30.3.4 ??

[Valeria]

hi ! I need your help
two weeks ago I met a guy, actually I saw him sometimes but this time I spoke with him. I'm comfortable with him, and he started to send me messages
BUT during a conversation he made a joke and I got a little bit angry...
later we have clarified and we joked...but the next day he didn't send me any message...and now I don't know if it is my fault for my behavior or he has no more interest to know me...
so I asked why there is no contact...
30.3.4 -27
maybe i ching is telling me that he has no more interest ?

 

[ginnie]

There is a bitter lamentation in line 30.3, and 30.4 speaks of something coming as if with the speed of a meteor and then burning itself out just as fast. Could be this relationship has ended as quickly as it began... or there is too much rushing involved.

 

[Cathalina]

I don't think it necessarily tells you whether or not he has interest in you. And quite frankly, you shouldn't use the I ching for that because you don't have to. We can't leave it all up to the I ching, it's not its responsibility especially when we can do it or figure it out ourselves.

I'm not sure about 30.3... I have several theories. One is in full agreement with Ginnie (perhaps he regrets the joke, you regret your reaction, a bit of both). However, it also feels like it's just a small detail, something that had to happen, if it wasn't that joke it would have been another joke during another conversation, it's just how things are, simple, your personalities clashed. (That doesn't necessarily mean the end but that it was bound to happen that one of you would step on the other's toes and one of you would back off a bit.) OR (and the one I personally feel stronger about) 30.3 could be about him - why isn't he contacting you? He is letting things be.

30.4 - he liked you a lot but he is releasing his desire for you. Why is he letting things be? Because he probably got turned off by your reaction. I don't know the joke and I'm not saying you don't have the right to feel how you felt but try to see it from his perspective - if he liked you, whether a crush or whether a platonic interest, he wouldn't try to offend you. And think of the context - it wasn't a fight or an argument. You didn't have to like the joke or encourage it or endorse it but the appropriate response wasn't to react strongly either or write him off then and there for a stupid remark. That's probably how he sees it and now he's probably afraid you're the kind of girl who can't take a joke (I know, it's unfair, just cause you can't take one stupid joke from him doesn't mean you can't take all jokes). But bottom line - just as quickly as he gained interest in you (example, as soon as he saw you he thought you were pretty) he is losing interest in you. And you can't blame him, when you are bearly getting to know someone you don't have much to base things on. Judgement tends to be quick, just as you were quick to get mad over the joke, and we make these judgements to protect ourselves. You react quickly - you don't want to be around someone who makes rude remarks or thinks in an offensive way. Too quick to realize it was a joke that didn't reflect his real views. He reacts quickly - he doesn't want to be around someone who is high maintenance and is going to snap at him over a stupid remark.

All of this is summed up in a way on hex 27 - Nourishment. Why no contact? Straight forward. Nourishment to me has often times meant 'recent past events' or 'past actions'. Basically how you 'fed' the relationship. Valeria, that night you (both of you) fed the relationship a bad meal. The no contact is simply because recent actions that transpired between the two of you left him put off.

As for him not having any interest - here is where you have to think for yourself. Be realistic. You don't need to use the I ching for this but the I ching is actually enforcing this anyway. Were the reasons he is turned off and losing interest for you strong? No, they are small reasons, a misunderstanding, a bad experience. So it doesn't mean all hope is lost, that is LOGIC. Don't get me wrong, even before that fight, there are no guarantees that he'll be your next boyfriend. And the answers given to you by the I ching don't point out to anything too strong either. The wind just happened to change unfavorable due to recent events but because they weren't strong, if you really like this guy, you can still fix them. You don't need the I ching to tell you to be more understanding of people, don't treat them so harshly, don't act rashly etc. You can ask it that and it can tell you that anyway even if you ask something else but you can come up with that all on your own. You don't need it to tell you whether this guy hates you or loves you. You know it's too soon, he liked you, he's probably turned off, but if he got put off over something small it probably won't take much too put him back on either.

If you really like this guy Valeria I would suggest you re-examine your attitude, learn from your mistakes (not that you made any major mistakes but we should always sit down and examine what we did wrong and how we should have reacted so that we don't repeat ANY mistakes, big or small), calm down a bit (no assuming he lost interest, waning and losing are different things, no assuming his jokes reflect his inner views, etc) and try contacting him some more. In this I would also suggest maybe asking the I ching what you can do to continue developing things between you and him or perhaps what you can expect to happen between you and him in the near future.

People change their minds and their moods all the time.

 

[Valeria]

thank you ginnie for your help
Cathalina, thank you so much for your advices ! you're right when you say we shouldn't use i ching for this but I'm afraid that the potential relation (friendship or something more) has been compromised.
After the 'joke' (and before the question of this thread) I also asked 'How will our relation evolve?'
22 with line 2 and 6 ...