Clarity,
Office 17622,
PO Box 6945,
London.
W1A 6US
United Kingdom
Phone/ Voicemail:
+44 (0)20 3287 3053 (UK)
+1 (561) 459-4758 (US).
So sorry for you. Maybe I am wrong but to me it seems clear that 54 is a marryibg Maiden far from marriage. You will be exhausted and to my feeling you should run. Take what s yours even if for the beginning you can only afford a small room in a shared place. It has nothing to do with defaults your side but you are losing self conscience and self respect letting all this happen. 38 could be a nice new relation? Run away, dear, wish you all the best.Hello, this is only my second time posting, been a lurker in these threads for quite some time. Things have come to a head in my personal life and the Yijing continues to communicate that outside perspective would be helpful.
Long story: I am in a turbulent relationship that has been off and on, did to both parties insecurity and immaturity (hexagram 4 has come up as we have unique circumstances of 'growing up' and going through changes together) as well as very difficult outside circumstances. For instance that for financial reasons, we are living in the home where her mother died years ago, with her father with whom she has a bad relationship.
However all divination and messages I've received have continued to encourage commitment to this person, while being aware she does not have the same level of emotional availability, as it would be good for both of us practically (Marrying Maiden came up quite often), and I cannot financially afford to move out on my own. Plus there is a deeper connection we share that comes out from time to time when it is not blocked by trauma responses, practical concerns and anxieties, and I love her very much.
One of the sticking points lately, as we have gotten back together, is that from the start our agreement has been to have an open relationship, as that is a bottom line for her. It has mostly been her seeking out other connections, usually for superficial or sexual reasons, and she has no problem seeking these out when our communication is blocked. In the past I have "freaked out" over this as it seemed she was using other people to avoid or punish me. As a consequence things were quite bitter between us for awhile, and only recently have been readdressed.
I also have dallied with a few other people, but at the end of the day feel unable to connect the way I want to with them so long as there is trouble at home, and my own depression and insecurities remain unaddressed.
To me relationships are a spiritual matter, I agree with the principle of open partnerships but to me solving the primary partners' disconnection should come first, and before that, individual disconnection from the self.
And I do crave to feel like a priority, or that her desire for others does not detract from a desire for me.
So she met someone recently after insisting what she needs to heal in the relationship is to sleep around and feel free (because I had a brief fling while we were estranged while she was too busy to)....who is "better" than me in every way. More accomplished, taller, active, fit, interesting, etc. I'm fairly aware of my own insecurities on this front but still chose to trust her with this connection as I can tell she is very excited about it and she reassured me that it doesn't change her commitment to our larger goals. Also I have a good friend with whom romantic feelings are beginning to bloom, she is aware of this and has no problem with it.
However with her, it's not just the one guy. She continues to bring up every "cute" person she encounters at work, is seeking more matches on dating apps, and insists on making it a daily topic of conversation. If I have a problem with it she blames my insecurities rather than reaching out of herself to consider my feelings, or acts as though my feelings should dictate her choices. When all I am asking is that they be heard, acknowledged, and recieve reassurance.
I feel frustrated by this endless appetite for new people romantically (never as friends) also because she is barely keeping up with her prior commitments at home, such as sharing housework, care of our pets, or spending quality time with me, and working 50+ hours a week. Her busyness has led her to be short, stressed and irritable. At this time my pointing this out is too touchy an area. she perceives it as criticism of her and shuts down or blames it on her ADHD.
I'd also rather talk about our shared interests and passions for the arts and spirituality rather than "hot" people as I'm not sure what is even expected of me when this comes up? It feels like a dead end for conversation. But I am wondering if there is some deeper reason she insists on this topic.
_____________________
Question:
"What is driving X to continue to seek out new connections and put so much focus on them?"
Answer:
Received 38.2 >21
38. Estranged
Line 2:
Meeting a master in the street.
Without fault.
The other person is on this occasion in a position of power. Nothing wrong with that.
___________
Browsing forums has not given me much insight, (probably because foolishly, I asked the Yi to tell what is going on in HER head/heart.)
But I would interpret this as....she is seeking a master? Someone to tell her what to do?
She feels estranged from me and is looking for someone with "an inner affinity"?
As in, a better match, but feels prevented by circumstances to be honest about this, and is leading me on?
I simply want to know if I am projecting,
Or truly being lied to about her intentions.
If so, I can make plans to extract myself and maintain some dignity, as currently I am running her household, helping her with problems, but not receiving almost anything in return romantically.
However, if this is pointing to "biting through" our problems as she is merely seeking these flings to exert her individuality and see if I will respect it....that is different.
And if there will be a reunion once this issue is "bitten through," I do not mind a period of distance.
Prior to this I asked Yijing
"how should I approach communication with X about chores and problems?"
And received
58.1 > 47
Which I interpreted 47 to mean the general atmosphere of exhaustion and depression in our circumstances. But 58 seems quite positive, an encouragment to stand strong in myself, and communicate quite openly.
Or to focus on pleasure, as in making communications pleasant or putting pleasure first.
I am not sure how to reconcile these readings!
Many thanks
Kestrel
thank you for the well wishes.So sorry for you. Maybe I am wrong but to me it seems clear that 54 is a marryibg Maiden far from marriage. You will be exhausted and to my feeling you should run. Take what s yours even if for the beginning you can only afford a small room in a shared place. It has nothing to do with defaults your side but you are losing self conscience and self respect letting all this happen. 38 could be a nice new relation? Run away, dear, wish you all the best.
What is driving X to continue to seek out new connections and put so much focus on them?
38.2 > 21
But I would interpret this as....she is seeking a master? Someone to tell her what to do?
She feels estranged from me and is looking for someone with "an inner affinity"?
I never thought about this combination in the light you described. It sounds so accurate. She is your master, so in turn she needs a master. She is definitely estranged from you, very estranged from your description, what's going on between you doesn't sound like a relationship at all. 38.2 is an informal meeting, perhaps an accidental meeting, one for which no formalities are necessary. 21 is a painful punishment (is she into S&M?). She is being highly cruel to you, so perhaps she's seeking someone to be cruel to her.
how should I approach communication with X about chores and problems?
58.1 > 47
This cast shows someone who is supposed to be happy by themselves, but in effect they end up quite distressed by loneliness. So, how to approach communication about chores, tell her that you're unhappy to be doing them all by yourself.
What is the character of X/can I have faith in her?
27.2.3 > 26
She is seeking 'nourishment' (sexual partners) in all the wrong places (27.2). She is consuming 'food' which isn't really food, and this brings misfortune (27.3). Is it possible she's taking drugs? 26 shows a big animal, and mentions not eating at home. Her home with you obviously doesn't mean anything substantial to her. Her character is to seek nourishment improperly and not eat at home. What faith can you have in such a person? She's basically saying to you "to fix our relationship, I will do anything to break it further".
to face how much effort I have put in to this relationship for it all to dissolve feels such a waste
This is a trap. It's how gambling addicts lose everything. "I've already bet so much and lost it, now I want my payback." Thus they bet and invest more, they lose more, till they end up with nothing. Be careful please. Sometimes it's better to cut our losses before we get completely destroyed.
The Image
Difficulties and obstructions throw a man back upon himself. While the inferior man seeks to put the blame on other persons, bewailing his fate, the superior man seeks the error within himself, and through this introspection the external obstacle becomes for him an occasion for inner enrichment and education.
Thank you. I think that is the question I have been avoiding to ask as it will give me a sort of "end point."It’s interesting, this second set of readings does seem to validate staying for the time being (although maybe someone more experienced will think otherwise! That’s how it appears to me though.)
What she’s looking for, in your original question, 38.2 to me says she’s just desperate for connection. Even friendly connection. It might not just be friendly, I feel it could go either way tbh, but I have seen 38.2 come up when someone is having a hard time and just needs support and will take it from wherever. I feel like it’s neutral and it depends a lot on the situation whether this connection is appropriate or not.
The character of X 27.2.3 > 26 is looking for support in the wrong places. Chases what isn’t nourishing. Rejects what is. This is a big thing to “fix” (26). It’s a bigger issue than just being situational (it’s character, like your question said)
58.1 sounds like you have no choice (47) but to be content doing these things yourself 58.1 and you will have to be the one who brings yourself joy and ease, for better or worse.
It sounds like she’s struggling with a lot of issues. Those aren’t going away any time soon. Everything takes two though! So, there’s a reason, or many, you’re with this person. You seem to be aware of some of those things. I would keep digging. You can’t change her. So, given that, get as much help as you can for understanding your own attachment style and why you ended up in this dynamic. Maybe even ask about that? It’s not always that we stay with someone to have a happily ever after scenario. Sometimes it’s just about learning what needs to be learned and then finding the healthiest way to move forward.
I don’t really know a definite answer, more just that you’re seeing major deficits in the situation that will not be quickly or easily fixed, especially because addition is involved. Understanding what feels comfortable and familiar about this kind of person might be important.
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Clarity,
Office 17622,
PO Box 6945,
London.
W1A 6US
United Kingdom
Phone/ Voicemail:
+44 (0)20 3287 3053 (UK)
+1 (561) 459-4758 (US).