33.3.5 - 35 help!!

[deusa]

Hi
Everybody around me is telling the A guy I asked about in previous questions is going to come back...
I feel very ambivalent towards such a situation, so I asked the Yi:
"Everybody is saying he is going to come back. What will happen? Will he come back? How?"
33.3.5 - 35

Retreat - advancing

As retreat has been coming up in other questions, I first interpreted it like "just retreat from the whole affair and relax. It is hard to retreat as there are things pulling you (line 3) but eventually you will be able to do it (line 5). This retreating will lead to enlightenment.".

But re-reading it, it could mean "he retreated, although with effort, but he will advance again...".

Aaaaah! Somebody help me!
Thanks for any help given.

 

[jching]

I think both of your interpretations are valid. And I think the important part here is that IChing states, that the Retreat will lead to Advancing. However you will read the lines, you will get to the same statement.

I really like this reading. It talks about how we go through cycles of withdrawal and advancement. When time of Retreat dawns we feel distressed and in peril (line 3). Once you give in and accept the time of retreat in an admirable way (line 5), the cycle changes back to Advancement.

 

[deusa]

Do you mean that, whatever the reading, wether it is me or him, the result is going to be good?
So, instead of trying to understand if it is him or me, the better thing to do is rejoice because better times are coming?

 

[jching]

Hi Deusa, I know your question was about "him" but you cast the coins. I noticed that although I often ask what will happen with some other person, IChing tends to answer about me and how I feel and what I will be likely to do. So, with that in mind, I think it may be you that will be ready to advance once more..

When I had similar problem, I asked IChing 2 questions: what can I expect from me and what can I expect from him. Maybe that will help?

 

[jching]

But yes, to answer your question, Hexagram 35 is very auspicious. It is the time of advance and prospering. Karcher says: "Prospering describes your situation in terms of emerging slowly and surely into the full light of day". Now that's gotta by a reason to rejoice

 

[themis]

Hello,

33.3
Tied retiring. Possessing affliction, adversity.

33.5
Excellent retiring. Trial, significant

The ambivalence you feel is reflected in line 3, possibly. Line 5 reassures you that your retiring stance will lead to relief/contentment/satisfaction. Go with your gut feeling, your instincts will guide you.

 

[deusa]

I think the Yi is telling me the same thing over and over again...
I had 19.1 > 7 when I asked what should I do about the situation with A.
And days before I asked what happened really (he disappeared and I don't know what happened really) and it answered 14 unchanging.
I was puzzled. So I asked "were you saying 14 to me or to him?".
And it answered 27.6 > 24.
Don't you thing it is saying more or less the same thing? Trust, stop, everything is going to be alright...

 

[meng]

Back off and give him a chance to approach you. Not saying he will, but if he's going to it'll be because he feels emotionally free to do the approaching, not because of your advances or your angst over him; so backing off, whether or not he's up for another go-round with you, seems like good advice, and the way to progress.

 

[deusa]

Sound advice.
It is 2 months since I last saw him, 1 month since we "broke up" and 3 weeks since I sent a last sms/e-mail with a pretty good poem about bereavement.

Since then I completely withdraw and I intend to keep things this way.

My biggest problem is not external, it is internal. I'm having problems letting him go from my mind, from my life. The memories, the things that make me remember, the questions unanswered... The sensation of total stupidity because I believed, I really did. The sense of betrayal...

But time heals. 1 month is nothing.

 

[deusa]

When I write "everything is going to be alright", it is not aboutnhim, it is about ME. I am going to be alright. Independently of him.
And that is my aim, to be alright, independently of whoever.

 

[blue_angel]

Hi deusa, Happy New Year to you.
Did you try reading Hilarys thread on how to cast for relationships? Its up above, its sticky and with a red envelope to show its a hot thread. Reading this really helped me with my own relationship questions. I know for myself there are some questions I was afraid to ask because I was afraid of the answers. I'm sorry about your break up. It sounds to me like you don't want to lose hope that you can be together again and yet if all hope is indeed lost, you at least want some closure.
Now that you've said this your 33 changing to 35 sounds like once you are able to fully let this go you will begin to advance again. But I could be wrong. Something that helps me when casting is to clear my head and heart, meditate before. My answers seem more clear and make more sense that way. Yes, I do believe time will heal. I do believe light is at the en of the tunnel for you. My grandmother always said "this too shall pass" it always gave me comfort. Or "the sun will shine again". I once read "it doesn't matter which path you choose, they both lead to the same road." Don't worry, you will get there. Don't lose hope. If he's meant to be, he will come back. If he's not, there's probably a good healthy reason why and someone better is waiting. Take whatever positive you can from the relationship, figure out what you learned from him, and about yourself. This at least helps me let go. lots of love and hugs

 

[meng]

I understand better now; thank you for explaining it again.

90% of the time the one I need to retreat from is in me. I think that's a pretty normal average, and I believe that's Yi's primary intention in 33.

 

[deusa]

Now, I find it harder to retreat from someone inside me then from someone outside me...

It needs discipline, maybe that's why I got a 7 in 19.1 > 7...

Blue angel, nice post. Helpful and you got it exactly...

Now I can see the positive in our relationship. Last week I just couldn't... Too painful.

Now I can and I feel that I have to let go. Enjoy life. And everything is gonna be alright.

 

[meng]

Now, I find it harder to retreat from someone inside me then from someone outside me...

It needs discipline, maybe that's why I got a 7 in 19.1 > 7...

Yeah, makes sense to me.

 

[deusa]

I still can't understand totally how this thing works, but I'm amazed...
I wanted to ask you, nice people who are answering me from all over the world, to my little unimportant problems, to my dilemmas, what do you think of this.

I have bouts of saddness and I miss the guy, what can I do?
So I asked the Yi:
I'm still hurting a lot about A. What can I do to lessen the pain and feel better?
47.4 > 29
It looks terrible at first sight, doesn't it?
But unconsciously it helped somehow. Why? I don't know. I know I read bradford's and hillary's interpretation and afterwards I felt better, the Yi makes me generally feel better. Like a therapy or something.

I think it is saying it is hard, it comes and goes (29) but I have to concentrate on me, hold firmly, and the pain will lessen.

BUT it also tells me something about him, amazingly... The guilded carriage. I couldn't relate it very well to my situation, and suddently it made sense (I think). It is also him repeating. Him in the guilded carriage proceeding slowly and, as bradford said in an old post, he would better use the whipp on him instead of the horses...
It made so much sense I felt peaceful afterwards.

Any comments?

 

[meng]

Any comments?

Only that what I said about 33 has applied equally to 47. In most cases (almost all cases), 47 is self-inflicted or indicted, and only rarely points to something out there. Even legitimate physical exhaustion is typically a result of ones vacated energy, often from nothing more than worry. Usually it's our own self-doubt and/or self-pity that drains our lake.

Line 4; I get this when I have everything I need, but seriously hunger for something specific that I don't have. Is there hope of getting it? You'd think by now I'd know.

Imo, Yi doesn't always provide an answer. Sometimes it just reflects what it (what we ask about) really is, nothing added, nothing taken away. We're scratching our heads, going, and? and? But that's it: here's what it looks like. It's your life; you choose.

 

[deusa]

Yeah, it makes sense... 33 and 47 the same thing. And, if you look closely, almostbthe same as 14 which tells you to trust yourself... Right?

Sorry meng, i sometimes don't totally understand what you write. English is not my first language as you know... When you write about line 4, what do you mean by "you'd think by now i'd know."?

And what about 29? When do you get it?

 

[jbutler]

33.3 means to go back to your home (wherever that may be) and although you might worry about him coming back, stay at home (in your heart) (be true to your convictions) and care for yourself or those close to you.

 

[meng]

Yeah, it makes sense... 33 and 47 the same thing. And, if you look closely, almostbthe same as 14 which tells you to trust yourself... Right?

Sorry meng, i sometimes don't totally understand what you write. English is not my first language as you know... When you write about line 4, what do you mean by "you'd think by now i'd know."?

And what about 29? When do you get it?

I get your meaning, yes.

About line 4, I meant that I have the feeling that I should have experienced this already and have been done with it. By now, I should know better. That's part of what I feel when I get this line. Or, here I am again... or still. Kinda stuck.

29, as I think it applies here is the repetition of pattern, often unconsciously, such as an obsession. We're supposed to learn from repetition, but if we don't, we can find ourselves near the edge of a deep chasm. For water, it's all in a day's work, no big deal to fly off a cliff; kinda fun actually... weeee! But if you're concerned about your health, it's best not to get too near the edge.

There's so much to be learned from 29 beyond this, but that's how I'd apply it here.

 

[deusa]

One thing that took my attention in 47 was the part of "action instead of words". Our relationshio was very much based in words, written and talked.
I acted, he acted less.

It makes sense, you know, to be attemptive to ACTIONS. Less then to WORDS.

 

[rodaki]

Only that what I said about 33 has applied equally to 47. In most cases (almost all cases), 47 is self-inflicted or indicted, and only rarely points to something out there. Even legitimate physical exhaustion is typically a result of ones vacated energy, often from nothing more than worry. Usually it's our own self-doubt and/or self-pity that drains our lake.

Line 4; I get this when I have everything I need, but seriously hunger for something specific that I don't have. Is there hope of getting it? You'd think by now I'd know.

Imo, Yi doesn't always provide an answer. Sometimes it just reflects what it (what we ask about) really is, nothing added, nothing taken away. We're scratching our heads, going, and? and? But that's it: here's what it looks like. It's your life; you choose.

(rather OT here but, this is exactly what I needed to hear just right now, thanks )

 

[deusa]

Rodaki, there is no OT here. If you want, tells us about it!

 

[rodaki]

I had to make a choice about a journey, deusa, and Bruce's words made it much, much simpler

 

[deusa]

Did something I have never done: I cast asked the Yi for advice for today.
It came out 64.6 > 40
It is so funny! My day is finishing but actually I am in the middle of unfinished business.
The line 6 and the 40 were really funny!
I had a release of tension associated with a situation related with A.
And I had the sensation I made some progress in letting him go.
That is all stated in line 6 and in hex 40!

When do you get these hexagrams, in your experience?

 

[deusa]

Well, just for recording sake, it could help someone in the future, i was in 33.3 and I am currently stepping to 33.5. Great!!!

 

[gene]

Deusa

Part of the answer reflects your own ambivalence towards the situation. You want him to come back? You want him to stay away? Line three hints of your desire to hold on to him, but in doing so there are compromises; line five indicates your desire to let go. You will have to decide which is the better choice.

Gene

 

[deusa]

Thanks Gene
I was ambivalent (line 3). But I am more and more free of it, and able to let go.
And for me it was a temporal thing. First it was difficult, then it was easier, like the line going up, so to say.

In a way, as the cast 19.1> 7 should, in another post, i needed to connect with my inner adult part. And I needed help, the help came from the course I was in on sunday.

I'll let you know how this evolves.

 

[deusa]

Just an updatd: so far the guy didn't show up.
No ambivalence anymore. I don't want him to show up.

I'll let you know if there is any other develpment. As far as I can see, the Yi answers can take months to unfold...

 

[deusa]

Well, thinking about this, i think the Yi was telling me about how i would feel about this situation. I was changing from felling dettached to hurting, like waves that were progressively smaller.
Then, one day, I didn't show up at a dinner where he was, but friends of mine did. And what the told me had a strange effect on me.
I could feel a dettached affection and pity for him and, finally, i moved on. For real!
Ufff! Free at last!

 

[deusa]

Update: suddently, out of the blue, he reappeared and started writing e-mails. Short e-mails.
Saying i am important for him and he wants to keep in touch. After one and half year, almost two, of disappearance.
I felt mad. But i kept silent, and i will keep silent.
Silence is a great mirror.