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43.2>49 - how am i gonna ever get over first love

redtrain47

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Hello, so this breakup happened July last year and it was very hard for me, I felt really blindsided. And what she told me was basically that she just wasn't ready for the relationship but she still loved me blah blah blah and I never really believed any of the excuses but a couple times after we had already broken up she would reassure me that she wasn't lying about that.

Then etc. etc. I have a pretty rough year, it takes a very long time to let go of the hope of getting back together (and I honestly still hope that deep down probably) and around the beginning of this year I decided to start to cutting contact with her and block her from social media, which she didn't want. I tried to do that a couple months after we first broke up and she was upset and said "how would you feel if I tried to cut contact with you??" and said that she wanted us to still be friends.

I feel like I've made a lot of progress in feeling better since last year, but I heard through a mutual friend that she has a new boyfriend and everything just goes back to square one. Thinking about her all the time, feeling betrayed by her cause of everything she told me (even though she was single for a full year I guess), looking through our pictures, still feeling like I'll never be able to love anyone else, while she's already moved on etc. And it just really is painful for me and feels like I'll never get better, And I'm just feeling very tired and weary because I've gone through this past year pretty much completely alone.

So yeah, for this one I got 43.2>49. And just for reference if it helps, right before I got this reading I asked "Any help for what I have to do right now?" referring to this situation and got 17.3>49. But I felt like the question was too vague so I rephrased it. Thanks.
 
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Hi.
I am not very good at interpretation and I very rarely give my thoughts here... but your answer for 43.2>49 You want a radical change but it doesn't seem to be the time...

Line 2​

‘Alarmed, crying out.
Evening and night, bearing arms.
Do not fear.’
The ‘crying out’ from the Oracle is heard again. This line connects with 49, Radical Change. Truth howls in the dark, and we are thoroughly alarmed. (The character ‘alarm’ consists of ‘heart’ and yi, ‘change’, making it pretty clear what frightens us.) This is when we’re liable to take up arms, which the Oracle said wasn’t a good idea. Perhaps it still isn’t – at all events, better not to over-react or over-identify.

It comes from here: https://www.onlineclarity.co.uk/answers/2018/06/17/hexagram-43-deciding/

Maybe you are just not ready for getting over it?

I know how painful loving someone and not being retributed can be... I know how obsession works too. This is not love and maybe crying it out, expressing your feelings and letting them flow not trying to obtain something... just let them arise and things will change as it is in their nature. Sorry for my English... I am not native in it

For some fun:
 

Liselle

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You got 49 relating twice, interestingly. The relating hexagram is your position, how it seems to you subjectively (the primary hexagram is more objective).

49's about regime change, and the Oracle says "On your own day, then there is truth and confidence." I agree with Mutatis - "your own day" hasn't arrived yet, but it will. Someday you will get over this.

In the meantime, you will be as 43.2 describes, but Yi says you needn't be (which is easy for Yi to say and harder to do, of course).

I wonder if the defenses in 43.2 (which help you feel safe because you're prepared and armed) and the call for maturity in 17.3 suggest that if you want to block her and so forth, go ahead and do it. Some broken-up couples can stay friends, but that certainly won't be right for everyone. Do what is best for you and pay no attention if she objects. She might want her cake and eat it too.
 
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Liselle

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Oh - and putting your guard up in a mature way might be a way of declaring "your own day" or helping usher it in.
 

rosada

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43.2 is the state of mind where we keep obsessing about something and fortunately it reassures you needn't fear, eventually you will get over this... though you may not believe it till the day you do - 49. "on your own day".

Suggestions for working through the obsessing:
A lot of the ache of separation has to do with the agony of our mental process - how we keep chewing on it, trying to sort it all out and particularly trying to put it into words. We try to explain it to ourselves. We try to somehow make sense of it so we can then file it away and forget about it. This can take a long time. Fear not! Someone else has already done the work for you: Get the book, "How to Survive The Loss of a Love." It's a stream of consciousness of all the thoughts that go through a person's head as they recover from a break up. As you read it, it's like these are your thoughts and you find your brain being able to process what happened just in the time it takes to read the book rather than the years it would take if you tried to sort it all out on your own.

Another thought about 49. - I often see this bit about "your own day" as advice to check your astrological chart. Better yet, get an astrological chart (astro.com) that compares your birthday with hers and tells you what the relationship was all about - why it worked and why it didn't. It's a great help in being able to evaluate the relationship objectively.
 
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