31.3.4 > 8 Meeting

[flowypetals]

Hi everyone,

Recently the guy in question suddenly contacted me after we stopped contacting each other for around 3 weeks. He seemed busy those days with his social life (perhaps), but yesterday he messaged me and apologized for not replying accidentally, and wanted to meet up for a drink at his house. I actually had the feeling that he just wanted something sexually during that point of time which i hope i am wrong.

So i asked Iching: Why does he wants to meet?
And gotten 31.3.4 > 8

Would like to request help to interpret this hexagram. What does it suggests? "Influence in your thighs" seems to relate to that feeling i had when he suddenly contacted me. Any idea?

 

[maggie may]

Hi,

I think it is tricky asking about the motivations and thoughts of others. I think we can assume that he is interested. I think it is safe to assume that many men are open to intimacy. It does seem to be a motivating factor. If you are having doubts about the encounter at his home, maybe suggest an alternate meeting place or something you can do together that would be fun. Having drinks in someone's home is going to be naturally intimate. If that is not what you want, or it is too early for that kind of situation, than let him know and offer an alternative.

Mountain below as representing you, the questioner, could indicate that a focus on your own individuality is beneficial. It is common in early stages of dating to put our best foot forward and do what we think others want us to do. Everyone says 'be yourself.' but it can be easier said then done. But it is worth thinking about. It is best to be liked for who you are then who you try to be. It is this show of confidence and independence that others find appealing.

Many blessings,
Maggie

 

[minto]

Even though I don't know how to interpret this hexagram, I agree with Maggie on all the tips she gives you. If you are asking this question, you don't seem happy about the idea of him wanting you just for sex. Is that your gut feeling about him?
A straight way to know his intentions is meeting in a neutral place, as in a bar, and there you will be able to see how the conversation develops: if he tries to kiss you, or asks you to go to his place... Another option is asking him clearly what he wants from you, but that may be top direct and spoil any good option.

 

[flowypetals]

Thanks Maggie and minto for the interpretations and advises!

We were intimate before that but then somehow we lost contact for some time and when he suddenly contacted me for a drink at his house I somehow felt he just wanted the intimacy we had. I don't actually mind it a lot but i just wanted to know whether he wanted to meet me because he misses me or just the intimate moments haha.
All along i wasn't sure about his interest towards me and i didn't ask anything also and just let this unsure relationship go. However his sudden contact affected my determination of letting things go.

I will heed your advises and suggest an alternative and see how things go.

As for the be yourself portion, yes when i was interested in him i somehow lost myself also in the midst of him being critical of me and tried to adjust myself to his liking. But of course it did not turn out well as i also find it hard to be someone i'm not and i agree very much to your point, after much thinking, I would rather have someone who likes me for who I am,

 

[flowypetals]

Just a little update and some questions.

In the end I still went ahead with the plan and went his house for a drink after a month of not meeting. And of course intimate stuffs started again.

Today i asked Iching 2 questions:
What action should i take to make progress? With the answer being 37.1.5.6 to 15.
People in the home, I've read up that 37.1 could mean clearly defining positions and roles, does this mean i should approach him to ask about my position in his life?

And with this question in mind, i asked Iching "How should I ask him about us?"
The answer is 42.1.5 to 23.
I've gotten this exact answer when i asked in my previous thread regarding what i should do to improve our relationship. The man in question is the same. Does it mean the same thing which is to ask him directly in person?

Appreciate any help, thanks!

 

[maggie may]

What action should i take to make progress? With the answer being 37.1.5.6 to 15.
People in the home, I've read up that 37.1 could mean clearly defining positions and roles, does this mean i should approach him to ask about my position in his life?

Your question is about the action you should take to make progress. The answer speaks to you and is not about asking him. The lower trigram represents you and the inner qualities of the situation in regards to your question. Fire is about clinging and attachment. It is your own 'home' environment and what that means to you. It can also represent clarity, perception in knowing your own feelings about this.

What does it mean to 'make progress?' What are your expectations? What kinds of actions do you think are possible in the pursuit of making progress? Relate these questions to the attributes of fire: what
is the fuel and the environment that keeps the fire burning?

Arousal in line one is about your intention and the fuel for that flame. What are your priorities? Your actions depend on clarity about the answers to these questions. You have to know what keeps your flame alive. A fire needs tending. It warms the hearth and home. It speaks of passion and also of transformation.

Wind is the upper trigram and speaks to the question 'action for progress.' Wind is a gentle breeze that keeps going. It is effects over the long term. It is investigation. The image of a family is people who have come together to make a safe haven. It take work where the immediate effects are not necessarily seen or felt. Wind over fire is about family, but it can be people who have decided to be together.

You cannot make another person become what you want them to be because you have decided to take action to make progress. What does he want? What does his home fire look like? What feeds his fire and gives it the air to breathe? I see in your question expectations. It is OK to decide what you want and make decisions, choices about how to get there. In a relationship though, there is always the other person to consider. It does not mean they are wrong or bad because they do not have the same needs or desires. You cannot change these things about a person. You can only decide if they meet your own.

Best wishes

 

[flowypetals]

I see i see, thanks Maggie for the correction and interpretation.
By progress i meant for this to progress to something better rather than just staying as "friends".

For myself, I'm not sure what keeps my flame alive though as i realize a lot of times i don't really know what i want. It's more like when i can feel his attention and care, my flame brightens, but when he becomes cold and distant, i will feel hurt initially and sulk but slowly my flame will dim down also. For example during the weeks we did not contact each other.

As for his fire, I'm not sure what it is also because I had never ask him about anything deeper of himself, he did mention he prefer "wild" girls and girls with good fashion sense catches his attention.

After thinking through, I feel that I'm really confused about myself,
This time round i asked Iching: What is going on with me now?
And gotten 7.3 to 46
'Perhaps the army carts corpses – pitfall.'

 

[diamanda]

What action should i take to make progress? 37.1.5.6 > 15
37.1 - enclosed at home.
37.5 - he approaches as a king.
37.6 - he has prestige and power.
15 - a modest mediocre result.
I believe this tells you that if you continue to only meet at his place, and if you let him behave towards you like a great king, there won't be any progress.

How should I ask him about us? 42.1.5 > 23
If you approach him (42.1) with kindness (42.5), you two are not going to last long (23).
In any case I believe Maggie is right, the 37>15 answer was not advising asking him.

What is going on with me now? 7.3 > 46
You feel like you've lost the war.

Sorry to say this flowypetals, but it doesn't sound like this is going well. You've said before that he doesn't seem to like your clothes style (!), now you say he clarified that he likes wild girls, you've also said he finds many things wrong with you. In all these months he mentions nothing about a relationship or his feelings, and yet he feels free to criticise you, and then just contact you whenever he has intimate needs - and the cycle just goes on.

Please think carefully what you want from a relationship, and write it down, and find someone who fits the description!

 

[flowypetals]

Thanks for the clarity with the lines diamanda. I can partly see why there is no progress from your interpretation of allowing him to be the "king', and of course another part is that I realize I don't have what he needs/wants and thus he couldn't provide with what i need also. (As per what Maggie mentioned, the 'fuel'.)

I will bear all these in mind and move on. Greatly appreciate all your help in this matter!