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53.4.5>56 Father & Daughter Issue

snowflake

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Hi there,

My partner and his daughter haven't been on speaking terms for around 5 years or so now. He would really love to rebuild their relationship and always sends her cards etc. for her birthday and at Christmas, but gets no response. I think she feels he's doing it out of duty, rather than because he wants to. From my point of view I gather it's more because he doesn't know what else to do, but I can totally understand it if she sees it this way.

I thought that if he wrote to her it could help the situation. So, my question was - what would be the outcome if he wrote her a letter? I received 53.4.5>56

My gut feeling was that it would be a positive step, but any progress made would be very gradual. Perhaps, if he was consistent in contacting her regardless of her lack of response, she may one day come round. I wasn't sure how to interpret 56, other than it being unfamiliar territory, although the idea of separation didn't sound too favorable. I would be really grateful if anyone could shed any light on the answer.

Thanks in advance!
 

willowfox

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I thought that if he wrote to her it could help the situation. So, my question was - what would be the outcome if he wrote her a letter? I received 53.4.5>56

Line 53.4 indicates the need to at least try because if she reads the letter something may just stick in her head in a good way that can be added to later.

Line 53.5 indicates his position of isolation, and how she is alienating him because of some "truth" that she believes in, but the letter is a hopeful way of dispelling her negative beliefs about him.

Hex 56 is quite clear in its advice, that your ex partner is in absolutely no position to dictate the rules, he needs to be humble and obliging to her if he wants to be back in the "fold".

You are right about chris cards and birthday cards, they say nothing, its more like a duty fulfilled.
 

snowflake

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Wow, thanks willowfox! What you've said is so spot on, your interpretation of 53.5 really accurately describes the situation from what I know of the past events. Your other comments are very encouraging and make perfect sense too, so this will help me to talk to him about the best way to proceed.

She is my current partner's daughter from his first marriage and we've never met, so hopefully this indicates that writing this letter will be a step in the right direction.

I really appreciate your help on this one. :)
 

patro

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hi,
another point of view is that probably the sign are refereed to you!!
send a postcard is different to send a letter... send a postcard also mean I don't forget you!!!
but to put all in words on a letter is very difficult to... it's like to win on the lottery!!
It will an hard job for you to convince your partner to write a letter... probably a long time... 2 years are possible ... and it's not sure that he will send it. he know why all happens with his daughter!!
Patro
 

pocossin

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Is a phone call impossible? Somehow he should tell his daughter that he regrets not having a relationship with her.
 

willowfox

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Is a phone call impossible? Somehow he should tell his daughter that he regrets not having a relationship with her.

His daughter seems of the opinion that he's a bad guy, so it would highly, highly doubtful that she would speak to him. Its fine telling people that you are sorry but if they won't even listen then what's the point. If I was angry(heavy) with someone, there's no way i would bother to pick up the phone either.

So, a letter maybe just the answer, because with any luck her natural inquisitiveness may just get the better of her and she will read the letter, secretly.
 

snowflake

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Thanks for your thoughts everyone. Willowfox is right, he asked her brothers to see if she would let him have her phone number and she said no. So, his only way of contacting her is by letter and I agree that she may be too curious not to read it.

I can also see what you're saying patro in so far as I can suggest it to him, but he has to be the one to put pen to paper if he wants any chance of sorting this out.
 
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pocossin

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Willowfox is right, he asked her brothers to see if she would let him have her phone number and she said no. So, his only way of contacting her is by letter and I agree that she may be too curious not to read it.

Am I mistaken in thinking that your partner is disconnected from his feminine side, and that is both the cause of his alienation from his daughter and the ultimate basis of your concern? I note that he is still able to communicate with his sons. If so, then the mode of communication is unimport, but substance is everything. I suggested a phone call because voice is warmer than written words. You may be hoping for a difficult conversion, but I wish your attempt well. If the letter doesn't happen, he could express his regrets over the situation to his sons. Since her brothers are in communication with her, they might eventually convey them to her, but should not be asked to carry messages.
 

snowflake

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Thanks a lot for your reply pocossin. From what I know the fall out isn't directly because of that, but I'm sure he finds it easier to relate to his sons and I hadn't thought about it all in that way before.

Saying that, I'd imagine that he would find it hard to pour his heart out in a letter and would rather act in a more direct (perhaps you could say more masculine) way if he could. Where as I feel that if he really wants to rebuild the relationship, then he should take the time to do this. I can only surmise, but If I were in his daughter's shoes, I think that's what I'd be looking for. So, I guess that one of my concerns is that he will struggle to write the letter, because it's outside of his comfort zone.

Although, like I said in my previous message, the choice is ultimately his. I've told him about receiving 53.4.5>56 and that it indicates that a letter is worth trying, so I guess I'll have to leave it to him. It's like that well known saying 'you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink'.

His sons know the score, but understandably don't like to take sides. So, like you say, he wouldn't want to put them in a position where they have to carry messages.
 

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