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56 unchanging - Relationship

scarlettgirl

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I've just discovered that my boyfriend has been texting and talking to another girl and the girl (who just broke up with her boyfriend) wants to have MY boyfriend show her around town whenever she is in town. Um...no that's not going to happen - anyway this last incident is just one in a long line of questionable situations (not involving other females) that I've had with my boyfriend. I consulted the YI and asked - What should I do about my relationship with X now? it gave me 56 unchanging.
I see this 2 ways - the first is that I'm the stranger and it's time for me to move on from him or 2) This situation will pass between us and I should be cautious and reserved as it will all blow over. Please help as I'm confused as to what to do. Thanks.
 
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openheartsf

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Not sure this is what you want to hear but the interpretations I read for 56 are "The Wanderer" or "The Traveler"

I read this as a state of mind.

If yi is answering your question directly "what should I do?" then the literal answer might be to get distracted, wander off from him for a while.

"perseverance brings good fortune to the wanderer"

I would take the high road. Happily wander off and see what other possibilities might be out there.

HE clearly has a wandering eye...it may benefit you to do the same and see what he does.

"In every unknown and new situation, behave like being in a strange country." LiSe
 

willowfox

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I consulted the YI and asked - What should I do about my relationship with X now? it gave me 56 unchanging.

I see this in only one way and neither has to do with leaving or keeping quiet.

You need to bring it to his attention and reprimand him over his behaviour, a sharp, sharp punishment.
 

scarlettgirl

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Thanks openhearts and Willowfox for your replies. I actually think that the YI is telling me to call him out on this and not to leave it because I asked it a second question - what should I know about my love life right now? It gave me 18.4 to 50. I think that it is telling me to correct this now before it deterioriates any further. Although I'm not sure what the links to the past are, maybe he has a history of bad behavior that I haven't seen or I've just been too docile on most issues with him until now. Thanks again. :)
 

willowfox

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18.4 says that you have been weak willed with your partner so far and if you continue on letting things just slide then you are going to feel real silly sooner or later.

Show no tolerance for infidelity or whatever.

Links to the past, obviously this is not the first time that he's been frisky with another girl.
 
M

meng

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Not sure this is what you want to hear but the interpretations I read for 56 are "The Wanderer" or "The Traveler"

I read this as a state of mind.

If yi is answering your question directly "what should I do?" then the literal answer might be to get distracted, wander off from him for a while.

"perseverance brings good fortune to the wanderer"

I would take the high road. Happily wander off and see what other possibilities might be out there.

HE clearly has a wandering eye...it may benefit you to do the same and see what he does.

"In every unknown and new situation, behave like being in a strange country." LiSe
I'm with this interpretation all the way.

Nothing has been said about being engaged with this fellow, nor mention of a level of seriousness that would warrant a strong measure of "fidelity". Sounds like he was honest and open about hanging out with this other female friend.

Dragging him over the coals as a way of demanding his accountability to you is the antithesis of 56's advise, and the work that's to be done in 18.4 is that of lightening up on trying to be authoritative and in control of him.

Now, if you have an agreement of fidelity to one another, especially if legitimized through an engagement for marriage, then I'd have to seriously question my judgment of Yi's words, in this case. But without that, you simply have no right to call him to task over it, i.e. as in 56.

As hard as it is to do, be the better person and find the security you need in yourself. Continue your journey without dependence. Then, don't be surprised if he's suddenly asking for more of your time and affection, lol.

If you want him not to take you for granted, then be strong and able in yourself. But that doesn't mean giving him the third degree. The work you do is within your cauldron, not his.
 

patro

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hi,
Wilhelm say: in its stationary form can 56 mean ... you are so complacent that you let growing the grass under your feet.... if you don't react fast.... the flame will void
Patro
 

willowfox

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Hex 56 "image" which is where you should be looking, and not at the "judgement" in this particular reading.

This hex is also about imposing punishments for whatever offense but the punishments need to be sharp but short. In other words a quick reprimand and is therefore not the antithesis of Hex 56. And I must disagree when you say (Meng) that she has no right, in fact she has every right to scold him but the advice is don't make a meal of it, say her piece and be done with it, "the fire does not linger" as the book says.

So, again I disagree with the wandering star scenario, when a boy is naughty he needs to be quickly scolded, afterall he is your boyfriend, you are entitled to speak your mind to your partner.
 
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openheartsf

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I agree that when a boy is naughty it should be brought to his attention, but few words and distance are quite effective in getting this point across. You certainly don't want to reward him for being bad!

The thing is is that he knows what he's done wrong! I'm not sure scolding is going to help the situation. You could say something brief. keep your cool - I would not get emotional and I still think distance will send him a loud and clear message.

Often "calling him out on it" can be done with actions rather than words. I find that this works really well. Actions can be extremely powerful. It's worked for me (especially with men). 'Cos with men if you say "go left" they will go right! (no offense guys it's just the way your brains are hard-wired and I love you for it!).

My boss talks about how the worst thing his mom could ever do when he was bad was give him a disapproving look. Few or no words...just "the look".
 
M

meng

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Hex 56 "image" which is where you should be looking, and not at the "judgement" in this particular reading.

This hex is also about imposing punishments for whatever offense but the punishments need to be sharp but short.
Please share where 56 endorses imposing reprimands. How and why did you make the decision to ignore the judgment in this case?
 
M

meng

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There is an army-like version of 56, r.e. itinerant troops (temporary occupation), where in line 3 they burn down their temporary camp, so as commit to moving on. But I see nothing warlike in the advice anywhere given. More about moving on, discretely.
 

scarlettgirl

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Thank you everyone for all of your advice. I actually did confront my boyfriend about his behavior, I stayed calm and yet got my point across. I kind of took openhearts suggestion about looking at other options by asking my boyfriend to put himself in my place, how would he feel if I did the same to him? He deleted the girl's number from his phone and says he won't speak to her again because it would make him angry if I did any of that with another guy.
I don't know if he's reformed or what but I had to confront him, especially since I believe in and practice monogamy - one guy, one girl, I couldn't just let this one slide. For now I feel good about it, but I won't bring it up again with him, he gets one chance to get this right and only one chance, I'm not a nagger and never will be. Thanks again. :)
 
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meng

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Cool. Sounds level headed.

Thanks for getting back on this too. Obviously we don't always interpret a reading the same, it's good to get some clear feedback. :bows:
 

willowfox

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Please share where 56 endorses imposing reprimands. How and why did you make the decision to ignore the judgment in this case?
Quite simple, as Judgement is talking about a wanderer and neither she nor he fits this idea of no fixed abode. Therefore we look at the "Image" which is precisely where we all should be as it has to do with crime and punishment.

So, the Image says that the person needs to be punished but that it should be done quickly and then stop, just like a fire burning, it flares up, punishment, then abates, they move on.

And remember another thing, that this reading is specifically aimed at scarlett because it is her question and therefore we cannot generalize. So, in this case it applied exactly, she brought it to his attention. If she had followed other people's advice here and left the relationship would be over unnecessarily. This is a case where the querent needs to remain in the relationship.
 
M

meng

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Quite simple, as Judgement is talking about a wanderer and neither she nor he fits this idea of no fixed abode. Therefore we look at the "Image" which is precisely where we all should be as it has to do with crime and punishment.

So, the Image says that the person needs to be punished but that it should be done quickly and then stop, just like a fire burning, it flares up, punishment, then abates, they move on.

And remember another thing, that this reading is specifically aimed at scarlett because it is her question and therefore we cannot generalize. So, in this case it applied exactly, she brought it to his attention. If she had followed other people's advice here and left the relationship would be over unnecessarily. This is a case where the querent needs to remain in the relationship.
No, it's not simple, and "we" look at no such thing. Anyone who receives 56 has proverbially no fixed abode.

The so called judgment speaks of committing no judgment against anyone. It says nothing about punishing someone but rather to avoid any such kind of legal action. The only discipline in 56 is self discipline

If you know someone, which you don't know scarlettgirl personally, and even less her boyfriend, then Yi's general rules no longer apply? All you know is her side of the story (possibly from a few other threads), as written on a forum, and from that you make your conclusion, which as far as I can tell, has nothing to do with the Yijing in this case. That's all I'm challenging, and I would anyone who made such claims.

Or, if it does, please point it out, as I've asked you to do. Quote where it says that someone needs to be punished, for example. Quote where it states these things you're claiming.

If she had followed other people's advice here and left the relationship would be over unnecessarily.
Who stated she needed to leave him? You were the one who called for punishment, and unless I've missed something, no one called for them breaking up.

Secondly, you don't know what would have happened if she did or didn't stay in this relationship.

This is a case where the querent needs to remain in the relationship.
How do you know this? If this is an honest psychic prediction, just say so. It sure isn't found in hex 56.

18.4 can interpreted to correct the strong one, and I can see it being interpreted as correcting the boyfriend, because he's inadvertently hurting his girlfriend by his action. But the only discipline in 56 is self discipline, and that's also how I apply 18.4 and 50.

I'm not judging whether scarletttgirl did the right or wrong thing. It's none of my business what she does. I'm trying to be objective about your logic, and to me it's illogical. If these things come from your physic gifts, I wouldn't care if you used them (none of my business), but when you speak authoritatively from your personal interpretation, and claim it all to be from Yijing, I'd like to see that backed up with evidence. So far you've shown nothing. Not that you need to for my sake, of course.

If I'm missing something in 56, and you're right, I'd like to know. If anyone cares to point out where inflicting punishment is endorsed in hex 56, please point it out, and I'll gladly stand corrected.
 

willowfox

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Perhaps my Wilhelm edition 1969 is different from yours, just read the image, as I have no idea why you are being argumentative over this.

Anyway she called him out and it worked out fine, and my advice to her was to call him out and she did, and it was in my opinion exactly the right thing to do.

There were a few people who advised her to distance herself from him, wrong advice, and I thought you were one of them.

Really the text needs no explanation.
 
M

meng

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Moving on isn't the same as splitting up. I did suggest moving on together, getting over it, not making a big thing of it - not splitting up; assuming that's what you're referring to.

I'm not being argumentative, Wf, other than arguing an essential feature of what a hexagram says or doesn't say. I believe that if I'm to remain engaged in this forum, I have a right to question hexagram meanings.

There's also no evidence that the querent did what's best or not, so using her action as proof of your prophecy is pointless. So she got him to delete a couple phone numbers, wow, guess he learned his lesson. Long range results, that's what matters, and this all remains a "we'll see" drama, in a sea of we'll see dramas.

Are we still talking about hex 56, or something else? I'm mainly trying to stay focused on your statements of 56 meaning punishing someone.

I'm all for free form expression, and I think there are some blessed with true physic gifts, as well as other gifts. I just like to sort which is coming from where, and I still don't see what you're claiming to be obvious in 56.

No biggie. Different strokes.
 

willowfox

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The so called judgment speaks of committing no judgment against anyone. It says nothing about punishing someone but rather to avoid any such kind of legal action. The only discipline in 56 is self discipline

"Thus the superior man is clear minded and cautious in imposing penalties and protracts no lawsuits". Page 217 Wilhelm 1969 edition.

So, here we have a short, sharp punishment and thus avoiding a long draw out affair, read the text please. Punishments should be quick and of short duration, like a slap across the face, or a knee to the groin.

This is my final word on the subject as you seem to be purposely calling me out just for arguments sake.
 
M

meng

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Dragging him over the coals as a way of demanding his accountability to you is the antithesis of 56's advise, and the work that's to be done in 18.4 is that of lightening up on trying to be authoritative and in control of him.

Now, if you have an agreement of fidelity to one another, especially if legitimized through an engagement for marriage, then I'd have to seriously question my judgment of Yi's words, in this case. But without that, you simply have no right to call him to task over it, i.e. as in 56.

As hard as it is to do, be the better person and find the security you need in yourself. Continue your journey without dependence. Then, don't be surprised if he's suddenly asking for more of your time and affection, lol.

If you want him not to take you for granted, then be strong and able in yourself. But that doesn't mean giving him the third degree. The work you do is within your cauldron, not his.
Nothing here about advice to break up. Contrary, it would test both what they're made of. Notice I also stated conditions of mutual consensual fidelity as the determining factor of severity, or if there was any offense whatsoever, or perhaps just a dumbness on his part for a wanderer to leave traces of his other activity for his main squeeze to find. We don't know any of this, so who are we to judge?

Sharing Yijing readings and interpretations of readings is what we do here. Sometimes they don't agree. I'm always willing to provide evidence to support my interpretations if someone asks.
 
M

meng

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"Thus the superior man is clear minded and cautious in imposing penalties and protracts no lawsuits". Page 217 Wilhelm 1969 edition.

So, here we have a short, sharp punishment and thus avoiding a long draw out affair, read the text please. Punishments should be quick and of short duration, like a slap across the face, or a knee to the groin.

This is my final word on the subject as you seem to be purposely calling me out just for arguments sake.
"A slap across the face, or a knee to the groin" gives new meaning to 56, for sure.

Yes, I trust others to interpret the line you quoted ("Thus the superior man is clear minded and cautious in imposing penalties and protracts no lawsuits".) their own way, and am happy to leave it at that.
 

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