your own confusion is wisdom.)

Fair enough Moss Elk! I get what you're saying!

Ok, I'll be quiet now.

 

[Chaptershare]

Mooncatcher

How should you act regarding your feelings?

I’m still very new but I will give this a try. It sounds like you should be honest with your current situation and express your feelings to both parties. If you’re unhappy with your husband, you should seek and get support and let go of this relationship since it sounds very toxic and unhealthy. As far as the friend that you have feelings for, take it slow and remain friends however you should be aware of his intentions and your intentions. If this is something you would like to pursue, first be clear on your wants and needs and also be clear of your husband whether it be through separation or divorce. His intentions may be different than yours and both parties especially you could get affected severely by not taking things slow and work out all the different possibilities. Allow yourself some time to heal after a relationship so that you may be mentally and emotionally prepared for the next one. If the friend can remain friends with you through this tough times and work with you through your healing process which takes time then after that you can re-visit the possibility?

 

[MoonCatcher]

Hey chaptershare - thanks a lot for contributing your opinion. You're right about taking things slow I'll keep everyone updated.

 

[Chaptershare]

MoonCatcher

You’re very welcome and yes definitely keep us updated.