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4 Relationship Questions: 30.3.5 > 25 ... 25 UC ... 28.2.3.4.6 > 20 ... 47.2 > 45

ck4vmjilu

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I've been dating someone for 6 months. An old friend I've known a few years, but have reconnected with. Of all guys I've known as friends, he would be the one I'd trust the most. But it's been tough. My history before him was a 10 year marriage to a highly abusive, destructive alcoholic and it's definitely left it mark on me...deeper than I realized until I started dating this new guy. I suppressed many of these wounds since my ex and I broke up. They've been resurfacing tremendously now I'm in a relationship again. Along with the fears, severe trust issues, and co-dependent symptoms -- they seem to come pouring out in this new relationship. I've been going to counseling to deal with them, but find myself in cycles of repeating the same suspicions, fears, and trust issues with this new guy that make me feel like he's hiding something. There's some kind of disconnect between us. When we're together, it's great. But then something small happens, and my whole world goes out from beneath me - my mind takes over rampantly and I overthink myself into a depression when we're apart. I've had such mixed feelings about this new guy, and I know a lot comes from the ex relationship, but I don't know how to discern the old from new at this time, so I asked a few questions about the potential for this relationship to get a better idea if all this mentally and emotionally exhausting purging is worth staying in this. Or if perhaps my intuition is putting me through these cycles because it wants me to jump ship. Previous readings I've done over the past 6 months seem to always advise me to be still, wait, and let things unfold naturally. Here are 4 most recent readings I've done over the past week... any insight onto interpretation would be appreciated. I've provided my own, but doubt myself in truly understanding what's being said via I Ching. I used the Online Free Clarity for hex interpretations, and Lise's YiJing site for the lines.

If you have any suggestions for better questions to ask to get a better idea if this relationship is worth it or not, I'd like to hear those too. Thanks in advance!

What is the benefit for staying in this relationship? 30.3.5 > 25 Clarity with me relating as Without Entanglement.
Being able to see who someone really is, or who I am really am, without entanglement. Gaining clarity of insights and intuition (from the Online Free Clarity reading: "Then the moment of insight can become lasting awareness, so that we enter into creative communication with the signs and messages around us, and truly see other people."). The description for Without Entanglement reminds me a lot of overcoming co-dependency. Something I've been working on past few years after splitting from my ex. Perhaps this relates to me in this situation as a way to "officially" break free from co-dependent habits.
Line 3. finding joy and happiness in seemingly useless things so walls I've built from previous relationship can be broken down - my heart can reawaken to being young and open again.
Line 5. and this will be done by letting out the sorrow and grief I've kept buried from the past out now. A purge, so to speak, that will build a contact based on deep and genuine feelings rich in value and honesty.

What is the detriment for staying in this relationship? 25 Unchanging Without Entanglement.
First thought I had getting Without Entanglement for this, when I just had it as the relating Hex for the benefit, makes me think that how I relate to this relationship overall is the detriment in itself... if that makes sense?
Perhaps there's unexpected events on the horizon I'm not privy to that are a detriment... Other I Ching sites name this Hex "Innocent" so perhaps it's something about me being naive. I'm not sure... I'm at a loss with interpretation.

What is the potential of this relationship? 28.2.3.4.6 > 20 Great Exceeding to Seeing.
It will be outgrown. Stress will cause the bubble to burst. The image especially makes me think I'll be standing alone without fear and withdraw from this relationship without sadness. I relate to this with Hex 20 as trying to see the bigger picture? Not getting caught up in specific things.
Line 2. sounds like someone gets a "real" wife. Maybe I am the wife. Maybe he gets someone else. It sounds fruitful... just not sure how to interpret.
Line 3. thoughts become reality: whether you think you can or can't, you're right. Something about staying present rather than thinking too much?
Line 4. little things take me off balance. A swinging pendulum of ecstasy and then fear of vulnerability. Self-confidence takes a brutal blow. [Honestly so far, these lines sound more "current status" than potential.]
Line 6. accepting pain, sorrow, fear and loneliness as part of my soul's deepening and lessons. They drown me.

What is my best course of action given this info on the relationship? 47.2 > 45 Confined to Gathering
Rely on yourself, learn to enjoy your own company. Do not rely on words, they're not to be trusted. Perhaps the words are my own whirlwind of thoughts I go through when I feel off balance and all my old trust issues come up. Or perhaps this is warning not to trust his words. Regardless, I need to hold to my own purpose and seek approval from within, not without. Get comfortable being isolated - that's where the true growth, expansion, and fulfillment of fate happens. I relate with Gathering by gathering something... either internally or externally. Maybe it means finding people I share identity, and invest together for a purpose?
Line 2. don't get carried away with hope when it seems recognition comes - be cautious. Don't force anything. Let it play out naturally (basically the advice I've been getting for the past 6 months with this guy. Which I'm finding more and more annoying. This whole relationship has been a holding pattern of "wait and see!")
 

foxx777

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You’ve made your own excellent analysis. (y)
I can see why you’re baffled as to 25 unchanging in terms of asking about the detriment of staying in this relationship. Perhaps the Yi means to say that staying would prevent you from being in a 25 state, “without entanglement”, which would be more desirable?
The fact that you’re becoming annoyed with a “wait and see” approach is understandable. Don’t invest too much until you’ve “seen”.
 

ck4vmjilu

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Thank you, I’m glad to hear my analysis sounds good. I wish I could get a more clear answer as to whether I should not trust his words or my own words (thoughts/self-talk) for my advice with 47.2 > 45. Some sort of confirmation whether it’s my past fears or true intuition telling me he’s hiding something :( ....maybe I’m expecting too much from an IChing reading lol. It’s just driving me insane not knowing if it’s all in my head or if it’s a true red flag.

I appreciate your feedback, thank you very much. I’ll update what happened with this once the wait and see part becomes seen.
 

marybluesky

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Hello ck4!

What is the benefit for staying in this relationship? 30.3.5 > 25
It helps you to clear your heart up (30), stop lamenting for lost opportunities (30.3), complete the stage of mourning for past experiences (30.5); and get rid of unwelcome influences to become yourself again (25).

What is the detriment for staying in this relationship? 25 Unchanging
Not developing enough intimacy (due to trust issues?).

What is the potential of this relationship? 28.2.3.4.6 > 20
It's messy (28). There is potential to form a good relationship (28.2) however a heavy burden (your past wounds?) risks to damage its pillar (28.3 and 28.4). If you don't address the unsolved issues, the relationship will be buried under them despite your sincere efforts (28.6). It's a good moment to contemplate(20).

What is my best course of action given this info on the relationship? 47.2 > 45
You're confined (47) at this moment, so don't take any important action; nurture the inner life instead: it's the right time to do so (47.2). Your contacts are better to remain at social gatherings level (45).

Good luck!
 

ck4vmjilu

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Hello ck4!

What is the benefit for staying in this relationship? 30.3.5 > 25
It helps you to clear your heart up (30), stop lamenting for lost opportunities (30.3), complete the stage of mourning for past experiences (30.5); and get rid of unwelcome influences to become yourself again (25).

What is the detriment for staying in this relationship? 25 Unchanging
Not developing enough intimacy (due to trust issues?).

What is the potential of this relationship? 28.2.3.4.6 > 20
It's messy (28). There is potential to form a good relationship (28.2) however a heavy burden (your past wounds?) risks to damage its pillar (28.3 and 28.4). If you don't address the unsolved issues, the relationship will be buried under them despite your sincere efforts (28.6). It's a good moment to contemplate(20).

What is my best course of action given this info on the relationship? 47.2 > 45
You're confined (47) at this moment, so don't take any important action; nurture the inner life instead: it's the right time to do so (47.2). Your contacts are better to remain at social gatherings level (45).

Good luck!


Thank you very much marybluesky! Your interpretations have given some good insights I hadn’t thought of. I definitely resonate with your interpretation for my question about the potential of this relationship. It does feel like a heavy burden, and I already know the relationship will burn if I don’t take care of this old stuff... dang pesky trust issues :rolleyes: lol. I appreciate your response - best wishes.
 

TheOtherLiss

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What happened with this situation? Could you please walk us through how the hexagrams played out for you?
 

ck4vmjilu

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What happened with this situation? Could you please walk us through how the hexagrams played out for you?
Hello,

Sorry for the delay in response, I will update this coming week when I’m back at home. Lots going on with holiday / New Year’s week.

In the meantime… Happy 2022! :)
 

ZeroPoint

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I also hear a practical problem that Yi is pointing out, and you yourself: you were in an abusive relationship for a long time. You have habits to unlearn.
They won't just disappear, because you are still carrying toxic thinking. If you want your best results, you made benefit from some temporary counseling help to grieve the hope lost, repair the damage done, and meet new people on your terms. Your story suggests you're trying to do it yourself, too quickly. The magic works when you work too. Your previous replies acknowledge this also. Don't let your new interest be the only available source of good feeling and appreciation... that ridgepole will give. MaryBlueSky had some very thoughtful insights, I thought, especially about 45.
 

ck4vmjilu

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Apologies for not updating sooner. My dad passed away shortly after I promised to update in January.

For how these played out...
Well, I am still in a relationship with the person who this questioning was about. However, I’m not terribly satisfied in our relationship, especially lately. When I last replied in January, I was ready to cut all ties and breakup with him once our lease was up. When I told him why, there was quite a transformation that has me reconsidering now, however I’m fully convinced yet and try to see what happens. So to answer more specifically for how those played out at the time and shortly after posting my original post, I must say Marybluesky was pretty dead on in her interpretations. Foxx777 and ZeroPoint’s were valuable and helpful points as well and they did apply to what happened and how it played too.



The benefit – I spent a solid year after posting these questions doing a significant amount of purging to clear up my heart and soul in several ways that have helped me become me again. Purging especially emotionally, but the most significant was in a spiritual manner through a full blown “Spiritual Emergency” my boyfriend helped me work through that happened October – February 2019-20. It cleared out a lot of old wounds, gunk and spiritual debris, more than I can describe in a tangible way.



The detriment was and still is not developing enough intimacy. I still seem to crave a relationship that is something “more” because there feels like there’s something “missing” and I think true intimacy is that thing. The walls were first about my own trust issues. Later, come to find out, he had trust issues too. And for whatever reason, it’s become more apparent that there’s always this gap to a true spiritual emotional intimacy between us. Like he’s only able to have a skin-deep connection, mostly because he’s rather immature and his idea of a serious relationship is my idea of casual dating (he was 8 years single, limited long-term relationship experience, and no kids vs me who was married and has 2 teenagers). Near three years later and this lack of intimacy is what’s creating such a riff currently that makes me want to give up on us and seek something deeper elsewhere.



The potential of our relationship has definitely been messy. The heavy burden damaging the pillars has been this lack of intimacy amongst other unexpected problems that have surfaced since 2019 on my boyfriend’s side that are not being properly resolved. So it’s felt like the relationship gets buried under them and has been.



My best course then was (and still is!) to nurture my inner life. I didn’t keep contacts to only social gatherings, I kept on with the relationship and there’s been many ups and downs since then.
 

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