Clarity,
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1. Yi is reinforcing what I was directed to do before. You are still in the same situation as before. I'll tell you again: 28. You know well that the roof is still sagging. You know well that contacting her would mean putting more things on the roof. Don't do that. Don't be in contact with her. Continue fording the river.
I don't understand the nature of your question. Are you on an actual ship? Or is this a metaphor? And what's the crossing you're wanting to make? A crossing to ...?2. "I am distraught, away from home on the ship. How do I make the crossing?", 28.5 to 32.
The other night I asked: "Yi, Jenn wrote to see if i want to be in contact. What to do/how to best be?"
Again, 28 unchanging.
I am a little paralyzed, here, and don't know how to write back. Certainly, if we re-enter into contact, a lot of emotions will flood out-- the very ones which previously overwhelmed the roofbeam, but perhaps now in isolation I have my own roofbeam sagging, Perhaps "taking things off the roof" means relieving dialogue with her.
My two lines of thought are:
1. Yi is reinforcing what I was directed to do before. You are still in the same situation as before. I'll tell you again: 28. You know well that the roof is still sagging. You know well that contacting her would mean putting more things on the roof. Don't do that. Don't be in contact with her. Continue fording the river.
But it could also mean:
2. Since the situation is now different, 28 does not mean "cut contact" like it did before. The roof is your own. It's only you in the house now, and again, things are piling on the roof, which is sagging. You have been apart 2 months, and now, to relieve the sagging roof, taking them off means doing the other thing: restarting contact, taking some of that pressure off the roof.
Will be happy to hear others' thoughts
1. "what is the lay of the land with the breakup and jenn" and got 28 unchanging
2. "I am distraught, away from home on the ship. How do I make the crossing?", 28.5 to 32.
Back then, I took 28 to mean: you've been hashing out this breakup for a painful month, every day. Time to take things off the roof. Stop piling things on the roof. Stop contacting her. Stop trying to turn back. Go, cross the river, make the crossing. Most clearly: stop reaching out to her, make your own crossing.
I did a handful of readings around the relationship and then around the breakup (which came from her and which I did experience as a rejection).
I fell deeply in love this winter, a very 55/plentiful love, quick, fast burning, let's have babies, etc, and then... poof, it exploded.
Both of us were quite heartbroken. I left to work away from home for a couple of months, and processed a lot, alone, working on a ship.
I did a handful of readings around the relationship and then around the breakup (which came from her and which I did experience as a rejection).
Thanks. That makes the whole thing much clearer, especially since 'crossing great waters' (in or without boats) is a repeated theme in the I Ching.I was on an actual ship, away from home, a little isolated, working as a deckhand.
Oh hey again Steveday! I get now that you are on a ship, away from home .... but it occurred to me, I still don't know what you mean when you say:Yes, I suppose that's unclear. I was on an actual ship, away from home, a little isolated, working as a deckhand.
Indeed it was the second one. Part of the hexagram text talks about making a crossing-- in one version I like to read, it's all about crossing/fording a river, and that's a metaphor which stuck in my mind.Oh hey again Steveday! I get now that you are on a ship, away from home .... but it occurred to me, I still don't know what you mean when you say:
How do I make the crossing?
I wonder if this 'journey' is still metaphorical? Are you perhaps asking:
How can I make the crossing from having broken heart (feeling broken) to feeling whole again?
Or is it something else? Kindly, D.
Indeed it was the second one.
This is a very thoughtful and thorough response, thank you. I had a little chat this morning with Hilary and was thinking of some of the ideas here-- the "we are in love and that's all that matters" is certainly an attitude that's woven through.I think 28uc is a clear warning you will take too much on yourself emotionally and physically if you go back into contact.
You said you've been distraught. That's clearly bad for you in all ways.
I agree with your interpretation except I'd add there's some urgency to prioritise your self care here. Things like this can make you ill, so emotionally distraught you feel ill and cannot cope. Don't go there, focus on going your way. The Image says from Wilhelm
'Thus steveday, when he stands alone,
Is unconcerned,
And if he has to renounce the world,
He is undaunted.'
In extreme times like this there's nobility in renouncing all for your survival.
If she rejected you then you are the one left holding all the feelings and the questions and it makes you somewhat powerless. If you have regained some composure by no contact do not give your power away again lightly as it will cost you dearly. If you find you can get on with your life better through no contact keep no contact.
At this point if she wants contact she needs to decide if she wants you back properly or not. You can't afford the 'friend' stuff right now.
Also take some time to reconsider the narrative, another useful function of being alone
I'd ask if this was love because love doesn't suddenly go 'poof' and not exist. It also does not reject that quickly. The bottom line is if she was heartbroken by the breakup why did she choose to breakup then ?
You experienced it as rejection because it was rejection. I don't know enough about it to make any firm statements about what she was doing of course but it's possible there's a lot of fudging/lack of clarity all covered over by the words 'in love'. What I mean is when deeply involved and having used the words 'in love' to one another a lot of other stuff it allowed to flow under the bridge unnoticed, not seen as mattering. 'We are in love that's all that matters' isn't true if a lot of behaviour that doesn't work for us is just passed over. I wonder why she made it go 'poof' all of a sudden and what the lifespan of the relationship was ? They say 3 months is the limit of the highly romantic idealised period, maybe she can't get past that initial ecstasy phase. I don't know, maybe 28 isn't the best time to get a clear view objectively but the emotional space you gain can help you reappraise this.
I do like this idea of asking what she wants.As in "How can I make the crossing from having broken heart (feeling broken) to feeling whole again?"
I'll try and take a closer look soon.
In terms of jenn wanting to communicate, 28, if it were me I might start by emailing / texting back, and asking what she wants? To be friends, or to entertain the idea of being lovers again? Or something else? (It's sort of a pre-communication - laying the groundwork - to you actually communication with her or not.)
And hopefully how she responds will give you some sense of the 'path' you want to take in response - which is represented by 28's lower trigram (three line figure) Wind. And this will also help you determine if this is joyful communication (upper trigram Lake) or is more of an addiction (unbalanced trigram Lake) or will this just leave you feeling exposed and more sad?
Best, D.
This is my feeling too. They definitely aren't different right now and there's no use pretending that they are.I received 28 unchanging at a moment of choosing a trial separation from my partner. I, like you, received it a few times. It's not so much that I think things can't ever be different; I think it just means they definitely aren't different right now. I think it's telling you that her feeling/decision is pretty final and that it will be too much for you to be in contact. The situation simply stretched as far as it could go. I worry a little that it could be harmful (I think of 28 UC as "the straw that breaks the camel's back", it's just shown up that way for me a few times, in totally different ways) and push you back into that stretched place.
Whatever words you use, or however you decide to do this I can't say too much about. I'd only think, if I am asking someone else for clarity or I want them to answer me clearly about 'do you want me or not?' that I should be able to ask and clearly answer those questions of myself as well."she needs to decide if she wants me back properly or not" and I'm tempted just to state (restate actually) something to that effect.
But, I worry that that, too, is some form of piling something on the already sagging roof?
Unless I say it clearly, simply, without expectation.
We all do thisI suppose I briefly left the hut with the sagging roof but for some reason have come back inside again, haha!
You mean to say, I should know if I want her back or not?Whatever words you use, or however you decide to do this I can't say too much about. I'd only think, if I am asking someone else for clarity or I want them to answer me clearly about 'do you want me or not?' that I should be able to ask and clearly answer those questions of myself as well.
Best, D
Just wanted to check that I turned off the stove, that’s all. if the roof doesn’t cave in, i don’t want it to be my fault that it burned down.We all do this
Clarity,
Office 17622,
PO Box 6945,
London.
W1A 6US
United Kingdom
Phone/ Voicemail:
+44 (0)20 3287 3053 (UK)
+1 (561) 459-4758 (US).