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48.1.3 into 60: Odd Dating Situation

galatea11

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Good afternoon,

The I Ching has flummoxed me yet again. This is not an Earth-shaking matter but.. recently I had been dating a man who often suggested getting a drink at a local bar. At first that seemed reasonable enough since many of his friends frequented that establishment. Then it became apparent to me that he was carrying on a very heavy flirtation with one of the bartenders who worked there. I sort of doubted my impression until another customer made a remark about the subject. Finally validated, I felt angry and humiliated. My date and I had a nasty argument in which he accused me of imagining everything. After we both calmed down he later conceded that the bartender always flirted with him but he had no feelings for her. About 4 days passed and I heard nothing further from him. In this period of time I decided that I had no intention of seeing him again.

Now he has resurfaced, calling and texting me incessantly, telling me how much he misses me. Thus far I have not responded. I keep an I Ching journal of sorts. Today I expressed my inclination to simply avoid communicating with him and asked the I Ching for guidance. To my puzzlement I received Hexagram 48.1.3 into 60.

Huh?

Is the I Ching actually advising that I speak to this guy again, if only to clear the air? Lines 1 and 3 seem to be indicating that I am remiss if I do not do so (?)

For the record I then asked the I Ching what would be the effect of my writing a text message to him in which I expressed my feelings without seeking any vengeance. (I have a lifelong bad habit of trying to make people "pay" after they have hurt me.) I Ching responded with Hexagram 26.2.4.6 into 55. All the changing lines seem to contradict one another.

Does anyone have any insight? I was so certain that I should simply ignore this guy til he went away but now I am puzzled. Thanks in advance for any help.
 

ginnie

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Today I expressed my inclination to simply avoid communicating with him and asked the I Ching for guidance. To my puzzlement I received Hexagram 48.1.3 into 60.

The relating hexagram, 60, indicates that this situation is characterized by restraint. The two lines contradict one another and are possibly alternatives. With line 48.1, one is lead to believe that there is no point in continuing. Yet with line 48.3 it is considered good if you avail yourself of a new opportunity.

the record I then asked the I Ching what would be the effect of my writing a text message to him in which I expressed my feelings ... I Ching responded with Hexagram 26.2.4.6 into 55.

I have found that when we get hexagram 26 with respect to a relationship, usually the relationship is giving us trouble and we feel uncomfortable. In 26.2 there seems to be an argument, and the wheels come off the cart. Yet with 26.4 the rough edges get smoothed out. Line 26.6 is considered by many to be one of the best lines in the I Ching, as we are said to be walking on heaven's highway! So that means that the buildup of tension releases at that point, and that is certainly good luck.

So, you're right about there being contradictory elements, but as the situation evolves it seems that the rough edges get smoothed away and you experience a freedom from restraint and tension.

I would say overall
 

galatea11

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Hi Ginnie,

Thank you very much for your response. My gut feeling is that this man has no place in my life. I barely ever date at all and I think I would rather sit home alone every night than get embarrassed again in public by him or anyone else. When I reverse the situation in my head I truly doubt I would ever treat anyone in the manner that he treated me. Maybe I am overreacting but that is my honest feeling at this moment. By the way, he is in his early 50s and I am in my mid-40s so it's not like either of us is new to dating, relationships, etc.

I have several versions of the I Ching. The R.L. Wing version describes line 3 of Hexagram 48 in this way: "You may be overlooking an opportunity that has come your way or you, and your talents, may be overlooked by others. This is very unfortunate. If somehow this could be recognized, you and everyone around you would benefit."

The above line is what made me question my intention to simply avoid him. In your post you mentioned that:
"Yet with line 48.3 it is considered good if you avail yourself of a new opportunity."
Do you think this man may represent some type of opportunity that I haven't considered? Thank you for indulging me in another question if you are so inclined ;) And thank you again for your initial response.
 

rosada

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Hi Galatea,
If I can poke my nose in…

I think it's interesting that you recognize a pattern of making people pay for having hurt you. Perhaps the new opportunity here is not so much for you to team up with this man but rather to find a new way to react to his perceived hurtfulness. Certainly one of the first aha's that occur to us on the spiritual path is that we are responsible for our responses. You are realizing it no longer serves you to see yourself as the victim seeking revenge - like the person who only has a hammer will see every problem as a nail, the person who only knows how to be revengeful will see every situation as somehow hurtful. So now you have a chance to rewrite that script.
You didn't go into detail as to how you concluded your last interaction with him. Maybe you could re-imagine it in a different way. Reflect on how you really aren't big on dating anyway and maybe see this ending not as you being hurt and humiliated but as an opening for your escape - in which case you could feel so grateful that you got out of that whole scene quickly that you would not want to hurt anybody because that creates a tie, albeit a negative one, and you don't want any ties to it at all - you just want to get the heck out of there.

After thought on the significance of hex. 60 Limits - Did the argument end on a friendly note or were things left ambiguous so that now there is a need for closer? If he's still emailing you I suggest you send a short note saying something like, "Thank you for reaching out. I appreciate your concern. I'm fine but I don't care to continue our friendship. All the best, blah, blah, blah."

Rosada
 

galatea11

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Hi Rosada,

Thank you very much for your words. Shortly after I read them the man in question happened to call. I did not answer but sent him a message a few minutes later. Basically, I just expressed the truth without any embellishment: "Your behavior at the bar was disrespectful and humiliating. Glad you didn't call for a while because it gave me time to reflect on the episode. Been through this before and intend to avoid anyone who would treat me in that manner." I felt calm when I sent the message and proud that I had refrained from any ranting, raving, or unnecessary insults;)

I've spent a lifetime indulging in wounded behavior and vengeful thoughts so it was actually quite cathartic to deal with this in a fairly dignified manner. There was indeed a need for closure. By the way, I don't refrain from dating due to lack of desire. Mainly I haven't been dating because I just haven't met anyone who feels "right".. or even kinda right. This last guy really upset my equilibrium and made me feel like an idiot. Feel much better now that I have both accepted and addressed the situation rather than continuing to fret over it. Thank you very much for your insight and for suggesting that I send him a simple but final message.
 

rosada

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Bravo! Now that you have made it clear to the Universe you are no longer available for hurtful humiliating episodes you will no doubt begin attracting a much better batch of boyfriends.

In fact, I think that would make a great affirmation:
"Bravo better batch of boyfriends!"
 

galatea11

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Thanks, Rosada! It would be nice to meet just one.. lol Thanks again for your advice. Much appreciated.
 

galatea11

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Greetings,

Thought I would update this old thread because man in question (who treated me disrespectfully while we were dating) has resurfaced. Initially I had intended to avoid any further contact with "J" but 48.1.3 reading seemed to encourage that I make peace with him.

Ginnie: "..with line 48.3 it is considered good if you avail yourself of a new opportunity."

I did clear the air with J but avoided any involvement with him until this past Wednesday. While driving home I spotted a pit bull and smaller dog running loose on the street. Both wore collars. On foot I trailed them for blocks and cornered them at a cafe with a group of other women. Owner arrived in a taxi to reclaim them and I drove her home with her dogs. She revealed that pit bull has repeatedly muscled open a gate at her apartment building and landlord has not found a way to effectively secure the gate. She seemed overwhelmed. Somewhat hesitantly I called J (who is a contractor and animal lover) and asked if he could help her out with the gate. J, who also has a pit bull- knows their brute strength, came over and secured the gate so the dogs can no longer get out. Owner was overjoyed and relieved, sending me a message later which said "Thank you soooo much for your help. God bless you!".

Anyways, I was so glad I could help her out - even though I had just made a simple phone call. Thought it was interesting that 2015 48.1.3 reading did have a bearing on future events. Back when I was angry at J I didn't think I would ever speak to him again. Grateful that I made peace with him instead. Thanks again to Ginnie and Rosada who gave great advice back in 2015!
 

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