5.1.6>57 what was the mistake? of 62.6

[kestrelw1ngs]

Another reading, another day. Same situation with X from previous threads but the "big shock" I was being warned of by Yi happened.

Yi is also really giving me a hard time,
For a week or so in my readings there was something...a chance for renewal in this relationship? something small but good, I kept getting 9 as a hex. I asked my my now ex's motivations, sort of out of fear, and got 8.2. Interpreted that as she was looking for was true intimacy, just needing time. I asked mine and got 1.1.6>28, interpreted that as my need to find balance between hiding my feelings and being arrogant, or balancing moods.

Apparently I made a big mistake though. In relating to her, blame, or in my own expectations. I don't know what.

The long and short of it:
is we had somewhat reconciled, then had a fight. She was very angry at my approach to reconciling this fight, and somebody else asked her on a date that day. I could tell something was wrong from her avoiding affection. Then she told me she had accepted date with a man she's known for a long time.
I did not handle this well and we ended up breaking up, but she still went on the date.

Since then all my castings have been DANGER this danger that. Be careful be careful. Well, I'm still in the same precarious financial & housing situation, so it makes sense.
But now it seems things are beyond repair. This guy is somewhat of her dream guy, he just was formerly entangled with an ex and unavailable. I'm having the hardest time accepting this blow, it plays on all my deepest fears and insecurities, but know I need to swallow my ego and keep calm in order to get through this extremely unpleasant situation, financially and emotionally.

I am trying to refind my dignity as I have become very resentful about being a 'backup' who cares for the house and dogs while she goes off on her adventures, and practicing caring for myself, resting a lot more.

Anyways, I had asked how to make it through a difficult conversation of touching base with X after her date.
Received 62.2.6
62.2 i have gotten recently about my motivations for re=entering the relationship. I take it as, well you tried to really end it, but maybe you can't so how about setting some boundaries and settling for whatever the connection is rather than what you would like.
but 62.6, the bird leaving, a bad omen, due to making a serious mistake. - that worried me quite a bit.

I asked Yi: "So what was my mistake?"
5.1.6\.57 waiting

I cannot make heads or tails of 5, The yi kept telling me the situation needed patience, so why in the world was waiting a mistake? Or is it that I was impatient? Line 6 seems to indicate maybe some people tried to help, I didn't listen?

I am at my breaking point with all of this and trying not to just beat myself over the head, but to see where i can change, what I can even do or have power over right now. Maybe some stoic philosophers could help....letting go never was easy.
anyways, I have to go have this talk anyways, so perhaps clarity will come with time.

 

[Trojina]

You haven't made any mistake other than trying to have a relationship with an inconsiderate flake.

It's that simple. These readings warn you of danger, she doesn't seem to be good for you

I asked my my now ex's motivations, sort of out of fear, and got 8.2. Interpreted that as she was looking for was true intimacy, just needing time.

In knowing how a person feels they themselves have to be involved in the communication. You can't have a relationship via the I Ching.

I asked mine and got 1.1.6>28, interpreted that as my need to find balance between hiding my feelings and being arrogant, or balancing moods

That looks like a picture of too much, over load. You expect too much of yourself. You aren't well are you and this kind of thing doesn't help.

Apparently I made a big mistake though. In relating to her, blame, or in my own expectations. I don't know what

You could blame her instead of you, that would be a start. I'm sorry but she does sound like a rather a flake to me. If you aren't well how is trying to have a relationship with a total flake who makes it up as she goes along ever going to work? It would be hard at the best of times in the best of health.

The long and short of it:
is we had somewhat reconciled, then had a fight. She was very angry at my approach to reconciling this fight, and somebody else asked her on a date that day. I could tell something was wrong from her avoiding affection. Then she told me she had accepted date with a man she's known for a long time.
I did not handle this well and we ended up breaking up, but she still went on the date.

How would anybody handle it? She's being unfaithful. Most people would get mad.

Since then all my castings have been DANGER this danger that. Be careful be careful. Well, I'm still in the same precarious financial & housing situation, so it makes sense.
But now it seems things are beyond repair. This guy is somewhat of her dream guy, he just was formerly entangled with an ex and unavailable. I'm having the hardest time accepting this blow, it plays on all my deepest fears and insecurities, but know I need to swallow my ego and keep calm in order to get through this extremely unpleasant situation, financially and emotionally.

Can you get away from her? Or can you make plans to get away from her?

Anyways, I had asked how to make it through a difficult conversation of touching base with X after her date.
Received 62.2.6
62.2 i have gotten recently about my motivations for re=entering the relationship. I take it as, well you tried to really end it, but maybe you can't so how about setting some boundaries and settling for whatever the connection is rather than what you would like.
but 62.6, the bird leaving, a bad omen, due to making a serious mistake. - that worried me quite a bit.

I never did think this settling for second best was a good idea. I think you said you were going to carry on the relationship but it was temporary.

I think you are asking way way too much of yourself, it's unrealistic. I think lack of realism is a danger in 62.6. Why would you be calm and reasonable in this situation? Aren't you missing the point that this relationship asks too much of you and you cannot handle it? So the line isn't saying you did something wrong but that you're missing a reality here that you need to meet with. You need to be very careful in taking care of yourself in all ways.

I asked Yi: "So what was my mistake?"
5.1.6\.57 waiting

Not generally a good idea to ask a question when you're asking it from a misunderstanding of a previous question. This answer seems to refer to letting things sink in, slow realisations. You need to get out of panic mode in order to think straight.

But don't think about her think about you. You may need to escape from her by the sound of it. If you cannot then maybe make secret plans to get it together when you're strong enough to leave?



Above all please do not turn blame on yourself.

 

[kestrelw1ngs]

You haven't made any mistake other than trying to have a relationship with an inconsiderate flake.

It's that simple. These readings warn you of danger, she doesn't seem to be good for you


In knowing how a person feels they themselves have to be involved in the communication. You can't have a relationship via the I Ching.


That looks like a picture of too much, over load. You expect too much of yourself. You aren't well are you and this kind of thing doesn't help.


You could blame her instead of you, that would be a start. I'm sorry but she does sound like a rather a flake to me. If you aren't well how is trying to have a relationship with a total flake who makes it up as she goes along ever going to work? It would be hard at the best of times in the best of health.


How would anybody handle it? She's being unfaithful. Most people would get mad.


Can you get away from her? Or can you make plans to get away from her?



I never did think this settling for second best was a good idea. I think you said you were going to carry on the relationship but it was temporary.

I think you are asking way way too much of yourself, it's unrealistic. I think lack of realism is a danger in 62.6. Why would you be calm and reasonable in this situation? Aren't you missing the point that this relationship asks too much of you and you cannot handle it? So the line isn't saying you did something wrong but that you're missing a reality here that you need to meet with. You need to be very careful in taking care of yourself in all ways.



Not generally a good idea to ask a question when you're asking it from a misunderstanding of a previous question. This answer seems to refer to letting things sink in, slow realisations. You need to get out of panic mode in order to think straight.

But don't think about her think about you. You may need to escape from her by the sound of it. If you cannot then maybe make secret plans to get it together when you're strong enough to leave?



Above all please do not turn blame on yourself.

Thank you Trojina.
after calming down I see all this. The implication of making a mistake had me spiraling as you can imagine I am quite upset after last night. And its reasonable to be.

Heart versus head, my emotional attachment & love is still there, but the situation is indeed dangerous for my health as you say. I'm aware one shouldn't ask the Yi for pictures of how someone else feels but in this state of panic it was a moment of weakness.
I re-read some other threads on these castings after posting, and the interpretation for 5.1.6 seems to be more like "no more excuses or waiting." and for 62.6 that one should keep one's head down, pay attention to detail, and not say or do too much. No getting hopes up.

I cast a solid 24.1.4 for "how can I remedy this?"

and yes, I just need to face facts. She keeps telling me she loves me and wants me in her life, and that always gives me hope but I need to understand it doesn't mean romantically, and that it is still up to me to take care of myself even if she wants to "have it all." I wasn't intending on settling in permanently, but thought well we can have a nice time until spring when hopefully I've built up enough money to get out on my own. Things had been more sweet lately and I got comfortable in a routine, we had started bonding over health activities and art again.
I did not expect a sudden turn like this.

Yi also gave me 7.3 which I interpret as holding onto to dead weight, maybe out of ethical or sentimental attachment (the corpses being past versions of myself, this relationship, etc).

So yes its pretty clear, just very very unpleasant and I'm trying to find a measure of control & peace in the midst of this. I really just wanted a warm peaceful winter of hibernation! ugh!

 

[my_key]

I asked Yi: "So what was my mistake?"
5.1.6\.57 waiting

Hex 5 calls for an attendance to your own needs and not just being patient. It is about using the time of waiting wisely to reflect on the way of things. Deep down Hex 5 is offering you a chance to see deeply into the rights and wrongs of the situation you are encountering: to gain a new perspective.

At these times, it helps you to sit with all the heaviness (5.1) and then without trying to change anything begin to notice what emerges from the heaviness you carry (5.6). When you attend to your own needs in this way it is quite amazing what subtle new insights spring forth.

... or it may mean nothing at all like this for you.

Good Luck.

 

[kestrelw1ngs]

Hex 5 calls for an attendance to your own needs and not just being patient. It is about using the time of waiting wisely to reflect on the way of things. Deep down Hex 5 it is offering you a chance to see deeply into the rights and wrongs of the situation you are encountering: to gain a new perspective.

At these times, it helps you to sit with all the heaviness (5.1) and then without trying to change anything begin to notice what emerges from the heaviness you carry (5.6). When you attend to your own needs in this way it is quite amazing what subtle new insights spring forth.

... or it may mean nothing at all like this for you.

Good Luck.

thank you My_key.

Update post talk:
Feelings were expressed, facts were faced, apologies were made. I followed 62.6 advise and took accountability where needed, and firmly expressed her actions were hurtful and inconsiderate. It turns out she has had feelings for this guy and not me for months, but was feeling pressured to continue our relationship.

Bitter pill but oddly enough a blessing in disguise. The strong emotions here feel creatively fertile coincide with getting back into music. I feel very drawn towards the comfort of my creative practice and determined to draw more solid structures to honor it. Which fits your interpretaion of hex 5.1.6.

We still have to get through the winter but as roommates co-parenting our pets, not as lovers.
I suppose it was silly to expect anything else. Sentimentality is a strong drug.

Blessed New Year!

 

[kestrelw1ngs]

After a retrospective, I want to thank everyone who has engaged with this situation on these forums for taking the time to respond. You have genuinely helped me get to the hex 57 root of a longstanding, painful pattern in my relationships, and find the courage to shift out of it and choose better.

My respect and gratitude for Yi grows almost daily since coming to these forums, and by extension for myself and my own agency. I have felt pretty alone with my problems most of my life, and the feedback and honesty of your interpretations is a gift of empowerment.
Thank you.

 

[diamant]

I asked my my now ex's motivations
8.2 > 29
She wanted to be alone with the other guy.

I asked mine [motivation]
1.1.6 > 28
You don't fancy her sexually anymore.

how to make it through a difficult conversation of touching base with X after her date
62.2.6 > 50
Warn her that if this happens again you'll leave her, although it would be a manipulation tactic (50) on your part (I'm assuming this means manipulate her in this manner, since you already know that it financially benefits you to stay where you are for now).

So what was my mistake?
5.1.6 > 57
That without waiting at all you immediately obeyed (57) her wishes.

how can I remedy this?
24.1.4 > 16
Tell her this needs to stop right here, and it can't happen again, and that you'll leave if it does - although, again, you'll only be pretending (16) that you'll leave.

Yi also gave me 7.3 > 46
I'm afraid you've lost this battle, and your ego is very wounded. 46 shows you'll get over it.

It would be very helpful if you added the resulting hexagrams too, instead of letting us work them out one by one. I hope the new year is better for you than the previous one.

 

[Liselle]

I think Diamant's quite a bit off here. Trojina already made a lot of good points.

8.2 for your ex's motivations seems to me like she's just doing exactly what she wants. 8 follows its predilictions like a stream follows the earth.

I don't think 1.1.6 has to do with fancying anyone. It might mean something like you (Kestrel) were motivated to hope the ridgepole wouldn't collapse, and thought maybe the best way to prevent that was to remain submerged, not fly too high.

You already had the 62.2.6 talk and it seems to have come out okay, it seems like the air was cleared a little, but for future reference I wonder if it'd be best not to discuss her relationship more than necessary. It seems like it would be painful and I'm not sure what's in it for you. Maybe don't talk too much about the big heavy things, just the smaller practical stuff.

I agree the follow-up readings might not be direct answers for the reason Trojina said.

24.1.4... 24 might indeed mean the spring, a few months from now. 24's literally about the process from winter to spring. 24.1 might mean you pretty much already know what you should do, your ideas are close, just follow through with them. Face facts, as you said, rest, take care of yourself. Those are all good 24 things. (From the Image: the kings close the borders, business slows down, and so forth. People adjust to the season.) 24.4 - try to center yourself, start getting used to the idea of being on your own.

I don't think any of these readings call for ultimatums at all; I think that would be a bad idea.

 

[kestrelw1ngs]

I asked my my now ex's motivations
8.2 > 29
She wanted to be alone with the other guy.

I asked mine [motivation]
1.1.6 > 28
You don't fancy her sexually anymore.

how to make it through a difficult conversation of touching base with X after her date
62.2.6 > 50
Warn her that if this happens again you'll leave her, although it would be a manipulation tactic (50) on your part (I'm assuming this means manipulate her in this manner, since you already know that it financially benefits you to stay where you are for now).

So what was my mistake?
5.1.6 > 57
That without waiting at all you immediately obeyed (57) her wishes.

how can I remedy this?
24.1.4 > 16
Tell her this needs to stop right here, and it can't happen again, and that you'll leave if it does - although, again, you'll only be pretending (16) that you'll leave.

Yi also gave me 7.3 > 46
I'm afraid you've lost this battle, and your ego is very wounded. 46 shows you'll get over it.

It would be very helpful if you added the resulting hexagrams too, instead of letting us work them out one by one. I hope the new year is better for you than the previous one.

thank you I will note that for the future and make sure to include the resulting.

See the thing is, yes I should have spoken up that I was not okay with the other guy date. I've gotten very used to agreeing in survival mode. She was already angry and wanting to break up with me when making the date. So that tactic would not have worked.
I could now tell her that if she sees him again I'm leaving, but she's pretty aware that me staying is a favor for me.
Maybe telling her our friendship in the future is over if she sees him one more time while I live here is possible. That seems a fair boundary.

Yi gave me 40.2>16 for an image of that option.
Seems like a go?

My ego is very wounded as the sexual interest did not die down out of lack of attraction for her, but this lack of respect for boundaries. It felt unhealthy like there was not authentic consent due to emotional violation. My restraint had nothing to do with anything besides wanting to act ethically.

 

[kestrelw1ngs]

I think Diamant's quite a bit off here. Trojina already made a lot of good points.

8.2 for your ex's motivations seems to me like she's just doing exactly what she wants. 8 follows its predilictions like a stream follows the earth.

I don't think 1.1.6 has to do with fancying anyone. It might mean something like you (Kestrel) were motivated to hope the ridgepole wouldn't collapse, and thought maybe the best way to prevent that was to remain submerged, not fly too high.

You already had the 62.2.6 talk and it seems to have come out okay, it seems like the air was cleared a little, but for future reference I wonder if it'd be best not to discuss her relationship more than necessary. It seems like it would be painful and I'm not sure what's in it for you. Maybe don't talk too much about the big heavy things, just the smaller practical stuff.

I agree the follow-up readings might not be direct answers for the reason Trojina said.

24.1.4... 24 might indeed mean the spring, a few months from now. 24's literally about the process from winter to spring. 24.1 might mean you pretty much already know what you should do, your ideas are close, just follow through with them. Face facts, as you said, rest, take care of yourself. Those are all good 24 things. (From the Image: the kings close the borders, business slows down, and so forth. People adjust to the season.) 24.4 - try to center yourself, start getting used to the idea of being on your own.

I don't think any of these readings call for ultimatums at all; I think that would be a bad idea.

I will take both of these readings into consideration. On one hand, there is honoring my needs and on the other I do love her and had hoped in the future we could reconnect as friends or creative collaborators, as that was the strength in our relationship.
I did not see myself as having any agency in the date as she communicated afterwards she was still holding one of my dalliances from before against me.
There has just been a general sense of not being able to say no, to me, or me to her, or her to others. Which is the essence of why it felt an improper relationship, and destructive.

Today for a general reading daily cast I did receive 63.4.5>55.

Reading the lines about rags and silk, I guessed that there is still a leak or flaw in my boundaries that must be corrected, and to expect resistance from her when correcting it, but be careful in navigating it if I want to preserve the 55 abundance of the housing.

It ended up fitting. She was quite upset by a post I made thoughtless that could have 'exposed' what's going on - highlighting a longstanding issue where I just go along with her and then post resentfully on social media, so my bad. I had bought her dinner already and then it seemed like I did so to make it up to her - when in reality I did just because, to be frank, I like seeing her happy & don't know what to do without being able to love on somebody. It just feels good to. We made up tonight somewhat but this whole situation feels very 55, eclipsed. Can't see.

Spring is a very good sign, I have a hope April-May will see a significant change towards the better. Now to get through this dull loveless winter

 

[diamant]

@kestrelw1ngs I've been following your story and I know you've been involuntarily trapped in this. Toxic people bully others with constant, unpredictable, and illogical bursts of anger, they also often trap others financially, and they isolate their victims by cutting off (in one way or another) the victim's support network. They hate having their vileness exposed, and they make you tiptoe around them, always trying to please them and them never pleased.

She's textbook, and she's been wiping her shoes on you. If you truly believe you can be 'friends' with such a viper, you're in for more and more and more trouble in the future - and not just with her, but with others of her type.

telling her our friendship in the future is over if she sees him one more time while I live here is possible. That seems a fair boundary.
40.2 > 16
It won't work. The cunning fox wins (i.e. the dishonest and unfair one wins).
Lie to her, tell her you're talking to other women on online dating or something.
Pretend you're about to leave. (or better yet, according to me, truly prepare to leave)

 

[kestrelw1ngs]

@kestrelw1ngs I've been following your story and I know you've been involuntarily trapped in this. Toxic people bully others with constant, unpredictable, and illogical bursts of anger, they also often trap others financially, and they isolate their victims by cutting off (in one way or another) the victim's support network. They hate having their vileness exposed, and they make you tiptoe around them, always trying to please them and them never pleased.

She's textbook, and she's been wiping her shoes on you. If you truly believe you can be 'friends' with such a viper, you're in for more and more and more trouble in the future - and not just with her, but with others of her type.

telling her our friendship in the future is over if she sees him one more time while I live here is possible. That seems a fair boundary.
40.2 > 16
It won't work. The cunning fox wins (i.e. the dishonest and unfair one wins).
Lie to her, tell her you're talking to other women on online dating or something.
Pretend you're about to leave. (or better yet, according to me, truly prepare to leave)

A very bleak picture of the situation, which I do feel might be colored by the lack of perspective on my own faults, criticisms, and actings out throughout the relationship. It is hard to paint a full picture of a story with two sides, when both are projecting. Tonight we talked very openly, she revealed this man may not even like her, she was just looking for fun, lightness and kindness in other people. She has been holding in a lot of pain, and as much as I tried to help, my help itself ended up toxic as criticism, expectation and resentment built up. Sometimes trying to help people just enables their destruction. I'm in codependents anonymous for a reason.

It is undoubtedly toxic...I am doing my best to prepare to leave. Seeing this is the ultimate act of kindness to her and myself.
Its just such a turnaround as my entire ego and purpose became tied to this relationship and house, I am getting a bit of seasickness.

I asked Yi "what now" and got 2.1.3 to 36

low profile and completing some inner work, it seems, not talking much more about it, just doing the preparation.

 

[diamant]

Of course only you can know both sides. And only you can decide if this 'undoubtedly toxic' as you call it situation you're in can, or cannot, be described to you in bleak words.

 

[kestrelw1ngs]

Of course only you can know both sides. And only you can decide if this 'undoubtedly toxic' as you call it situation you're in can, or cannot, be described to you in bleak words.

Thank you, yes. I am finding comfort in this forum in lieu of close friends to talk to, but probably should just find extra support.
I appreciate interpretation help but don't expect it endlessly. Right now updating this thread is simply my safest way of processing the situation.

Today I felt so low about last night, asked Yi what to do and got 9 uc, then if there is a way to approach her, 39.1 to 63.


I know I just need to back off, as we were doing well until I brought back up this faithfulness issue with my post. It is the issue that keeps us from growing apart as we need to and settling into a more distant temporary connection.

In our talk last night she made it clear she hasn't wanted to be close for awhile, even though she was acting like it.

I asked Yi what I'm not seeing and got 31.1.3>17
In another thread this was interpreted as
"her reasons for avoiding you are because you are paying her too much close attention, you are obviously trying to get to "know" her in a romantic way and obviously she doesn't fancy you, certainly not as a boyfriend."

Eventually I will have to process the pain but I think as you said above this was an ego wound, she is not trying to seriously date this guy it was just a petty move on her part that she didn't think too seriously about, because she hasn't been serious about me for awhile. the issue is I need to move on as well mentally/emotionally.

I asked what to do in "waiting" (as in 9 uc) and got 14.3.5.6 to 49. A line analysis in another thread

hex 14.2.5.6 > 49

Well some radical and pivotal changes on my romantic front. And me still finding it really hard to learn the iching. So I asked Whats the situation now? And I got 14.2.5.6 > 49. any help would be appreciated. Thanks :)

www.onlineclarity.co.uk

describes the relationship in this cast as between a Tiger and a Bird who do not see eye to eye on values, with an empty house of marriage, and encourages the male to form a respectful connection with a "trusted associate." It is also described in the lines that the woman in question sees herself as a goddess who will do what she wants and is empowered sexually while the man struggles mentally to bridge the spiritual and material aspects of the world.
Uncannily accurate.

It seems a good idea to just distract myself, work on my own projects and maybe lean into a growing friendship or two with people who seem trustworthy. I cast hex 2 UC when asking what potential I have to develop (hah! sassy of the Hi).

I understand why you interpret my situation as one with a viper but she really is more of a Tiger. I cast 10 when deciding to commit to this relationship over and over, and 29 for leaving so it seems there was a lesson to be learned the hard way, with one tiger or another.

There are many valuable interesting people who just don't follow the same values, and sometimes they are magnetic or tempting. Sometimes you care for them and love them but you can't let down your guard and forget they are a tiger. Like those people who go out to live in the woods and befriend a bear only to end up lunch 10 years of friendship later.

No one ever said a goddess was a safe person to love! Her Native astrology is ruled by a similar goddess of filth destruction and regeneration to Kali. In fact that is what we first connected on, what has made my commitment so strong, we bonded over spiritual meaning systems, mythology and hers (Aztec/Mexica) is one that honors violence, war, sex and power. My solemn spiritual ascetic, sexless Eastern European Catholic meaning system could not help but clash. With respect and having avoided a committed relationship, we could have had a strong valuable friendship. One of the first Oracle card casts I did for our relationship suggested being creative friends. It was sexual desire and confused hasty commitment that brought us together too close and led to all this hurt.
Having lost the respect entirely, I now see this connection as a temporary valuable encounter on my own soul path (no wonder 44 came up so often).

The scratches become a scar and a story like love usually does after completion.

My hope is that my long elaboration in these threads can at least cast some light on the relationship between the themes of fhese various casts for someone down the road.