...life can be translucent

Menu

52.3 > 23 ::: Cancelling a Colcoscopy appointment

EmMacha

visitor
Joined
Mar 29, 2017
Messages
160
Reaction score
68
I have a follow up appointment for a Colcoscopy today.
I also have the tail end of a flu. Im tired.

I had the laser cervix treatment over 6mo ago, and this is a checkup, but will involve the dye, and the poking about the cervix. I find this process v traumatic.

I really don't want to go!
I woke up this v early morning, trying to prepare for it, but im dragging, delaying and I realise that I don't want to goal, I want to postpone it.
I'm really not up for it today, after a few weeks of flu & big emotional changes.
My 18yr old daughter had a big freakout before xmas, smashed a lot of stuff, beat up her younger brother. I had to tackle her to the floor to protect her brother & tell her she cant stay here if she's going to behave this way. She flipped even more, smashed the kitchen. Now she's telling everyone I'm a narcissist etc. I've been adjusting to that, it's way more peaceful, but I'm only beginning to get in touch with how *I'm* feeling about this!
So no, I really can't face somone poking at my cervix and all the emotional stuff that it will bring (usually about 1-2 months feeling v emotional & hormonal kinda violated afterwards)

Cast Yi, got 52.3
mind seperated from loins, holding hips still, acrid smoke, poisoning the heart.

Well, yes! I will be holding my hips still, against my instinct, which is to RUN from that pointy thing, and that pink chair & the smell of the solutions & stuff they use.
Logically, the mind knows, its great they can do this, catch the pre-cancerous cells so early, check, remove, save lives. But, right now, I have an ache in my hips.

I think I will cancel, give myself more time to prepare. I can do this in a few weeks, have a few days to meditate beforehand etc, be emotionally more grounded.

Thought this would be interesting to share, however.
 
B

becalm

Guest
I have no words except profanities tbh for what you've just been through. Personal opinion is give yourself a break - physical stuff can be a reflection of mental/emotional stuff. Cancel for a couple of weeks and breath.
 

EmMacha

visitor
Joined
Mar 29, 2017
Messages
160
Reaction score
68
Further to this, there was a chimney fire on 27th Dec.
I smelt something strange when I lit the range (had been away with my family over xmas), so i put the fire out and rang around for chimney cleaners. One cane the next morning, Sunday 28th.
He confirmed that there was a chimney fire, but no the flue was not blocked, however, the range was faulty, with a big hole at the back.
It had not been sealed correctly, in fact, not at all.
He asked if we had all been sick a lot.
I told him that there was smoke escaping when I lit the range, but I had to use it, as it is the heating for the house.

I thought that explained the amount of 52.3 I've been receiving over the last few years!

This faulty install of a range has been harming us.
Probably carbon monoxide as well. We are very lucky that I was using turf, not coal, the house could have gone on fire at any time!

Also, right now, I have a blocked nose & sinuses, literally 'smothering with a cold'
 

EmMacha

visitor
Joined
Mar 29, 2017
Messages
160
Reaction score
68
I have no words except profanities tbh for what you've just been through. Personal opinion is give yourself a break - physical stuff can be a reflection of mental/emotional stuff. Cancel for a couple of weeks and breath.
Thank you becalm!
It means a lot 💖🎶💚

Yes, its hard when your daughter says she has a condition, but turns abusive.
I *know* she is OK, she has a grant check arriving & has friends she's not on the streets, but yes it's v hurtful.
I'm not angry with her, but yes feeling hurt.

I don't want to revisit the room with the laser treatment right now, that was v intense & weird, because they had a TV with Tom & Jerry cartoons, & when I asked them to turn it off, they told me that "most women find it helps them". They refused to turn off the TV.
I made them change it & they found one with flowers and butterflies.
The butterflies were rolling out their tongues into the flowers.
Some kind of subliminal programming / re-inforcement stuff maybe?
It is a university hospital, but that is a bit freaky!
There was nothing in the literature about this.
 
F

Freedda

Guest
Yes, violent Tom and Jerry cartoons always have a calming effect on people, especially women going through invasive medical procedures! It's just an established fact!

As an aside I am curious (without judgment), did you do the reading before you canceled - or thought about canceling - the procedure, or after your already decided to do so?
 

EmMacha

visitor
Joined
Mar 29, 2017
Messages
160
Reaction score
68
Yes, violent Tom and Jerry cartoons always have a calming effect on people, especially women going through invasive medical procedures! It's just an established fact!
Oh I *know*!
This is in Ireland too... very odd.
A friend of mine pointed out that the earlier Walt Disney cartoons were inspired by opioid hallucinations.
Very odd.

As an aside I am curious (without judgment), did you do the reading before you canceled - or thought about canceling - the procedure, or after your already decided to do so?
Hi Freedda
I did the reading because, emotionally, I did not want to go.
So I was casting about "would I be better to cancel this?"

I did cancel it, they accepted straight away once that heard that I've had the flu.

Think I was tending up to go, 'stiffening' my loins, false stillness
 

rosada

visitor
Joined
Jun 3, 2006
Messages
9,890
Reaction score
3,174
Just a comment that it’s interesting symbology that’s first there was all this poking around in your body and then the poking around in the stove... Maybe a sign though that now the family dramas will start to heal too?
So sorry you are having to go through this. I consulted the I Ching about how to deal with a bunch of issues that were not my fault and not anything I could do anything about. I got some helpful answers.
 
Last edited:

EmMacha

visitor
Joined
Mar 29, 2017
Messages
160
Reaction score
68
To update:
There was more "family drama"
My father has been diagnosed with 'Early Stage Alzheimer's', and there is some concerns amongst my siblings about my mother's nagging & bullying towards him.
We knew this was coming, especially myself, because I am not there as often, so I have noticed the decline more.

I can see this in the context of 52.3, as in a big heaviness & grief on my heart that I was not consciously acknowledging, seeing my father fade away, the knowledge that one day he may not know who we are...

Grief too, that I am so far away, on the other side of the country, dealing with difficulties here, and the challenges of raising a young teen with autism alone.
Like, part of the blockage re the Colcoscopy and ny own health is that I don't want to be sick, with no energy or € to be able to travel to my family. Grief & guilt.

Losing a parent is a deeply fundamental journey, a huge anchor being removed; I am a 'Daddys girl' (He's a Leo, I'm a Gemini) I have always been close to him. He was always the easier parent, warm, a bit of a messer, with a dry wit, big heart, at times surprisingly deep wisdom and insight into people and situations.

I think now, the Yi is talking to me about a big block there, about my feelings about all of this, the loss of my father and my own situation, keeping me further from my family than I would like to be right now.

I have started to grieve now, even though he is still here, but, yes, it's decline, and I have been feeling powerless to help, to DO anything, while he goes through all this confusion and anxiety and his world gets smaller.

I think that acknowledging this is helping to stop the "smoke poisoning the heart", unacknowledged emotions.

I hope this is making sense to people?

I can «SEE» it making sense, but it is hard to articulate!

I can see, also something about kidney energy (which contains generational chi) being suppressed from following upwards, about keeping the hips and pelvis still, and the heart meridians not getting fully energised, so lung energy is too dense.
Hard to describe, though I can see it, & I can see the ancestral and family 'dysfunctional' stuff too... all the arguments and fears re my mother & her at times v narcisstic behaviour, & then my daughter's crazy behaviour (which is still v hostile towards me, & also, she's doing a lot of stuff online to get maximum shock attention from people )

So yes, rosada, i can see how much the Yi can help with situations where you don't appear to have any power, stuff just seems to be happening to you (occurring upon you, in Irish, no emotion or event is you, it is "on you" or "comes upon you", "comes over you").

I usually consult Yi when it is situations that are difficult, for guidance as to what I can or should do & what is a good attitude towards what is happening.

And I do think that if you sit with a castt and contemplate and consider it for a while, that it can help your awareness to "get deeper", to open more, and that this is a huge tool to help you grow, and bring more of your soul and spirit into your life
 

rosada

visitor
Joined
Jun 3, 2006
Messages
9,890
Reaction score
3,174
Ah, EmMacha, what can I say? I want to make everything all better for you but how can I do that? Well maybe I can offer some distraction..
When my mother was in an assisted living facility and I lived far away, I got a stack of postcards and sent her a joke or a comment every day. This made me feel more connected with her and I learned later that these cards had not only given her something to look forward to, but also got her a bit more attention as the staff would stop and chat with her about the joke or picture on the card. Anyway, I just suggest that to you not only as a way to keep current with your dad, but also it occurs to me this might be a way of helping your mom to reprogram her habitual way of talking to your dad. I mean, if she reads the cards to him she'll find herself saying things to him that express your kind sentiments but they will be coming out of her mouth and when her brain hears her saying the things you write like, "We have had so many good times together!", "I think of you and it makes me smile!" and so forth, her brain won't distinguish between who wrote the thoughts and her own thoughts and her unconscious will start wondering, "Hmm, am I saying this? I guess I like him better than I thought I did.." Even if she doesn't read the cards to him she'll probably read them to herself and just seeing your perspective may get her to start thinking about him in a different way... Well, I know you can't teach an old dog new tricks but it might add a little light.

I asked the I Ching what I should know about people going through Alzheimers and got 36.1 - 15, the line about the man recognizing how the world is crazy and how he managed to just quietly, comfortably slip away.

You might get value from surrounding yourself with some rose quartz crystal. This stone is for strengthening the heart chakra and is helpful for dealing with separation. It made me more aware of my continuing inner connection with Mom even as our outer connection was changing.

Visualizing you strong and rested!
Rosada
 
Last edited:
F

Freedda

Guest
.... And I do think that if you sit with a castt and contemplate and consider it for a while, that it can help your awareness to "get deeper", to open more, and that this is a huge tool to help you grow, and bring more of your soul and spirit into your life.
I completely agree! I think the Yi often gives us responses that touch our core, and access deeper truths - and issues - in our lives. I see that all the time when people ask things like, 'does X love me' and they then might miss a deeper meaning when the Yi says they need to deal with their family (mother, father) issues, or that they are only considering their own happiness and not the ultimate outcome of what they are doing, etc. - and instead their takeway is 'oh, he doesn't love me', or that he does!

As to your reading, I'm thinking a few things: one is, do you still need to go get the procedure done? You're reading seemed to be about the timing of it, but not necessarily that you shouldn't do it - or so it seems.

Also you might want to think that what you're discovering here does not itself become too harsh a stillness: extreme but silly example - "I can't possibly do my own shopping (or whatever it is I need to do) because I have discovered these 'extreme restrictions' within myself" - e.g to be aware that your awareness doesn't itself become a new restriction that 'chokes the heart'.

And finally, you might want to consider the place the related hexagram, 23 has in all this. 23 has names/title such as 'decomposing' and 'undermining, overthrowing, ending.' And so with 23, one's stillness, solidity, and sense of self (including one's hard and fast beliefs), is now supported by Earth, so it has a base or basis, in acceptance, nurturing, being open to new things, and also to things being made manifest and real. But ultimately, we also have to remember that all mountains - all our selves - eventually change and erode away into the earth.

Best, D
 

Clarity,
Office 17622,
PO Box 6945,
London.
W1A 6US
United Kingdom

Phone/ Voicemail:
+44 (0)20 3287 3053 (UK)
+1 (561) 459-4758 (US).

Top