18 -> 1

[kdedeaux4]

I finally asked IC a question that's been plaguing me but I've been too frightened of the answer to actually ask outright.
I asked: Is there any chance D will ever come back to me?
To preface this seemingly simple and obvious question is a lengthy task. Yes this was a previous relationship that was extraordinarily wonderful and healthy, but tragically "ended" in a never-really-ending-at-all sort of way. For this, he and I both are responsible. We both have been wishy washy in our response to one another within the split. Many changes and events have ensued in the situation and I've worried much about what is truly right for us both.....embrace an end or a new beginning?
In asking if he will come back to me, there is a stipulation involved that I only want him back, NOT the person I've been involved with since the break-up. I do not know if this is even a reasonable or feasible stipulation, but it is what it is. I have recently and abruptly ended all contact possibilities, in order to move toward embracing the end. Feeling frustrated and tired of the constant confusion, I've forced this and it really hurts me. I can't begin to imagine how it feels for him, if it even matters at all? Or perhaps it is for him a relief as well to have the decision finally made for him? Truly, I don't know. But forcing something like this goes very much against my nature.
Response: hexagram 18, lines 4 and 5 changing to 1.
In the light of knowing I've asked for some sort of magical miracle with this question, I find this response interesting. Hexagram 18 seems to address the situation as decayed and spoiled. Yes, it is. Like a soap opera plot, it has died a million deaths already but never seems to really die. But it also seems to point toward working on that. The lines seem to indicate several different and conflicting directions within this decayed situation, possibly it is too far gone to work on? (This thinking is why I chose to force an end. Yest....correcting the past mistakes brings good future possibilities? This is what my heart aches for, yet doesn't seem willing to believe in...or accept in either direction (end OR belief in a new beginning)
Then leading to 1. I tend to see 1 as the beautiful possibility of miracles, but more so as the possibility of what's within myself only (finding my way to peace with the choice I've already forced?)
If any of this makes any sense whatsoever to any of you more experienced and less subjective IC enthusiasts, I am excited and grateful (and nervous!)for any additional insight into this response.
:bows: Thank you all so much!

 

[Trojina]

All I can pick up from your answer is that it won't work to tolerate or be indulgent of the faults that caused the break up (18.4) Tacking the faults that caused the break up is the way to go (18.5) Investing energy in correcting things, has, for want of a better way of putting it, the force of the creative (1) behind it. IOW actions taken to correct things go alot further than you might think. I don't know enough to know whose faults these are, or if they are simply faults in the relationship...either way i think this confirms there was decay there, letting it go on as it was was no good..owning responsibility for the decay is good (18.5)

 

[kdedeaux4]

18.1.4.5 ->1

Oops, forgot that line 1 was there too. Just another changing line, not sure it makes any difference?

 

[kdedeaux4]

trying to quote again...

All I can pick up from your answer is that it won't work to tolerate or be indulgent of the faults that caused the break up (18.4) Tacking the faults that caused the break up is the way to go (18.5) Investing energy in correcting things, has, for want of a better way of putting it, the force of the creative (1) behind it. IOW actions taken to correct things go alot further than you might think. I don't know enough to know whose faults these are, or if they are simply faults in the relationship...either way i think this confirms there was decay there, letting it go on as it was was no good..owning responsibility for the decay is good (18.5)

Yes, it absolutely "won't work to tolerate or be indulgent of the faults that caused the break up". These were initially my faults. I've no problem owning that and have spent the entire duration of our split addressing and working on these. At first, in order to repair the relationship, but as I grew in these self reflections, I realized that I needed to address these things regardless of my relationship with him or not. I sometimes wonder if the relationship was intended as karmic lesson to show me what I needed to change within myself. Nothing short of damaging something like this could have pushed me into such brutal self honesty nor given me the strength to attempt to correct such shortcomings of my charcter. In so doing, my path has drastically altered. My personality, my character, my friends, my goals...you name it...it's been uprooted, shifted, flipped, examined, and changed (with the energy of 1 makes sense here)...even aspects that were not part of the faults which led to the split. I mean gosh, I hardly recognize myself anymore It's wonderful and frightening all at the same time!
Now, the issue becomes whether he can/will/desires to accept these changes in me? Believe in them enough? And the larger issue (for me of course) is the changes that have resulted in him from all of this are not aspects I'm willing to work with. Although my love and devotion to him stands unwavering, I simply do not want a relationship of any kind with the man he has become throughout this. He has not been heading on a path that is appropriate for the changes I have made in myself and my life. What twisted irony it's all become in these massive fluctuations! He's become something of a Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde personality and I don't know who is authentically him. I don't know if he even knows who is. So much repair and decay seems to indicate that my choice to force an absolute end was the simplest answer on the surface, but does nothing to resolve the lingering emotions and dedication behind the whole thing. And I'm not at all sure the walls I've recently built will stand forever...or if they even should?

 

[ginnie]

Fixing

You said you have spent a long time working on (fixing) yourself, so that would correspond to the first line moving.

18.4 says very clearly to me that under no circumstances should you tolerate his faults, which you see more clearly now -- his Jekyll/Hyde personality problem. If you were to tolerate this, you would regret it in the end.

18.5 suggests to me that if you were able somehow to influence him to follow your example and work on his errors, then you would be doing something praiseworthy. Your getting hexagram 1 suggests to me that you would need to take the initiative and use your creativity.

Women seem to find it easier to admit they have problems and work on them. Maybe D thinks if there are any problems, then they are your problems. Well, that is just not acceptable. The whole outcome of whether or not the two of you ever get back together would seem to hinge on whether or not he is willing to admit that there's a problem with his personality that affects his relationships in general, not just his relationship with you.

 

[bamboo]

Sometimes there is decay which has it's roots deep in the past, and yes this could apply to karmic debt,But I think it is referring to him.....and that it isnt something you can grapple with in regards to a present situation. Since you got three moving lines, maybe the 18.4 is the most relevant line. Perhaps although what you saw in him originally was good, his present behavior is the more accurate revelation, reveals that he has deepseated issues (that are not really your responsibility).

Your scenario reminds me of someone I knew who had tremendously good qualities and a lot of personal charisma, but who had never overcome demons from his past. Inevitably, these surfaced to destroy whatever good things he had in his present. Perhaps the hex one heralds the fact that he is aware now and can begin his healing.
But it would have to be a wholehearted endeavour, the potential is there, but it is a new undertaking, and wholly up to him.

 

[ginnie]

Fixing

But it would have to be a wholehearted endeavour, the potential is there, but it is a new undertaking, and wholly up to him.

That's the thing. We cannot fix another person's issues.

However, sometimes we can help another person heal. It all depends on how much time and effort you would want to put into doing that. If you were already married or living together, then perhaps you would be compelled to try to do that. But since you live independently at the present time, it is really a "what if" situation. That is in keeping with your original question of the Yi. If you were willing to help him heal, and if he were willing to look at his own issues, then perhaps you two could get back together. In other words, it's sort of iffy.

In other words, I agree with Bamboo above, that line 4 is more the operant line -- absolutely.

 

[maysa]

what i feel

hi!
what i feel from what i read is that working on what is rotten is not a one way movement. everything we do has a reaction. so you should have clear to yourself what is tollerable and what is not in all of those changes.
sometimes dropping and letting life does its role, without interfering, is a better choice.

 

[ginnie]

And the larger issue (for me of course) is the changes that have resulted in him from all of this are not aspects I'm willing to work with. Although my love and devotion to him stands unwavering, I simply do not want a relationship of any kind with the man he has become throughout this.

Kdedeaux4, you said that you simply don't want a relationship with the man he has become.

I know you love him, but we can only work on ourselves ...

You might influence him (his personality problem) by praising him, appreciating his good points, and never pointing fingers of blame at him. That is indicated by 18.5>57, one of the moving lines.

However, you might also consider that influencing him in a different direction would take too much work, since you and he started out with so many areas of basic incompatibility to begin with.

Maybe after so much fixing and changing, it would be better to just rest and relax and see what happens ... without interfering, as Maysa just said.