44 unchanging

[Nekan1973]

Dear all,
First of all, I want to say hello to all of you because it's my first time here. I am Spanish and hope my English is good enough for you to understand me.
I don't know if I am in the appropriate thread. If not, please, let me know.
My question is about a man I have been dating during the last ten months. I knew him at work and from the very beginning he wanted to meet me outside work. Since I liked him very much too, I finally accepted.
Just a day before our date, a colleague at work told me he was married. The first time we met outside work, I asked him why he wanted a date with me, since he was married. He told me his marriage doesn’t work anymore. He showed a great interest in me and so did I. He was very polite, cheerful and made me feel good, although he is very reserved too. Although from my point of view he is very attractive and handsome, he is an average man. I didn´t think he was a philanderer because apparently he is not that kind of person. I believed him when he told me his marriage was over, but as time went by I realized he had no intention to finish his marriage.
I finally decided to stop dating him. I don’t accept this situation and I reproached him for his behavior. I recognize I lost my patience in many occasions. We stopped talking one month ago, just before my holidays abroad with my friends. I asked the I Ching: “What can I expect from him in September when we both come back from holidays?” The answer was 44 unchanging. I know the situation is negative but I don’t know exactly how to interpret.
Thank you very much for your patience and help.
Best regards from Spain

 

[Tim K]

Hi Nekan,

have a look here List-of-unchanging-hexagrams-threads


I see it as: you can expect seduction, the beginning of an end going all the way to hex 23 by removing all the yang lines (2,3,4,5) and then hex 2.
I think you should stay away from that man.

Tim

 

[diamanda]

Hi Nekan and welcome,

Your English is great, I understood every word you said

What can I expect from him in September when we both come back from holidays?
The answer was 44 unchanging

He will want more sex, but no commitment.
He does not plan to leave his wife for you.

How you proceed is up to you and what you're after.
If you're ok with sex without commitment, then it will be fine.
If you're after commitment, then you'll be wasting your precious time with this guy.

 

[ginnie]

He sounds like an interesting man, but the fact that he is married really changes the picture. Hexagram 44 unchanging just means "going to meet;" that is, you go to meet him. I disagree with those who say that Hexagram 44 is invariably negative. Hexagram 44 unchanging can sometimes be very favorable. If he were single, do yo think that you would want to marry this man?

 

[Nekan1973]

Thank you very much. I still have a lot to understand about him but perhaps it's the most appropriate: stay away from him if this everything he has to offer me.

 

[Nekan1973]

Thank you very much. It is quite difficult but I am not prepared to have a relationship just based in sex. Although it has been very passionate, in the end I will suffer a lot. I will stay apart.

 

[taoscopy]

“What can I expect from him in September when we both come back from holidays?”

44 - Invitation

One must not abuse hospitality.

This is a very wide answer, there are plenty interpretations possible. However there is a problem with your question, you are asking what someone else is going to do.

Imagine two chess players playing by mail and one asks the Yi: "Hey what is he going to do if my move my queen there?"

The Yi wouldn't answer, that would be cheating. So 44 is the occasion to think about what you are asking from the Yi and not abuse the Yi's knowledge.

When you consult the Yi, you have to go throught different gates, the more gates you pass the more knowledge you gain.


The first gate is yourself, if there is something wrong with you, the Yi will address it instead of answering

The second gate is your question, an incorrect question closes the door of the knowledge

The third gate is the background, if you have no background the result will be meaningless, you can ask a question about quantum theory, if you have no knowledge of quantum theory you won't have a clue, but someone who has studied quantum theory will be able to understand

Pass those three gates and the Yi will tell you what you need to know.

 

[Nekan1973]

Thank you very much, taoscopy. I've just started with I Ching and I really find it very difficult to interpret. I think I should take my time to make the appropriate question. I will think about it.

 

[moss elk]

“What can I expect from him in September when we both come back from holidays?”

However there is a problem with your question, you are asking what someone else is going to do.
The Yi wouldn't answer, that would be cheating.
.

It is not possible for me to disagree more.
I do it all the time with pure intent dealing with incredibly
challenging people.

Is it cheating if you open your curtain to look outside?
Is it cheating for a rat to stand up in a maze? (Thanks Bradford)

I agree that the purity of one's intent is important.

 

[moss elk]

44 often describes sexual affairs.
That's what you have now, and that's all it will be when he returns.

It is best to ask questions where you are the subject though,
You can get more intelligable answers then.
Like, "what is best for me to do?"

 

[diamanda]

Totally agree with Moss Elk here.

Nekan, obviously you know very well what your intentions are towards him.
And so, very logically, you asked about his intentions, to see if they match yours.

44 is very very clear - just a few examples of different translations say it clearly:

• Do not take this woman
• Not at all useful to court this woman
• Not for marriage
• It will not be good to marry the female

Also, 44 mentions a meeting/sex - in combo with the above, don't sound promising at all for a relationship.

So the I Ching has fully and clearly answered the question about his intentions.

 

[Nekan1973]

Ohhh, Moss Elk… Thank you very much! I have just seen the light at the end of the tunnel! A question I have been asking myself during months has been solved with your post. I appreciate so much your help!
As you have indicated me wisely, I have asked the I Ching: “What is best for me to do?” And then hexagram 43 came to bring light. I have seen everything clear with your conclusive comment about which his intentions are. Perhaps I still had some hope.... But he doesn’t want any relationship but sex, and this is exactly what I do not want.
In any case, I am angry with hexagram 44. It advises against taking a woman. But I am not the one who chased him! He was the one who did it. And precisely I ended up because I do not want just sex. Here it is the opposite: I shouldn’t take this man. He is cheating me and his wife! Dangerous man. I do not want him anymore. Out!
Thank you very much, Moss Elk!
Best wishes from Spain!

 

[Nekan1973]

Diamanda, thank you very much too! You have confirmed to me what Moss Elk has said. Although as I have indicated in the previous post, hexagram 44 is unfair with women. Both women and men can be bad to take, not just women.

I send you my best regards.

 

[diamanda]

Nekan, please don't be angry with 44. It is not against women.
My post was a far too small summary of 44, and I didn't do it justice.
The meaning is not that the woman is 'bad'!

I'd like to put it in another way and explain 44 better.
It mainly includes these notions:

-- danger
-- meeting/sex
-- temporary

From his point of view (since your question was about him), he wants sex (as you know already), he considers you dangerous (because he doesn't want to break his marriage, so of course this is a 'danger'), and he views your affair as temporary.

It certainly does not diminish your value in any way!
It just shows what 'you mean' to this stupid cheater.

My best wishes to find someone handsome, honest and worthy!

 

[Nekan1973]

Diamanda, thank you very much for your clarifying notes.

Being "angry" is not the appropriate word I should have used. I misinterpret because I have not much experience with I Ching and I still have a lot to learn. Also I should take into account we are in the XXI century.

As I told you, I found it very difficult to interpret this hexagram correctly because I thought it was just my fault; as if he (the man) had nothing to do with this situation and it was just my own responsibility. I have never been married but I wouldn't like being a woman with a husband cheating me. He told me his marriage was broken but obviously if our relationship hasn't gone further, it is because he hasn't been honest.

I am very grateful for your help.

 

[moss elk]

Yeah,
The 43 says to get rid of him, without violence.

One may surely get gender specific and apt descriptions,
But many times you get pictures of the dynamics (thanks Hilary) and players and have to 'feel' the answer. The Yi isn't sexist, only some people think so.

 

[Olga Super Star]

I didn't get the rat one.
You mean maze as a labyrinth, that thing where people get lost because their path is shadowed by tall hedges on both sides?

 

[moss elk]

Yes, you've got it.
Tall Rat, low hedge wall.

 

[Nekan1973]

Thank you very much, Moss Elk. It is quite hard when one discovers the truth. I have never wanted to marry (I am very independent) but I do not feel well being an option for a man, unless it is for just one night.

I will follow reading this site to learn from you all.

Have a nice day!