36 unchanging - What would it be like if he went to a different school?

[Irmamata]

My son is a sensitive bright 6 year old kid and is starting to get bullied at the school he goes to. He’s getting sad and angry sometimes asking why other kids make fun of him.He knows that if he ignores them, it’ll stop, but I don’t see my son capable of ignoring them and solving this problem on his own, at least for now.Changing school wouldn’t solve it either (because you get that type of alpha kids everywhere) unless it was a different kind of school.I have always considered (dreamt) enrolling him in an alternative open plan school, which I luckily happen to live not so far from. It’s considered an incredibly successful project. It has been visited and praised by pedagogs from all over the world. It’s a place where his qualities might have better chances to bright. Kids are very well prepared regarding knowledge, autonomy, responsibility, mutual support and cooperation. All sounds wonderful if it weren’t the fear I feel of embracing something different (even though I totally believe in it) because making important decisions for our children, well, it’s hard.So I asked the Iching, what will it be like for my son if he goes to this open plan school, and I got 36 unchanging.I usually have a hard time getting what the I ching is telling me, and here I am not sure if it means my sons brightness will be hidden if he moves to this new school. The oracle says: Brightness hidden. Constancy in hardship bears fruit.Does this mean that remaining in the school where he is having a hard time will be the best option for his future?Thank-you in advance for your help.

 

[equinox]

Does this mean that remaining in the school where he is having a hard time will be the best option for his future?Thank-you in advance for your help.

Hello Irmamata, since you wrote that your son is unhappy with the status quo, I would rather think that 36 UC mirrors this state and a change of the situation could help him to brighten up. That's my guess, but I find unchanging Hexagrams are though to interpret. Especially since you ask for a third party it's hard to say.
What does he think about it?

 

[Irmamata]

Hello Equinox, thanks for your reply. He thinks the unfriendly kids should just start being kind. I am afraid this can be the beginning of a long term situation where my son might have a hard time to find friends with alike minds at his present school. I spoke to his teacher yesterday and she said academically he is doing great, but socially, he seems to have a hard time fitting in. Then, she just asked me if I had ever heard about this school I have been seriously considering lately, as if suggesting (which she officially cannot) and this is now encouraging me to follow my gut. Like you, I would rather think changing will brighten him up although I got an unchanging hexagram.

 

[equinox]

Can't he have a trial day there or at least visit the school to have a look? And can't you talk with somebody of this open plan school about your worries -- I think you are not the only parent confronted with the difficulties of such a decision.

P.S I mean of course, they will promote their school, but if you get in touch with them you can see how they respond to things like that and if he is in good hands there.

 

[mulberry]

You asked "what will it be like for my son if he goes to this open plan school?" and got 36 unchanging, "Brightness Hiding," or "Darkening of the Light." Unfortunately, I disagree with Equinox here—it's important to focus on the question you actually asked. You didn't ask about his current school. You asked for a picture or description of what this new school would be like for him. 36 is a very painful hexagram, it's about being in a situation where you must "hide your light" in order to survive. For whatever reason, being open and being your true self, "shining forth," is dangerous in a 36 situation. Another translation is "brightness wounded." There's a real sense of suffering to this hexagram, it's not a very nice one to be frank. As Hilary (I Ching translator and owner of this site) has written about 36, "And times, in Hexagram 36, are hard... It’s important, receiving this hexagram, not to gloss over the real risk of injury."

Two links to read more about 36: https://www.onlineclarity.co.uk/fri...eriences-with-Unchanging-Castings-Hexagram-36

and: https://www.onlineclarity.co.uk/answers/2010/04/26/hexagram-36-brightness-hiding/

I'm a longtime user of the I Ching and I would be extremely hesitant to send my child to a school for which I'd received 36 unchanging as a reading for their experience of it. Unfortunately the reading doesn't mean "changing will brighten him up," it means the absolute opposite.

In your case, the phrase "out of the frying pan, into the fire" comes to mind. As well as my own knowledge of how "free schools" or Summerhill/Sudbury/Democratic-type schools (not sure if "open plan" is the same thing) often facilitate a particularly pervasive style of bullying through their non-interventionist philosophy. I would be more inclined to send my own child to that type of school if they were having trouble with academics/focusing/being happy doing schoolwork—not for social issues.

I agree with Equinox that you he should do a trial day there. I would also look very carefully into the social dynamics of the place. Don't rely on the administrators (who are often really marketers these days) to give you a whole picture. Rather you should talk to other parents. I'd specifically ask them about turnover. How many kids leave each year, how many teachers, etc. And how conflicts are handled.

 

[rosada]

I'm wondering if the I Ching is saying it might not be possible for him to get into the new school?

Although I agree with Mulberry that one should focus on the actual question asked, I do find the IC sometimes gives us not so much an answer but a snapshot of our current state. So while 36 uc could be saying, "He wont be able to get in" or even "It wont help him lighten up" I do think it's worth considering that the IC is saying his current situation is what's dark - perhaps to encourage you that no matter how unfamiliar the new school's program might be it, it's gotta be better than the cave where he's at now.

The fact his current teacher went so far as to hint he would be better off at a different school is a huge red flag, imho!

So I vote you don't just do nothing. At least visit the new school for a day. Would they let your son visit for a day too? If he has the opportunity to check it out and then can himself choose where he would prefer to be that would be ideal. Even if he chooses to stay where he is, the fact he chooses it himself will empower him.

Have you spent a day in his current classroom? If you actually see what's going on and who the bullies are you may then be able to help him negotiate things better.

Please keep us informed.
Rosada

 

[Trojina]

I wouldn't choose a school solely on the basis of an I Ching reading I would go to the schools of choice first and then look at the readings.


Actually my very first thought on seeing this is that your son is keeping you in the dark, or not quite revealing what is really going on with him in order to hide the real reason / Now only being 6 years old this will be from a state of innocence/unknowing of course. Could there possibly be any other reason he isn't happy at the school he is at ?

Lots of ways to interpret this of course, I only mention my thought because it jumped into my head.

I don't think you should stop at just calling it 'bullying' I think that may gloss over what over what might actually be happening. It automatically makes other children wrong and him the victim and I'm wondering if there are other dynamics at play.

I find it bizarre the teacher at his current school suggested another school. I'd be wondering about her and I'd also be questioning her quite closely about what she meant by 'not fitting in' ? Why wouldn't he fit in, what makes him different from any other child there ?

I know I shouldn't keep saying what 'I' would do...but it's my way of thinking it through. I don't know but feeling is why the heck should he move schools becasue of a few silly children or a teacher that isn't handling conflict in the class properly ? I mean why should he move ?

I don't agree that a good tactic for him to ignore bullies, not at his age, the teachers should be taking educational measures against them or at least fully support him in self assertion, organise meetings between parents, do something, not just say 'try another school'.

I mean practically of course go and take a look at the open school...erm but I just think there is more to this than what meets the eye, which is typical of 36 of course, things are hidden and 36 can even mean one hides things from oneself.

Also at this age surely if there is bullying then a meeting ought to happen at the school between parents of both parties and the head teacher. Not at all good enough to say 'oh he doesn't fit in try another school'. Hang on why wouldn't he 'fit in' ?

Is there anything about your son that you might be hiding from yourself ? For example mild autism or general social difficulties ? I'm not suggesting he has these I just think there is a lot more to this than him going to another school. Apart from what he says about bullying is there anything else he hasn't told you about why he's not happy there ? I don't think any of this can be taken a face value hence before making any big changes perhaps probe beneath the surface of the situation a bit more.

I think Yi's answers are often bigger than the question put, thankfully, hence it will not always stick to the question put, it, the question, can be too small and not the main issue. This isn't only about the new school IMO hence if you only ask about the new school you get a wider answer such as you got here IMO.

However it might be a direct answer about the new school, I couldn't rule out that possibility. All I'm giving is my impression just based on thoughts jumping out so far.

 

[equinox]

Unfortunately the reading doesn't mean "changing will brighten him up," it means the absolute opposite.

But did you also read that my posting was based on the assumption that this result could mirror the status quo of the situation? Please don't quote me out of context. I wrote:

'I would rather think that 36 UC mirrors this state and a change of the situation could help him to brighten up.'
As you surely know, the I-Ching does sometimes hand the question back and simply shows a picture of the current situation. My idea was also considering the information given by Irmamata. Anyhow, I am never ever cocksure about any of my interpretations, so maybe you are right.

I'm a longtime user of the I Ching and I would be extremely hesitant to send my child to a school for which I'd received 36 unchanging as a reading for their experience of it.

I would be hesistant to make a decision that concerns a third party based on any reading, especially if the question is 'what will it be like for my son...' I wouldn't be too sure, that the Yi answers directly on questions dealing with the future of a third party, as I already said.

In any case I also wouldn't rely too much on a single I-Ching reading here, it is a far-reaching decision so it should be well thought out. As you said, it is important to be very well-informed about the other school. And last but not least, the opinion of the person concerned is crucial.

 

[mulberry]

Hi Equinox, I was quoting Irmamata, not you.

She wrote " Like you, I would rather think changing will brighten him up" in her second post on this thread.

Back to Irmamata:
I agree with Trojina, I find it bizarre that the teacher is suggesting another school. Seems irresponsible. Is she a longtime teacher, or relatively young and new? It's February. The school year probably ends in June, yes? Perhaps this is an issue with the teacher, not your son nor his classmates nor the school as a whole, and a different teacher next year would resolve the problem.

 

[equinox]

Hi Equinox, I was quoting Irmamata, not you.

She wrote " Like you, I would rather think changing will brighten him up" in her second post on this thread.

Oh, sorry. uch:

 

[galatea11]

Hi Irmamata,

I'll keep this brief because I don't necessarily feel qualified to interpret other people's readings but an interesting experience with 36UC came to tell me (I think) that there indeed was "brightness hidden" in a stressful situation. In 2014 I prepared my own federal and state income tax returns with great apprehension and received 36UC when I queried the I Ching as to whether I should go ahead and file them. On this forum Ginnie advised that I should do so. I filed the returns, encountered no problems in the aftermath, and - very strangely - later became so enamored of the process that I am now switching careers to work in tax preparation. Think the "brightness hidden" in that 36UC reading was that a golden opportunity lay concealed within a stressful situation. Maybe the new school for your son will prove to be a bright opportunity that arises out of a dark situation?

Btw.. I was a bullied kid in school so I have great empathy for your son and for you. A friend of a friend here in the US sends her highly intelligent, sensitive son to an alternative school and he is doing great there - no alphas in sight. "All the kids are geeks." his mother said of the place affectionately.

Best wishes to you and your son.

P.S. I just glanced at James DeKorne's site and he gives "Intelligence Unappreciated" as one of the titles of Hexagram 36. My "geek" reference above pertained to kids who are academically very gifted from a young age - in my neck of the woods (large urban area) these kids often have trouble fitting in with their peers because their interests can be so different.

 

[Irmamata]

Thank-you all for your replies. Helping me think out this situation. This is a relatively recent situation. Grade 1 is quite a challenge and kids are all adapting, learning loads of stuff, and finding their place. 6 year olds come from playing all day to sitting and working all day. This bullying started a few weeks ago and I spoke immediately to his teacher.The teacher is addressing the situation. Yesterday I arrived to pick up my son, and he was playing with one of the bullies’ toys. So the mini bully was kindly sharing with my son. Turns out the kid apologised and promised to stop ’kidding’ with him. Let’s see how long this lasts.He is in a good school, but mainstream schools stick to the curricula, they can’t pay more attention to fast learners. I think what the teacher might have meant is that my son could reach further goals in an open plan school. Plus she knows me, knows we arrived recently from Sweden and she knows I might be open to that school. Her own son goes to that school, so I am sure she meant no prejudice.Today he seems much happier, he says he’s happy the kids apologised. I will keep observant.I am still not sure about brightness hidden. Might mean I should keep this open plan school ideas to myself in order not to hide his brightness in another place. Might mean the opposite, he’s not brighting as much as he could and this is what his teacher seams to think, as well as what galatea11 and equinox are hinting, not to mention myself.I will come back to this thread.

 

[rosada]

Re-reading 36 I realized it's about protecting one's light so now it seems to me the I Ching is saying moving your son to the new school would be a way of protecting his light. So not a warning that the new school would be bad for him, but not a far seeing prediction of how he would ultimately do there. It seems to be more of a short answer concerning the bully problem emphasizing that your motivation for sending him there is to protect him. If this is the case than I see 36 as confirming he would be safe there. However, the fact that the hexagram is unchanging makes me think you wont take this step and indeed it sounds like things are improving at the old school now that you've focused your attention on the issue. You might ask how he will fare if you keep him in the old school but stay close to the situation - as you are doing now which seems to be working.

 

[Irmamata]

I asked my son if he would like to change school and he said yes, of course, in grade 9! He's in 1st grade, so I am not sure how seriously he took me... anyway, I don't want to talk seriously with him about changing schools yet. However, I could see that the idea of changing schools, at least did not surprise or upset him. Then, as Rosada suggests, I asked How will his light bright if he continues at this same school? and I got hexagram 29.1.2 changing to hexagram 3. Scary, right?

 

[rosada]

Scary but scary rides can be fun for some people!
29.1.2 sounds like a caution to deep thinkers about how to avoid taking things too personally.
3. The need to sort out feelings.

I think you're son is being confronted with some heavy issues right here at the beginning of his school career. I think his success in maintaining his brightness will hinge on his ability to cleanse his mind of misconceptions at the end of each day by going for a walk and then talking about his day with you to get the further clarity and support you can offer.
Read hexagram 3 as a guide to how confusion is to be clarified. 3.5 says that for the beginning difficulties to mastered requires continuing back and forth discussion and experimentation.

Interesting how your son mentioned the ninth grade. It occurs to me it might be of value to strengthen this vision by asking him for details like, "What do you hope to know by the 9th grade?" Anything to focus his attention there and not on distractions like the baby/kids going through their own dramas around him now.

 

[Irmamata]

Hi, it's been a few months since the bullying situation happened. The teacher managed to controle the situation. She was immediately hands on. Kids apologised, promised to stop, I know I informed here earlier, but I am posting to let you know that the kids are actually keeping their promises. She's a hands on, serious and sensible teacher my son is lucky to have this year. I don't know the details, she said she didn't reach to the parents because she kept an eye on the situation and saw things were getting better every day. (Although I kind of sensed the kids parents were somewhat... friendlier than usual, but I don't know. Sometimes people just smile more because the weather is nice!) Whatever she did, she did it well. Last Saturday, one of the kids who teased my son the most, came over to play. They played like crazy and the 'power' was actually quite levelled. My son is really happy the bullying is over. And although I don't see him making as strong connections at school as I have seen him making in earlier years, he is totally involved in everything that goes on in and out of the classroom. The teacher finds him a very autonomous learner. Sometimes, when I pick him up, I observe him and I don't see him playing with the kids from his class, and he is comfortably involved watching the bigger kids play. Other times he is playing with his classmates. He says he is okay, and I also think he is ok. Rosada: He is so focused on grade 9. He thinks he can become a veterinarian right away at grade 9. He insists he is going to be a Vet for big animals, small animals and a marine biologist.