58.4 to 60

[River1980]

I have been getting to know someone recently and he would be busy for a little while. I thought nothing of this. But basically that meant that his phone would be off and he would be completely uncontactable. I am quite annoyed. He is not at work and I have no idea when he is coming back. When he does come back or if he returns and contacts me. I asked how I should deal with this situation. I got the reading 58.4 to 60.

It seems that the reading is telling me to communicate my feelings when he comes back and tell him that what he did was not right. Because it's possible he does not see that he has done something wrong???

Any insights please???

 

[lysithea]

Hi River,
Basically what I see in line 4 is that you must discern whether or not this is something that brings you real Joy, not only pleasure and that, if that is the case, meaning that if this is something that's really important for you, you should act with decision. I think more than telling you what to do, the advice the Yi is giving you is to look inside, decide if its worth it and, if it is, only then act on it. Other translations speak of just having to deal with the current limitations of a certain situation.
Hex 58 is also called "Self Indulgence" and it warns us about certain patterns and pleasures that stray us from our path. Self Indulgence is sometimes behind even our negative attitudes (i.e. jealousy, depression, etc.), so maybe the advise is that you should think back and meditate on whether your annoyance is too much for someone you are just getting to know?

 

[mulberry]

58.4 is about choosing between the high road and the low road in terms of your actions around pleasure. In this case, I'd read your relationship as pleasure (since there is no commitment) and at the moment, I think you are looking at the low road, if you decide to confront him about the phone being off. Why so many expectations on someone you are just getting to know? Wilhelm's translation for this line reads, "Joyousness that is weighed is not at peace. After ridding himself of mistakes a man has joy." I think you're weighing "joyousness" at the moment. Accept this friendship or relationship for what it is, right now, in its incipient stages, and accept him for who he is without putting so much pressure and criticism on it. Right now your demands about it are, I think, a mistake.

This line also warns that "passion brings suffering"-- I think the passion you are feeling for him is leading to clinginess and your demands on his availability and time, which are also your (and his, if you confront him) suffering. It's not worth it.

60 is about restraint and limitation. Try to keep yourself in check, and look at the whole picture. Take care of your own needs and don't put so much on him who you are still getting to know. He may just be like this-- in which case you have to adjust and accept it, or negotiate something else. But you can't do that so early into knowing someone, it just pushes them away (which could be another outcome that Limitation is describing).

 

[River1980]

Thank you both for your honest feedback. You ahve given me much to think about - grateful for your honesty and clarity.

 

[River1980]

Just to update. What happened was that he dropped his phone and he smashed and was not working. He couldn't access his contacts and was therefore unreachable and uncontactable.

 

[Trojina]

Hmmm....do you believe that ? It sounds somewhat far fetched to me because these days no one need be out of contact for long if they wish to communicate. He could email or use a landline. I guess if he only had your number on his contacts then he couldn't ring you....but overall it doesn't seem that believable.

I am wondering if 58.4 is suggesting, as others explained above, that really, when you weigh this up it's not a great direction for you ? Usually if one is beginning to get to know someone and very interested in them they don't vanish and become uncontactable for long periods of time.

 

[River1980]

He did not have my email. Or any other means of contact. He showed me his smashed up phone. I believe him. But yes his communication skills Di really suck. He rarely replies to my messages.

 

[Trojina]

Well if he showed you his phone I guess it must have been true....

....but don't waste any more time on someone who is not as keen as you are. Why hang on to someone who isn't even replying to you If this is a romantic situation you need to stop sending messages, stop following him and let him come to you. If he doesn't come to you then he isn't interested and you need to find someone who is much more attentive.

If it's still in the early stages and you think it needs more time then still back off. let him come to you....

 

[River1980]

Thank you that is very good advice

 

[catchyouri]

Takes 2 to #Tango