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38.4.5 to 61 - Take action or wait?

Medea28

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What should I do for him to come back? I have a pretty good understanding of what line 4 means (and indeed, we are birds of a feather), but what about 38.5? Does it say the ball is in my court? What about his attitude towards me? 22.5 to 37His intentions? 42.3 to 37What's the best thing for me to do regarding this whole situation? 38.4.6 to 19We've been separated for quite some time. I know he wants something, but all that he does is to send the most subtle signals. I've always been the one with initiative. The problem is I've already done my part: I tried to talk to him months ago and he basically showed me the door (it's a long story...). Now he's changed his mind but expects me to do all the work...Arrrgggh, why do I bother? Thank you!Medea
 
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diamanda

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Hi Medea,

Sorry to see that your previous thread was left unanswered, I guess it was because you had posted an answer to it yourself, so it appeared as though someone had answered. So I'll go back in time a bit, because your previous casts are somewhat similar to the current ones.

October 21st, 2017

got a harsh rejection, and then asked Yi what's the best attitude towards them, 19.1.5 > 29
19.1 says that he's probably involved with other(s) too?
19.5 says use intelligence. That means either find out if he's single, and/or be 'clever' about it all.
Hidden line 8.5 shows that he's a bit of a charmer with ladies?
29 shows that the danger with him is one you've always known about.
All in all the answer says that you already know how to approach him.

I also asked "how will the situation evolve" - 38.1.5 > 6
38.1 is quite obvious, it says that if you don't chase him he will come back (which, as you say, he has).
38.5 shows the need for you to make all the hard effort. Tuck Chang says about 38.5 that it shows someone who is not the one responsible for the separation making all the effort.
And yet 6 shows stress. And conflict.
So in conclusion, despite not chasing, and then trying, 6 shows great difficulties.

Right, now let's go onto your new readings.

What should I do for him to come back? Take action or wait? 38.4.5 > 61
38.4 says go back to 'the former husband', and 38.5 says put in the effort.
The hidden line is very auspicious for you! (41.5)
However, 61 shows a need to keep your truth within yourself.
Compare 29 with 61. In 29 the truth comes out. In 61 we just keep it to ourselves.
So, if you want him back, make all the effort, and don't speak openly about any issues.
For sure take action, and persist, but just don't voice your true thoughts and feelings.

What about his attitude towards me? 22.5 > 37
He doesn't have much to offer you - he can't offer you exactly what you're after.
But he does want to offer you something. And he feels you're family to him, he likes the familiarity.

His intentions? 42.3 > 37
He wants you to be there for him, because:
a) he's in trouble, and/or
b) he might run into trouble
and when that happens, he will need you because he likes the familiarity.

What's the best thing for me to do regarding this whole situation? 38.4.6 > 19
He has treated you terribly (38.4) and there are probably other women involved or he has treated you like a servant (hidden 41.6).
However, he does still fancy you, and he does still want to be with you (even if not fully committed).
It's in your best interests to persist and approach him and work on it (19).
The overall answer is not super great I'm afraid... because 19 contains a caution. But, going from separation (38) to approach (19) seems to be the best thing for you to do.

Go for it and fingers crossed! Even if it's not ideal, I truly think this is the best thing you can do for yourself as things stand.
 

Medea28

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Thank you for all your help, Diamanda (the previous thread included)! It's incredible the way you figured it all out without me giving all the details about this story. You are very much right. I'll keep you updated.
 

Medea28

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I asked some more questions, because I really want to know what's in my best interest right now. What if I just give up and forget about him, what would my love life be? Hex 39.4 to 31. Show me a picture of his feelings. 28.1.5.6 to 14. What is the potential for a relationship? 22.1.2.5 to 57. How does he see me? 27.3.6 to 36. I am sorry for this many questions, I don't expect a feedback on all of them. The thing is, this man and I have a very long and very turbulent story but also a lot of things in common. We share the same dreams and have some kind of spiritual connection. We were both very immature when we first met and it never quite worked, yet for some reason we remained obsessed with each other. This has gone for years. A very unhealthy situation, "persistently ill and still does not die". He is actually in a relationship with someone else right now, I don't think he knows what he wants, but he won't set me free either. He rejects me, then wants me back. The whole situation drives me crazy and I just don't know what to do. Thank you!
 
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Medea28

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Ok, quick update. I followed the advice and showed him that my door was still open. That made him open up, too: for the first time in years, he shared with me his feelings. Things he kept hidden out of pride and resentment (we both made huge mistakes and hurt each other a lot). I asked Yi how should I continue with him. The result was hexagram 42.4.5 to 21. I guess it says that I should keep the communication going.
 
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diamanda

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Great to hear that it worked and he opened up!

What if I just give up and forget about him, what would my love life be? 39.4 > 31
Sounds like it's impossible to go away from him for now.

Show me a picture of his feelings. 28.1.5.6 > 14
He wants to slowly get rid of heavy stuff between you, and come back, but he just can't deal with it all.

What is the potential for a relationship? 22.1.2.5 > 57
If you take it slow, and focus on superficiality, and accept the crumbs he has to offer, then you'll get those 'crumbs'. Saying that, ok he has very little to offer you, but what he does offer you is sincere. 57 shows that none of you will give up, so it sounds good overall to me, given the circumstances.

How does he see me? 27.3.6 > 36
He doesn't see you. He doesn't have any resonance with you.
He's 'feeding' on things which are not food (does he do drugs?) and he believes he's top of the food chain.
So he truly has no spiritual connection with you - he's totally elsewhere in his head.

how should I continue with him 42.4.5 > 21
Persevere with him. If you go elsewhere, and try with someone else, you're in for a nasty surprise.

In conclusion, even though this relationship is far from brilliant, just keep going, accept even the little he has to offer and don't push for more. Certainly don't push for any 'deep meaning'.
 

Medea28

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Thank you so much, Diamanda! Well, he lives a simple life, so he might not have much to offer. But that's only because he's chasing his dreams and those dreams have nothing to do with the beaten path. He's smart, talented and a little adventurous and has always been surrounded by a crowd of admirers. He's a good person, too. We were young and dumb when we dated and it took us years to realise we had so much in common. Our paths are very similar. Anyway, I don't want to get my hopes too high. Let's see what happens...
 

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