25.1.5 / mum dementia

[Lilly-La]

Hi all,

i have a really big, big, big problem.

My mum suffers from dementia. Since a bit more than a year she lives - first in a tiny rest home and since 2 months in a bigger rest home (more space, garden etc..). I care for her and we have a very, very good relationship. As usual this illness started with a deep depression. She got plenty of pills which i reduced in accordance with a doctor over the past months .. her brain worked better and better and she felt really well.

Since she moved to this bigger rest home she acts more and more agressively towards the carers - not though towards her friends or me. This is nothing new to me as i know she is not that dement to not reckognize her shortcomings. It is a mortification to be so depended on others.

However the current rest home carers like to sedate her as she acts more and more agressively even though she gets slightly more antipsychotic drugs than before.
I really do not see the need but it is easier for the carers to handle her when she is under drugs.

I am completely exhausted by now. Since over a year i fight drugs and try to find the best place for her to live. But i did not find it yet.

A couple of days ago I asked the Yi a general question: what shall i do now? And got
25.1.5 -> 35
25 Wu Wang, Innocence, the unexpected
35 Prospering

Today i asked: shall i take mum home to my place and care for her?
36.2.6 -> 26
36 Darkening of the Light
26 Great Accumulating/taming power

What you think? Thanks for any ideas..

 

[modestlearner]

what shall i do now? And got 25.1.5 -> 35

Keep the faith, take one day at a time, and expect the best. (25) Listen to and follow the wisdom of your own good heart (line 1) and don't fret too much over the carers because by doing what comes naturally and attending her through your own love and care, things will resolve themselves with the carers automatically (line 5) and over time things will steadily improve (35).


shall i take mum home to my place and care for her? 36.2.6 -> 26

While your faith and hope shine forth in this dark and difficult time (36) and your selflessness and sacrifice for your mother are noble and true (line 2) having her home will be all-consuming (line 6) and will take enormous will, strength, and energy (26), it, therefore, may best to let the nursing home care for her as "not eating at home brings good fortune" (again 26).

Please take care.

Modest Learner

 

[white owl]

Hi lily,

I am not liking the sound of it. Too much elder abuse that happens..most often in care facilities.

Hex 25.1.5 to 35
25 Wu Wang, Innocence, the unexpected
35 Prospering
what you wrote..is giving you the message I feel.."the unexpected is prospering"
Its hard to believe that there are people out there like that

My opinion she should be in a better place. Her behavior is telling you that. Something is going on. Then take it from there. I see 36.2.6-26 Eclipsing the light on this great power that surrounds your Mom. Moving her into better care home or bringing her home having a care nurse to come out to help with bathing, etc.

 

[Lilly-La]

Hi modestlearner and white owl,

thank you very much for your response.

As much as i like to bring my mum to my home, i fear i can not handle it either currently (have no energy anymore) nor on the long run.
Reading Tuck Chang´s text on the Yi (http://www.iching123.com/) it exactly expresses my fears:

36.6
Not brightening but tarnishing one's virtue, aspiration, etc.; it ascends into the sky at the beginning but later falls into the earth. One commences with a good start but cannot maintain it which deteriorates instead, and which will lead to a destructive end.

For 25.1 Chang recommends: Act in a pragmatic manner and without pretense.
It is probably a self-delusion i could care for my mum on my own.

BTW Tuck Chang on 35 (Prospering, to advance in a tender manner)
The inner hexagram of Jin (35) is Jian (39, Darkening of the Light), which is constituted by the bottom trigram Gen (keeping still, the mountain): the mountain, and the upper trigram Kan (the abyss, water): the river in front and the mountain in the rear signifies ‘difficulty in proceeding’, which is a warning signal. Should the warning be ignored, the hexagram could be reversed and Jin would step into the next hexagram Ming Yi (36): brightness being tarnished, wherein the sun descends below the earth.

Seems the Yi advices me to handle everything with great care and in a pracmatic manner as the carers/nursery home has much more power than i have.. i can not move my mother from A to B to C every couple of months, that is huge stress for her..